A/N: So this story started out as just letters that Harry wrote to Draco and then I had another part of the story that was going to happen, but then this was the one that came to mind instead. I hope you all enjoy it. It's rather mushy and sappy, just so you know, but you know me, love me some sappy Drarry ;) Enjoy!
"Harry, have you seen the society pages today?" Ron asked as he sat at the table in Harry's flat.
Harry was busy at the counter making lunch. "Um, no, I hadn't looked, why?" he asked absently.
"Apparently, Malfoy is getting married," he replied nonchalantly.
Harry tensed and tightened his grip on the knife in his hand. His mind going back to all the letters that he had written to Draco during school and all the times that he wished that he had the courage to tell him how he felt. "Is he really? To whom?" Harry asked through gritted teeth. He had told Ron and Hermione a few years back how he felt about Draco so they were all too aware of how he would react to this news.
"Um, her name is Melody. Just Melody. Apparently, she doesn't have last names where she's from," Ron said. He held out the paper and Harry turned, setting the knife down and took it from him. His eyes settled on Draco first, his heart warming at the sight. He looked as handsome as ever, but Harry could instantly tell that he was not happy about his impending nuptials. He moved his gaze to Melody and frowned. She had a severe blond bob and a pinched face. He moved the paper at different angles, but couldn't see the beauty. He tossed the paper back on the table and turned back around to finish with lunch.
"She looks like a shrew," Harry commented in a heated tone.
Ron sighed. "Why don't you just tell him how you feel? You guys do work in the same department at the hospital. I'm actually surprised that it didn't come up at some point," he suggested.
Harry turned to look at Ron. "It doesn't come up because he doesn't talk about his personal life with me and I certainly don't talk to him about my personal life. I bet it was arranged. Draco couldn't possibly find that, attractive," he said as he gestured to the paper.
"Well, if he is obviously not attracted to her, maybe you telling him how you feel could work in your favor. Open up to him more," Ron suggested further.
Harry was about to respond when there was a knock at the door. He set his knife down and wiped his hands on the apron around his waist. He walked over to the door and opened it. His breath caught as he saw the very person they were talking about standing on the other side of the door. "Draco," Harry said breathlessly. He blushed as he realized how awestruck he sounded.
Draco stared at him for a moment as if trying to decipher the tone that Harry had just said his name. He smiled slightly at him before speaking. "Hey, do you mind if I come in? I need to talk to you," he asked.
Harry nodded and stepped to the side, allowing Draco in. Draco walked in, but stopped next to Harry. He studied him again. Harry knew that his eyes were probably betraying him and Draco was intuitive enough to pick up on it. He looked away and walked into the kitchen. He saw Ron and stopped.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had company," he said as he started to turn and go back the way he came.
"Nope, it's cool. I'll take my lunch to go. See ya Harry, Malfoy," Ron stated as he stood up quickly, scooped up his lunch and walked out the backdoor to apparate away.
Harry shifted uncomfortably. "Um, would you like something to eat?" he asked as he brushed past Draco and back to the counter. He kept his back to him, missing the aching look that Draco was giving him.
"Yeah, sure. Thanks," Draco said quietly. He sat down at the chair that Ron had vacated. A cup of tea appeared in front of him and he sipped at it gratefully until his eyes fell on the society pages. He frowned as he saw the picture of him and Melody.
Harry finished fixing lunch and then turned to set their food down. He sat across from Draco. "So what do you need to talk to me about?" he asked.
"Well, I came to talk to you about that," he responded as he gestured to the paper.
Harry glanced down at it, a frown evident on his face. "Oh, I guess congratulations are in order then," he replied quietly.
Draco growled and shook his head. "Harry, I don't want you to say that to me," he responded.
"Well, you're engaged. Usually when someone gets engaged you congratulate them," Harry replied.
Draco frowned and ran a hand through his hair. "It was arranged," he responded quietly.
Harry nodded. "I figured it was. It can't be avoided, can it?" Draco shook his head. Harry frowned further, his lip quivering. He pushed his plate away and stood up, walking out of the room.
Draco stood up quickly and followed behind him. "Harry, wait!" he called out. He found him standing in the sitting room staring out the front window.
"What about you and me?" Harry asked quietly.
Draco sighed. He walked over and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. He tipped his head to the side and kissed his neck. Harry hung his head as he brought his hands to grip Draco's hands. "I don't know. I can't change what is. I wish I could though," Draco responded sadly.
Harry nodded. "Well, then it was good while it lasted," he commented as he moved out of Draco's hold. He stepped around him and walked back to the kitchen.
Draco frowned as he watched him walk away from him. He sighed, his heart heavy. "Harry, don't be like that," he said as he walked into the kitchen.
"Why didn't you tell me before it was printed? I would think that with what we've been doing, you would at least forewarn me. I mean, Draco, we've been, you know, together," Harry questioned, his tone devastated.
"I know. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you," he responded in an almost pleading tone.
"How long have you known?" Harry asked.
Draco shifted his weight and looked away. "I've known for a couple of months," he replied quietly.
Harry's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. Then he narrowed his gaze. "You've known that long? I can't believe this," he responded angrily.
Draco walked over to him where he was leaning against the counter. He reached out and touched Harry's arm. Harry jerked it back, glaring at the floor. Draco sighed as he slid in front of Harry, pressing himself against him. He slid his arms around his waist and looked into his eyes. Harry wouldn't look at him right away. Draco reached one hand up and slipped a finger under his chin, turning his face to look at him. Harry's green eyes finally looked at him and as usual, he saw more emotion and feelings then Harry expressed. He knew that the past few months had been fun and exciting for both of them, but Draco didn't think it had been something too serious, but based off the way Harry was acting, maybe it had been. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry's. He didn't respond at first, but when he increased the pressure, Harry responded finally. He sighed into the kiss bringing his hands up to run his fingers through Draco's hair.
All too soon, Harry broke the kiss and moved his head away. Draco sighed and stepped back. "Harry, this doesn't have to be good-bye. I mean, I don't want to lose the friendship that we've built," Draco pleaded.
"Yeah, of course, I mean what we had or we're doing was just a fling, sowing your oats before you get married. I get it," Harry replied. He moved away and to the front door. He opened it and gestured for Draco to leave.
Draco stared at him in disbelief. "Harry, please," he begged.
Harry shook his head, his lip quivering again. "I'll see you at work," he said as he gestured again to the open door.
Draco stared at him, searching his face. He could see more emotion there. He knew that Harry's heart was breaking, but he didn't understand why. They hadn't been serious. He nodded brusquely and left. Harry watched him leave for just a moment before he slammed the door and stormed back to the kitchen. He shoved all the items on the table off and they landed with a loud crash. He sat down in a chair and placed his head in his hands. He let out a quiet sob and then cried silently. His future had now taken an abrupt turn that he wasn't prepared for.
XXXX
It had been a couple of weeks since Draco and Harry had their falling out. Harry had been cordial at work, but would not allow himself any time to be free for Draco to talk to him about anything, but work. He avoided all their secret places that they held their trysts at while working. He didn't need to be reminded at what he was losing, the one person he had loved since sixth year when all signs pointed away from him. Draco's wedding was only a few days away and the closer it got, the more agitated and sad he became. Everyone noticed which brought Hermione to the hospital and in a small conference room with Draco.
"How has Harry been recently?" she asked him as soon as they were settled in the room.
Draco rolled his eyes. "He has been absolutely insufferable. He has been nothing, but professional with me. I can't change what is already set. I have to marry her," Draco explained in exasperation.
"Why is he making such a big deal out of you marrying someone?" she asked. She knew all about how Harry felt about Draco, but she got a feeling that there was something more to this. Draco blushed deeply, confirming her theory.
"Harry and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. I thought that it was just a couple of blokes having fun, giving in to their undeniable attraction and chemistry, but I have this feeling that it meant something more to him," he explained.
Hermione stared at him in disbelief. "Malfoy, you're either blind or as dumb as a doornail," she told him.
Draco looked up at her. "Excuse me?" he asked, sounding affronted.
Hermione stood. "You're getting married in a few days. If you haven't figure it out before then, Harry is better off," she said before she started walking towards the door.
"Wait, Granger!" Draco called out to her.
She stopped and turned to look at him. "It meant something to him," she muttered before she pulled the door open and left him there.
Draco stood up quickly to try and stop her, to get more information, but she was already gone. He sighed and hung his head. Things couldn't get any more complicated. He started walking down the hall to his office. One of his fellow healers stopped him.
"Hey, Healer Malfoy, did you know that Healer Potter was leaving?" Healer Jones questioned.
Draco scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "Excuse me?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"Yeah, he's packing up his office right now. He's leaving," he replied. He gave Draco a pitying smile before he patted his shoulder and walked away.
Draco felt like his world had just collapsed. He strode down to Harry's office quickly. When he arrived he stood in the doorway watching Harry pack up his things. He felt sick to his stomach watching him. "What are you doing?" he demanded as he stepped into the office.
Harry startled and looked sideways at him. "I'm packing up my office," he replied evenly.
"I can bloody see that! Why?" Draco cried.
Harry huffed in annoyance. "I'm moving to America. I've taken a healer position there," he replied as he turned his back on him.
Draco stared at him in disbelief, his stomach churning more. "America? Why in the hell are you moving to America?" he questioned in confusion.
"They had a position in my field of interest and I really have nothing left here so I'm moving on with my life. Starting over," Harry responded calmly, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat to cover it, but Draco heard it clearly.
"You have Granger and Weasley and a bunch of other friends. That isn't nothing," Draco protested.
"Draco, I'm leaving. There is nothing that you can say that can keep me here," Harry replied.
Draco searched his eyes and for once saw the same emotion as he was expressing. Finality. "Harry, I don't want you to leave," Draco said in a quiet voice.
Harry slammed an item into his box and turned a heated glare on him. "What you have to say doesn't matter. It doesn't change what is. You're getting married and that leaves nothing for me. I'm leaving tonight," Harry replied angrily. He threw in the last few pieces of stuff in his office. He leveled Draco with one more look before he picked up the box and left his office.
"Dammit!" Draco yelled as he slammed his fist into Harry's desk. Draco stormed out of Harry's office. He wasn't letting him leave, he couldn't.
XXXX
It was the day of the wedding. Draco had been unsuccessful in stopping Harry. He had left earlier than he said he would. His house was empty when he arrived. As Draco sat in his dressing room, attempting to get ready, he thought about Harry and what he was doing right at this moment. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He didn't want to get married today. He knew that there was so much more that Harry wanted to say and that there was so much more between them. Draco had realized that the day after he left. He had an epiphany. He had strong feelings for Harry. So strong, that he had spent the last couple of days trying to find a way out of his marriage.
He startled at a knock on the door. "Come in," he called. He stood and walked over to the mirror, adjusting his tie. The door opened and his mother walked in. He straightened up and looked over at her respectfully. She was carrying a package. "Mother, what are you doing in here?" he asked quietly.
"Dragon, I just wanted to come check on you," she said calmly as she walked over and sat next to where he was standing.
He sighed and hung his head. "I'm okay, mother," he replied.
He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye. "I know that you don't want to get married today. I know that there is someone else that you'd rather be with," she said carefully.
Draco turned his head towards her with wide eyes. "Mother, I-" he began, but stopped when she lifted a hand at him and shook her head.
She reached into the box and pulled out a bound book of parchment. Draco looked at it in confusion. "This was dropped off today for you. I think that you should look at this before you walk out that door," she stated as she handed the book to him. He took it carefully. His mother stood up and started walking towards the door. She stopped and looked back at him. She smiled slightly at him before she left.
Draco looked at the book in his hands. He carefully opened it. His eyes widened as he saw the first page.
August 3, 1996
Dear Draco,
I saw you today in Diagon Alley with your mum. You looked scared or worried. I wish I could have asked you why you were feeling that way, but it just isn't possible. I wish it were though. You've become someone different. You've lost your mirth. I wonder what has happened to you. I hope that some day I will know you better. Until then…
Love,
Harry
XXXX
He turned to the next page as he sank heavily into the seat his mother had just vacated.
XXXXX
August 31, 1996
Dear Draco,
You didn't know it, but I was at Borgin and Burkes the day I saw you in Diagon Alley. What were you doing there? What do you want fixed? Draco, what has happened to you? I'm finding myself wondering if you've done something that you were forced to do. Are you a Death Eater now? I am worried about you. I don't think this is something you want. I wish I could talk to you about this. Be careful….
Love,
Harry
XXXXX
He brought his hand to his mouth and felt tears brimming his eyes as he continued reading through the book.
XXXXX
September 1, 1996
Dear Draco,
Yeah, okay, I deserved you breaking my nose. I shouldn't have been in your compartment, trying to find out what was going on with you. That hurt like hell though. Thanks for leaving me there by the way, not that I really blame you. I'm sorry for eavesdropping. Since I can't just ask you what's going on, well, that was really my only option. Ugh, I'm just worried about you. Be safe…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
September 2, 1996
Dear Draco,
I can't believe it! I won the Felix Felicis! I should use it for a time when I really need it, but I'd love to use it so that I can talk to you easier. I wish we didn't fight every single time we ran into each other. It's such a waste of time. I imagine that we would make a pretty good team or friends or well, to be honest, I'd like something more, but you know how that would be. So many things to want, so many reasons why I can't have them. Wishing you luck…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXXX
September 14, 1996
Dear Draco,
We had Quidditch tryouts today. I think I have a pretty great team. Enough to give Slytherin a run for their money anyway. Of course, it won't be the same because you aren't playing for them anymore. Why did you decide to stop? Does it have to do with whatever you're up to? You look so afraid every time I see you. What's going on Draco? I feel like I keep asking you that, but I just don't know what to make of you right now. You're not as vibrant as you used to be. I mean, you hardly have a mean word to say to me anymore. Missing you….
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXXX
October 12, 1996
Dear Draco,
The most horrible thing happened today in Hogsmeade, the first Hogsmeade weekend. Katie Bell, she's in my house, opened a package that she got in town and when she touched whatever was inside it she let out the most horrible scream in the world and then lifted off the ground. She floated there, her face frozen in her scream. Did you see this? I think she was cursed or something, but what would Katie ever do to somebody? Who could possibly curse her and why? Draco, did you do this? I've been watching you and you've been acting so suspicious. I don't want to do this, but I think I have to. I need to tell Professor McGonagall my suspicions. They can help you. I'm scared for you, Draco.
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXXX
Draco blushed after this letter feeling ashamed for all that he did during sixth year. It warmed his heart to know that Harry was so scared for him, even if he went to McGonagall about it.
XXXXX
October 15, 1996
Dear Draco,
I'm not sure how I feel about this, I mean I want to be supportive, but it sucks that they have the chance to be with someone that they have feelings for and I can't. Sorry, I'm probably not making sense, am I? I noticed today, while Ron and Hermione were talking about Slug Club (it's rather ridiculous just so you know) that they like each other as more than friends. I wish I could express who I like, but that is definitely not going to happen. I like you Draco. I really do. I don't know why yet, well I suppose I know some reasons, but there is just something about you. Obviously, I must like you if I'm writing you. Never mind, I'm not making sense right now again. I just know that I like you. Merlin help me…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
Draco chuckled as he read this part.
XXXXX
November 2, 1996
Dear Draco,
What a crazy day today was! Ron wanted to quit the team yesterday which of course is not something I need the day before our first Quidditch match! I had a plan though. I pretended to slip him some Felix Felicis and he played the best he's ever played! I told him after that it was all him. He was pretty proud of himself. That's good on one hand, but not so good on the other when at the celebration party he snogged Lavender Brown right in front of Hermione. Oh boy, that was fun… not. Anyway, how are you doing? I didn't see you at the game today. What were you doing? I really am missing arguing with you, if you can believe that. I guess I just wish I could see another emotion besides sadness, worry, or fear on your face. Thinking of you….
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
December 20, 1996
Dear Draco,
Today was Slughorn's Christmas party. I took Luna Lovegood. She's a good friend, very quirky, but a good friend. I saw you try to get in. What were you trying to do? I already told you that his get togethers aren't that fun. Well, I suppose I didn't actually tell you, I wrote to you about it, but anyway, they aren't that exciting. I left early and saw you and Snape in the corridor. I couldn't help, but listen to what he was saying to you. Draco, he's trying to help you. Stop refusing his help. I think what you're involved in is way above your head, love. Just stop. Let Snape take care of this, please. I won't be seeing you for a few weeks as it's time for winter hols, but I'll be thinking about you. Please take care of yourself.
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
Draco smiled at the love nickname, but then he remembered that conversation with Draco. He should have listened then. He missed his godfather.
XXXXX
December 25, 1996
Dear Draco,
Happy Christmas! How has your winter hols been? I hope that you've been doing alright. I have a feeling though that you haven't had a very good time. I wish I could go to you and help you through this, but I know I can't. What did you get for Christmas? I got the usual Weasley sweater, some Quidditch stuff, and chocolates. I also got maggots from Kreacher. No surprise there, stupid elf. Anyway, I've been at the Burrow all break. It's been okay. I keep thinking about you and thinking about my potions textbook. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been doing really well in potions this year. It's the book I have. It has all these short cuts and random spells. I haven't tried any of the spells, but the short cuts have always worked out. I wonder who it belongs to? I wish I could share the book with you. You'd love it. Just wanted to write to let you know I was thinking about you. See you soon…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
January 6, 1997
Dear Draco,
Well, we're back in school and you look worse than ever. I say that in a non-mean way of course. What happened to you? I suppose I see a new emotion though, determination. I wish you would tell me what's going on. Okay, so we aren't friends and we definitely don't get along, but I really want to know what is going on with you. I hate seeing you become more and more withdrawn every day. I wish I could hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. Truth is I know a war is brewing. I've been taking special classes with Dumbledore. I'm learning a lot about Voldemort. Dumbledore is trying to tell me something here. I don't know exactly what it is though. Sorry, my point is I know that war is coming with Voldemort and I can't guarantee that everything will be alright. I'm hoping it will be, but for you, I think it's only going to get worse before it gets better. I believe that Voldemort is making you do something that you don't want to do. Are you being punished for something? Did you refuse the mark? I wish I knew. I wish again that I could just talk to you. Make things better for you…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
The tears were back. It was amazing how much insight Harry had. He knew without even talking to him exactly what was going on with him. He really did care about him.
XXXXX
February 1, 1997
Dear Draco,
Today was the first lesson for apparition. I didn't do so well, but it's so hard to focus when I'm so worried about you and figuring out what Horcruxes are and getting a memory from Slughorn. He won't give it to me willingly, says the one I've seen is the real one. Dumbledore knows different so now I'm going to have to figure out how to get this memory from him. I don't get Dumbledore sometimes. He always seems to give me these difficult tasks that I have no clue how to figure out. I'm sure it'll come to me eventually, it usually does. How are you doing? I've been watching you on a special map that I have. You always disappear at one place and I can't quite figure out where you go. I'm sure that will come to me too. I thought I saw you smile yesterday, but it looked more like a grimace. I had hoped you would be smiling, but I guess not. Hope to see you smile again soon…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
March 1, 1997
I haven't been able to write you much recently. It seems like school and my meetings with Dumbledore and apparition lessons are taking up all my time. Not to mention Hermione and Ron still not speaking to one another and Ron constantly being surrounded by Lavender Brown. So annoying. Anyway, today has been a horrible and awful day. Ron consumed a love potion that was meant for me. That was really funny. Apparently, some girl has a crush on me and has been trying in vain to get my attention for months now. I can assure you, I do not return her feelings. I like you and no one can pique my interest like you. Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent here. Ron took the love potion and he was all googley eyes over this girl so I took him to see Slughorn and he got the antidote for it and he was better. Then Slughorn wanted to share this mead he got for Christmas from Dumbledore with us. Ron took a sip before any of us and he instantly fell to the ground and began convulsing. You can't even begin to imagine how scared I was. Slughorn had no idea what to do. Luckily I remembered a lesson in potions about antidotes and poisons and remembered that a bezoar can counteract poison. We found one and I gave it to Ron. I saved him, Draco! He's in the hospital wing right now, but we realized something about this mead, Dumbledore didn't poison it obviously so someone is trying to poison him! He had received it as a gift or something, but he doesn't particularly like mead so he passed it on to Slughorn. Who would want to poison Dumbledore? Well, Voldemort of course, but how would he be able to get it into the castle? Draco, do you know anything about this? Voldemort could easily get this to Dumbledore through someone and you have been acting suspicious all year, was it you? Oh Draco, please tell me it wasn't you! Why would you try to kill Dumbledore? Is this part of what you're doing? You aren't a killer Draco. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm afraid that I'm not…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
Draco's stomach churned. "How did he know?" he spoke aloud. He knew without even reading the next few letters that Harry was going to be so disappointed in him. He wasn't looking forward to reading those words.
XXXXX
March 9, 1997
Dear Draco,
I saw you again yesterday sneaking off. You had lookouts this time. Draco, what are you thinking? Where are you going? I can't believe you're doing this, whatever it is. I'm in the hospital wing right now. Stupid McLaggen decided that he needed to hit a bludger at me. Freaking idiot! If we didn't need a keeper, I so would have told him to stuff it, but with Ron still in the hospital wing, we were desperate. It didn't matter, we still lost. I have to admit something to you, I'm having Dobby and Kreacher tail you. I have to know what you're doing. I want to help you and I think this is how I can help. I wish I could tell you how I feel. It would make things so much easier, but I can't. At least not right now. I hope in the future I'll be able to though. Thinking of you…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
March 18, 1997
Dear Draco,
I've figured out where you keep going! I can't believe I didn't think of this before. You are going to the Room of Requirement. You must have gotten the idea from me using it for DA lessons. Now if I could just figure out why you're going in there and why you need lookouts. I've been trying to get in there to see what you're doing. I'll admit that. I'm just afraid for you, Draco. I don't think you're thinking straight. I spoke with Myrtle too, I don't know if you know who she is, but basing that off of what she said today, I'm guessing you do. Why are you talking to her? It sounded like you've been crying and sad and scared and tortured. Listening to her talking about you, I'm even more scared for you. I wish I could reach out to you…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
April 21, 1997
Dear Draco,
This has been quite an interesting day. I took the Felix Felicis today and finally retrieved that memory, the real memory from Slughorn. You're never going to believe what Voldemort did so that he could live pretty much forever. Dumbledore finally explained what they are. They have to be destroyed or else Voldemort will never die. I can't believe this. He split his soul into different objects. He had to murder people to do this. He has to be stopped. We have to find these Horcruxes. Draco, please tell me that you aren't doing something for him. Please…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
May 6, 1997
Dear Draco,
Oh gods! I can't believe I just did that! I can't believe I used a spell that I had no idea what it did on you. I'm so sorry, Draco. Please forgive me. Merlin, seeing you lying there and bleeding because of me. Why did you fight me? I just, I saw you so upset and I had to follow you in there. I wasn't going to make fun of you. I've been trying to help you or wanting to help you. Draco, I care about you, that's why I followed you in there. I'm sorry, that doesn't excuse the spell I cast on you. I'm so grateful that Snape was there to fix it. I'm so ashamed of myself. I hope you can forgive me….
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
Draco absently reached for his chest and rubbed the place that he still had a scar. That was a horrible day for sure. He knew that Harry felt horrible for what he did. He couldn't hold it against him.
XXXXX
June 15, 1997
Dear Draco,
I'm trying to understand. Really, I am, but I can't. How could you possibly let them in to the castle? How could you let Death Eaters into our school, our home? How could you stand there and threaten Dumbledore like you did? You said you had to kill him! How could Voldemort possibly think you could do that? Doesn't he know that you have a good soul? I'm sorry; I'm just so angry and upset. Not only did I watch my mentor die tonight, but I watched the person that I care so much about, fall apart at the seams. I saw you crying Draco. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize exactly what pressure you were under. I know you didn't truly want to let the Death Eaters in or kill Dumbledore. You were forced to do it, but it's so hard to not be angry with you regardless. You're strong, how could you not stand up to him? Never mind, it's Voldemort, there are only two people who could stand up to him in this world and one is gone. I will fix this for you Draco. I want our world to be safe and I don't want you to be scared anymore. I have to leave. I won't be going back to Hogwarts. I have to destroy Voldemort. I have to find the rest of the Horcruxes. Only two have been destroyed. There are five more out there. Don't worry love, I'm going to fix this. Hopefully one day you'll understand that I'm doing this not only for my friends and family and the rest of the world, but I'm doing it for you. I want you to be free, Draco. Be safe…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXXX
And there was the disappointment. He felt even worse because Harry was being so understanding. It made him sick to his stomach.
XXXXX
August 1, 1997
Dear Draco,
I would say today is bittersweet. I attended a beautiful wedding and received what Dumbledore left me in his will. It's the snitch I caught first year. Do you remember how angry you were that I made the team as a first year? It seems like a lifetime ago. The Ministry has fallen. I can only assume that means that the Death Eaters have infiltrated there. I am wondering what you've been doing all summer. I'm sorry I haven't written. I just, I don't know what to write about. My life has become so much more than I had hoped it would be. I lost my first true friend a few days ago. Hedwig was killed as the Order was helping me leave my aunt and uncle's place. I know she was just an owl, but you can't even begin to imagine how devastated I am. She was always there for me. Mad-Eye is gone too. At least he went out in style. Ron, Hermione, and I had to flee the Burrow. Death Eaters attacked and since I'm the one that Voldemort wants, well, I had to get out of there. I can't face him yet. Not that I'm afraid, but I have to find these Horcruxes or else he won't die and I'll be dead before he is. This isn't the first time that I've wished for a normal life. I wish I could go on vacations or just lazy around all summer. I wish I could spend time with you. Be friends or more, see where it goes. I don't know I just would love some normalcy. I don't think I'll get this until this is all over. Wishing for normalcy…
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
September 1, 1997
Dear Draco,
I realize that it has been awhile since I wrote to you. Life has been turned upside down since we fled the Burrow. We are staying at my godfather's place, well it's mine now, but either way we've been staying here. There are Death Eaters lurking around outside our place, but they can't quite figure it out so I'm not concerned. We are going to sneak into the Ministry to get this locket that holds a Horcrux. Seeing as I am Undesirable No. 1 and Hermione is Muggle born, and Ron is well, Ron, we are going in under polyjuice. I hope we're successful. One step closer to Voldemort. How are you? I am wondering if you're going back to Hogwarts or not. I heard a rumor that Voldemort has been staying at the Manor. I imagine that hasn't made your summer go very well. I'm sorry. If I could, I would break you out of there and take you to some beautiful beach so that you can relax. Anyway, off on a tangent again. I'd like to be able to see you and maybe I will. Take care of yourself.
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
Draco grinned and closed his eyes for a moment, imagining what it would have been like for Harry to break him out of his house and take him away. He felt his heart beat faster at the thought of what could have been had it come true. He found that he did enjoy reading Harry's tangents.
XXXXX
October 27, 1997
Dear Draco,
It's starting to get colder. So much has been going on. We are camping out on our hunt for Horcruxes. We've been taking turns wearing the locket. It really makes you awful. As a matter of fact, Ron left me and Hermione. It was horrible. Hermione is devastated. I hate that he's gone. I'm trying to cheer Hermione up, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've been thinking about you a lot and what I would like for us in a perfect world. I would tell you that I love you and that you are the most important person to me. I would tell you how handsome you are and I would kiss you every moment I had. Draco, I really do love you. Being away from you, knowing what you are probably dealing with has only made me love you more. I know, it's ridiculous, but it's true. I will tell you someday.
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
Draco's lip quivered again. Tears started falling down his cheeks again. He wished along with Harry for this perfect world.
XXXXX
December 28, 1997
Dear Draco,
So much has happened. We destroyed another Horcrux. I nearly drowned trying to get the sword of Gryffindor from the bottom of a lake. You see, it can destroy Horcruxes and it was amazing because this doe appeared and it led me to it. The bad part is I nearly drowned, but Ron showed up just in time and saved me. We were grateful to have him back, but Hermione was pretty mad at him. It was actually really funny. I also learned something about the Deathly Hallows. Have you heard about it? There is a wand, the most powerful wand, and an invisibility cloak, and then a resurrection stone. I think Voldemort is trying to find the Elder wand. He thinks that it will help him defeat me. I'm not sure where he's going to find it. No one knows where it is. No one alive anyway. I have the invisibility cloak as you know. I bet we could have had a really good time with that at Hogwarts. We could have kissed in the middle of the Great Hall and no one would have known. Okay, that might be a bit risky, but it could be possible. Maybe someday we can put it to use, even though now it seems like only one person can effectively fit under it. All well, no harm in trying. How was your Christmas? Did you get anything good? We didn't do much celebrating; as a matter of fact we didn't realize it was Christmas until we went to Godric's Hollow. We were attacked there. Voldemort had somehow turned Nagini into Bathilda Bagshot who was actually dead. Our altercation led to my wand being broken. One more thing that I lose in this war. I know it's just a wand, but still. I feel like I'm losing so much with this war. I know I'm not the only one, but it's getting to me and I imagine it will only get worse. I hope I don't lose you….ever….
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
Well, if that last line wasn't a knife to the heart he didn't know what would be. Merlin he was an idiot.
XXXXX
March 10, 1998
Dear Draco,
Thank you. You have no idea how grateful I am that you saved me tonight. I could see the desperation in your eyes and I knew that you wanted me to take care of Voldemort so that you can be free. I promise you, I will save you from this Draco. I wish I could have expressed how thankful I was right then, but well your aunt didn't make that possible. It doesn't matter though. I know I took your wand and I hope that doesn't put you in a bad position, but I need it more now than ever before. Take care of yourself, Draco. I'll save you soon.
Love,
Harry
XXXXX
April 25, 1998
Dear Draco,
I'm a godfather! Remus and Tonks had their baby yesterday and I'm the godfather. I can't believe it! I haven't seen him yet, but I imagine that he's beautiful. Do you want children, Draco? I know that's a heavy question at 17, but I like to think about the future, even though for me I'm pretty sure I don't have much of a future. I think that my life ends with Voldemort, but if I could dream of the future I would have kids I think. I would like to have kids with you. I know that even with your icy exterior that you have a good heart and I know you'd be a good dad. I wish we could have this.
Love,
Harry
XXXXXX
"Kids?" he said aloud. Draco knew that kids were in his future regardless in order to produce a Malfoy heir, but kids with Harry? Draco's heart ached at the possibilities.
XXXXX
April 30, 1998
Dear Draco,
Well, we're breaking into Gringotts tomorrow to get a Horcrux. I have a feeling that the war is going to start tomorrow. I am going to miss you. I know that sounds preemptive, but I believe my life will end with Voldemort. I've told you that and I think you know that too. At least I will die knowing that you will have a future and that you will be safe along with everyone else in our world. I'm doing this for everyone, but ultimately, I'm doing it for you. I love you Draco. I wish things could be different, as I've wished so many times before. It's not and it won't be. Just remember that I love you. Now and forever. Take care of yourself, love. You're bound for greatness.
Love always and forever,
Harry
XXXXX
Tears were streaming down Draco's cheeks after he closed the book on the last letter. Even though he knew that Harry was alive and well, his final letter was so final. "How could I have been so clueless?" Draco asked aloud. Harry had loved him for so long and if he could have just told him, he would have known that he felt the same. It didn't matter now though. Harry was in America and Draco was getting married. He should have known there was more going on between them then just some experimenting or whatever it was they were doing. He should have known that every thing that they did together was everything to Harry. How could he not realize this?
"It's not too late you know," someone said from the doorway. Draco had been so lost in his torment that he hadn't heard the door open. He looked up and his eyes settled on Hermione. She smiled kindly at him and stepped further into the room. "I see your mother gave you the package I sent. When Harry left, I noticed that book on his bed. I looked at it. I only had to look at the date and salutation and knew that this was something you needed to see. Draco, I've known for so long how he's felt about you. I just felt you needed to see it. Here's where Harry is currently at, but I suggest that you only go to him if you feel the same. Otherwise, don't waste your time," Hermione explained. She nodded once at him and left.
Draco wiped at his eyes roughly. He glanced at the book and then at his dress robes. There was no question where he belonged. He stood up and quickly penned a letter to his mother. Once he was finished he left it on the table and waltzed over to the floo. He flooed to a nearby café and then walked down the street to an apparition point. He focused on the address and apparated. He landed in front of a Wizarding hospital. He walked in quickly with purpose and went straight to the front desk.
"I'm looking for Healer Potter. Can you tell me where he is?" he asked in as nice of tone as possible.
The receptionist looked at him slightly affronted, but glanced down at a scheduling pad on her desk. "He is currently on the seventh floor, Intensive Care," she replied in an abrupt tone.
Draco nodded and quickly walked away to the lifts. He got on with several healers and mediwitches. As soon as the lift stopped on the seventh floor, he pushed past them and moved quickly down the corridor. He searched every nook, cranny, and room that he passed, but did not see Harry anywhere. As he rounded a corner, he heard a crash behind him. He stopped and turned to look. His gray eyes locked on a set of green eyes that he could never forget. Harry's eyes widened and then scrunched up in confusion. He walked over to Draco quickly and stopped only a few feet away.
"Draco, what are you doing here?" Harry questioned quietly.
Draco reached into his pocket and pulled out the book. He tapped it once and it returned to its normal size. Harry's eyes settled on the book and widened in realization. "Is this true?" Draco asked, gesturing to the book.
Harry shifted and looked around quickly. He pushed Draco towards a conference room and closed the door behind them. He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Yes," he replied.
Draco's lip quivered. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Harry, I don't know what to say. I mean, I have so many things I want to say, but I just don't know where to start," he explained.
"Aren't you getting married today?" Harry asked, remembering what the date was.
Draco waved it off. "I was supposed to, but then I saw this and Harry, I can't marry Melody. I can't marry someone that I can't stand or someone that I can't see myself having children with. I can't marry someone that I don't love especially when I'm madly in love with someone else!" he exclaimed.
Harry felt his knees shake slightly and he sunk into a chair nearby. He hung his head in his hands for a moment, unable to process the words that he was hearing. He had waited so long to hear Draco tell him he felt the same. He lifted his head when he felt Draco kneel next to him.
"Harry, I have loved you for longer than you've loved me. I just never thought that it would happen for us. When we started seeing each other, I just thought it was just for fun and that you didn't return the feelings that I had for you. That's why I kept you at arm's length for so long. I was too afraid to fall completely in love with you, but when I started to think that you may have returned those feelings, my mother told me that I was going to marry Melody. I knew that I couldn't keep doing what we were doing, but gods Harry, I couldn't stop. I want to be with you, for real. I want everything that you've written in there. I love you Harry so, so, so much," Draco explained. He searched Harry's eyes.
Harry growled lowly before he cupped Draco's face in his hands and pressed his lips to his. They tilted their heads in opposite directions deepening their kiss. Harry started to stand and Draco followed, never breaking their kiss. He turned and backed Draco into the table. Draco hopped up onto the table, Harry pressed against him as Draco wrapped his legs around his waist, bringing him closer. Harry left Draco's mouth and began kissing along his jaw line and then down his neck. He nipped lightly at the place between his neck and collarbone, eliciting a moan from Draco. He leaned back, looking at Draco carefully. He brought his hands up and cupped Draco's face again.
"The last letter you wrote me, before the battle, I think that one got me the most. I mean, I know that you are obviously alive and well, but it was so final and it made me think of what could have been had you died for real. When I saw Hagrid holding you that day, presumably dead and Voldemort still alive, it was the first time I felt hopeless. You were my beacon of hope, especially those last two years of school. I know I didn't show it, but you were Harry," Draco replied, tears falling down his cheeks.
Harry brushed his fingers across his cheeks, wiping the tears away. "It's fine Draco. Obviously I didn't show my love for you openly so I think we're even. I want to be with so much, but you're supposed to be getting married. What about that?" he questioned.
Draco shook his head. "I have a feeling that my mother is fine with me not marrying Melody. She did give me this after all. She could have easily taken it from Granger and threw it into the fire, but she didn't," he pointed out, gesturing to the book.
Harry chuckled and shook his head. "So after all of this, all of my letters, pouring my heart out to you, all that we've been through, all that we've done to each other, you want to be with me? Have all the things that I wrote about?" he asked.
Draco kissed him carefully. "I think that there is nothing better in this world, then to be with you. I'm not letting you go, ever again," Draco promised.
Harry grinned and kissed him, never wanting to stop again.