A/N: Okay, this is just a crazy little thing I couldn't help but to put up. I had to get it out of my system. The epilogue to BOTW will either be done after I write this or later today as it's after midnight. In the mean time, the first chapter to the sequel Raising EM has been posted so if you've been waiting, go take a look at that. xD Anyway, enjoy The Klaine Show!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or this lovely little internet show would be a major part of it!
RecordingKurt: Hello everyone and welcome to The Klaine show! I am one of your hosts, Kurt Hummel.
Blaine: And I am Blaine Anderson, you're other lovely host.
Kurt: And where does the Klaine come in you ask? Well, simple. You take the K from Kurt.
Blaine: And add it to the Laine from Blaine and you get…
Both: KLAINE!
Kurt: Anyway, Blaine and I are just experimenting with my new webcam so if this sucks…
Blaine: Blame Brittany!
Kurt: Blaine! That's not nice! smacks him apologize!
Blaine: Ow! Sorry Kurt! But she was the first one to have a web show!
Kurt: Not to me! Apologize to Brittany.
Blaine: I'm sorry Brittany.
Kurt: Good boy. If you didn't…you don't want to know.
Blaine: I don't? Does it deal with sexual deprivation?
Kurt: BLAINE! blushes deeply Not on camera!
Blaine: Awwww, look he's blushing. See you guys, this is how embarrassed Kurt gets when talking about sex.
Kurt: This is not a proper topic for this internet show!
Blaine: Maybe we should play Never Have I Ever!
Kurt: Blaine! First off, that's a party game so we'd need more people. Secondly, it involves drinking. We are not doing that!
Blaine: But I've already invited a few special guests!
Kurt: Oh my God Blaine! shakes head You don't listen do you?
Blaine: What? I'm only trying to make this internet show more interesting!
Kurt: We don't know what we're doing Blaine.
Blaine: That's the point Kurt!
Brittany: Hiya! I can teach you all about internet shows dolphin!
Kurt: Brittany? Where did you come from boo?
Blaine: I told you I invited a few people!
Brittany: For the world, dolphins are just gay sharks. And Lord Tubbington taught me how to make an internet show.
Kurt: Britt, the world is not going to see this.
Blaine: I thought we were putting this up on youtube.
Brittany: What's youtube?
Kurt: It's an internet site for videos boo.
Brittany: What's a video?
Blaine: What we're making?
Brittany: Who's we're and what's making?
Kurt: Oh boy. facepalm This is going to be a long day. Blaine, didn't you say you invited a few people?
Blaine: I did.
Kurt: Who else?
Blaine: Like, all the New Directions, Wes, David, Nick, and Jeff.
Kurt: Blaine! That's not a few people! How the heck do you expect them all to fit in my room?
Rachel: Very carefully Kurtsie.
Kurt: Please don't call me that.
Rachel: Whatever, hello out there world, I'm Rachel Berry, the star of New Directions and McKinley High.
Blaine: Okay, I did not invite you so you could take over the show.
Mercedes: Yeah Berry. It's called the Klaine Show, not the Rachel Berry Show.
Rachel: I'm still the star! huffs Jealousy!
Kurt: Okay! I know I'm going to regret this but Blaine said he invited you guys to play Never Have I Ever.
Quinn: Can we really play that on the internet?
Puck: Sure we can. drops bottles of liquor and shot glasses on Kurt's bed I came prepared.
There is a bunch of rustling as the drinks are set up. Everyone takes a shot glass and Puck fills them expertly.
Puck: Okay, since this was Blaine's idea, he gets to go first.
Blaine: thinks Okay…never have I ever…kissed a member of the same sex.
Blaine, Kurt, Brittany, Santana, and Puck take a drinkFinn: Puck! wide-eyed
Puck: I was drunk!
Rachel: Tell us something we don't know.
Lauren: Wow, hot Puckerman.
Puck: That's enough!
Blaine: Kurt, you go next because this is our show.
Kurt: Never have I ever…streaked down the street.
Brittany, Puck, Wes, David, and Blaine all take a drinkKurt: Baby, you streaked naked? You let other people see your body? Glares
Blaine: It was a dare! I'm sorry Kurt! Kurt kisses him on the cheek
Kurt: Apology accepted. But with Wes and David, I'm not surprised.
Wes: What's that supposed to mean? bangs gavel
Kurt: Oh my God! You brought the gavel?
Brittany: What's a gavel?
Blaine: Don't worry about it Brittany. Who's next?
Brittany: Who's who?
all others facepalm
Brittany: What's a facepalm?
Finn: O.O
Rachel: O.O
Artie: O.O
Kurt: O.O
Blaine: O.O
Puck: O.O
Quinn: O.O
Santana: O.O
Wes: O.O
Mike: O.O
Tina: O.O
David: O.O
Nick: O.O
Jeff: O.O
Lauren: O.O
Mercedes: O.O
Sam: O.O
Brittany: O.O
Kurt: Why are you copying us Brittany?
Brittany: Everyone was playing owl eyes so I wanted to play too.
Kurt: facepalm
Brittany: What's a facepalm?
Blaine: Brittany, you are watching us facepalm! How can you not know what it is?
Mercedes: Can we just get on with the game?
Puck: I'll go! Never have I ever…had sex in the backseat of a car.
Puck, Santana, Lauren, Nick, Jeff, David, Blaine, and Kurt all take a drinkFinn: Dude! I did not need to know that my stepbrother has had sex in a car!
Santana: Wanky!
David: Who's car was it?
Blaine: Mine. grins
Kurt: You don't need to the details Blaine. blushes
Santana: Wanky! Okay! Never have I ever…shoplifted.
Santana, Brittany, Puck, Lauren, Mercedes, and Tina all take a drinkBrittany: My turn, my turn! Never have I ever…kissed a dolphin!
Wes: What on Earth is she talking about?
Kurt: She means never have you kissed a gay person Wes.
Brittany, Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, and Santana take a drinkRachel: Wait, are we sure that gay guys kissing gay guys count?
Puck: Yes.
Rachel: Okay. Never have I ever…purposefully sung off key.
Mercedes: Figures.
Finn, Blaine, and Puck take a drinkKurt: Blaine, you purposefully sang off key?
Blaine: Another dare.
David: We give him the best dares sometimes. Okay, never have I ever…given a blowjob.
Kurt and Blaine flush and both take a drink. Lauren, Brittany, Santana, Wes and Nick all take a drink too.
Santana: Wanky! The gay boys totally sucked each other off.
Puck: Get some!
Wes: Nick, who did you give a blowjob too?
Nick: I'll never tell! Never have I ever…crushed on someone I couldn't have.
David, Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes, and Rachel all take a drinkSantana: Some reason, that's wanky!
Jeff: Never have I ever…kissed someone.
They all take a drinkBlaine: Okay, I think we should move on from Never Have I Ever. Given that last one, everyone's had at least one shot. just a bit tipsy
Kurt: So, what should we do now? Internet truth of dare?
All of them: YES!
Santana: Wanky!
Puck: finishes the scotch bottle and burps I got a bottle we can use for this.
Kurt: snatches bottle My idea, I get to spin first. sways a bit
Puck: Way to loosen up Hummel.
Kurt spins the bottle after adjusting the webcam to fill them sitting in a circle on the floor, somehow. It lands on Mercedes
Kurt: Truth or dare Mercedes?
Mercedes: giggles Truth!
Kurt: thinks Have you ever taken a topless photo?
Puck: Whoa! Hummel, I'm impressed!
Santana: Wanky!
Mercedes: Um…once…but no one's ever seen it!
gawking
Mercedes: My turn! spins the bottle. It lands on Finn Truth or dare Finny?
Finn: Dare!
Mercedes: hiccups and giggles I dare you to kiss Kurt.
Finn: Excuse me?
Kurt: …what, you chicken?
Blaine: snorts with laughter Outrageous!
Finn: I am not a chicken. Um…glances to Blaine…sorry dude!
Finn leans in and kisses Kurt lightly but awkwardly. Kurt gigglesSantana: Way to go man boobs. That was the lamest kiss of the century. Mercedes, you should have made him do a full make out session. That was barely a peck!
Finn: Enough Santana. I did what I was told. Blaine is still laughing his head off as Finn spins the bottle. It lands on Lauren
Lauren: Dare! Bring it Hudson!
Finn: I dare you to…give Puck a lap dance!
Lauren shrugs, stands and gives Puck one hell of a lap dance that has everyone gawking. Puck is sporting visible wood by the time she's done. Lauren sits down and spins the bottle. It lands on Nick.
Lauren: Truth or dare Warbler boy?
Nick: Truth.
Lauren: Who'd you give a blowjob too?
David: Burrrrrnnnnn
Blaine: You should have seen that one coming Nick.
Wes: Order! bangs gavel
Nick: flushes Fine, it was Jeff okay?
Jeff: Yep, it was me! giggles
Nick spins the bottle and it lands on Puck
Puck: Dare man.
Nick: I dare you to give Wes a blowjob.
Puck: Oh man, are you serious?
Wes: I'm going to beat you with my gavel Nick.
Kurt: giggles. A dare is a dare Noah.
Puck sighs and moves to a visibly terrified Wes. After slight hesitation, he undoes Wes' pants and proceeds to give him a blowjob. Wes tries and fails to hide that he likes it
Blaine: Damn!
Santana: Wanky!
Puck: That was humiliating. Santana, bottle landed on you. Truth or dare?
Santana: Dare.
Puck: I dare you to flash everyone you boobs.
Santana: shrugs. Pulls her shirt up and her bra down. Kurt flushes and hides his face in Blaine's shoulder Awww, porcelain can't look at girl boobs? My turn. Truth or dare man hands?
Rachel: Truth. And don't call me that!
Santana: I'll call you whatever I fucking feel like. Would you marry your voice if you could?
Rachel: doesn't miss a beat Of course I would. It's the one thing I love more than anything else. Decides to just forget the bottle David, truth or dare?
David: Truth.
Rachel: Who would you save in a life-threatening situation, your family or Wes?
David: That's not fair. But…I guess Wes…he really kind of means more.
gawking
David: Wes, Truth or dare?
Wes: Dare!
David: I dare you to let Kurt hide that stupid gavel!
Wes: shocked Why Kurt? And my beloved gavel? protects the gavel
David: Because it's Kurt's room. He'll know the most efficient place to hide it for the rest of the internet show.
Kurt: smirks Give me gavel now! Wes whimpers and hands it over. David covers his eyes. Kurt hides the gavel somewhere in his closet and sits back down Okay, all hidden.
Wes: whimpers Truth or dare Mike?
Mike: Truth
Wes: Do you want to marry Tina?
Mike: Um…someday, sure.
Tina swoons at him
Mike: Truth or dare Brittany?
Brittany: Dare!
Mike: I dare you to say something intelligent.
gawking all around like it's impossible
Brittany: thinks Harvey Milk was a gay man in San Francisco for gay rights and founded the Harvey Milk center. He was assassinated for being a queer.
Puck: How the hell did she know that?
everyone is silent
Brittany: Lord Tubbington told me. Blondie Warbler guy, truth or dare?
Jeff: Truth.
Brittany: Did you like it when other Warbler birdie dude gaved you a blowjob?
Jeff: Yes. Tina, truth or dare?
Tina: Truth.
Jeff: Little birdie told me – and no not a Warbler – you like to dance dance dance! Sorry, I wanna dance! coughs You used to date Artie. Do you regret breaking up with him? Dance dance dance!
Tina: Sometimes, yes. I know I hurt him. Um…Sam, truth or dare?
Sam: Truth.
Tina: Who do you want to get back together with the most?
Sam: Um…shyly…Mercedes…
Mercedes: Boo I'm touched!
Sam: Quinn, truth or dare?
Quinn: Dare!
Sam: Wow, shocker Quinn! I dare you to down a beer!
Quinn: What? That's not lady-like!
Mercedes: You chose dare, you have to do it.
Kurt: Or take a death penalty!
Quinn: Dare or not, I refuse to do something unlady-like.
Kurt: Fine. You get a death penalty and you can't back out of this one. Sam, come here!
Sam goes over and Kurt whispers something in his ear. Sam nods and sits back down. Kurt smirks
Sam: Do you accept the terms of the death penalty? If you do, there's no turning back. If you don't, you agree to the dare.
Quinn: I accept the terms of the death penalty.
Sam: Fine, your death penalty, courtesy of our host Kurt. Kurt waves innocently You are to spend the rest of the game in nothing but your bra and underwear.
Quinn: I…what? Can I take that back?
Kurt: burst with laughter as do the others Nope! You agreed to the death penalty terms. You have to do it.
Quinn: Fine…strips her clothes off and shivers, her body turning flush Blaine, truth or dare?
Blaine: Dare!
Quinn: My brain isn't working right so this may sound lame but I dare you to touch Kurt's hair.
Puck: That's a death sentence! No one is allowed to touch Kurt's hair!
Blaine: shrugs and lightly runs his fingers through Kurt's hair. Kurt shivers No big deal. I do it all the time. He let's me.
Kurt: Blaaaaaiiiiinnnneee. Blaine laughs and kisses him gently
Blaine: Artie, truth or dare.
Artie: Truth yo!
Blaine: Do you regret the fact that you have to spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair?
Artie: I do sometimes. Sometimes I hate it so much I wonder if I would have been better off not surviving the accident. But I'm grateful that I wake up everyday and still know I'm alive. Okay yo, last one, full circle. Kurt, truth or dare?
Kurt: thinks for several moments. He's been drinking a bit more throughout the game and is tipsy and kind of gone Dare.
Artie: opens his mouth but Puck whispers in his ear and he grins I dare you to flash us your cock so we can see how big it is.
Blaine: I object! stands and glares No one has rights to see that cock except me!
Finn: I object too! I don't want to see my brother's cock! No offense.
Kurt: None taken. Blaine baby, if you object, I'll end up with a death penalty, which will be worse.
Quinn: I've got an idea for a get back at you.
Blaine: I don't want anyone seeing your cock. Other than you, it belongs to me!
Santana: Wanky dapper hobbit. Possessive much?
Puck: Oh come on! I wanna know how big he is!
Rachel: That was totally gay Noah.
Lauren: Yeah Puckerman.
Finn: How about we just call it quits because this is The Klaine Show and it's getting long!
David: We can call it quits after Kurt finishes his assignment, dare or death penalty.
Finn: I don't want to see Kurt's cock!
Blaine: whines Baby don't show them!
Kurt: Fine. Spill the death penalty.
Finn: NO! This ends now! storms out
Puck: Now he doesn't have to see.
Quinn whispers in Artie's ear and he nods looking at a now very drunk Kurt and Blaine
Artie: Kurt Hummel, yo, do you accept the terms of the death penalty? If you do, you cannot back out. If you don't you agree to the dare? You know yo?
Kurt: I accept the terms of the death penalty.
Artie: Very well. You're death penalty, you have to ride Blaine, cowboy style.
Lauren: That's illegal under law!
Quinn: Actually no. Kurt's legal.
Puck: But Blaine's not.
Blaine: Actually, I am. I just had a birthday.
Kurt: giggles If it makes you guys feel better, this episode will not go online. All erase the tape when we're done. No harm, no foul.
Santana: Wanky!
Puck: Dude, how are you still thinking coherently through drunkenness?
Kurt: I'm just good like that.
Quinn: So, does this mean you'll do the death penalty?
Rachel: Isn't this worse than him just showing off his cock?
Mercedes: That's why it's called a death penalty Rachel.
Brittany: facepalm
all stare at her
Puck: Get some!
Blaine: Actually, I got a better idea baby.
Kurt: Mmmm…what's that?
Blaine: Why don't we just turn off the camera for this part? The viewers don't need to see it.
Kurt: That makes sense. kisses him sloppily
camera goes off, Kurt strips from the bottom down and straddles Blaine, unfastening his pants. He goes right to work riding the boy he loves, whoops and cheers from the others mixing with the moans and screams of pleasure from the two boys.
fifteen minutes pass
Recording
Santana: WANKY!
Puck: Damn Kurt, the way you do that, you make me need to get off!
Wes: I've already creamed my pants.
all the guys left nod in agreement. The girls whoop, fanning themselves
Brittany: Is that how dolphins do it?
Kurt: O…kay that's enough! Everybody out so Blaine and I can down water and get sober! It's late anyway. I need my beauty sleep! shoves everyone out the door. He and Blaine sit down back in front of the camera
Blaine: Well viewers that brings us to the end of this episode of The Klaine Show, we hope you enjoyed!
Kurt: Although that totally did not go the way I had intended. I'm drunk, I need sleep and I just rode my boyfriend in front of my friends. I'm going to feel like hell tomorrow.
Blaine: And likely not remember a thing!
Kurt: In which case the lesser drunk of our friends will recount everything.
Both: On Facebook!
Camera off
A/N: I had no idea where this was going but it was all done via webcam. So imagine they posted it online. Now that it's out of my system, thoughts? Comments? Yeah, I'll go back to my more coherent stories. Thanks for reading! Reviews make me smile and very happy! Oh, and I apologize if fanfiction messed up some of the coding. It always does that to me. Hopefully, you'll be able to tell the difference between actions and words where it messes up. Thanks guys!