Bad Ideas Gone Wrong Productions presents

First Kisses

A Fruits Basket fan fiction by Geoduck

Tohru hummed as she chopped the spring onions. She wasn't a prideful girl, but she knew she was good at preparing miso soup. And she loved cooking for the people she loved.

"Oneechan?"

And, of course, one of those people was Kisa! "Yes, Kisa-san?"

"Oneechan, I've been talking with some of the girls at school. And some of them are already going out with boys."

"Really? I never went out with a boy at that age."

"But you've gone on dates, right?

"Well, yes. I've gone on some dates. With Yuki-kun. And Kyo-kun. It's…" Tohru searched her mind for the word to adequately express her nervousness and anxiety for when she went out socially with the boys who meant so much to her. "It's… fun."

"Oneechan, have you had… your first kiss?"

"EEEHHHHH?"

Kyo stuck his head in. "What're you yelling about? See a mouse or something?"

"Ah, Kyo-kun! No, I was just cutting onions, and Kisa-san asked if I had had… had had…" She blushed at the memory.

Kyo looked at the little tiger. "What'd you ask her?"

The shy girl squeaked in surprise and scrambled to hide behind Tohru. "Am I that scary?" Kyo muttered, chagrinned.

"Ah, the brutish, insensitive Kyo-kun once again fails to understand a woman's heart," came a voice behind Kyo.

"Shigure." Kyo snarled.

"The lovely flower, Tohru-kun and the budding beauty, Kisa-chan were speaking of first kisses. But, of course, the adorable Tohru-kun is saving her first kiss for me. Not to mention all of her other 'firsts.'" Shigure dodged a punch aimed at his head while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shut up, you sicko!"

"Ah, but rude, crude Kyo-kun will never get a girl to kiss him. Or a boy, either. Although, if he asked me nicely, I wouldn't mind…"

"PERVERT! And besides, I've already…" Kyo froze both in words and movement.

"Ooh, what's this? A slip of the tongue? An accidental revelation?" Shigure sidled past the stock-still Kyo over to Tohru. "It sounds as though Kyo-kun has kissed after all!"

"N-no! I haven't! None of your business!"

"Is it true, Kyo-kun?" In Kyo's outburst of the last few seconds, Tohru apparently lost her embarrassment. "Have you had your first kiss?"

"No! No no no no no! No! No!" Kyo denied unconvincingly.

"Now then, now then, let's not embarrass the boy." Hunched down, Shigure rested a hand on each girl's shoulder. "Besides, I think we all know who took his first kiss and how it happened…"

An eleven-year-old Kagura shrank back. "K-kyo-kun! I never thought you'd be so… aggressive! You're… you're scaring me!"

Nine-year-old Kyo snorted in disbelief. "What? You've got me tied up in ropes!" He rolled around in his confined state, trying to get free.

Kagura continued the charade. "Please! Please don't make me give you my maidenly first kiss!"

"Make you? You're the one who beat me up and tied me!"

"Oh please… please, don't take my first kiss!"

"And, first kiss? I saw you kissing Ritsu yesterday!"

Kagura snapped out of character. "Ritsu doesn't count! I was just practicing on him so I'd be perfect! Now shut up and take my first kiss!" The pig of the zodiac tackled the hogtied boy and started kissing.

"Ah, poor Kyo-kun," Shigure said with sympathy. Tohru and Kisa nodded in agreement.

"Shut up!" Kyo bristled. "You don't know anything about it, and besides, it never happened."

"But setting aside Kyo's hilarious lip de-virginization…"

"SHUT UP!"

"…when you receive your first kisses, Tohru, Kisa, I hope they will be romantic stories like mine."

"Oh, your first kiss was very romantic, Shigure-san?"

"More like deviant," Kyo groused.

"Indeed it was, Tohru-kun. It was in Paris. The Germans were about to invade. I met her at the train station."

"Paris? Germans? What are you, 90 years old? Sicko!"

"We meant to flee together, but she had been concealing the fact that she was actually a married woman."

Tohru put her hands to her mouth. "Oh, my goodness!"

"I told her that I would find her husband and challenge him to a duel for her love. I kissed her then and watched her get on the plane, crying soft tears of regret."

"Plane? I thought it was supposed to be a train station."

"Oh, how romantic!"

"Yes, and as I watched the plan take off and fly past the Golden Gate Bridge…"

"That's San Francisco! What happened to Paris?"

"…I knew I'd never forget my tragic first love."

"What a beautiful story!"

"You mean 'Idiotic.'"

"But, Shigure-ojiisan," Kisa spoke up, "What happened when you tracked down her husband?"

"Alas, shortly thereafter, I contracted African Sleeping Sickness."

"You weren't in Africa!"

"Which caused amnesia, so I forgot everything about that point in my life."

"So how are you telling us about it?"

"What a tragic love," sobbed Tohru, hugging Kisa.

"It's a complete lie!," shrieked Kyo. "Stop being moved by it!"

Shigure smiled as he watched the agitated Kyo berating the quietly weeping Tohru. Those two really were far too cute for their own good...

"Why won't you kiss me, Shigure?"

"Now, now, Akito… don't I kiss you all the time?"

"On the forehead doesn't count."

"The forehead kisses are promises for kisses in the future."

"Do you kiss anyone else?"

"Never, Akito."

"Then promise me…"

Yes, the two of them were too cute. And seeing them made him think that maybe a happy ending might be possible. For others, at least, if not for him.

Tohru started in surprise. "Oh, my goodness! I just remembered something!"

"The miso soup?" smirked Kyo.

"No, I just remembered that the first time I met him that Momiji-kun kissed me. So I guess that my first kiss…"

"What? Momiji? That pint-sized pervert? He's worse than Shigure! I'll kill that little…"

A happy ending, maybe. But an interesting journey to get there.

Author's Note: Just had a thought today about doing a story about first kisses. Originally I was going to include Yuki as well, but it would have been excessively repetitive. Maybe I'll do Yuki's first kiss in a sequel.

Obviously, Shigure's story is based heavily on a famous Hollywood movie. No points for guessing which one.