Beta'd by kathkin (LJ)

Genre: Crack Humour

Pairing: Arthur/Elyan/Gwaine/Lancelot/Leon/Merlin/Percival, Gwen/Lancelot

Notes: Written for writing challenge community. This is challenge 6, Happy Endings.

Merlin has gathered them in the physician's chamber because Gaius is out of town and it's the only place he can speak with his paramours in private. And he ineeds/i to speak with them.

He studies Arthur and his knights, fidgeting on the benches, looking to one another and avoiding meeting Merlin's gaze. But Merlin can read their thoughts as clearly as if they were written on their faces. They're all wondering why they are there and Merlin can't stand it. More so, he doesn't understand what is happening.

He's been having a relationship of convenience with all of them, and took any opportunity to shut himself in one of their bedrooms or find a suitable spot to spend a few snatched moments in the day. Yet lately with each passing sexual encounter Merlin is only becoming more frustrated and horny, which is why he's calling this intervention.

First, to be clear, they are all great lovers.

Percival's the gentlest romp Merlin's ever had, even while he's being held against the castle wall. If he wants strength without aggression, he can always go to Percival.

Elyan's skilled blacksmithing hands could be the lone thing to bring him off, shaping him to be exactly as Elyan wants. It's the best bouts of foreplay he will ever receive.

Arthur's still a prat, but one with determination and carefully set tactics towards predetermined goals, like finding the best angle, and he always proves successful.

Leon is the most courteous and it's endearing. He has the restraint of a nobleman's propriety and none of the freedom someone of higher status could afford. He's always creates a comforting sense of safety Merlin could wiggle into, like a warm blanket.

He has the freedom to do just about anything with Gwaine—there are two silk dresses to prove it. That sort of freedom is intoxicating.

And he has been with Lancelot a few times as a simple rebound, before Lancelot and Gwen finally hooked up.

Merlin as had no problems with any of it. It's all very casual, no strings attached, unless ropes are involved. Yet recently their dalliances at night have led to a strange phenomenon—the minute Merlin's paramours hit their climax, they begin to-

"You all start crying!" It's been happening for a month. As soon as their thrusts become slick with come, tears start falling down onto his face.

"Oh thank god! You guys did it too," Gwaine says, slumping onto the table as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Merlin is unamused by the knights' general relief, because it was completely disconcerting to have them crying over him, not to mention a complete, "turn off!" Merlin yells. "I haven't been able to get off for a month without my own hands!"

"Wait, you never actually came?" Elyan asks.

Merlin hesitates to answer. "I didn't want to make you guys feel bad." So he faked as best he could, which was extremely badly but his companions definitely weren't enough in their right minds to notice.

"What's changed?" Arthur grouses.

"Do you know how crazy this is making me? I want to be to make a mess of your sheets again! I'll even clean it properly! Without magic! I just need to know why all of you keep crying."

None of them are quick to give an answer. "I don't know," Percival says, after a moment of silence.

It's another few moments of listening to quiet breathing and feet nervously shuffling, before Leon finally admits, "I just suddenly feel really… happy."

Everyone mutters their agreement with Leon, and they turn to Merlin, awaiting his response.

Merlin absently stares back until suddenly exclaiming, "What the hell!"

It's from Lancelot's confession the next day that the solution is found, which excuses him from the next meeting Merlin calls. He pointedly doesn't look at any of them when he grind out, "It's not you, it's me."

There's a collective sigh amongst the knight and an eye-roll from Arthur, before Merlin continues. "I was cursed."

He's embarrassed to admit that he actually was. More so, he had unintentionally done it to himself. After Lancelot's confession last night, Merlin had to admit to himself that maybe his sexual liaisons with all them wasn't completely 'no strings attached.'

Merlin's second last bout of rebound sex with Lancelot had ended with the knight in a morose mood over Gwen—again. Merlin had just wanted him to be happy.

According to Lancelot, Merlin had been muttering in his sleep but the knight didn't take it to be of concern. During their—unbeknownst to them—last bout of rebound sex, he didn't even think about it when he unexpectedly became happy. Very happy. So overwhelmingly happy that he cried in joy.

So to speak, it was the beginning of the wet season.

"A curse! What sort of curse?" Elyan asks, as though it were some sort of venereal disease.

"A regular curse, but don't worry it's all sorted."

Merlin could see they had all sorts of questions. With a distinct air of suspicion, Arthur almost says something but Percival happily interjects, "So everything's going to be…okay?"

"Yes!" He had spent all night scouring for a cure. It turned out Merlin simply needed to cry his own tears of joy. The solution for once was so simple there may have been tears. Also, the thought of easily getting his regular sex life back was a grand bonus.

"We should check?" Leon eagerly pipes up, breaking Merlin's thoughts.

"What?" Said Merlin, flabbergasted.

"I was thinking the same thing," Gwaine adds with a vivacious smile.

Merlin didn't even get a chance to back away before they jump him, strip him, and begin having their way with him. Each of his limbs are pinned by one knight, while the others make Merlin writhe and pant against their combined weight.

Merlin comes without anyone touching him, as Gwaine works through Arthur's second round (and everyone else's first round) of come.

And he can say he is happy.

He's really, really happy.