A/N: Yes, one more alternate ending. This is probably the most insane one yet. Goodness gracious, I'll probably get flames for this. ^_^ Just remember, this is humor, and it's fiction! Totally made up for the purpose of entertaining those with good senses of humor. So yeah, read, review, then vote on which of the three endings I should finish up. I think I'm out of new ideas, so this will be your last choice. Thanks so much to everyone who already reviewed, too! It means a lot to me, and it really boosts my ego! ^_^

The shrill cry of an infant echoed throughout the maternity ward. Kagome, panting and gritting her teeth in pain, marveled at the first sight of her newborn… Well, that's right. She chose not to know the sex…

"Ms. Higurashi, it's a boy!" the doctor announced, snipping the umbilical cord.

Relieved, Kagome struggled to sit up and catch her first glimpse of her son.

She saw the tiny body being measured and wrapped in a blanket. She marveled at his curl of dull brownish-red hair. Must be a recessive gene, she thought dismissively, her study of genetics returning to her.

And then her wonder-filled eyes found the tail… The tail? She was pretty sure having a bushy, orange tail was in neither her nor Inu-Yasha's no Miroku's gene pool.

Kagome was speechless as the nurse—just as bewildered as the patient herself—handed her the wailing infant.

"C-congratulations, M-miss Higurashi…" the nurse stammered, backing slowly out of the room followed by the doctor who promised to return later to run some tests.

At that moment, Kagome's mother rushed into the room, panting, and ran to her daughter.

"I'm so sorry, dear! What an awful time for the six cups of coffee I've had today take their toll," she apologized, referring to her poorly timed emergency trip to the restroom.

"So… It's a boy?" she asked, noting the blue color of the blanket.

All Kagome could do was nod and continue rocking the child to sleep in her arms.

"Well, there's no hole in his hand, so I suppose that rules out Miroku as the father… And that leaves…" she prompted gently.

"No… Mom…" Kagome choked out, still shocked.

Careful not to disturb the finally quiet child, Kagome unwound the blanket to display rust colored hair and a still gooey—but definitely fox- like—tail.

Not seeing the problem on Kagome's mind at first, Mrs. Higurashi said, "Oh well, I guess it will be rather difficult to fit in at school, ne?"

"Inu-Yasha doesn't have a tail," Kagome stated, having recovered her speech ability.

"…Oh… Oh dear…" was the response. "Um, Kagome, just how many men have you slept with?!"

"Only two, I swear!" I don't know how this happened! The only person I can think of that looks like this is…"

Her eyes widened as she looked up at her mother.

"No… It couldn't be…"

Kagome hesitated at the edge of the well, straddling the wall in the early stages of jumping down.

Three weeks after returning from the hospital with her son, Watage, Kagome was ready to go back to the Sengoku Jidai and talk to her friends.

She hoisted her baby sling to a more secure position on her shoulders before proceeding to carefully climb down the well.

Momentarily, she was overcome by the power of the Shikon no Tama and hurled hundreds of years into the past.

Feeling déja vû, Kagome scaled the wall on the other side, glancing up at the lush green treetops overhead then back over her shoulder to the baby sling.

The first sight to greet the girl before she had even emerged from the opening was the surprised face of Inu-Yasha, pressed right up to her own.

With a startled yelp, Kagome lost her footing and felt her grip on the stone slipping.

Luckily, before the fell, she was caught under the arms by a pair of muscular, clawed hands.

"Kagome?" Inu-Yasha wondered aloud, lifting her easily and placing her on the grass.

She blushed and said, "Hello, Inu-Yasha…"

"Kagome?!" the hanyou repeated, still shocked.

"Um, yeah, it's me. Look, I know it's been a while and we didn't exactly part on friendly terms…" she said, recalling the explosive argument when they last met, which resulted in Kagome running home in tears and never returning until now.

"But, as you can see, I've had my baby, and—"

She was cut off by a warm, red mass of cloth enveloping her body in an embrace. At first, she was shocked by Inu-Yasha's uncharacteristic open display of affection. But after a brief hesitation, she melted into his chest and returned his hug, thanking the heavens he wasn't still angry.

"Where have you been, bitch? I ought to kill you here and now!" Inu- Yasha threatened, pulling away suddenly and leaving Kagome bright red and confused. He folded his arms across his chest and glared at her expectantly.

Kagome couldn't help but smile, despite his pissed off expression.

"Oh, Inu-Yasha, you haven't changed at all…"

And she started off down the path to the village.

It was then that Inu-Yasha noticed that she wasn't wearing her usual impossibly enormous backpack.

"Oi, Kagome! What's that?" he called, not moving from his position by the well.

"What? You mean this?" she asked, jerking her head in the direction of the sleeping baby.

Inu-Yasha nodded dumbly, staring at the child. Kagome grinned.

"Oh, it's my son. His name is Watage. Isn't he adorable?" she giggled, continuing her trek through the forest.

"Watage?" he mumbled. "But Kagome! Why would you name your son 'Fur'?" he questioned.

But Kagome just laughed off in the distance.

'I'm so happy to be back,' she thought.

* * *

"Kaede! I'm back!" Kagome yelled, entering the woman's cottage.

"Kagome?" came the reply, as a red-and-white clad elderly miko toddled into the main room.

"Oh, 'tis Kagome, returned from the dead, it seems!" Kaede exclaimed, giving the girl a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi, Kaede! How are you?"

"I'm fine, worry not about me. 'Tis you that concerns me. You are a new mother, are you not?" she inquired, nodding at the baby sling Kagome was removing from her back. Watage was just waking, rubbing his tiny, blue eyes and looking around the room in curiosity.

"Ah! He is a handsome boy, Kagome! Congratulations!"

"Um, Kaede? Do you know where everybody is? I was kinda hoping to talk to all of you at once…" Kagome asked.

"Hm, well, Sango went to exterminate some demons at a nearby village. She left yesterday so she'll probably be back this afternoon. Miroku and Shippo are out gathering herbs for me. And Inu-Yasha is probably sitting in his branch of the Gods' Tree," Kaede answered.

"Yeah, I know. I saw Inu-Yasha on my way here. Then he disappeared into the forest…" Kagome said, disappointed.

"You know, Kagome, Inu-Yasha has spent practically every day sitting in that tree, only descending to eat and on occasion slay a demon," Kaede commented, playing with a giggling Watage.

"Oh? Why would he do that?" she asked.

"Waiting for you, of course," Kaede explained, as if it were common knowledge.

"Waiting… for… me?" Kagome echoed, images of their embrace flashing across her mind's eye.

"Yes, he been rather distant since you left," Kaede added, glancing up at her young friend.

"Inu-Yasha…" Kagome mumbled wistfully.

* * *

With the speed of the gods, Inu-Yasha ran through the forest. Within minutes, he had reached the place Kaede had sent Shippo and Miroku to collect medicinal herbs.

"Monk! You'd better get back to the village!" he shouted, coming to a stop in front of Miroku.

"Oh? Why? What's going on?" he replied.

"Kagome's back. And she's got a baby with her," Inu-Yasha explained impatiently.

At that, Shippo's leaf-adorned head poked out from a bush at the hanyou's feet.

"Kagome-chan's back? And she has a baby?!" he squealed. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Shippo transformed into a large… creature with wings. What exactly it was, who knows? Miroku hopped on his back and all three men raced to the village.

"Inu-Yasha! Do you know… I mean, did you see… Well did the child…" Miroku tried, but failed to form the question on his mind.

"No, monk, I didn't get a good look at the child. But I don't think there was a Hell hole on its hand," Inu-Yasha gently answered the tacit inquiry.

Soon they'd arrived at Kaede's home. Miroku jumped off Shippo and ran in the door, with Inu-Yasha on his heels, and Shippo right behind him.

"Kagome!" all three cried at once.

Kagome turned around to face the door from her seat on the floor.

"Hi, boys!" She waved.

"Kagome-chan!" Shippo shrieked, latching on to her shoulder.

"Hello, Shippo," she greeted, although the little kitsune noticed her voice lacked its usual warmth when speaking to him.

Miroku seated himself next to Kagome, studying the child, still in the baby sling, sitting in her lap. He was relieved to find that Inu-Yasha was right; both hands were whole and ordinary.

"Kagome-sama…" he breathed, reaching out to stroke the few curls of silky soft hair atop the baby's head.

Before anyone could say anything else, Sango strode in the open door. Her face lit up when she saw Kagome and immediately rushed to give her a hug.

"Kagome-chan! How nice to see you're back again! And with your baby! Awwwwww, he's so cute!" she squealed.

Kaede cleared her throat.

"Now that we are all together, is it not a good time to discuss the matter of the father, Kagome?" she suggested.

"Oh, right…" But she made no move to speak further.

"So… can you tell who the father is?" Sango encouraged.

"Well, yes and no…"

"What do you mean?" Miroku asked.

"I can tell who isn't the father, but therein lies the problem…"

"Stupid wench! Just tell us everything, bitch!" Inu-Yasha snarled, sitting down directly in front of her and leaning forward.

Silently, Kagome lifted Watage from the baby sling, revealing his furry, brown tail. Everyone in the room gasped.

"Kagome! Your baby has a tail!" Sango observed.

"I suppose that means he isn't mine…" Miroku stated, half relieved, half heartbroken.

"Not unless you have a tail you've been hiding from us all this time," Inu-Yasha snorted.

"Well, you don't have a tail either, Inu-Yasha!" Miroku retorted.

Sango's eyes widened.

"If he's not Miroku's… and he's not Inu-Yasha's… Kagome, whose baby did you give birth to?" she inquired.

"That's just the thing. I don't know! I mean, I only, erm, went to bed with Miroku and Inu-Yasha," Kagome reasoned, blushing along with her two mentioned lovers.

"This is a fine mystery," Kaede declared.

They all sat in contemplative silence for a moment. Then Sango broke it.

"You know, Watage kind of looks like… Shippo!"

Miroku choked, Inu-Yasha snorted again, and Kagome turned huge eyes on the trembling little kistune.

"Shippo? But… that's not possible! He's only a little pup!" Inu-Yasha argued.

"Actually, Sango, that's what I thought at first…" Kagome remarked.

"But Shippo? That's absurd! Like Inu-Yasha mentioned, he is but a child! Surely, you don't think…" Miroku trailed off, gazing at the fox- boy's guilty face.

All of a sudden, Shippo burst into tears.

"WAAAAH! This wasn't supposed to happen! You weren't supposed to know, Kagome-chan!" he wailed.

"Oh my god! Shippo, are you saying—" Sango cried.

"Yes, it's true! I'm the father of that baby. I'm sorry, it was only meant to be fun! I was curious about this 'sex' thing you humans seem to be so obsessed with! I never thought that I would actually get you pregnant!" he confessed.

"But how…? When…? I only remember sleeping with those two," Kagome maintained.

Sniffling, Shippo elaborated, "Well, um, you know the night you slept with Inu-Yasha? You know how you did it once at night then again later on?"

"Kagome-sama, you did it twice with that dog and only once with me?" Miroku asked indignantly.

Blushing furiously, Kagome muttered, "I was drunk… Really drunk…"

"That second time was actually me disguised as Inu-Yasha… I'm sorry, Kagome-chan!" Shippo apologized profusely, clinging to Kagome's arm.

"I'm going to kill you, you little brat! You dare pretend to be me and sleep with my woman? I'll—" Inu-Yasha froze, mid-sentence and mid- lunge, realizing exactly what he'd just said.

"Your woman?" Kagome repeated icily.

"Uh… Um… That's not what I meant!"

"Who ever said I was YOUR woman?" she yelled, rising to her feet.

"Kagome, wait!" Inu-Yasha tried to pull on her long skirt as she stormed off, turning back by the door.

"Shippo, I can't believe you'd do something like that! Not only to me, but to Inu-Yasha, too. And now what are you going to do? You're only a child, how can you be a father? What were you THINKING?

"And you, Inu-Yasha! What's your problem?! Last time I was here, you'd barely speak to me, save cursing and yelling at me for being a 'stupid whore'! And now that I've come back, you suddenly think I'm YOURS? You never asked me or even showed the slightest care about me, so why now, you JERK?

"Oh, and Miroku, don't be so shocked I didn't screw you twice. You weren't that good. Yeah, compared to Inu-Yasha and Shippo—that's a dog- demon and a little kid!—sleeping with you was like just plain old sleeping! Way to kick off my sex life!"

Kagome finished her raging rant and stomped out of the door, headed for the Bone Eater's Well.

Her friends could do nothing but sit and stare at the place where she had just stood. They were all stupefied by Kagome's out of character wrath.

Kaede merely shook her head sorrowfully.

"Oh my…"

A/N: So? Whaddya think? Am I insane or what? ~_^ One note on the names: I know I already said that Watage means 'fur', but back in the last chapter, I forgot to mention the meanings. Shiraga (Inu-Yasha's daughter) means 'white hair' and Sora (Miroku's daughter) means 'sky.' Anyway, please try to be gentle when flaming me. I'm fair-skinned, I burn easily. ;_;