Chapter 19: The Morning After

The next morning, I awoke in a daze. The memories felt like dreams, drifting just past my fingertips. It was too grand, too big, too much, to be real. I rubbed my eyes. A sour taste hung in the back of my mouth. The night had not played out how any of us intended. The Slytherin party was a disaster. The study group party never really got started. And yet, it felt like everything fit into place. The pieces came to together in just the right way.

In a sense, I was afraid to get out of bed. I did not know where to go from there. A deep satisfaction with where I was filled my body. If I got up, if I continued on, the only direction to go was away from here. Even though it is true of every moment, I was selfish. I did not want to let it go. So, stubborn, I laid, staring at the ceiling, in the place I wanted to be, alright, in the Slytherin sixth year dorm room.

I remembered the final day of fifth year. I ran out of my dorm in a panic. It was the last time I awoke after attending a Slytherin party. I felt trapped inside the walls. It was the primary incentive for my change over the summer. From Theodore Nott the awkward kid to Theodore Nott the punk rocker. I needed to break free from those changes. That's why I tried to change myself. But, as I knew from reading my own aura, through the cloister, it was all cosmetic. I was still the same awkward boy, just with a new style of clothes. And, yet, here I was, sitting in my dorm room, okay. Maybe I had not changed. I was still the same. But, something changed. Somewhere.

I sat up. The other boys tossed and turned in their sleep. They had too much to drink the night before. Their dreams were restless. Perhaps they were reaching back to those moments behind them as well. I put on my tight black pants, black boots, Iceage shirt, leather jacket, and sunglasses. Tepidly, I stepped around the others' beds and went out into the common room. Lower year students filled the space left by the absent recovering upper years. They enjoyed their moment of control in a room always dominated by a hierarchy based on age.

Heading out the front door, I turned right, up the stairs, and out the door to the outside. The courtyard was bare. The single tree stood in the middle without leaves. The cruel autumn winds had left its branches looking like brittle old fingers curling at the end. I zipped up my leather jacket. Soon it would be December, and the cold winter would start. Exams would pass. The semester would end. At the moment, we stood at a precipice, overlooking the end.

"Hey Nott," a coarse voice called to me.

I turned to see Draco sitting against the wall, next to the door. His eyes drooped down, and his pale skin looked chalky. He leaned forward, staring at the ground, with an empty plastic cup resting next to him.

"Hey Draco," I greeted. "What are you doing out here this early?"

He rubbed his face. "Is it early yet?" He asked. The syllables were strained. Like he had crawled through a dessert searching for water.

"What do you mean? Have you been out here all night?" I asked. I took out my pack of black cigarettes. I put one in my mouth, and lit it. I exhaled slowly, letting the smoke crawl out my lips.

Draco chuckled to himself. "Yeah. Probably." He rubbed his face. "Feels like it at least."

"Shit Draco that sounds awful."

"Trust me. It feels worse than it sounds."

"What happened? Why are you here?" I asked.

"Pansy."

"Figures." I sat down on the cold ground next to my friend. I offered him one of my smokes. Slowly, he reached forward to grab it, placed it in his mouth. I lit the tip of it with my lighter. He took a couple slow, long drags, before starting to speak.

"At the end of the party," Draco began, "a bunch of us decided to watch the sun rise: Crabbe, Millicent, Blaise, Goyle, and Pansy. You know, a final sort of moment to conclude the night. So, drunk, we stumbled together down to the lake. It was freezing cold, but we didn't mind. We weren't going to let that stop us. Anyways, so we sat on the grass in a line. And, as you can guess, I ended up sitting next to Pansy. It was okay. We didn't touch or make out or anything. We were just friends sitting next to each other.

"Then what happened?"

Draco breathed deeply. He took a drag from his cigarette. "Well, then, right as the sun peaked over the horizon, she turned to me. She leaned in real close, right next to my ear. I could feel her warm breaths on my skin. And then she said it, quietly, delicately: 'I love you'."

"Fuck..." I said. "That's heavy man. How did you react?"

"I said nothing. But, I felt obliged. I needed to do something. So, I kissed her, on the neck. We got up, and headed back to Slytherin. At the entrance, I said I needed to grab a quick smoke. I came out here, and haven't left."

I leaned back on the cold wall. "Well, at least you didn't say you loved her back. Then you would have just dug yourself into an even deeper hole. I swear, your relationship with that Peisino is just a rollercoaster of drama."

"Peisino? What's that?" Draco asked.

"Sorry. It's the name of a siren. I've been reading a lot for Quirrell's Classics exam. My mind's full of that."

Draco stared at me for a second. His gaze was blank. I tried to smile at his reaction. With a deep breath, he began to speak. "You know. I'm glad I said nothing. But, since I've been here, I've been fighting with myself. It's not that I like Pansy in that way. I have such uneven thoughts about her. One moment she's an evil, manipulative bitch, and the other she's smart, witty, with a great laugh. There's a part of me that wants to feel the way she makes me, but I can't keep swinging the pendulum like that. I wish I could pick one side of her, and stick to it."

"No one's always good, and no one's always bad. Everyone has different sides to themselves. Why should you expect Pansy to be different?" I asked him.

He ran his fingers through his white hair. "I know. I've been thinking about that. And, you know what? Maybe I'm the one who has a problem. I always blamed her. But, that's unfair. She can stand the highs and lows of being around me. I'm the one too selfish to look past the parts of her I do not adore."

He continued: "I have this insipid need to control things. I watch others do stuff, and it drives me crazy. I'm convinced I'm the best leader. I would do it better. Sometimes that's true, but I feel it every time. And, in regards to Pansy, I want to control her. I hate when she does things I do not like. I want to correct her in those moments. I want to dictate how she should live. That's really fucked up right? That's some 1950's way of thinking. Am I really like that? It's driving me mad."

I shook my head. "I don't think you're like that Draco. I think you're just tired, and still a little drunk. There's nothing wrong with wanting other people to improve. Especially when they're as much a bitch as Pansy. Not going to lie, she's worse than most. You're just shaken by her saying she loves you, so you've convinced yourself of something stupid. Although, perhaps being a little less obsessive would do you some good," I tried to explain to him.

"Probably," he agreed. "I'm sorry about what happened last night, by the way. I was on a bit of a power trip. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. It was a boneheaded thing to do. Harry Potter showing up like that put me a bit on tilt. You know what happens when you imagine something going down, and you fantasize about how you would act in that situation. Well, having Harry fucking Potter show up to crash my party was exactly like that. I'd told myself I would stand firm, and show him what's what." He took a deep breath, sitting back against the wall. "And, yet, all the good I feel like it's done is give me a bugger of a bruise from where he punched me."

"Things did get a little hectic," I agreed. "You weren't exactly wrong, either. Who was I to tell you what to do? It was your party. If it's you prerogative to act like a dim witted brute, then more power to you. I only regret getting in your way. Being in the middle of a brawl is no place for a coward like me."

"Maybe, but don't sell yourself short Nott," Draco insisted. "Why do you think I keep you around? Why do you think I ask for your advice rather than from one of my boys? Simple. I liked your advice. I respect it. I expect you to tell me things that I might not want to hear. The guys are too interested staying my friend to call me on my bullshit. You don't have that problem."

"It's thanks to you that I don't," I admitted.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked.

"You remember the last day of school last year? I had a panic attack in the dorm room, and I came out here looking to clear my head? You came out here to smoke, and you gave me some advice. You told me to stop brown nosing those around me. Call the people who were treating me like shit assholes. Admit that I could not stand them. I really did take that advice to heart. It set me free, as stupid as that sounds."

Draco chuckled to himself. The rough circles around his eyes dragged them down, until it looked as he was barely there at all. Closer to a corpse reflecting on his life than my friend. "It's funny how small things can affect you like that. Some stupid advice I gave you. Three words Pansy said to me. We really are strange creatures, aren't we?"

"Yeah," I agreed with him. "Maybe you should get some sleep. You look like absolute crap."

Draco nodded his head. He tossed the butt of his cigarette onto the ground. "How did the rest of the night go for you? After all that bullshit? I saw you guys come back. I was surprised to see you there again."

I smiled. "I was surprised myself, to be honest. Things were actually pretty okay, all things considered. It was a real punk rock night, that's for sure."

"Cool. I'll see you later." Draco stumbled to stand. He leaned against the wall as he moved, resembling a slow moving zombie. He headed to the door, and rubbed his eyes before heading inside.

I stayed outside for a couple more minutes. The air outside was bitterly cold. It felt like winter was finally beginning to encompass the area. I could see my breath, pensive, tired, sitting against the wall. I tossed the butt of my cigarette onto the grass covered in the morning frost. I was happy Draco and I were able to come to terms with each other. The night before, I feared that we'd shattered the fragile glass that held together our connection. A year before, I would have been certain that we could not repair it. But, maybe, in the passing months, I'd grown to understand relationships enough to bounce back after something bad happened.

I stood up to leave. I reached for the door, and as I began to pull it open the door, I heard the chirp of a bird. Ophelia. I turned around suddenly. The courtyard was still empty. The single tree with its bare branches stood still like a statue. No red birds flew. I desperately wanted to see Ophelia, my connection to the courtyard, but I knew it was gone, having flown over the wall. I decided the chirp was its farewell to me. A parting gift. A final goodbye.

I headed down the hallway towards the library. Students moved slowly in packs. The Gryffindor kids avoided my gaze when I passed by them in the halls. I suspected the story of the fight the night before had begun to make its rounds. It brought a smile to my face to think that they might have mentioned my participation in it. Sure, I laid down on the ground like a scared dog. It's not liked it mattered. I liked the punk rock tinge to the idea: I'd been in a real brawl the night before. I pictured myself as the martyr to peace, sacrificing myself between the opposing sides in a vain attempt to stop the inevitability of violence. It was a more romantic notion than what happened. I was a scared stupid kid who had a little too much to drink sticking my nose where it did not belong.

Outside the library, I spotted Terry standing with his arms crossed. He looked as well kept as ever. His hair was styled to one side, with a casual dress shirt and tight blue jeans. He gave me a friendly wave as I approached. His warm inviting grin on his mouth.

"You sure look chipper," I commented, teasing him a little.

Terry walked up to me, placing his hand on my shoulder, "and you my friend, look like just as much a mess as ever," he said with a warm tone.

"You think I look bad? You should have seen Draco. I just caught him in the court yard looking half dead."

"You spoke with him?" Terry asked, looking concerned.

I nodded. "Yep. Don't worry. We're cool. It's not like we close enough friends for last night to have meant anything anyway," I remarked. "What are you doing out of the library anyway. Waiting for someone?"

"Yes. You."

"Me?" I asked, taken a little aback. "Why are you waiting for me?"

"There's something I wanted to ask you about."

"Oh yeah?"

"Last night. Something was up when I got back to that room. You and Hermione suggested we leave awfully quickly. If you were trying to be coy, then you failed.

Something happened. I just want to know if it's something I should be concerned about."

"I didn't think you were so protective of me," I commented.

Terry scowled. "You know that's not what I meant. You know how fucked up the past couple of weeks have been for Hermione. And yesterday she watched you get in a fight with Harry again. I just want to make sure I'm not walking into a mine field in there." Terry motioned his head towards the library door.

"It's cool," I tried to assure him. "Nothing happened. Trust me."

"Why are you avoiding telling me then? Huh?" Terry shot back. A sly smile crossed his lips. He brought up his hand, poking me in the cheek. "And why are blushing a little?"

I swatted away his hand. "Fuck off."

Terry laughed a little. "Okay. I see what's going on." He opened the door to the library. "Don't worry Nott. I understand not wanting to kiss and tell more than anyone."

I nearly punched him, but he scurried into the library, skirting through the stacks more nimble than a man his size should be able to. I pulled off my sunglasses, slipping them into my leather jacket pocket.

I hesitated momentarily before stepping into the library. It felt as if I was about to pass a threshold. Or, rather, that I was returning back after passing through some long, arduous journey. It pained me to imagine that things might be different when I sit at the table. The study group may remain the study group, but what of the people? What of me? The night before sent my head through spirals. There was a sickening dizziness that built up inside me as I imagined the Slytherin party and the study group party crammed into the cloister. I was brought back to those days after the Halloween Ball, when everything was moving so quickly. Shifts in people's attitudes happened drastically at the drop of a pin. Hermione was hurt. It was my fault. At least, it felt that way. The fear felt palpable enough that I imagined that I could reach forward and touch it with my hand.

But instead, most unlike myself, I stepped forward anyway.

Hermione, Hannah, and Terry all sat around the study group's table. They looked worse for wear than they did earlier in the week. Terry and Hannah sat across from each other. Terry sat forward, his elbows on his knees, still smiling from earlier. His raised his eyebrows at me as I approached, giving me a slight wink with his right eye. Hannah sat back in her chair. Her pupils were dilated, and she groaned slightly. Her short red hair was mussed up, looking wild and bunched together. She waved at me slightly; I waved back.

Hermione sat across from my usual seat. Unlike the others, she had her school books with her. Desperately, she sprawled in a notebook, writing down comments about the Classics book she held in the other hand. Her Odyssey's spine was broken. The pages were filled with post it notes and dog eared corners. She made sure not to look at me. She did not even acknowledge me at all.

I took my regular seat. I leaned back, taking the front legs off the ground. "You're all here bright and early," I said, making sure not to mention my earlier conversation with Terry.

"Well," Terry began, "I needed to get out of Ravenclaw before Anthony and Kevin woke up. There was enough Ravenclaw kids at the end of that party who saw me and Ernie together, that it would only take a moment for those gossips to be begging me for details. No thanks. I'd much rather be here than fed to those crows. Plus, leaving Stephen there probably left more than enough for them to hound on, with everyone noticing him dancing with a short haired rebel."

Hannah leaned forward in her chair. "I'd feel bad for Stephen, if I didn't feel worse for myself. I feel like I made a fool of myself last night. A lot of it's a little bit of a blur, but I feel like I did a couple things. I have this picture in my mind of me and Stephen stealing beer from the Slytherin Quidditch team. Was that real? It can't be real." She insisted.

"It's real. You took about half a dozen," I informed her.

She rubbed her temples. "Is something wrong with me? Especially after the whole thing with Gryffindor. Who in the right mind would possibly do that?"

"Well, clearly," Terry interjected, "you were not in the right mind."

Hannah let out an audible sigh. "The whole thing is so embarrassing. It's not like I mind how I acted with Stephen, but I could have done it with a little more pose, you know? There were easier ways to do that. HufflePuff has its share of gossips, and I sure got an earful this morning." She rubbed her temple. "All I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide."

"You weren't that bad," I tried to insist. "I thought you carried yourself fine. It's not like you showed up at his house in the middle of the night afterwards, right?"

Hannah peered up, giving me a cold stare. I'm sure she did not appreciate me bringing up that time earlier in the year. I slightly regretted my words. I only intended to make it clear that if we could stay close friends after that, then she had nothing to fear about Stephen. He seemed more than willing to go along with it the night before.

"I think," Terry interjected, trying to cool the mood down a little, "what Nott is trying to say is that you have nothing to worry about. Look, we all did things last night. Things that I think we should all be supportive about. That's the strength of the study group, right? We have each other's backs. There is no use trying to hide it."

Hannah gave Terry a confused look. "What are you talking about? I'm not trying to hide anything. You saw everything that happened between me and Stephen."

A wicked smile grew on Terry's lips. "I know," he said. He gave me a slight wink. Hannah looked at me in confusion. I shrugged my shoulders innocently, pretending not to understand him either. Hermione's focused stayed squarely in her books, not paying any heed to what was being said. "Still," Terry continued. He stretched his arms out of his chair. "At least you did not come out of the closet yesterday. That fact's taking a bit of getting used to."

"How are you feeling about it?" Hannah asked.

"I don't regret it, if that's what you're wondering. To be honest, I wonder how many people actually noticed. Sure, Stephen now knows, but people might think Ernie and I dancing was just being playful or funny." He let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter either way anyway. I was getting real sick of hiding anyways. I woke up this morning with what felt like a real weigh off my shoulders. It'd been weighing me down for so long, I'm not sure I ever realized how it much it brought me down. I feel great. Really great. How's Ernie?"

"He's okay," Hannah said. "I did not have a chance to talk with him earlier. I think he's sleeping. He was in high spirits when we walked back to HufflePuff last night. I doubt anything's happened since then. Gossip does not really affect him anyway, so I'm not worried."

"That's good," Terry said with a little relief in his voice. "I have to admit, when we planned to attend the party last night, this is not exactly how I expected it would play out. The study group sure knows how to party."

"I think I may not come along next time," I said. "I seem to have this bad tendency of getting my ass kicked by Gryffindor's Quidditch team whenever I go out with you guys."

Terry laughed. "You do have a real knack for it."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've always had crummy luck when I go out. I think it's time I just accept that I may not be able to avoid that."

"That's sort of defeatist, isn't it?" Hannah questioned. "I think you're problem is the way you're looking at it. It's not that you always get your ass kicked by Gryffindors. It's that you always ruin their plans whenever you go out. You're fighting against their system."

"I like that," I said with a smile. "It makes me sound a little more punk rock."

"Which is really the most important thing for you," Terry commented. "I swear that if I told you setting yourself on fire is punk rock, you'd light a match in a second."

"Just say when," I joked.

Terry clapped his hands. "Alright. Now, with exams coming up, the four of us are really going to need to bunker down. Remember, this is a study group, first and foremost. If we don't study, then we defeat the whole purpose. However," Terry paused. Hannah and I stared at him. Hermione perked her eyes up, a bit curious about what he was going to say. "There is no fucking way I'm going to get any work done today. Not with my head hurting like right now."

Hannah nodded her head. "Count me in that group. Every time I try to think, all I feel is pain."

"Right. In that interest, I think I'm going to head out of here," Terry said. "I'm too hung over to work, these chairs are really uncomfortable, and I have some rumors to face. The way I see it, I'm going to have to respond to all of the things people are probably saying eventually. I might as well get my side of the story out now. It might save me from some of the shit that's going to be thrown my way."

"I think I will head out as well," Hannah spoke. "I need to eat some breakfast. Ernie might be there too. We need to debrief on last night."

"You two going to be alright here by yourselves?" Terry teased.

"Please. Hermione and I are here by ourselves more often then you two ever care to show up," I responded.

"Sure. But that was before last night." Terry said.

For the first time, Hermione's head shot upwards. Terry let out a deep laugh. Hermione gave me an angry stare. Hannah just looked confused at all of us. Instead of feeling self-conscious in their attention, as I always did, I actually found the whole situation amusing. The next time I saw Terry, I was going to hit in the back of the head. I knew that for sure.

"We'll be okay," I assured him.

Terry stood up from his seat. Hannah joined him. The two of them waved at us, as they left. Hermione and I awkwardly waved back. We sat in silence until the two of them left the room.

"I didn't tell him anything," I tried to explain to Hermione once I was certain the two of them could no longer hear me. "Terry just kind of guessed."

"It's okay," Hermione said. Her voice sounded rough. Now that she was looking up, I noticed the deep bags under her eyes. She might not have looked as bad as Draco, but she looked exhausted. "I didn't think you did. Terry has a way of finding things out when you don't want him to."

"Yeah," I agreed.

We sat in silence.

I did not know what to say to her. I'd never shared something with someone, like I did the night before. That kiss lingered on the edge of my lips like a constant static shock. I could not look at her without thinking about it. I grabbed my sunglasses from the pocket in my coat, and put them on. Anxiety filled me. What was I going to say? What did I want to say? She was only across the table from me. We'd sat like this the entire semester. But, in that moment, it felt like an uncrossable chasm opened up between us. How was I going to explain my feelings, when I could not even figure them out for myself? I wanted to say something. I wanted to say something clear, simple, and easy. Instead, my emotions were a swirling mess eating away at the edges of my stomach.

I thought of Hannah's painting I'd hung in the Cloister. She'd been able to capture those twisting miring complexities that were built in those moments. The blue and red figure with her arched back was laid open, letting the viewer see the swirl in her stomach that grew out into the whirlpool of her shape. It understood the way that the jarring truth of experiencing is that it is not stagnant, or mechanical, but fluid and moving in such a way that's hard to capture in a moment.

I wished I could reach forward, touch Hermione, and in that connection, share what was built inside of me. But, life's not that simple.

"Hey Nott," Hermione said.

"Yeah?"

"Are you feeling the magical aura of the room?"

"No," I replied. "I'm just thinking."

"I've been thinking about last night," Hermione said with a shy voice. "Why are you trying to read a change in your aura?"

I took off my sunglasses, and placed them on the table between us. "I'm not entirely sure myself. At this point, it's almost more a force of habit than anything else. I think, when I started, I was kind of lonely and depressed. A part of me hoped that if I could read a change in myself, there was a chance that I could get better. I would be able to fix the parts of me that lead me to be so lonely and depressed."

Hermione frowned. "You don't need to change Nott to no longer be lonely. Look at yourself right now. You're not lonely now are you? You haven't been lonely all semester. You didn't need to change yourself to get that. All you needed were friends who like you for who you are."

I let out a slight smile. "You're probably right."

She turned her head back towards her books. I watched her silently. Maybe I did not need to express exactly what built up inside me. The chasm might separate us, but we can still talk over top of it.

"Hermione," I spoke up. "You want a small lesson? On reading auras?"

Hermione looked up from her book. Her inquisitive stare tried to understand my meaning. "Right now?" She asked.

"Yep. Here." I placed my hand on the table, palm up. "Place your hand next to mine."

Hermione sat back in her chair. "Haven't we already had this lesson before, that time when I came to the library after avoiding it for two weeks?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah. We did. But, sometimes it's good to go through lessons again. It's a good way to measure progress."

"Alright. Fine." She placed her hand close to mine. Our arms both extended across the table.

"Okay. Now, focus on your hand," I began to say. "Feel the muscles, the bones, your blood, and the magic flowing around it. Grasp all of those feelings, and then pull the downwards. Yank them down to the surface of the table. When it's all the way there, anchored, pull the table up with it, until the magic covers all those feelings you held onto." I paused, watching her hand.

"Now what?" Hermione asked, frozen in her spot.

I reached over, and placed my hand in hers. It was stiff at my first touch, but softened in my grasp as her arm went limp. I stared intensely at her hand, too afraid to look up at her eyes.

"I'm…" I struggled to speak. My anxiety erupted in me like an exploding well. "I'm really glad I have you," I said. "I know last night made things complicated, but I was so happy. I don't want to lose that. I want to hold on to you for as long as I can." My hand began to shake. I felt as though I was losing control of myself, slipping away into panic.

"Nott…" Hermione spoke. Her voice was soft and velvety. I nearly melted from the syllable. Her grasp tightened around my hand. "I'm so glad I have you as well. I know this semester has been tough, but I'm not sure I could have got through it without you. Last night was special to me. I loved every second of it. I have no intention of pulling away from your grasp anytime soon.

I looked to my right, and then my left, checking to see if there was anyone else around us. The stacks were empty. A couple lower years students were whispering off in the distance.

I pulled her hand towards me, and leaned over the table. She was pulled along. Over the study group table, we shared a quick kiss.

Hermione sat back down in her seat with her face red. I grabbed my sunglasses off the table, and put them over my eyes, hoping to hide a bit of the shame I felt myself. "Sorry," I said out loud.

Hermione shook her head. She opened her book. "There's nothing to apologize about. Just don't make too much of a habit about it. We're going to need some time to study here."

I nodded. "Right." My head was twirling. It was not like before. My anxiety was gone. Instead, I was filled with confused wonder at myself. Did I really just do that? The boy who hid in the corners for all six years at Hogwarts? I never expected that I had it inside me. My mind raced at a hundred miles a second, and I felt like the world was spinning. The electric shock on my lips from the kiss stung in the most wonderful way. I needed to clear my head. "I think I'm going to head out," I said. "I didn't even bring any books to study."

"Okay," Hermione said, looking up. "I'll see you later then?"

"Yes."

"Good." She turned back towards her books.

I left the library, and moved through the halls in a daze. I tried not to think of anything as I felt the world twist and turn around me. I felt as though I was shifted out of that place of comfort I had locked myself inside of for so long. My eyes watched the world with the help of a new colour that made everything look new and different.

I headed down the stairs, through the labyrinth of rooms in the basement, until I arrived at the Cloister. The place that had started it all the night before. My refuge in the school: the mirror of myself. I could smell the stale empty beer cans we left in it the night before. Tepidly, I pulled out my wand, my hand shook slightly, and I placed it against the door.

The first sensation felt like a static shock. A sudden burn on the tip of the wand. The shallow confidence on the surface. Followed by a great emptiness. A chasm surrounding the senses. Gravity pulled down, into the dark void: fear, loneliness, doubt. The meaningless of the moment; a fleeting anxiety of the future. In the distance, small dots, like stars, shone their light. It was all too familiar: the same reading I always did. But then, I noticed something. It was subtle, only slight, and I would not notice if I was not so familiar with the read: I was closer to the lights. I'd stepped forward, off the edge, and the dim dots in the dark were a little brighter. I moved. I moved. I moved! The reading changed. Putting the items in the cloister did not change me, the different circumstances did not change me, but reaching out to finally grab what I wanted did.

I changed. I read it. The case study was over. I did it.

I lowered my wand, and started to cry.

…

Part 4: Theodore's Story End

…

Author's Notes:

Here's the long awaited chapter. You probably did not expect me to update. Admittedly, I did not really expect I was going to update it myself. I've had a really busy past year. Most of my writing was dedicated to stories I've been writing with my writing partner Nyhlus. I never really felt like I had time to really spend on this story. It's hard to believe that it was over a year ago that I updated.

Over the summer, I received a number of nice reviews. It spurred me to re-look at the story, and at least try to bring Nott's story to a conclusion. I hope that it fits. I was a little afraid that coming back to the story after such a long time would complicate things, and make it difficult to reconnect with the characters. I hope it fits in the story and does not feel out of place. I hope those who have been waiting find it to be a satisfying conclusion.

Technically, there is one more chapter in the story. It will be a framing chapter such as the first one. I hope to actually write it, and bring this story to a complete close. However, it might take me a long time to write it. Hopefully it will not take a year, but I do not see myself having a chance to tackle it until December.

Since the next chapter will be the final chapter, if you have any questions about the story, then I will answer them then. I hope to do a bit of a debrief about my experience writing it.

If you liked this story, please check out my other Hermione/Nott stories. I've written about 7 other shorter stories. I'm the most proud of my story A Dedication, but they are all good.

I want to give a heartfelt thank you to all of the readers and reviewers. I would not have continued this story without your constant support. This story is quite personal to me, but it feels really special to have shared it with all of you. There's no better feeling than knowing that you have read and appreciated this flawed story of mine. Thank you so much.

Anyways, that's all I have to say.

Please Leave a Review.

Thanks. BJ.