.

I needed you there

But I didn't know what I'd become inside

I am a monster

Inside

I'm a disaster

Inside

It's getting colder

But I won't go until I say goodbye.

~Forty Foot Echo, "Monster"

The second time she killed, Sayu didn't feel quite as bad. Really, she didn't actually feel bad at all—just a twinge of horror here, a twinge of guilt there, but nothing to really be concerned about. Her cause this time was justified, and she was helping her friend.

In school that day, Shoki was called out of class. Sayu knew why, of course—someone needed to tell the girl of the fate that had befallen her parents. Despite herself, Sayu felt once again like everyone was able to see her guilt like some tangible thing written on her face.

Ryuk floating next to her served as a strange sort of safety net—some sort of reminder that if anyone ever did suspect her of anything, she could just as easily kill them.

(Wait, what?)

When had she started thinking like that? Disgust flooded through her, and she only calmed down once she reassured herself that she would never actually do anything like that.

(Right?)

Right. That was just crazy talk.

What she hadn't anticipated, however, was what happened afterward. Sayu found Shoki sitting on a bench outside of the school, eyes fogged over and looking about ready to cry.

Sayu approached her quickly. Wouldn't she be happy that her abusers couldn't hurt her anymore?

"Oh, Sayu—" she choked, and then broke down into sobs, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Sayu immediately reached out to her, enveloping her in a rather restricting embrace.

"M-my parents are d-dead," she wailed, tears pouring down her face. "They're dead…" Her wobbly voice gave out and she couldn't speak anymore, was crying too hard to speak.

Sayu's blood ran cold. What had she done? "B-but…I thought that your parents were bad people," Sayu managed, in a high whisper, feeling like she was on the verge of a breakdown herself. "I thought you would rather have them be dead."

Sayu felt Shoki shake her head. "They w-were still my parents," she howled, crying even harder now. "I l-loved them, and now I have to live with my uncle. Sayu, Sayu…I don't want to go with him, oh please."

Sayu could do nothing but hold her friend. Disgust in herself was all she knew. Ryuk laughed, and Sayu wanted to hit him. She would have, too, if she hadn't had Shoki to deal with.

When Sayu got home that day, Light was waiting for her, sitting in her room. "What are you—" she began, but then saw that he was holding the death note in his hand. Sayu launched herself at him. What was he doing with that?

Light stopped her with a strong hand and a stern look. His expression was so intense that she actually stopped. "Your friend Shoki," he said, "you killed her parents." He clasped the death note shut with only one hand, not taking his eyes off of her.

Sayu paled and felt sick to her stomach. She needed some way to justify her actions. "Her—her parents were really bad people," she told him, shakily.

Light covered his face with his hand as if he didn't really know what to say. Finally, "What ever happened to not using the notebook anymore?"

Sayu looked away. "I thought it would make things better."

"And did it?"

Sayu examined the ground. "No." She felt tears pushing against the back of her eyes.

Light was silent, and Sayu really wished he wasn't. Anything would be better than Light's silence.

Finally, he broke the silence by saying, "You see, then, my motives—what I want to do. Sayu, see, we can actually make things better, if you follow what I say. What you wanted to do for Shoki will actually be done for hundreds, maybe thousands of other people. We can make the world a better place with this thing."

What? He was still going on about that? But didn't he know that people love even bad people, like Shoki? Didn't he realize how hard Shoki had been crying after her abusers were dead?

"But, Light—"

Sayu shocked herself to discover that his idea didn't bother her as much as it used to. She had wanted to try it for herself, after all.

"Sayu."

Now it was Light's turn to surprise her, when he took her hand in his and said, "Sayu, please, just let me show you. We can make a better world together. I promise, nothing bad will happen."

(Light could promise that because Light was Light and Light could promise anything and it would be true.)

But how? People dying was a bad thing.

But, Light had never mislead her.

After a long moment of hesitation, Sayu slowly clasped her free hand on top of Light's and whispered, "Yeah, okay."

So, Sayu has joined Light's side. What do you think? Constructive criticism/flames/reviews are all welcome! Thank you all very much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.

~Ratt Kazamata, 3-28-2012