Hello Everyone! I know I have been lacking a bit in my latest of these but this one is GOOD! I've had someone confirm that fact so stop reading this and go read Sweeney's thoughts as he "Half shaves" (which is what I call it) the Judge!
Oh, P.S. Bold type= The Judge, Plain Text= Sweeney, Italicized= Sweeney's thoughts and bold italicized= Sweeney and Judge It's a bit complicated but since you've probably seen the movie I have faith you can figure it out ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own this song or his thoughts would have been listed in the Bonus Features section of the DVD. :)
What can I do for you today sir?
Smash your skull in?
Stylish trimming of the hair?
Slit your throat and empty your jugular?
Soothing skin massage.
Mangle your body until it is no longer recognizable?
Sit sir. Sit.
I'll surprise you.
You see sir a man infatuated with love.
Love for himself
Her ardent and eager slave.
Slave of love perhaps? How awkward…and I mean for the other person.
So fetch the pomade and pumice stone
You're definitely going to need more than that to look even remotely not repulsive…
and lend me a more seductive tone
You? Seductive? That's a good one! And I've quite the seductive tone BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!
a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne but first sir I think a shave.
Couldn't agree with you more
The closest I ever gave
This calls for whistling *whistles*
In a merry mood today Mr. Todd?
I'll be merrier once I kill you
Tis your delight sir catching fire from one man to the next.
And by fire I mean STD's. I'm not questioning your sexuality or anything but you know…
Tis true sir love can still inspire the blood to pound, the heart leap higher.
Love? Is she a private prostitute or something of the sort?
What more-
Hey! I don't want to sing at the same time as him! My voice is too pretty to be overlapped by his. *pouts*
Can man require
Make it stop!
Than love sir
love is just evol spelled backwards…no point to that, just thought you should know.
More than love sir
Symbol of love: heart. Colour of heart: red. Colour of blood: red. I only want to kill you because I care
What sir?
Haha, just kidding! I hate your guts!
Women
I have one who will do anything for me
Ah yes women
Not like that Mr. Dirty Mind
Pretty women
Are named Lucy
Now then my friend.
Guess who gets to kill someone? You do!
Now to your purpose.
Besides brightening my day! *cheesy Sweeney*
Patience.
I've been told it's a virtue but I haven't believed them until now.
Enjoy it.
I definitely will
Revenge can't be taken in haste.
Mrs. Lovett said so! She may be crazy but she can have great ideas!
Make haste and in this work you'll be commended sir
By whom? You're going to be dead so I'm the only one who will know just how awesome I am…
My lord…
Why I am I calling him lord? Sweeney Todd has no master!
And who may it be said is your intended sir?
My vote is held firmly on prostitute.
My ward
Wa-Johanna? I just called my daughter a prostitute! TWICE!
Pretty as a rose bud
And not a hooker in any way, shape, or form!
Pretty as her mother?
Her mum was pretty… *drools*
Huh? What was that?
Oops! *wipes mouth*
Nothing sir. Nothing.
No that wasn't drool that was pomade… *nervous chuckle*
Pretty women
Good! I shall distract him with my attractive singing voice!
Fascinating...
How their moods can change in an instant! It's really a bit unnerving…
Sipping coffee,
So they can stay up all night and please me…*evil smile*
Dancing...
I can't dance…
Pretty women
Is a catchy song so far; maybe I should write it down…
Are a wonder.
Wonder who would sing the second part since it's obviously a duet…anyone but Anthony.
Pretty women!
hmm, my word choice is getting boring…I need to switch up the adjective
Sitting in the window or
Or being stared at while they sit in the window *cough* Turpin *cough*
Standing on the stair
Standing and doing what? Just staring into the abyss? That's not creepy at all…I'm a hypocrite.
Something in them chills the air.
They stare at nothing and chill the air? Witches! Burn them at the stake!
Pretty women
Just kidding! I wouldn't want their ghosties to haunt me; especially Mrs. Lovett's *shudder*
Silhouetted...
That's such a cool word…silhouette, silhouette…sounds fancy.
Stay within you,
awww, eternal love!
Glancing...
don't you mean gandering? Ha, get it? Because Anthony gandered at Johanna?
stay forever,
Until you're served to unsuspecting customers; then you'll be gone for good!
Breathing lightly...
I prefer their breathing heavier if you get my drift… ;)
Pretty women,
I've said this a lot and its getting quite tiresome…
Pretty women!
And of course Turpin doesn't listen to my thoughts …
Blowing out their candles or
Or blowing something else… ;)
Combing out their hair,
I hope so, no in likes unruly looking hair except for that beggar woman.
Combing out their hair then they leave
Leave? Leave where? I'm not making much sense
Even when they leave you and vanish they somehow can still can remain there with you
Well maybe they leave you because you're a CREEPER! And a rapist! I'd get out as soon as I could if I were them.
Even when they leave
Or you leave because a certain someone sent them to Australia…
They still are there.
Of course. When people leave they are still there, totally makes sense. Note sarcasm.
They're there
Remember they don't leave…just like herpes.
Ah! Pretty women,
Random list of the activities of pretty women, GO!
At their mirrors,
Ha! Their most common activity! Bet you thought of this one…think fast!
In their gardens,
wha-? Fine.
Letter-writing,
There is no way you can think of another one, I'm definitely winning this game.
Flower-picking,
Hey, Flower picking is a variation of gardening! You're disqualified!
Weather-watching.
Gah! An obscure activity…extra points for obscurity go to Sweeney Todd!
How they make a man sing!
Final score: 1 point for Judge Turpin and 5,000 points for Sweeney
Proof of heaven as you're living,
Let's move on to a new game; it's called Sweeney Slices You With a Razor and You Die. The main objective: You slowly bleed to death and I smile like a sociopath! I bet you'll win this game no problem…
Pretty women! Sir, pretty women!
I'm really distracted with blood lust at the moment so I'm going to just repeat the same thing over and over and hope he doesn't catch on
Yes pretty women,
So far so good…
Pretty women,
Shiny razors! Essentially the same thing except without all the…bits.
Pretty women,
Prepare to die and have me laugh like a maniac while it happens
Pretty women
DAMN IT ANTHONY! You are so inconsiderate of other peoples' plans for revenge! Barging in and twitching about Johanna when the Judge was right there wasn't exactly your best idea!
You kids like it? Drop a review and let me know! :) Oh, and leave a request for the next song I should comment on seeing as I've yet to decide :) Merci!