Tsuna hated Reborn.

Last night, the Sawada household was abuzz with activity (read: explosions, screaming, gunshots, glass breaking etc.) as Nana served everyone dinner. I-Pin picked a fight with Lambo because he stole her share of stir-fried beef (the cannibal...) while soft-spoken Fuuta tried in vain to calm them down. Bianchi blushingly spoon fed Reborn from her own plate. The minuscule hitman accepted each spoonful of food graciously, firing his gun twice in quick succession at one point of the meal when another of Lambo's pink grenades missed I-Pin and almost hit his person. One shot disarmed the bomb while another struck the one Lambo held, poised to throw. It promptly exploded in his face. As smoke wafted from the soot blackened figure of the Afro-headed cow, tears formed his eyes. Unable to 'tolerate' Reborn's abuse he shot himself with the infamous Ten-Year Bazooka, causing his seventeen-year-old self to appear. Face transforming with rage, Bianchi - whose spoon had transformed into... A poisonous food that no one could recognise - leapt over the table and swiftly dispatched the disoriented teenage-version of Lambo. Yup, it was just another ordinary day at the Vongola Decimo's home.

That was, until Reborn instigated something that would be later come to be known as the event that nearly caused the apocalypse.

"Dame-Tsuna."

Breaking out of his internal 'Why me?' rant, Tsuna's head snapped up to look at his home tutor. "E-ehh? What is it, Reborn?"

Reborn fixed him with a look that Tsuna immediately recognised as the 'I'm-up-to-no-good-and-I'm-gonna-make-you-do something-completely-humiliating' look. This wasn't good.

"Valentine's Day is two days away."

Tsuna's forehead furrowed lightly at this statement. He couldn't see where this was going. "Yeah, it's this Tuesday, right?"

Reborn's smirk grew. "Right. And this year, we are going to celebrate it the Vongola way." Naturally, the announcement was met with a whole range of reactions, namely-

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?"

"Wow! Is there going to be another contest? I better get my ranking book ready!"

"Kahahaha! Lambo-san will have all the chocolate!"

"-some Chinese gibberish that nobody understood-"

"Oh, don't worry, Reborn my love. My chocolate for you will be so full of love that no poison can ever remain within!"

"Ara? How exciting! What's your special way of celebrating Valentine's Day, Reborn-kun?"

Reborn turned to an ever-smiling Nana and answered "The Vongola Valentine's Day is a day where the member of the Vongola Famiglia are given a chance to show their appreciation of one another and thank each other for their hard work and for the years they have worked side by side. This applies, in particular, to the Boss. He or she must display their love and widely accepting nature of the sky to their subordinates - it shows that they care for the Famiglia. But since it was quite impossible to expect the Boss to show individual care for every single one of his underlings, it was decided that the Vongola Boss would give chocolate only to his Guardians as they are the ones the boss owes the most thanks to for serving the boss so closely and for their constant protection."

Tsuna blanched. "R-Reborn! D-don't making up stuff like that! This is not funny!"

Reborn gave the sixteen-year-old a deadpan stare. "What I am saying is true."

"But- " Tsuna began, but never finished. Reborn, with such lightning quickness that he was almost invisible, delivered Tsuna a turning kick aimed for the head. Dropping his chopsticks, the boss-in-training reacted with equal speed and leapt backward, successfully dodging the kick but falling over his chair instead.

"Itai-tai-tai-tai!" Tsuna gave a shrill yelp of pain. Reborn smiled. His student had improved much since they had first met - the old Tsuna could never have dodged Reborn's kicks. Nevertheless he still had a long way to go to joining the ranks of the Vongola Famiglia bosses.

"Dame-Tsuna. Don't interrupt people when they are talking." Leaving his student to disentangle himself from the chair, Reborn straightened up and continued as if nothing had happened.

"But since this is the mafia, a plain old run-of-the-mill Valentine's celebration would be too boring. So it was also decided that the Guardians would compete for the right to receive handmade chocolate from the boss."

"WHAAAT?"

"You heard me, Tsuna."

"B-b-but- !"

"The boss must show his appreciation for his subjects by celebrating Valentine's Day. Failure to do so will disappoint those who didn't get any chocolate and is a sign that the boss underappreciates the work his subjects put in for him. Such a boss is a failure and has no right to be a boss."

Tsuna couldn't believe this was happening. "I have to give chocolate to one of my Guardians? And it has to be handmade chocolate too? But I don't want to! It's weird! Only girls give out chocolate on Valentine's Day! Besides, I can't cook!"

"GAHAHAHAHA! Lambo will eat all the chocolate!" Lambo yelled. I-Pin began chasing him around the table for being too loud. Fuuta desperately tried to restore order. All three of them were ignored.

"It is an ancient Vongola tradition passed down since Primo's time. Those who break the tradition will not be forgiven and will be killed - even if that person is the boss."

Tsuna slumped in defeat. "N-no way... "

"As for cooking, I'm sure Maman will help you. Right, Maman?"

Nana looked terrifyingly enthusiastic at the idea. "Oh, of course, of course! It would be so fun to make chocolate with Tsu-kun! Ne, Tsu-kun, remember how you used to help me bake cakes when you were little? You were so cute in that apron with butter all over your fingers! Oh, and the walls too. Ara, it's such a pity you stopped being my little kitchen help... "

Tsuna stared at his mother, face burning with embarrassment. "K-kaa-san! I told not to tell anyone about that! B-besides, guys don't normally help their mothers cook in the kitchen!"

Nana laughed good-naturedly at her son's antics. "Ara ara Tsu-kun, you mustn't think that way. Let's go shopping to buy the ingredients tomorrow, okay? Bianchi-chan wants to go too so we'll wait for you until you're back from school and then go. How does that sound, Tsu-kun?"

Groaning in despair, Tsuna laid his head down on the table. Resignation seemed to radiate from every pore of his being. With Tsuna down for the count, Reborn went in for the finishing blowl.

"But since we missed celebrating the past two years' Valentine's Day, we will make up for it this year by making it extra special." Reborn's grin widened still, his eyes attained a strange, rather evil glint. "This year instead of just the Guardians... " Here, Reborn paused for effect before continuing, "This year, EVERYONE will be able to compete for Tsuna's hand made chocolates!"

"NO! ALL THE CHOCOLATES ARE LAMBO-SAN'S!"

"-more Chinese gibberish but everyone present swore they heard the word 'chocolate' in there somewhere-"

"Ooooh... Does that mean I have a chance to get Tsuna-nii's chocolate too?"

"Ara! My Tsu-kun is so popular!"

Bianchi didn't say anything. She was gazing at Reborn with that lovelorn look in her eyes.

"EHHH? Reborn! Don't go making decisions like that by yourself!" Tsuna protested. "A-and! And I don't think anyone would want chocolate from me, anyway. I mean, who does? Well, maybe Gokudera-kun - but my point is that this whole thing is pointless!"

The infant hitman tutor smiled at his endearingly naive protégé. "Go tomorrow and get the ingredients for chocolate with Maman and Bianchi. They will teach you but you only have one night to make them so don't screw up, Dame-Tsuna." With dinner finished, Reborn hopped off the table before making his way upstairs to Tsuna's room.

Tsuna groaned again and planted his face on the table's wooden surface. Nana giggled, patting Tsuna's spiky brown hair which had grown longer in the past two years. Bianchi rose to help Nana with the dishes while the kids ran to fetch some board games to play with. Upstairs, Reborn smirked as he polished his gun. It would be interesting to see just how Tsuna reacted if he learned that Reborn had already informed all potential 'contestants' of the traditional Vongola Valentine's Day event.

Elsewhere, in various places...

"J-Jyuudaime! As your right hand man I, Gokudera Hayato, will not fail you!"

"Oya oya, this certainly looks interesting ne, my darling Chrome? We'll certainly be looking forward to tomorrow..."
"Yes, Mukuro-sama."

"Haha! Is this another of Tsuna and the baby's mafia games? Sounds like fun!"
"What's that you got there, Yamamoto?"
"Ah, nothing! Hey senpai, listen; I won't be coming for practice tomorrow because I've got something else going on, okay?"

"... What on earth is that herbivore thinking?"

"EXTREME! If I win, I'll make Sawada join the EXTREME Boxing Club!"

"Kuhahaha! With this fool proof plan, the great Lambo-san will get chocolate!"
"Aw, c'mon Lambo! It's your turn! Hurry up and roll the dice!"
"-Chinese speech accompanied by vigorous nodding-"

"Hmph. It's probably trash chocolate, looking at the kind of trash that's making it. But whatever, it's still chocolate. OI! TRASH! We're going to Japan so get ready!"

"Heh. Looks like my little brother isn't so little anymore, huh? Romario! Prepare for us to go to Japan tomorrow!"

"Oh! Look, look! Shou-chan! Come and see this!"
"Oh, this? I also received one."
"Ehhh? So I will be competing against Shou-chan too for Tsunayoshi-kun's chocolates?"
"Do what you want. I plan to abstain from this tomfoolery."
"Awww… But Shou-cha- "
"No."

"If I can get my hands on Vongola's handmade chocolate, maybe I would be able to convince him to come over so I can conduct a few experiments… "

"Tsuna-kun… How dangerous… "

"Hahi? No way is Haru going to let this chance slip by!"
"Oh my! It looks like another of Reborn-kun or Lambo-kun's games again. But they're always so fun!"
"Mm! Kyouko-chan, let's work hard tomorrow to get Tsuna-kun's chocolate!"
"Uh-huh!"

In his bathroom, Tsuna sneezed while brushing his teeth. Toothpaste-foam flew from his mouth and splattered against the mirror. Still fighting the sudden and mysterious bout of sneezing, Tsuna cursed as he fumbled for some tissue to clean up the mess on the bathroom mirror. Starting tomorrow however, a frothy mirror would be the least of Tsuna's worries.

A/N: Hi guys!

So, this wasn't the 1827 crack fic I promised (it's still on the way though) but I just had to do something for Valentine's Day! I had just finished my previous fic for 1827 Month and had this HUGE relief thinking 'Ahhh... I can rest for a few days now then get to work on the other one.' Then on Sunday, I realised it - 'Oh God damn! It's Valentine's Day this Tuesday! -cue scratching walls with fingernails in despair-

I initially intended to do a short, fluffy 1827 piece. Somehow, one idea led to another and now I have this multi-chapter, crack-ish, Valentine's related All27 baby on my hands. Why do I love killing myself like this? :D

About I-Pin's speech; I understand she speaks basic Japanese in the anime, but manga's I-Pin just yammers away in Chinese (except when her adult version shows up). I hope no one got offended at those parts. Actually, I'm a Chinese too. Except I'm what my local slang labels as a 'banana' (yellow on the outside, white on the inside - you'll understand why in a minute). That's because bananas can't speak Chinese - usually only English, even though we are of Chinese origin. So there you go, I'm a banana and proud of it. 8]

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I'll update with the next chapter as soon as it's ready!

P.S.: Chocolate is one of the best things the world has to offer.

P.S.S.: Yes, the fic title was inspired from the game Diner Dash! xD

P.S.S.S.: Can anyone guess who were the people Reborn invited to join in on the Vongola Valentine (this event is purely fictional... at time of publishing) festivities? I would say most of them are glaringly obvious but I dare say one may require some thinking while another is way too vague... Go on and guess away, peeps!