Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the characters in this fanfiction. They are owned by DC Comics.

It was Tuesday at Arkham Asylum. Just like every normal day except for one simple thing…It was Valentine's Day. Calendar Man was informing everyone of this fact for the fiftieth time in twenty minutes and just about every inmate around him silently prayed for a gun, a dagger, a toothpick, something to fall out of the sky so they could kill him with it. However, there were people who actually liked Valentine's Day in the Asylum…

Harleen Quinzel, aka Harley Quinn was silently tying, untying and retying the bright green bow on a bright red box. A present for the love of her life, her Mistah J. Harley giggles to herself and looks over the gift one last time to make sure it was absolutely, positively perfect. The Joker deserves no less, after all.

Harley picks up the gift carefully as the guards start yelling out that it was time for their daily exercise outside. She giggles again excitedly and nearly runs out the door when it was opened, moving to walk behind her bestest friend in the world, Poison Ivy. "Is that the clown's present?" Ivy asks with a frown, seeing the red and green present in her arms.

"Yuppers, that's for my Mistah J…" Harley says with a dramatic and dreamy sigh.

Poison Ivy rolls her eyes and groans. "You do realize that he probably didn't get you anything" Ivy informs her matter-a-factly, pulling out a seed, hidden from the guards in her cleavage, and making it grow into a beautiful multi-colored rose and tucking it into Harley's hair as they enter the exercise yard and the guards lock them inside.

"C'mon, Ivy! Stop being such a sour-puss! Of course Mistah J got me a gift, it's Valentine's Day! We've been together for more than two years!" Harley says with a laugh before gasping when seeing the rose. "Thank you, Ivy! You're the best ever!" Harley exclaims happily, hugging Ivy tightly.

Ivy stands awkwardly for a moment before gently hugging her back. "Just don't give your hopes up too much, alright? I don't like seeing you hurt…" Ivy starts, concerned before seeing the infamous clown walking around aimlessly, whistling 'Smile, darn ya, smile' and empty-handed. "And The Joker seems to have a talent for it" Ivy growls, glaring at the so-called Clown Prince of Crime.

"Oooh! There he is! Wish me luck, Ivy!" Harley gasps with a squeal of delight, skipping over to him.

"Ah! Harley! How are you, sweetheart?" The Joker purrs, wrapping his arms around her waist as she hides the present behind her back. "Hmm, Whatcha got there?"

"Just close your eyes and no peeking!" Harley tells him, giggling and bouncing on her heels.

The Joker stares at Harley for a moment, weighing his options before sighing and nodding. "Alright, Harl" Joker mutters as he closes his eyes.

"No peeking~" Harley coos in a sing-song voice, gingerly putting the present in his hands. "Kay, you can open your eyes now!"

The Joker opens his eyes and stares down at the gift. 'Shit…Is it our Anniversary? No…No, that was a month ago, I remember…It's February, so it's not Christmas and it sure as Hell isn't my birthday…' The Joker thinks desperately to himself before noticing a heart-shaped chocolate box in a nearby guard's hands. 'Fuck, Valentine's Day…Think fast, you're stuck here for at least two more days and if you piss Harley off again…' The Joker shudders to himself, still staring at the present like it was going to rear up and eat him.

"Mistah J?" Harley questions, frowning at him when seeing him not opening the present.

"I was…Just thinking about how nice this present is, Harl. Thank you" The Joker says slowly, his mind quickly searching for possible emergency gifts as he deliberately opens the present as slowly and carefully as possible, where normally he would just tear it apart. Unfortunately, Harley notices.

"Are you feelin' okay? Are ya sick?" Harley says in concern, starting to orbit around The Joker and checking him for injuries or signs of sickness.

"I'm fine, Harley, I just don't want to wreck something you worked so hard on…" The Joker mutters, finally opening the box and seeing a heart made of wood painted pink with the words 'Joker X Harley Forever' carved into it. 'Damn…Hand-made…I'm screwed'. The Joker resists the urge to break the offending hunk of log into splinters and forces a smile. "Thanks, Harley. It's perfect" The Joker says in his happiest voice, laughing a bit.

"Yay! I knew you would love it, Mistah J! I just knew!" Harley says happily, hugging The Joker so tightly, he thought he heard ribs crack.

"Let. Go" The Joker growls simply, his left eye twitching slightly. He would not hesitate to punch the little annoyance, Valentine's Day or not, there was no contact unless he initiated it.

Harley squeaks and jumps back fearfully, whimpering. "I'm sorry, Mistah J…I was just so happy…"

"I don't care! You know the rules!" The Joker yells, his hands clenching into fists as he glares daggers at the girl.

Harley's eyes fill with tears and she whimpers more, backing away as Poison Ivy stands up and glares at The Joker from across the yard.

The Joker weighs his options again before smirking to himself and relaxing his tense pose. "You're not getting your present until dinner because you broke the rules" The Joker says simply.

"B-But Mistah J!" Harley protests before being stopped by The Joker's wagging index finger.

"Uh, uh, uh! No Buts! You broke a rule so you'll have to wait!" The Joker says playfully, laughing loudly as he turns his back on her and walks away just as the guards call for the end of the exercise session.

Harley simply stares at the back of The Joker's white shirt, the one everyone at the Asylum had to wear, and pouts. "No fair…"

Author's notes:

Dark: Geez, first story in forever! And I have to make it a chaptered one since I ran out of time! Sorry, kiddies! Happy Valentine's and don't choke on those chalky heart 'candies'. Shall update tomorrow, that's a promise!