Since I am bad with dates, I'm taking some guesses with ages. So, please just leave me be.

1.) I love Peeta, but we both know no matter what happens, I can never be 100% happy again. I've lost too much. But with the book, and other things, I survive. I am glad to never be in the spotlight again.

2.) When Peeta proposes, it's not in front of a huge crowd; he just slips the ring on my finger when we are lying in bed one morning. We confirm the rumors over the phone. For our marriage, we wear some clothes left from before the war, mine having to be taken in a little because I have never gained all my weight back. We send invitations to 5 people, Plutarch, Haymitch, Annie and her little one who is 3 at that point, and my mother. Peeta offers to invite Gale, but it hurts too much. Gale must be my past, and nothing more.

3.) I find joy in little things. Peeta teaches me how to bake flatbread. I'm not awful at it. When I sit on a bench that was a gift from Paylor, and smell the fragrance of my sisters name-giver, I can go back to the times before the games. Sometimes, when I am reading, Peeta will just sit next to me and caress my face.

4.) But at night, I am always scared. Either the games, or the war, or Prim, will show up, and torture me. six years after the war, 3 years after my marriage, I learn that my mother is dead. They scattered her ashes in the sea that she came to love after finding her way to district 4. Those nights Peeta tells me he doesn't sleep because I grow so still he thinks he is losing me.

5.) When I realize that Peeta is the only family I have left, I finally agree to have the children. He is so happy, I almost feel like I used to. He suggests we name her Prim, but I don't want to. When I see my daughter, I want to see hope for the future, not a memorial to the past. So we name her Hope. From the second I see Peeta's eyes staring at me from a small solemn face so like my own; I know that she will bring me Joy eventually.

6.) We name our son Jay, for the birds that not only stop for me, but for his sisters wordless tunes, and his silly giggles. I hold them close to me sometimes and wish I could keep all the evil from their lives.

7.) We loose Haymitch when Hope is 11. He was like a grandfather to her. She actually went to him when she started discovering what happened with me and Peeta before she was born. Jay is gone, not forever, but to the capital. He is a prodigy. Paylor had set up a school for special children like him. He is a singer, and plays guitar. At 6, he is already a miracle. But I'm always so scared we are going to loose him. But when he comes to visit, and his eyes, the only part of me in him, they still shine with innocence and love, and I know I'll have him for at least a little while longer.

8.) When Annie dies, her and Finnick's son is only 19. Saltor is so much like his dad, it is like Finnick is with us again. In fact he comes and lives with us for a while. Thirteen-year-old Hope has such a crush on him, I actually find it funny. She is like me in so many ways. Looks, attitude, she is me, but the way she fell in love with that boy is all Peeta. Jay is sweeping the boards. But he now knows of the games and the rebellion. His technically insane mother no longer fits into the glamorous capital life ahead of him. Even though I always knew this was coming, I hate that it is has.

9.) Bad news comes to me with the good. At 18, Hope has gotten engaged to Salter. They live in district 11, close to us, but far enough away to be their own people. I am happy for her, but depression swallows me with the news that comes the next day. Gale is dead. He was only 43.

When Prim died, I knew I could never look at him the same way. When I made my choice, I knew I needed the soft candle flame of Peeta's soul, not the burning inferno of Gale's. but I always loved Gale. Some part of my heart could never forget the boy who I hunted with, and the man who saved so many from the flames. They tell us that is old lung trouble from his short time in the mines. I still feel as if the rug was ripped out from under me.

10.) Peeta gives me my space, knowing that I need to deal with my loss in my own way that having him crowding me will just cause more trouble. I find my way to our old rock, now overcome with moss, carrying only the book of memories. There are only a few more spots left, each with a name written across the top, including Me, Peeta, and Joanna. I find the page we left for Gale and I start writing. I start from the moment I met him in the woods and write down every detail of our story. By the end, there is no room left for Peeta to draw the picture. Dimly, I remember a little tune which he used to hum. It was like his own variation of the hanging tree. I don't even think he was aware he did it; it was always when he was firmly concentrated on something. I call it out in my tired aging voice, and the Birds pick it up. And I finally say goodbye to Gale.

11.) Saltor and Hope bring their children to visit sometimes. I lost Peeta almost a year ago. And the nightmares are never gone now. I pray to get the memory disease like Joanna. But Jay is returning soon. He called me not long ago and said it was time for us to make things right. I know the loss of his dad hit him hard. They had a huge funeral on the TV. I wasn't invited. However, they played a song composed by Jay, full of sorrow and longing. He looks right at the camera, as if he knows I'm watching, and presses 3 fingers to his lips.

12.) Jay holds my hand on one side, Hope and Saltor on the other. I hear my young grandchildren downstairs with Jay's partner Emmal. But the night has grown dark and cold. A tantalizing laughter has been echoing in my head for days. I whisper put to my children, "In the bedside drawer, share it with the world. It can't hurt anyone now. Share it with them. Don't let our side of the story be forgotten. Don't let us be lost." I had written my own story down, every detail, from the false pregnancy, to the secret kisses between Gale and I, everything, and I was finally ashamed of nothing. Hope wipes a tear from my eye and whispers, "I promise Mama. Now go find Dad and Aunt Prim and Rue and Joanna. You are the last." Jay whispers to me, "I'm proud to be the son of the Mockingjay." All three of them press their 3 fingers to their lips as I close my eyes.

13.) The first pair of arms I feel are my little sisters. Then, Rue and Mother's , Finnick kisses my cheek, Joanna lightly punches my shoulder, and Haymitch slurs, "Sweetheart! At last!" a low voice murmurs "Katnip," as he hugs me. And watching me from the sidelines, a patient smile on his lips, The Boy with the Bread awaits, just like he has since we were 5.