…

Puck's apartment is a total dump. It's on a street in Brooklyn that looks more like an alley and it's built onto the back of an old warehouse. He has to climb a steep set of stairs that creak and groan under his weight to get there. The other two apartments down the hall are empty so when the warehouse workers have gone home, Puck's totally alone in the building. It's kind of a freaky feeling to be so alone when he's on the edge of the biggest city in the country. Plus, the whole apartment is about the size of his bedroom back in Lima and there's evidence of cockroaches and rats that makes his skin crawl. He learns really fast what it means to scrub surfaces until they shine. It takes him two days to actually feel like the place is clean enough to live in. He reminds himself that it's the cheapest thing he could find that wasn't in the middle of gang territory. It only takes one quick train ride into Manhattan to remind him that living in a shithole is totally worth it.

He loves New York. He loved it when he came with the Glee club during his junior year and knowing that he can call it "home" now is overwhelming. He knows he has to find a job but he spends a few days doing all the touristy bullshit that he didn't get to do last time. (He avoids Broadway, though.)

…

After two weeks, Puck finds a job as a waiter. If he works 50 hours a week and charms the shit out of all his female customers for tips, he might make enough to keep a roof over his head and the lights on. He knows he better get used to eating Ramen noodles, though, because his pay isn't going to cover groceries. He hopes that he can take leftovers home from the diner because that'll help. And he figures that maybe by the time his savings runs out and his pay isn't cutting it anymore, he'll have found something better. Plus, the diner is just two blocks from his apartment so he can walk.

All in all, New York is pretty awesome.

…

He doesn't think about Rachel until the leaves start turning shades of gold and red so vivid that they look like they popped out of one of those paintings he used to roll his eyes at in art history class. Rachel always loved the season and he remembers her going on and on about how autumn in Central Park is the most beautiful time to experience New York. He hasn't thought about her in a long time and when he does, all the old pain comes back, forcing him to remember why he pushed her out of his mind in the first place. He talks to his ma daily but he never asks about Rachel or Finn or anybody from home. He knows that Rachel and Kurt are at NYADA now. She's only a few miles away. For a minute, he wants to kick his own ass. Why the fuck did he move to the same city that she's in anyway? He's quick to remind himself that the population of the New York metro area is bigger than some states and that there's almost no chance he's ever going to run into her.

…

Puck runs into Kurt instead.

His sister calls right before Thanksgiving and demands that he brings her home a particular scarf that's only sold at Macy's so he trudges through the crowds on a Wednesday afternoon to find the damn thing. It takes him nearly 30 minutes to find it in the store and before he can check out, he nearly collides with someone carrying six different bags. When he looks into the eyes of Kurt Hummel, he swears loudly. Just his fucking luck.

Kurt seems as shocked as he is. They pick up the scattered bags in silence and the whole time, Puck is hoping to escape without a word. He's not that lucky, though, because once Kurt has everything in his hands again, he gives Puck a stern look. "Puckerman, didn't expect to see you here, of all places. Are you visiting?"

Puck doesn't really want to tell Kurt anything so when "I live in Brooklyn" slips out of his mouth, he immediately regrets it.

Kurt's eyebrows tick up and an amused look crosses his features. "Have you been here long?"

Puck glances away, hoping to look up and see that one of the mannequins has burst into flame or, if he's lucky enough, maybe he can spot someone having a stroke. Anything, really, would give him an easy escape and would be better than having a conversation with the best friend and step-brother of the two people in the world he hates the most. (Well, Finn anyway.) When it becomes apparent that he's stuck, he mumbles, "Got here in August."

Kurt seems positively interested in this information, raising up on the balls of his feet and grinning at Puck. "You should walk around the store with me for a few minutes to, you know, catch up?"

Puck blinks at Kurt before finally nodding. Yeah, okay, it's nice to talk to someone. He has been kind of lonely. He lives at the back of an empty warehouse, for fuck's sake.

…

One meeting with Kurt turns into another and by the time the January snow is blowing through the Manhattan streets, Puck is used to hanging out with Kurt. They always meet at some neutral place, usually to grab a bite to eat or some coffee. They talk about Manhattan. Kurt talks about school. Puck talks about getting a new job and his plan to apply to City College soon. They never talk about Lima, what happened senior year, or Finn and Rachel. It's nice to have a friend in the city. It feels weird to admit that Kurt Hummel is his go-to guy but at least he has someone.

…

Apparently, Puck becomes Kurt's go-to guy, too, because in early February, he gets a phone call at nearly midnight. Puck's passed out in his narrow bed thanks to a migraine that kept him home most of the day, but his ringing phone jars him awake.

"Puck, can you come help us?" Kurt's voice is frantic, more shrill than normal, and Puck can hear Rachel in the background. She sounds like she's crying.

He doesn't ask too many questions, just gets the address of where he needs to be as he's slipping on his pants and shoes. Later, he'll blame the fact that he even went at all on the fact that he was groggy.

…

He ends up on the NYADA campus at some weird-looking building. There are people spilling out of it and it's obvious that a wild party is going on. Puck texts Kurt once he's there to ask where he is and once Kurt responds that he's in the second floor bathroom, he finds his way there. He raps on the door and it's opened fast, a very relieved Kurt standing on the other side.

"Oh, thank God," Kurt wheezes, "if I had to deal with her on my own for even one more second, there was going to be hell to pay." Puck eyes move in the direction Kurt's pointing and he sees Rachel curled up on the floor, clutching a towel and crying into it. Even though the room is dim, he sees her engagement ring glint and he nearly swears, immediately regretting answering his fucking phone. He gives Kurt a withering look and Kurt shrugs. "She's one of those sappy drunks tonight. I made the mistake of telling her that you were here in the city and then she started crying. She said she wasn't going to come out of this godforsaken bathroom until she saw you."

Puck looks back down at Rachel and she's staring at him, tears still leaking from her eyes. She bleats out a small, "Hello, Noah," and all he can do is nod. What the hell's he supposed to say to the chick he hasn't spoken to in nearly a year?

"Can you help me get her back to her dorm? I promise that I wouldn't have called you if I wasn't absolutely desperate."

Kurt's relief is evident when Puck bends down and hooks his arms around Rachel's waist and under her knees, effortlessly picking her up. She wraps her arms around his neck as follows Kurt out of the bathroom, down the crowded hall, down the steps, and out the door. Rachel sniffles against him the entire time but Puck knows she's so drunk that she probably won't remember any of this in the morning.

They're nearly to the dorm when Rachel murmurs, "I missed you, Noah."

He doesn't say anything, just keeps walking, until she whacks him on the back of his head. "Ouch!" he yells. "The fuck was that for?"

"You're ignoring me," Rachel whines. "I'm so sick of you ignoring me."

"Yeah, well, it's not been a piece of cake for me, either."

Kurt tosses a look over his shoulder that Puck can't read. He's relieved as fuck, though, when they get to Rachel's dorm. She's now half-asleep and no longer talking. Kurt quickly lets them into her room and Puck drops her onto her bed. He's halfway back out the door before he hears Kurt thank him. Puck just nods and keeps moving.

…

Seeing Rachel means he starts thinking about her again. He spends the next few days basically pissed off the whole time. Everything comes back to him – the duet he sang with Rachel to help make Finn jealous, how he planned the date Finn took Rachel on to win her back when they were in New York City, how Puck was supportive (even if he felt like he was being stabbed in the gut) when Finn told him that he and Rachel were about to have sex. By the time Thursday rolls around, Puck's furious that Rachel's back in his life at all. He's ignored two of Kurt's calls because he just can't talk to the guy right now. He knows he'll want to talk about Rachel and Puck's not ready to talk about her.

Thursday afternoon, he gets off work early and heads home to wash off the grease that seems to float in the atmosphere of the diner. When he gets out of the shower, he hears someone pounding on the door. He's quick to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt before tugging the door open but regrets it when he sees Rachel standing there.

Her eyes are downcast. He lets out a sigh because the one thing he's not ready for? This.

"What do you want, Rachel?" His voice is sour and he knows it.

Her head shoots up. "Do you have to be so rude?"

"I didn't invite you." He crosses his arms and glares at her.

She glares back. "I know that. I wanted to apologize. Can I at least come in?"

The last thing he wants to do is let her inside his apartment but she really doesn't leave him much choice. He steps back so she can come in and then she flounces around, her eyes appraising his small place. He's immediately on the defensive because, look, he knows it's a crappy apartment.

Thankfully, though, she skips her assessment of his home and turns to scowl at him. "I'm sorry about the other night. I didn't know Kurt called you and I apologize for ruining your evening." She looks away, her fingers twirling the engagement ring. "I know I'm not exactly on the top of your list of favorite people."

Puck snorts at her comment and walks around her and into the corner of his apartment that's he's designated as the living room. He drops down onto the loveseat and props his feet up on the end table he uses to eat his dinners on. Rachel watches him for a few seconds before walking over and carefully sitting down on the folding chair across from him. They stare at each other until Rachel finally sighs and asks, "Are you going to say anything, Noah?"

"Nothin' to say," he answers honestly. "You were drunk, Kurt didn't know what to do so he called me and I took care of it. Sounds pretty much like every other time you ever needed me. Nothing left to say."

Rachel's face falls. "I know you don't think highly of me."

"You don't know anything about what I think, Rachel." Puck scrubs his hand over his face and huffs a sigh into his palm before meeting her eyes. "Can we cut with the bullshit, please? I get that you came here to apologize. I'll accept your apology if that'll make you happy."

Rachel's chewing on her lower lip, her eyes wide and watery. "It's true, though."

"What is?"

"That I missed you – miss you." She looks away, like she's ashamed of the admission. Puck doesn't know how to feel. He misses her, too, when he allows himself to think about her. He doesn't know how he can hate someone as much as he hates her and still miss her at the same time. "Everything's so weird here," she continues. "Don't get me wrong, I love it. I just thought it would be different." She glances down at her ring and says softly, "I thought Finn would be here by now."

Her simple statement leads to about a million questions that he could ask but he's not because he's played this game before. He's not going to be her shoulder to cry on over fucking Finn when he hasn't even talked to her in a year. He knows that if he wants the whole scoop, he'll get it from Kurt. But the point is, he doesn't want to know.

Rachel looks up after a moment and asks, "You wouldn't want to go for coffee somewhere, would you?"

She looks hopeful and it hurts him to say no but that's what he says anyway. She's quick to excuse herself after that, walking rapidly toward his door. She turns before she leaves and says, "Again, I'm sorry. It was nice to see you again, Noah. Take care."

He thinks he hears a catch in her words, like she's about to cry, but he shuts the door before he can find out.

…

"You know, she just wants to be your friend again."

Kurt swirls his latte around in the cup before blowing into it. Across the table from him, Puck takes a drink from his own cup, the acrid bite of the black coffee giving him a jolt as he contemplates Kurt's words.

"I don't know if it's that easy."

Huffing, Kurt rolls his eyes. "You're so dramatic, Puckerman. It's not like she murdered someone. I mean really, what did she do?" Kurt taps on the side of his cup. "Actually, what did we all do? You just walked out one day. Not a word as to why. You were just done."

Puck shrugs. He's not going into details with Kurt about what happened last year. He did what he had to do and that's all there is to it. He takes a slow sip of his coffee, hoping to prolong what he knows is going to be an uncomfortable conversation. "I just needed space, dude. Glee wasn't for me anymore."

"That's crap and you know it. You loved Glee club."

"But not all the drama," Puck says. "That shit got tiring. It turned into the fucking Finchel show there at the end. Just couldn't do it anymore, man, that's all." He reclines in his chair and acts as casual as he can, despite the fact that he knows he's setting himself up for Kurt to pounce.

Kurt cackles and shakes his head. "He's a moron."

Puck ticks up his brow. "He?"

"Finn, I mean." Kurt leans forward and lowers his voice as if he's about to spill juicy gossip. "He was supposed to move out here in January and get an apartment. He's put Rachel off several times now, though, because he says he still has stuff to do for Dad. It's a total load of crap. There's nothing at Dad's shop that's so imperative that Finn can't leave. I think he's just scared of coming out here."

Puck doesn't really know how to respond so he doesn't say anything. Kurt doesn't seem to care because he keeps talking. "Every single time he postpones moving, Rachel becomes a little less dramatic about it all. I'm pretty sure their obsession with one another is starting to wear off."

"Why are you telling me this?" Puck needs to know because he doesn't care about Finn and Rachel and their fucked up co-dependency.

"Because, you idiot, she misses you. She freaked out when I told her you were here. She wants you back in her life."

Puck lets out a drawn out sigh but doesn't say anything. He sees Kurt shake his head and then his friend smiles. "Puck, you don't have to hide any of this. I know you love her."

"What?" Puck's swift to get defensive. "I don't love her."

Kurt lets out such a loud snort that the people at the next table turn to stare at him. Kurt ignores them, of course, because he's too focused on Puck, a thrilled look on his face. "Oh, puhleeease, Puckerman. The only thing that would make you do what you did last year was a broken heart. It's actually kind of sweet, and a total romantic gesture in a tragic, star-crossed lovers kind of way."

"Are we done here?" Puck begins to stand up. He's not listening to this shit.

Kurt reaches out and puts a hand on his arm. "She doesn't know, if that's what you're worried about. She still has no idea why you walked away. All she knows is that she wants to be around you again. Just have coffee with her, Puck. Please?"

He hates that sad, dopey look Kurt has on his face. It's hard to say no to someone pouting like a puppy.

…

Meeting Rachel is just as awkward as he expects it to be. They decide to get together at a bakery near the NYADA campus and Rachel's sitting there in a navy coat with polka dots on it, a huge orange scone on a frilly paper doily in front of her. He just buys a bottle of water and sits down across from her. She picks at the scone for the longest time, finally digging out a walnut and popping it into her mouth. That makes Puck smile and when he smiles, Rachel is fast to return it.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet me, Noah."

"Yeah." Puck doesn't know what to say. He wishes it wasn't so hard to talk to her but things from last year just feel so unfinished, even though he finished them when he walked away. Having Rachel around means that everything feels raw all over again.

Rachel lifts her eyes and he can feel her studying him. "You look good."

"Thanks. So do you." She really does. Her hair is longer and she's finally letting those stupid bangs that hide her eyes grow back out. They're swept to the side and her cheeks are rosy. She's always been pretty and this moment is no exception.

"How's Brooklyn? I mean, do you like it there?"

Puck pokes at the label on his water bottle to avoid looking at her. "The apartment is okay. I can afford and stuff but do I like it? Yeah. Brooklyn's cool. Hell, just living here is cool."

Rachel beams at that. "I know. I love the city so much. It's just…" Her voice grows wistful. "It's so vibrant and full of life. There's always something to do or see or hear and the people are just so interesting. This city… it's home."

Puck nods at her. "I always knew it would be for you. You belong here. You always have."

Rachel dips her head and he sees her lashes fan out over her cheeks when she blinks. "I think I tried to tell myself for a while that I'd be okay if I didn't make it here but I know that was a lie."

They're treading on dangerous ground here. Puck doesn't want to jump into a discussion about Finn and their relationship so he's quick to change the subject and ask her about school. Rachel is animated and happy as she talks about her classes at NYADA and how much she loves the challenge of it all. Puck finds himself relaxing in his chair the more she talks because it's so easy to be enraptured by her. He always has been. He finds her quirky obsessions and her determination sexy and on this day in the coffee shop, those traits are fully on display.

When her scone is gone and his water bottle is empty, they both begin their awkward goodbyes. As Puck stands up, Rachel quickly leans over and kisses him on the cheek before telling him that she'll call him. Then she's out the door like a little polka-dotted tornado.

...

He doesn't mean to let her back into his life. Really, it's the last thing he wants. That doesn't stop her from calling him and pushing him into going out to dinner with her and Kurt on Friday night. Puck's supposed to work but he calls the diner and switches shifts with one of the waitresses. He tells himself that going into Manhattan to actually do something with friends will be fun.

…

They have a great time at dinner. It's so easy to forget all the past baggage and bullshit when Rachel's laughing, her eyes sparkling. After they eat, Kurt demands they all go to Times Square and Puck doesn't have any trouble agreeing to go along. It's fun, really. Ever since he stopped tossing Kurt into dumpsters all those years ago, he's learned to like the guy. He's really chill. And being around Rachel again feels right. When she loops her arm through his and grins up at him, Puck almost forgets everything that made him walk away in the first place.

Almost.

…

February gives way to March and a huge snow storm dumps nearly a foot and a half of snow on the metro area. The entire city grinds to a halt because there's nowhere to put all that snow unless they start shoving it into the Hudson River. Puck hides out in his apartment when he's not working because they don't bother to shovel the sidewalks where he lives and he's not breaking his neck. But on a Tuesday night, Rachel calls and asks him if he wants to go to an open mic event with him. He doesn't actually want to have to change out of his sweatpants or put on shoes but he agrees, against his better judgment, and ends up meeting her at tiny little bar near downtown. He expects to see Kurt, too, but Rachel tells him that Kurt has a cold and he's too sick to leave his room so it's just the two of them.

He finds a table for them near the back and ignores how tight his chest feels at the prospect of being alone with her. Hanging out when Kurt's around is safe but when it's just the two of them, there always seems to be this…spark. It's been there since he was fifteen years old and it's still there, despite everything. He knows it's just because he's so damned attracted to her and always has been.

As soon as he drops into a chair, Rachel's signing up to sign about four different songs. Even though she practically begs him, he refuses to sing. "I'm just here for support," he tells her with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Rachel is amazing, of course. He forgot how much he missed her voice. It's been over a year since he's heard her sing and he's pretty sure she's gotten even better. She gets a standing ovation and when she curtsies, she catches his eye and waggles her fingers at him. His heart flips in his chest and it's then that he knows he's fucked all over again.

The audience demands an encore which Rachel happily gives them. She finally sits down, her skin dewy from the intense stage lights, and Puck can't help but stare at her. She's just so fucking pretty. She seems to feel his eyes on her and she tucks her chin against her chest shyly until he realizes what he's doing and looks away. He feels like an idiot and tries his best not to look at her for the rest of the night.

At nearly midnight, he finally drags her out into the freezing, snowy night. She's loud and boisterous as they walk toward the subway and he can't help but join in when she breaks into a chorus of "Somebody to Love." Her happiness is infectious, dammit.

When they get back to the NYADA campus, he tries to leave her at her door but she refuses to let him go. "It's too late for you to go back to Brooklyn on the subway, Noah. You can sleep on my floor! I'm sure my roommate won't mind and even if she does, I don't care because she's kind of a bitch."

Puck's sure her roommate will mind but he dutifully follows her up to her room. She lets them in and practically tiptoes since the room is so dark. He's careful not to make a sound and when Rachel silently hands him a pillow and blanket, he takes it and makes up a bed in one corner of the room. He can hear fabric rustling and he imagines that Rachel is changing into her pajamas. The thought of her naked just a few feet away makes him hard and then he groans into the pillow, cursing himself for even agreeing to come up to her room in the first place.

The scent of her perfume swirls around him as she folds her clothes and then organizes her blankets. She whispers goodnight to him and he whispers back but never really falls asleep. There's too much on his mind.

…

They start having pizza and movie nights. When he's off from the diner and she's caught up on her homework, she'll bring the pizzas and he picks out the movie since her taste in movies sucks. Kurt's never invited but he doesn't seem to mind.

Being with Rachel is just so easy. She makes herself at home inside his tiny apartment, rearranging things, cleaning, and just putting her stamp of approval on everything. It's ridiculous how much he starts looking forward to the nights when they just hang out. As much as they talk about every possible subject, she rarely mentions Finn and when she does, she usually blushes and quickly changes the subject. She obviously knows that Finn isn't a topic he wants to hear about and he appreciates the fact that she seems to keep her obsession with her boyfriend to a minimum when he's around. It's honestly easy to forget Finn exists, most of the time, because he doesn't impact the friendship that Puck and Rachel have at all.

…

That all changes when Rachel announces to both Kurt and Puck over lunch that Finn is coming to see her in mid-April. She's so giddy that Puck almost doesn't mind. But then she starts talking about how they're going to look for apartments because he's ready to finally move out there for good and Puck's mood takes a quick nosedive south after that.

For the rest of the time they're together, he picks at his food and only answers questions with grunts. He can feel Kurt's eyes on him and when he looks up, the knowing look on Kurt's face makes Puck wish he could find a dumpster to toss the guy in.

…

Finn shows up on a Wednesday during the second week of April. Puck arranges tons of overtime at the diner so that he has an excuse not to hang out with them but as it turns out, he doesn't have anything to worry about anyway because Rachel barely calls the entire time Finn's in town. All his old, bitter feelings left over from high school come rushing back and by the time Rachel calls a week later, Puck's not in the mood to hear a damn word of it.

"Do you want to do pizza and a movie tomorrow?"

"No," Puck says quickly. "I have to work."

"Friday then?"

"Can't."

"Oh. Okay." Rachel sounds disappointed on the other end of the phone but Puck can't help it. He knows it's stupid to be jealous because it gets him nowhere (and it never has) but he is, nonetheless.

He ends the call just a second later and doesn't hear from Rachel again for two days.

…

She shows up at his apartment on Friday night. He's not doing anything but sitting around, messing with his guitar, and he seems surprised to see her. He lets her in without saying anything and as soon as he closes the door, she starts crying. Puck freezes, unsure of what to do. She vaults herself at him and presses her face against his chest.

Timidly, he puts his arms around her and shushes her before asking, "Rach? What's wrong?"

Rachel sniffles against his chest and mumbles something that he can't understand because she has a mouth full of flannel. She finally tilts her head backwards and says, "Finn's not coming."

"I thought he just left?"

She shakes her head. "No, I mean he's not moving here. He's decided that he can't afford a place and he said that we're just going to have to do the long distance thing because he doesn't want to live here. He says he hates New York City. Noah, how does anyone hate New York?"

Puck does not want to talk about Finn. He tenses immediately and puts his hands on Rachel's shoulders, pushing her away from his body enough that he can step back. Her lower lip trembles as she wipes at her eyes but she watches as he moves around his apartment, seemingly unaware that he's annoyed.

"He just doesn't understand, Noah. He doesn't get that my life is here. I can't go back to Lima. I won't go back to Lima. This city is my home and I'm never leaving. He can't have me and not live here!" She's pacing from his kitchenette to his loveseat and back again, her arms flailing animatedly. "And now he's surprised that I'm upset. I don't understand him!"

She moves toward Puck, like she's going to hug him again, but he puts his hands on her shoulders to stop her. She bites her lip as she looks up at him, confused.

He knows she's upset and that this probably isn't the right time but he can't stop himself from saying what he's about to say. "I can't listen to this, Rachel."

"What? You can't listen to what?"

Puck stomps away from her and leans against his front door. "I can't listen to you cry about Finn. Because we both know what'll happen next, don't we?"

Her cheeks color while she shakes her head but he knows that she's lying to him and probably to herself. "I don't know what you mean, Noah."

"Bullshit." Puck swipes a hand over his face. "You come crying to me about Finn, I try to make you feel better, we end up making out or you find some other way to use me to your advantage and then, two days later, you forgive him. I'm not doing this again. I've done it too many fucking times already."

"That's not true," Rachel argues. "That's not true at all! It's only happened…" Her words trail off as though she's taking a sobering stroll down memory lane.

Puck shakes his head and paces toward her. "I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not the guy you can cry to about your stupid fucking relationship with an asshole that's never, not even for one goddamn second, deserved you. I put up with it in high school until I couldn't fucking take it anymore and I'll be damned if it's gonna happen here. I let you shit all over me then but things are different now." He lets out a soft swear and scratches the back of his neck, his anger rising. "I fucking knew better than to try to be friends with you again."

When he looks up, Rachel's crying harder. She gulps in a heavy breath and wrings her hands. "You don't want to be friends?"

Puck's chest feels like the air is being sucked right out of his lungs. If he tells her the truth, he's going to push her out of his life and then he'll have to fucking get over her all over again. But the truth is, as long as she's in that stupid, poisonous relationship with Finn, he doesn't want to be her friend. When he answers her, he makes sure to avoid her eyes. "I can't be friends with you, Rachel. I can't do it."

"I don't understand." Her voice is so small and she's crying in earnest now. Her tears are sliding down her cheeks and she swipes at them but they just keep coming as she stares at him.

Puck lets out a sad laugh and shakes his head. "Yeah, you do. If you think about it – really think about it – you'll understand."

They stare at each other for what feels like an hour but is probably only 30 seconds before she buttons up her jacket and wipes at the tears on her cheeks again. She doesn't say anything as she leaves his apartment and all he can do is watch her go.

…

Against his better judgment, he lets Kurt come over a few days later. He comes bearing a box of glazed doughnuts from Puck's favorite bakery. They're big and thick and really yeasty and they have the perfect amount of glaze on them and seriously, he feels like they're having sex with his mouth every time he takes a bite. He knows that Kurt brings them to suck up but he's so desperate to get one in his mouth as soon as possible that he doesn't care.

While Kurt is making himself at home, Puck's already scarfing down a doughnut, a look of ecstasy on his face. Kurt watches him, clearly disgusted, before picking at some imaginary lint on his sweater. "So can we talk about Rachel?"

"I don't wanna talk about Rachel."

The words that actually come out of Puck's mouth are much less intelligible and bits of doughnut go flying as he tries to talk with his mouth full. Kurt screws up his face and shakes his head. "You're such a charmer, Puckerman. It's shocking to me that you're still single."

Puck flips him the finger as he swallows the rest of his first doughnut and dives into the box for a second one. He's trying to prolong this discussion for as long as possible but Kurt's not having it.

"So… Rachel said you don't want to be friends with her anymore. Do you care to tell me why my best friend has been a crying mess for three days?"

Puck plops down on the loveseat and stares at his friend. "She's crying over Finn, not me."

"No, I'm pretty sure I've heard your name about five times more frequently than I've heard my wonderful step-brother's. She's really upset."

Puck glowers. "Yeah, well so am I."

Kurt stares at Puck for what feels like forever, tapping his upper lip with his index finger the whole time. Puck hates feeling scrutinized so he starts eating his second doughnut as he turns on the television.

"She turns to you because she can trust you, Puck. She always has. Ever since our sophomore year, when you apologized to her for the whole slushy thing, she's trusted you." Kurt shakes a head. "Not a lot of people have told her that they're sorry for the crap they've put her through."

"I meant it," Puck says simply.

"I know. And she knows, which is why she comes to you. She feels like she has a confidant in you. She missed you when you left Glee club, you know. She never really understood. I still don't think she does even now. She's so blinded by Finn that she can't see how you feel about her – how you've always felt about her."

"She doesn't need to figure that out." Puck stares down at his half-eaten doughnut before blowing out a breath. "It's just better if we're not around each other, Kurt. I can't deal with the whole Finn thing anymore. That fucking douche doesn't deserve her." Puck lifts his head, glancing at Kurt. "I know he's your brother so I'm sorry if what I say pisses you off but I can't help it."

Kurt waves his hand at Puck. "No, no. You know I've never been a huge supporter of their relationship. They've never really made sense to me. Finn doesn't get what makes her tick and she's so focused on making sure she has her very own Prince Charming that she forgot to realize that she's trying to turn the wrong guy into her perfect man…but she needs you, Puck."

"I can't do it, Kurt." Puck finishes off his doughnut and then pushes himself until he's standing. He drops his hands to his hips and stares at the TV without even really watching it for the longest time as he tries to figure out what he wants to say. When he finally starts talking, he hesitates at first. "I…I can't be around her. Things feel so fucking natural with her that when we're together, I forget that she's not mine. She makes me happy… and then she starts going on and on about Finn and I'm reminded for, like, the ten thousandth time that I'm not good enough for her. I've had enough people in my life think I'm worthless and good for nothing and maybe it makes me a pussy, but it fucking hurts that she feels that way, too."

"She doesn't feel that way."

"She does, though. If she didn't, she'd stop going back to him and realize that if she wants a guy who'll treat her like an equal, he's been right in front of the whole fucking time."

"You could tell her that, you know," Kurt offers.

"No," Puck fires back, "no fucking way. I'm not getting in the middle of their bullshit."

"What if she broke up with him for good?"

Puck lets out a sad snort. "They're never done for good, Kurt. Ever."

Kurt doesn't say anything after that. Instead, he helps himself to a doughnut and insists that they watch reruns of the Kardashians on E! Puck assumes that the subject of Rachel is closed.

…

Puck's life returns to a comfortable monotony over the next few weeks. He finally meets the residency requirement so that he can actually afford to go to school and signs up for some summer classes at City College that start in June. He grabs coffee with Kurt a few times but it's really uncomfortable because Kurt keeps trying to bring Rachel up. As soon as he says her name, though, Puck shuts him down. He doesn't want to hear any of it.

He spends those few weeks putting Rachel out of his mind. She's always there, right on the periphery. He thinks about her right before he falls asleep and she's usually the first thing that pops into his head when he wakes up (right after he thinks, "I gotta piss", that is.) He doesn't delete her number out of his phone, even though he tries to several times. He just can't make himself press that final button to remove her from his life again. He did it once before and he knows how much it sucks.

This time, though, he doesn't have to see her every day like he did when he was still at McKinley. Even though she's really just a few miles away, she's one of millions and that makes it easier on her. But it doesn't make him stop missing her or hating Finn or wishing that things were different. She's always going to be the girl that meant more than any other, even if she never knows it.

…

Everything changes once he starts school. Commuting on the subway every day is a total bitch and he has to cut his hours at the diner but the student loans supplement his income so he's not hurting too much. Campus is really awesome, the chicks are hot, and, as usual, they're drawn to the Puckerone. He lines up a few dates (and by "dates" he means dinner and then some head or, if he's really lucky, a quick fuck.) After a few weeks like that, he starts to feel somewhat normal again. Kurt doesn't call him much anymore and he misses the guy but honestly, it's easier. He can't really be friends with anybody from home because everybody reminds him of what he can't have.

June and July fly by and then it's nearly August. It's been months since he's seen or heard from Rachel and, other than right before he closes his eyes at night, he hardly thinks of her anymore. He hopes that she and Finn have worked their shit out because he hates when she's miserable. He doesn't wish anything bad for her, no matter how angry and frustrated she makes him. (Finn, though, is a different story. He wishes crabs or an ulcer or maybe a serious case of anal warts on that guy. Seriously, fuck him.)

…

August 2nd is a Friday and Puck's off from school because the summer session is over and the fall one hasn't started yet. He doesn't have to be at the diner until late that afternoon so he spends the morning catching up on his laundry, cleaning the apartment, and doing all the other stuff he's been neglecting for a few weeks. Around lunchtime, he calls in a delivery order for sweet and sour pork and crab rangoons from the Chinese place around the corner. When there's a knock at the door twenty minutes later, he doesn't think much about it.

He's digging into his wallet when he opens the door so he doesn't realize it's not the delivery guy standing there at first. When he finally digs a $20 out of his wallet and looks up, he freezes. Rachel is standing there in a little blue sundress, espadrilles on her feet, and sunglasses pushed up high onto her head. They stare at each other for so long that the delivery guy finally does walk up. Puck shoves the money at him, waves away the change (dude just got a fucking six dollar tip), and shoves the bag under his arm as he continues to stare at Rachel. Finally, when he realizes that he's acting like a moron, he motions for her to come in. She follows him inside, pushing the door closed behind him and securing the chain on the door.

He shoves the Chinese into the fridge because he'll obviously have to eat it later and then turns to look at her. "Didn't expect to see you again."

Rachel smiles a sad smile, bobbing her head. "I know. It's been months but I wanted to give you some space and I… I needed some time."

"So why're you here now?" He doesn't mean to sound rude but he does anyway.

"Because I've realized some things and I couldn't let another day go by without talking to you. Or apologizing, really."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Rachel."

She steps closer to him, placing her hand on his forearm. The look she gives him is imploring. "There's a lot I need to apologize for, Noah. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with some of it but… but I'd really appreciate it if you'd hear me out."

Puck nods, motioning for her to sit down. She's very careful to tuck her skirt properly beneath her thighs and cross her legs at the ankle. He always finds the way she's so prim and neat to hilarious and he cracks a smile. She seems to find relief in his grin because she smiles back. "I missed you, Noah. I've missed you so much but you said some things that angered me…until I started thinking about them. And as it turns out, you were right."

Puck snorts but doesn't respond.

"Things with Finn were…" Rachel's brows lift toward her hairline as she searches for the right word. "They were toxic, really. We were in this terrible cycle where we needed to be together but we didn't mesh but we couldn't be apart even though we didn't make much sense."

Puck hesitates but finally asks, "And now?"

"We've been split up for over two months now. Once he said he wasn't moving here, I knew we were over. I just had to accept it and once I finally did, ending the relationship wasn't that hard."

"I would tell you that I'm sorry… 'cept I'm not."

Rachel shakes her head, waving her hand dismissively. "I don't expect you to be." She sighs. "Actually, I'd be upset if you said you were." Her eyes meet his and the look in them – like she's actually seeing him for the first time – gives him hope. She swallows and takes a breath, like she's trying to steel herself, before she says, "When you told me you didn't want to be friends anymore, you told me that if I really thought about why you were doing it, I'd understand. I—I think I finally do."

Puck gulps, terrified that she's going to rip his heart out of his chest with her next words.

Her voice drops and she looks away when she asks, "Do you still feel that way about me, Noah? And if you don't, do you think you could again? I mean, if we saw a lot of each other and spent time together?" She looks like she's reaching deep within herself for strength but her shoulders lift and she meets his gaze head-on. "Because I want you to feel that way about me. I want you to be the one I turn to for everything – and not because you're my friend and because you're always there for me but… but because you love me."

Puck's stomach is now hurting and he feels like someone's squeezing his lungs but he's got to ask this question so he does. "D'you want me to love you?"

Rachel bobs her head, her eyes suddenly watery. "I do, actually. I think it would be pretty incredible if you did. And if you'd let me love you back."

She stares at him like she's waiting for him to give her a yes or no answer but he can't seem to remember how to talk. The air between them crackles as they gaze at each other and then he moves. He's standing in front of her and then he's on his knees, her head in his hands. He locks eyes with her and he knows that the look on his face reveals everything about how he feels – fear, love, hope. When she nods her head and reaches for him, he groans and then slips his hands into her hair so that he can kiss her. He hasn't kissed her in years but from the second their lips touch, it all comes back to him. The way she lets out this little throaty moan that makes him hard. The way she nips at his lower lip possessively. The way she clings to him. It all comes rushing back to him and if he were an emotional (wimpy) guy, it'd probably make him cry.

When they part, Rachel's now completely crying but she's smiling, too. He awkwardly hands her a tissue and then sits down next to her on the loveseat. She immediately intertwines their fingers as they settle into a comfortable silence that lasts for a few seconds. There's a question on his tongue but he stops himself from asking it until he can't anymore. "So we're really doing this, huh? For real? Nothing to get in the way this time?"

Rachel nods emphatically as she climbs into his lap. She hugs him hard and then cries into his shirt. He soothes her and tells her that everything's gonna work out now because she's finally with the right guy. It just makes her cry harder until he pushes his mouth against hers to shut her up. She laughs against his lips but then she kisses him back.

He calls in sick to work that day.

~end~

A/N: So that's it. Hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading and for the support!