Summary: A time travel story. When fifth-year Severus Snape tries to create a forward time-travelling elixir to prove his worthiness to Lord Voldemort, he is disappointed to find that his creation is worthless. Or is it?

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and fictional places do not belong to me; I am merely borrowing them for playtime before (respectfully) putting them back. Thank you, JKR, for allowing such things to happen.

Pairings/Main Characters Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, the other Severus Snape. A cast of other canon characters and a couple of OFCs as well.

Warnings: This story is rated NC-17/MA, and it is not suitable for children under age 18. It is Alternate Universe, and includes strong language, graphic sex, graphic violence and mention of violence/torture, unresolved sexual tension, and major character death.

Thank You: To the village that has raised this baby over the course of several chapters and years: Roo, Tom Without, Allee, Lauren, Nathaniel Cardeau, ThornedHuntress, Dragoon811, AdelaideArcher, Savva, Vezza and Stgulik. Additional thanks to my current amazing "Team Tyche," who have listened to me bounce ideas and have cleaned up my writing, making this story so, so much more than it would have been otherwise: BSC_AG, SnuggleBunny, and Glamourchick1668.

A thousand further thank yous to the extremely talented SusanMarieR, who created the official banner and cover art for this piece.

SEVERUS, REDUX
By: TycheSong

Chapter Thirty-Four: (In which a newspaper article creates havoc. )

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, 1 April 1997, 6:12 PM

Malfoy was still missing from the Slytherin table at supper, nor had he been in any of the classes that Ravenclaw shared with Slytherin. The headmaster, Professor Snape, and Madam Pomfrey were also missing from the head table. Severus tried to search the expressions of the remaining professors, and was not reassured. Professor Flitwick was frowning into his goblet, and Professor McGonagall looked so grim, he couldn't help the small shiver that ran down his spine.

Had Voldemort found and hurt Malfoy? Or had the professor hidden him somewhere? Was it even really possible to hide from the Dark Lord? Guilt pricked at his conscience. His older version and Dumbledore seemed so… untouchable. Had he convinced the Malfoy heir into a suicidal decision?

Severus picked at his food, so lost in his thoughts that when an owl bearing the evening post landed in front of him he started badly enough that it set Cho to snickering. Severus glared half-heartedly, then frowned when he realized that the owl held a special evening edition of the Prophet. He was still reaching for his copy when shocked conversation exploded across the Great Hall.

Malfoy Matriarch Murdered at Ministry!

Severus felt his lungs freeze, even as his heart started to pound. There had been other disappearances, other likely murders, but they had only ever been mentioned names as part of a smaller articles. Footnotes of a larger, growing problem. This was the first time the victim had ever been found-the first time they had a confirmed murder high-profile enough to receive front page coverage.

His mouth dry, Severus continued to read the article. The murder had been brutal. So brutal, according to the article, that The Prophet had been censored from including a picture of the aftermath. Beautiful, perfect, aristocratic Narcissa Malfoy, the wife of his sponsor, had been viciously killed. Tortured to the point that she would not have been recognizable if it were not for the fact that her murderer had taken pains to not touch her face. The author of the article seemed to almost delight in reporting the disgusting details. The woman had been left a beaten, lacerated, bloody mess, without so much as a bruise on her face. Whoever had slaughtered her had used the woman's own blood to leave a message on the floor:

The Fate of Blood Traitors

Feeling sick, Severus closed the paper, unable to read anymore. My fault. He had convinced Draco Malfoy to defect, and now the boy had disappeared, and his mother publically butchered .

On his left, he heard Anthony muttering, "Unbelievable. Completely inappropriate…" Across from him Lisa and Marietta were engaged in a furiously whispered conversation about what Narcissa Malfoy could have possibly done.

A glance down the table showed him that Luna was just staring off into space, the article open in front of her. She glanced back down and her eyes locked on his. From five people away, he could feel the weight of her gaze, the sympathy in them. Uncomfortable with her look and trying to rationalize that she couldn't possibly know how he'd been involved, Severus shoved back from his place on the bench. He staggered a little as he stood and muttered, "I feel sick. I'm gonna… I'm not hungry."

He walked away, ignoring Anthony's concerned voice calling after him. He was only vaguely processing where he was going, until he was out of the hall and something tugging on his arm brought him around to face his girlfriend. Hermione's face was ashen, her light dusting of freckles contrasting starkly against her skin. "Atreus? Are you… are you okay?"

Severus jerked his arm away, snapping, "No. Just… leave me alone." Why couldn't anyone ever just understand that sometimes he needed to be alone? "I need to think without you hovering for a bit."

Hermione recoiled, hurt in her eyes, and nodded slowly. "All right. I was just trying to help. I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"

"I don't need your help!" He snarled. "Not everything has to do with you, you know!" Irritably, he spat, "I'll see you tomorrow. I need to get out of here." He turned and strode off down the hallway before she could answer. She let him go, however, and it wasn't until he'd arrived that Severus realized where he was going.

Nobody answered when he knocked on the professor's office door, and after a moment, he opened it anyway, pushing through to see that it was empty. Severus rocked on his toes a moment, uncertain what to do, before placing a hand on the door of the translocation portal. As he first had so many months before, he murmured, "Laboratory."

The door opened quietly into the beautiful lab. The professor was sitting at his desk, his small pensieve sat on his left with his wand, and a tumbler of whiskey on the right. He glanced up at Severus as he entered, showing no surprise that the younger man was standing there.

"I wondered when you'd realize you could get in." The professor sounded exhausted and resigned. "Of course it would be tonight, of all nights." He picked up the glass and stared at it for a long moment, his features suddenly falling into a curiously blank expression. The lack of subtlety he used withdrawing into his occlumency shields was nearly as frightening to Severeus as the article had been.

Severus shifted his weight and struggled to bring calm to his own mind. When he was sure his own voice would be steady, he asked, "Draco…?"

"He's alive. He's with the headmaster." The professor didn't remove his distant gaze from the tumbler.

Severus nodded. "Is he… okay?"

The professor slammed his tumbler down hard enough on the desk that it cracked, amber liquid leaking as the professor stood. His voice was harsh as he bit out, "Don't be stupid; of course he is not okay. Someone he loved was just savagely murdered as a direct consequence of his actions. He will have to carry that for the rest of his life, however long that is. He will probably never be okay again."

Severus clenched and unclenched his fists. "You think… you think You-Know-Who will find and kill him, too?"

"No. That's been handled, but lesser things have destroyed stronger men before."

Severus ducked his head, and mumbled, "I didn't mean to. I didn't know she'd get killed. I didn't think-"

The professor's face twisted in contempt. "No. You didn't. And it's time you did." He crossed his arms over his chest, his expression pitiless. "We are in dangerous times, times you don't rightly belong to. Every action, especially your actions, can and will have consequences. You were not supposed to be here, and now because you were, Draco Malfoy is in hiding and Narcissa Malfoy is dead. Because you are here, Hermione Granger has her head full of you and her adolescent hormones instead of on keeping Potter alive, and Merlin only knows if that will be the death of us all."

Professor Snape shrugged as if throwing it all away. "Certainly Potter is useless without her and Weasley. Perhaps this all would have happened anyway. We can't know. Maybe Madam Malfoy would have died screaming anyway and never accomplished anything important. Maybe Granger would have her head full of Weasley or Finnigan or some other idiot. We can't know. But your actions can and do mean something. You need to start thinking about what. There is more at stake than your own self-importance and feelings." He ended his tirade on a snarl, his crooked teeth bared.

"I… I…" He couldn't think of anything to say, the guilt clenching around his heart like a fist.

"I, I!" The professor mimicked cruelly, then shook his head in disgust. Drawing his wand he vanished the mess on his desk, leaving only the pensieve. "Get out of here, Prince. I have work to do."

The implication suddenly hit Severus. "You… were there. You saw it happen?"

Professor Snape's glare was poisonous. Before Severus could be ordered out of the laboratory again, he turned and blindly ran.

He was still running two hallways later when he realised he had exited the lab from the south tower instead of the dungeons, having forgotten to direct the portal otherwise. He stumbled into the nearest room, trying to regain his bearings, only to be confronted by shelves of shiny trophies photos of smiling, waving students. Severus screamed, uncertain if it was in rage, hurt or guilt and when he put his fist through a glass display case, a small concussion of unconscious magic ripped through the room as well.

Glass shattered, trophies toppled, and Severus found himself gasping on his knees. He felt dizzy. He felt sick. His right hand was bleeding, and so was his cheek. There was glass in his hair and tears were threatening again. His fault. Narcissa Malfoy was dead, and the professor had watched, and maybe they might all be killed by Lord Voldemort and it would be his fault, because he wasn't supposed to be here. He might have killed them all. He emptied his stomach on the floor, and then dry heaved until he tasted blood in his mouth as well as bile.

"What in the...Prince? Is that you? Are you hurt?"

Severus lifted his head from his knees to see who had stumbled across him, and ended up gazing blurrily at the serious-looking Professor above him. Fuck. He hadn't realized he'd actually started crying. "Um. Sorry, sir. I needed to have a sit, I think."

Professor Saxena shook his head in shock, his mouth open, before managing to gather himself, his concern apparent. "You're hurt. Here." He waved his wand, clearing the mess from the floor, and Severus felt a sting as pieces of glass dislodged from his cheek and knuckles. He knelt down beside Severus, and reached out a hand, gently checking his injuries. Finally he sighed and said quietly, "It's not too bad, though it'll likely sting a bit when it gets healed. I should probably ask what happened here, but I think it's rather obvious that this was unintentional. So why don't we get you to the hospital wing, I'll take care of this mess, and we'll just both pretend nothing happened here, hmmm? Unless you would rather I took you to your uncle? Or Professor Flitwick?"

"NO!" The word burst out reflexively, and Severus rolled his shoulders, discomforted that he still did not seem to be in control of himself. Hadn't he learnt this lesson already at the hands of Potter and Black? He took a deep breath, attempting to empty his emotions and wrap his Occlumancy around himself again. When he finally felt like he had a firm rein on himself, he stood. He didn't really want to go to the hospital wing, but he wasn't really certain how to say no to a professor either. Especially one willing to overlook his destruction of the trophy room. Resigned, he followed the professor to the hospital wing. Mercifully, Professor Saxena kept his word and didn't prod at him. He knew better than to expect as much from Madam Pomfrey, and unfortunately he was correct.

Madam Pomfrey took one look at him then ushered him into her private office and sent an elf for tea. They sat in a heavy, oppressive silence while she flicked her wand in various places, healing the several small scratches and bruises, before she finally ventured, "You seem anxious, Atreus. Is there something you would like to talk about?"

Severus took a deep breath, faltered, and then said quietly. "No."

Her brows lifted, unimpressed, and she waited.

"I'm fine," he said defensively.

"Hmmph. The last time I saw you like this was when Professor McGonagall found you sleeping in the hallway outside the Gryffindor common room and marched you here twenty odd years ago."

"That was only a year ago for me. Almost exactly." He mumbled.

"You've been through a great deal in the last year and a half. Your mother, then that incident, then suddenly finding yourself here." When he remained silent, only nodding, she sighed. "Severus, I'm not a legilimens. Is this about any of that, or what happened tonight? Or perhaps your young lady?"

Severus shrugged, feeling overwhelmed. "She's dead. She died because of me. He said-" he stopped, swallowing.

Madam Pomfrey went still. "Who? Who said? And what exactly did he say?" Her voice was gentle, but there was a hard edge under it, promising trouble for whomever had upset him. Without even realizing what he'd done, or that the professor was correct, she was willing to defend him. It made his heart squeeze again, gratitude and guilt combining into an ugly mess.

He glanced down at his hands, his chest tight, and mumbled, "I...I did what I thought was right. I tried to help and now Malfoy's mum is dead, and it's my fault. I… I didn't know that would happen. And he-Professor Snape-he says that I'm not supposed to be here, that I might be changing things, and we all might die because of me."

To his surprise, Madam Pomfrey relaxed slightly. "You mean Narcissa Malfoy. Dear, what happened is a terrible, horrific tragedy, but it's not your fault." He shook his head and opened his mouth to protest, and she reiterated firmly, "It's not your fault."

Severus sank back into his chair, letting his hair fall around his face. "She died...horribly because he left. He wouldn't have left if it weren't for me." To his horror, his voice cracked a little, and he felt tears threaten again. In an effort to keep them from actually falling, he rolled his shoulders, glancing away and scrubbing his palms on his trousers. "Professor Snape is right, if I'd only been thinking…"

"Then maybe she would have been killed for serving tea wrong, or if young Mister Malfoy had managed to work up the courage on his own. In the end, he made the choice, and the Malfoys made their choices, and You-Know-Who made his. You can't take on all their actions as your fault, Atreus."

"The professor said-"

"Professor Snape is going through a very difficult time right now, Atreus. He has done a lot of things he regrets, and he-you have always struggled with jealousy." She gave him a knowing look, but cut him off before he could protest. "You know more than anyone that he has a bad habit of being an ass to people when he's upset or hurting. Surely you can see why you might be an easy target for him right now. You are who he was before many of those mistakes. The person he might have been if he hadn't made them."

"He's not wrong, though, is he? You can say he's mad because he feels jealous or stressed or that I'm an easy target, but he isn't wrong." Severus felt his eyes sting again, and shook his head angrily. "The fact is that I convinced Malfoy to go to Dumbledore. I told him Dumbledore would find a way to keep him safe, and now his mum is dead."

"Ah." Madam Pomfrey put down her tea mug. "Se-Atreus. You are not responsible for what happened to Madam Malfoy. You didn't make the decision to curse her or beat her. You didn't execute that decision. You cannot hold yourself responsible for the actions of evil men." Severus shrugged, feeling his eyes slide away, only to snap up again when Madam Pomfrey barked, "Atreus! Look at me. You are not an evil person. You occasionally make stupid decisions and are quite frequently a headache, but you are not inherently bad. You didn't murder Madam Malfoy; you saved Draco Malfoy."

Severus forced himself not to fidget under her gaze. "Whatever," he finally muttered. "The professor doesn't think I should be with Hermione, either. Says I'm distracting her from keeping Potter alive." Severus told her bitterly. "Why does Potter always get to come first?"

The corner of Madam Pomfrey's mouth twitched at the abrupt subject change, but she didn't chase the subject back. "Mister Potter tends to whine about the same thing, believe it or not. Don't take it to heart, dear. As I said, Professor Snape has found himself in a complicated and difficult situation. Miss Granger is perfectly capable of multitasking, I promise. Professor Snape knows that, too. He's the one who first started calling her 'Wendy' in the staffroom, I believe."

"Wendy?"

"Professor Snape is fond of comparing Gryffindor house to Peter Pan, all of them milling like lost boys, getting into ridiculous situations, loosely following a leader, but not really obeying any discernible rules. Meanwhile she keeps calmly managing them all, making sure their ties are on, their homework is done, that they don't accidentally kill themselves, et cetera."

Severus found himself smirking. "She's the Wendy. Clever. I can see it." He sobered again, and said quietly, "I'm in love with her."

"Hmm." Madam Pomfrey looked thoughtful. "How do you know?"

Severus recoiled a little, defensive. "What do you mean, how do I know? I just do. I think about her all day, and anytime anything happens, she's the only person I want to tell. I feel… safe with her. Like I can tell her anything, be myself, and she isn't going to leave me because of it. She makes me feel like I'm a good person," he finished softly.

Madam Pomfrey nodded. "It sounds like she loves you very much. I'm glad, but you still haven't answered my question."

Confused, Severus crossed his arms. "What do you mean? I just sa-"

"You just told me she loves you. She makes you feel safe, accepts you, listens to you." Madam Pomfrey paused, as if she had said something particularly enlightening, and then explained patiently, "Love isn't a feeling, Atreus. Passion is a feeling; happiness is a feeling; lust is a feeling. But love? Love is only ever about the other person's safety and feelings, never about what you are feeling." The older woman nodded as if to punctuate her statement. "You say you love Miss Granger. I want to know what you have done to love her."

Severus crossed his arms. "I do things. I listen to her, carry her stuff. I bought her some sweets. I don't let Malfoy talk shit about her."

"Language, dear." Madam Pomfrey gave him an exasperated look and poured herself some more tea. "I wasn't accusing you of anything, I just wanted to know how you knew you were in love with her. Lots of children tell me they are in love, after all. I don't think half of them understand what it is." Her expression became stern. "I hope I don't have to tell you to be careful?"

Severus choked on his tea.

"I am quite aware of how intense things can get, especially at your age and with the level of seriousness. If you do something stupid and take away that girl's options, Atreus, I want you to know right now that I will have some very strong words for you. To say nothing of your 'uncle.'"

Severus groaned, his cheeks burning. His embarrassment was only made worse by the knowledge that his fair skin made it horrifyingly apparent just how awkward he felt. "That's covered," he grit. "The very last thing I would want is… that. We are far too young, and have far too much potential. Besides, I would have absolutely no idea how to be a proper parent. I thought we were done with this particular conversation some time ago?" He groused.

She snorted softly. "It bears repeating on a regular basis."

They were interrupted as the doors of the infirmary were flung open. A young Hufflepuff shuffled in, supporting a limping friend. "Of course this would happen today of all days, right before the Quidditch match. Professor Sinistra says the comet has reached perihelion today, and you know what Professor Trelawney says. Honestly, we should've expected something like this!"

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "It seems duty calls. Will you be alright on your own for a bit?"

Pride pricked. Severus jutted his chin out at her scowled. "Of course. I'm not a child."

The school nurse just grunted under her breath. "I've heard that before, too."

Ah, how do I explain? Those of you who have been in the SS/HG pairing of the fandom for a while know that we lost one of our own-a friend very near and dear to me not long after I last posted. She was a beautiful soul, a talented writer and artist, and a longstanding behind-the-scenes influence for and alpha reader for most of my work, including this story. After she passed I honestly couldn't look at my writing several months. Then I fell headfirst into a couple of other fandoms for a while (Miraculous Ladybug and Dragon Age, for those of you who care to know). When I finally circled back to this story, it just didn't seem to want to write. Then I got busy with family, with work, with getting ready for cosplaying at ECCC. It took some recent surgery on my right foot to slow me down again enough to dust off the laptop.

But here we are (finally) posting. Thank you, my friends, for your patience. Thank you for letting me heal, letting me be a wife and parent, and continuing to encourage me with kudos, comments, and reviews even though I've given no sign of posting soon. You got me through moments harder than you know. Keep a candle burning.