This is how the freshman girls' orientation has worked, works, and will work for years to come at the Briarwood Academy, in Westchester, NY:

1. Ten freshmen girls to one senior girl.

2. The seniors choose the freshmen, and NEVER the other way around.

3. Orientation begins with the words "Welcome to Briarwood Freshman Orientation" and end with "We hope to see you all next year". Always. Bonus points for smiles.

4. Seniors can merge to form groups: twenty freshmen to two seniors, thirty to three, etc.

5. Orientation lasts for ninety minutes.

6. The senior is in charge of their freshmen for the entirety ninety minutes, from picking them up at Octavian Country-Day, to dropping them off at their houses.

7. Orientation must take place on the Briarwood campus.

8. All freshmen are required to participate, but not all seniors are.

9. Seniors who are participating must wear their class shirts.

10. Seniors must adequately prepare freshmen for Briarwood.

::

"You," Massie said, pointing her finger at a petite blonde freshman standing outside the front gates of Octavian Country-Day and beckoning her over. "Are you a freshman?" The blonde nodded, clutching her oversized, embroidered Juicy Couture tote close to her body. Massie grinned, and patted her shoulder comfortingly. "Say something nice about me."

The blonde freshman looked hesitant.

"Anything, really, don't be shy," Massie encouraged, flashing a kind smile and putting an arm around the freshman's shoulders. "We're going to be very close, very soon."

"I...like your boots?" The freshman said uncertainly, looking down at Massie's combat boots, which reflected the sun.

Massie squeezed the blonde's shoulder. "Thank you! You can ride in the car," she said, putting a finger to the freshman's nose. "Now, what's your name?"

"Jacqueline, Jacqueline Dyer," the freshman answered.

"Great, Jacqueline," Massie replied, placing a gold star sticker on Jacqueline's forehead. "Now, don't lose the sticker, otherwise you'll have to walk to Briarwood!"

The look on the girl's face made Massie smile, and she steered Jacqueline further into the crowd of nervous freshmen girls, waiting for their senior 'sisters' to choose them for orientation. Scanning the legions of super-skinny, Juicy Couture-toting middle schoolers with her golden eyes, Massie spotted another potential, standing by the flagpole.

"Hi, I'm Massie," Massie greeted the new freshman, who was slightly taller than Jacqueline, with straight, light brown hair. "Are you freshman?"

She nodded, more confident than Jacqueline, but still anxious.

"Compliment me," Massie ordered her.

The freshman bit her bottom lip for a few seconds, before saying, "You're pretty."

Massie tsked and shook her head in mock disappointment. "Whoops, wrong answer," she sang, pulling out a sheet of red X's and sticking it on her forehead. "You'll have to walk." But she wrapped her arm around the freshman anyway and asked, "And what should I call you?"

"Anastasia Brees," Anastasia told her. In a whinier voice, she asked, "Do I really have to walk to Briarwood?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Massie said, almost like she regretted it, which she didn't. "Do you have any friends, Anastasia Brees, or are you some loser who hangs out by herself?" She nodded again. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go meet them."

Massie plastered a smile on her face as she passed Claire, who had changed into her class shirt during last period, had already collected seven freshmen, all of whom were wearing baby's bonnets and pacifiers; on the other side of the pavement, Kristen was writing down the names of her freshmen, a preppy lot wearing pastel tulip skirts, Burberry headbands, and Ralph Lauren polo shirts.

After she'd gotten ten freshmen, Massie lead her group to her car - a used, but heavily restored 1976 Chevy convertible - and opened the back door to let Jacqueline and two other freshmen, Angelica and Noelle, enter the car. The seven other freshmen with X's on their foreheads looked at the two empty seats wistfully as Massie hopped in and started up the ignition, looking at the unmoving girls expectantly.

"Uh, move it," Massie told the freshmen, rolling her eyes.

::

Kristen wrote in the name of her last freshman, whose name was Ellie, in large, neat print on her clipboard, before clapping her hands together, instantly garnering the attention of her new young followers. "Come on, sisters," Kristen called. "Our carriage awaits!"

A limousine pulled up behind her at the gloriously right moment, and the driver got out and tipped his hat to her. "Miss Gregory," he said graciously, as he opened the door - just enough for Kristen and the freshman to slide in one by one, but not enough for anybody besides them to see the luxurious interior, complete with a small sushi bar, black upholstery, and ten Fendi perforated leather purses filled with small, but expensive, gifts - Kristen's version of a goodie bag.

Oohs and ahs were music to Kristen's ears, and as soon as everybody had climbed in, she handed out the bags with a huge, satisfactory smile, knowing that now, she had ten willing freshmen at her beck and call.

::

"LEESH!" The blonde bellowed, for probably the fifth time in the row, leaning off the side of her cherry red Jeep in what could've been viewed as dangerous, if she hadn't been driving on a wide, basically empty suburban road, to the Mercedes SL driving a few hundred feet in front of her. "Oh, Jesus Christ, she's deaf," Claire muttered, pulling her cell phone out of the back pocket of her One Teaspoon acid wash denim shorts and tossing it the freshman sitting in the front seat. "Nikki, right? Look up Alicia in the contacts list and call her, that crazy bitch."

The freshman in question had large, light brown eyes, and light brown hair that lay straight and turned dark gold in the sun. Claire kind of liked her, because she didn't talk much, and when she did, it didn't make Claire want to pull her pretty blonde hair out, which is more than she could say for the group of ninth graders in the back.

"It went to voicemail," Nikki said.

"Oh, fuck her," Claire yawned, reaching into the glove compartment and pulling out a pair of Oliver's Peoples aviators and pushing them up her nose, before taking her phone back. "Whatever. I'll just merge with Massie, then. Leesh can deal with the freshman whores by herself." Pause. "No offense."

"It's fine," Nikki said.

In the sideview mirror, Claire could occassionally catch a glimpse of Massie's convertible, which was inching along next to the sidewalk, where a small group of freshman girls were slouched over, limping in their low-heeled Kate Spade heels, as Massie's skinny arm poked out the driver's window, occasionally making "hurry up" motions, occasionally tipping cigarette ash onto the street.

"See, be happy that's not you," Claire said.

Nikki smiled.

::

Meanwhile, back at Octavian Country-Day, the last of the freshmen girls were chosen and driven away, and in the the third stall of the second floor boy's bathroom of building A on campus was a very small, very jittery boy.

A knock at the stall made Todd yelp and jump. "Who is it?" Todd asked suspiciously.

"Danny, retard," Danny said. "Dude, I knew you'd be in here! Have you seriously not moved from this stall since lunch?"

Todd sighed with relief. "Danny, you don't understand," Todd said seriously, stuffing his scrawny arms deep inside his gray American Apparel hoodie. Stammering, "Didn't you see the looks on those guys faces? They totally want to kill me! And I don't know why!"

"Todd, bro, you can't stay in here for the whole summer," Danny pointed out. "They'll get you some time, just like they get everyone. They were probably just fuckin' with you. C'mon, open up." With his foot, Todd slid open the lock, and the bathroom door swung open. "You look fuckin' pathetic."

"How did they know my name?" Todd cried maniacally, throwing his arms up in the air. "My full name! And why me? Why did they single me out? I've never even seen them before in my life!" His blue eyes, which matched his sister's, grew wide with terror. "I need to get outta here. I'll just, I'll go straight home, and I'll come out when it's time for conditioning, otherwise, I can just stay inside, because my parents have a security system and everything -"

"Dude, stop pussying out," Danny said comfortingly. "They're just two asshole guys who think they can freak you out 'cuz they're seniors. Don't let it get to you. You'll probably get the same as everyone else."

"Doubt it," Todd muttered, shifting his backpack onto his shoulders and making way for the exit of the bathroom. "I mean, my full name!"

"Dude, they probably had a roster or something," Danny shrugged, but Todd couldn't help but realize Danny was hypothesizing a lot of things, which just made him even more nervous. "Okay, well, since you're being so fucked up about it, we'll just bike straight home and make a plan there. But you're not staying at your house all summer, you turd."

"Why not?"

"Because we're freshmen now, Todd. We go to high school. Staying home and re-playing Gears of War is for kids who go to middle school," Danny said. "We can ask your sister to take us to parties and stuff now, because we go to the same school."

Todd shook his head vigorously, his red curls flying around. "No. No way, bro. Claire hangs out with those losers. I'm pretty sure she's done it with them, too. I am not asking Claire for anything."

"Whatever," Danny shrugged.

They went towards the bike racks, where two lone bikes sat, still locked, warm from the summer sun. A shadow passed Todd as he unlocked his bike, and he jumped, but it turned out to just be the janitor, waiting to lock up. Hopping on his bike, Todd felt slightly safer - but then he remembered that Josh and Kemp probably had cars. Fast ones, too.

"I could pretend to be sick, or something," Todd suggested. "I mean, they can't beat me up if I have cancer, right?"

"I think you're totally overthinking this. They aren't going to go around and beat up every single kid who wants to join the lacrosse team, think about it - they'll be too tired to do that! You'll maybe get a thwack on the ass or like, be forced to run naked through the streets or some shit," Danny hypothesized again. "What about Claire? What happened to her when she was a freshman?"

Todd momentarily flashed back to that day - he was ten years old, and Claire had come home covered in raw egg, six types of mustard, glitter, flour, Sharpie, honey, and was wearing a sign that read: Kick me, I'm Freshman!

She had had a huge smile on her face.

"I think it's different for girls," Todd said.

"Oh, shit," Danny suddenly mumbled.

"What?"

"Don't- oh, fuck, just, just look down, bro," Danny said, and when Todd saw why, he realized it was too late.

A Cadillac Escalade pulled up - or, if possible, strolled up, like a scene from a movie, a mafia movie, and a tinted black window rolled down. The face Todd had dreaded the most grinned at him: full, square, white teeth. "Nice ride, T-man," Kemp said. The back windows also rolled down, revealing a few more athletic-looking seniors.

Todd froze. He had brought friends. Todd wasn't really for swearing, but 'fuck' very accurately described his current situation. "Um, uh, thanks," Todd stammered, clenching on his bike handles very tightly. Danny had lost all of his previous confidence that nothing bad could really happen, because did SUVs full of big jocks usually corner people without some dark ulterior motive?

Kemp patted his car. "Aren't you going to say something about my ride? She cost eighty thousand dollars."

"Um, nice car," Todd said, wondering if his voice really was as high as he imagined it was. "Very...large." And sturdy-looking. If it was Kemp's fender vs. Todd's bones, the fender would definitely win.

"I know," Kemp said, nodding.

"Well, I think I hear my mother calling," Todd lied, putting a foot on a bike pedal, preparing to shoot off as fast as he could. Cowardly? Maybe. But preferable to dealing this guy? Yeah.

"I don't hear anything," Kemp said. He turned to his friends. "Did you hear something?"

They all shook their heads, clearly enjoying this past the point of mild amusement. Christ. Psycho-narcissists with outrageous power complexes, Todd thought darkly.

Kemp shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, just wanted to see how you were doing, and what time you want the guys and I to pick you up tonight. Is eight good?"

"For what?" Todd asked nervously.

"We'll aim for nine, then," Kemp continued, as if he was actually having a two-sided conversation, and he put his hands back on the steering wheel. "Your sister says hi."

He drove off.

::

"LISTEN UP, YOU FILTHY FRESHMEN MAGGOTS,"Alicia yelled, her voice echoing against the tall, imposing buildings of Briarwood. Silence fell in the parking lot, where several dozen girls - Alicia had combined with Claire, Massie, and a few other senior girls - were lined up in rows. She smiled sweetly. "Let's get this out of the way. We, as senior girls, are here to help you become to best freshman girls you can possibly be. We're your friends, your sisters. So you will listen to us, and you won't question anything we say, otherwise your high school experience will be completely ruined, because you didn't get the proper training beforehand. It's called the golden rule, girls. If you don't pull shit with us, we won't pull shit with you."

Alicia shot a look towards Claire, signaling her to continue.

"Well, without further ado," Claire said, a beaming, white smile emerging on her lips, "Welcome to Briarwood Freshman Orientation!"

On cue, a heavy guitar riff to some unidentifiable glam rock song blasted through the PA systems, and Alicia picked up the megaphone sitting on the hood of her car. "High school," she began, pacing back and forth in front of the girls, "is nothing like middle school. So you can forget the fuck about it."

As she prepped the girls, Massie and Claire walked around, examining the girls. "What's your name?" Massie asked a freshman in the front row.

"Abby," she answered, immediately, promptly.

"That's a cute name," Massie said, pushing a strand of hair behind Abby's ear. She practically shone, until Massie waved her hand towards the back of the line. "You're going to have to move to the back."

"Why?" Abby asked, confused.

"Because I don't like looking at your face," Massie answered. She put a hand on her hip. "And are you questioning a senior?"

"No," Abby whispered, mortified. "Of - of course not, I just think it's a little -"

"Bye," Massie said simply, pointing towards the back.

"If you thought you were popular in middle school," Alicia continued, "well, you may have been right. But that's not the case anymore. Because in high school, you're nothing more than some ANNOYING FRESHMAN SLUTS, got it?"

No reply.

"I said, GOT IT?"

A few nods.

"Then SAY IT, YOU DUMB BITCHES!" Alicia screamed. "Come on, say it! Say it!"

Weakly, there were a few scattered murmurs of, "Freshman sluts", but nothing impressive. Alicia sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of her nose, before looking back up and putting a hand on her hip. "That was TERRIBLE," she roared into the megaphone. "DO IT AGAIN, you stupid little freshman SHITS!"

"I'm an annoying freshman slut." The voices were stronger this time, more collective, but Alicia wasn't impressed.

"Look, you little brats," Alicia said, her voice softer, but somehow more menacing. "Us senior girls are doing are best to help you be prepared for Briarwood, but if you aren't going to help us help you, you might as well drop out now. Now, do it again, and do it well."

Practically every freshman girl in the parking lot screamed, "I'M AN ANNOYING FRESHMAN SLUT", and Massie and Claire gave them small rounds of applause.

"Better, so much better," Alicia cooed, putting down the megaphone and heading over to the huge catering truck that was waiting to be opened, her Louboutins clacking against the asphalt concrete. "I can tell we're going to be great friends."

note: the hazing part was my favorite part of dazed and confused. sigh. you'll meet derrick in the next chapter and he'll be exactly like claire described him. ROCK ON, DERRICK. thanks for your reviews, they make me egotistical. :]