A/N: It was 3 am when I wrote this, and the insane weather plus waking up from an extremely disturbing dream involving NorCal hillbillies with shotguns, pre-op Michael Jackson living in my house, a floating jelly fish, arm parasites, and being rescued by my music teacher's wife all sort of combined to put me in this cracktastic mood. So... I wrote something cracktastic.

Enjoy.

The Disturbia Drabble

Kakashi was sitting in Ichiraku's, minding his own business as his ramen cooled before him, ignored in favor of the beauteously smutty book currently held in his hands when, all of a sudden, a screaming orange blur came flying through the doorway, hopped over the counter, and went crashing into the cabinet under the sink.

Recognizing the shockingly bright hair and clothes, Kakashi actually set the book down and leaned over curiously, trying to see his former student through the dust that had been thrown into the air upon his arrival. "... Naruto, what are you doing?"

"Shh! If that... thing finds me, I'm gonna die! I can't take it anymore! Oh, man... Just thinking about it makes me sick! It's so unnatural... Unnatural!" There was the quiet rustling of clothes moving against cabinetry. Kakashi could almost see the blond curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth.

Just as the silver-haired jounin was about to ask who the apparent "thing" was, the curtain which served as Ichiraku's door was daintily pushed aside as a tall, buxom white-haired beauty came walking in, hips swaying and an entirely too naughty grin on her beautiful face. "Oh, Naruto-chan!" She called out in a sing-song tone, glancing around the room, apparently oblivious to the fact that every male gaze was now zeroed in on her exposed cleavage. With a huff, she put hands on her hips and tapped one foot agitatedly. "Now where did that silly boy go?"

Kakashi's mouth ran dry as he looked her over. Her kimono-esque green and red dress clung to her curvy figure, barely covering enough to prevent charges of indecent exposure. Even the small mole on her nose and the red tattooed lines on her face couldn't ruin the truly delectable picture she presented. Was this who the kid was running from? Was he insane? Damn... Well, Naruto's loss!

"Can I help you with something, miss?" the masked playboy murmured, sidling up to the gorgeous babe. She glanced at him and smirked.

"Oh, hi Kakashi, have you seen Naruto? I was just working with him on something really important, and, can you believe it, he ran away!"

He blinked, suddenly extremely confused. Had they met before? Surely he would've remembered such a hottie... "How do you know my-"

She interrupted him with a sigh, her mouth forming a pouty rosebud that made at least three men let out strangled moans and dash for the bathroom. "Oh, well... I'll find him eventually, I just know it!" She shot Kakashi a dazzling smile and turned to leave. "Catch ya later, Kakashi! I'll send you the new book soon."

And she was gone. And Kakashi was left gaping like a fish out of water that had just gotten hit in the head by a two-by-four, or maybe a day-old jelly doughnut.

The sound of Naruto coming out of his hiding place roused him from his stupor, and he blinked owlishly at the teen. "Who... was that?"

Naruto's face scrunched up in distaste. "What, you couldn't figure it out?"

Silver hair swished slightly with the movement of Kakashi's headshake. "Uh... No."

Disgruntled noise. "Let me guess, you couldn't get past 'her' boobs to see the rest of her, right? Well, let me help you figure it out. What color was her hair?"

"White. Duh."

"What colors was she wearing?"

"Umm... Red and green."

"Now think very carefully- was there anything strange about her face?"

"Well, she did have tattoos... and a mole..."

"And she mentioned sending you a book. So just who does that make you think of, hmm?"

"..."

"C'mon, Kakashi. You're smarter than that-"

"Oh, shit! Eww eww eww eww eww!"

"I tried to tell you, man..."

"Ugh... Now I know why you ran. I think I'm gonna puke..."

"You'll get over it. Eventually. Maybe."