Um so, hi…So I'm getting to the point. I am a horrible person. I haven't updated in FOREVER D: FORGIVE ME! I just have been focusing on my SYOT (.net/s/7784378/1/The_20th_Hunger_Games_Shattered) and Mockingjay is HARD TO WRITE! Please realize that! I am having to go off and write Peeta in away that I haven't really seen or read of. Its really hard! So I'm just telling you I am not able to write these really quick anymore. Sorry L But yes I hope you enjoy!

PS-IF ANYONE GOES OFF SAYING PORTIA IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU! Ok not really but I know she dies. It never really specifies WHEN though so I will kill her in my own accord. Thank you! So yes read on! Hope you like it!

I stare wide eyed at the screen. I see people running, people screaming, and people dying. I see the blonde heads of merchants sprinting, pushing their families behind them so they can live. The people from the Seam helping each other into the meadow. The meadow. A hovercraft is waiting there. People are hurrying inside it, tears streaming down all of their faces. I wish I was with them. Portia buries her face into my chest, as she has for the last 3 hours we've been watching. I haven't stopped crying since it started.

We have been here for a week. The Capitol. I am soon to be used as a weapon against the rebels. I have learned that there have been uprisings going through the Districts. During the Games, people knew about it. Finnick, Beetee, Wiress, Cecilia, Haymitch, and Portia knew. Cinna knew. He can't tell anyone what he knows though.

According to Portia, the day we went back into the Games and she had those blips of static coming of her watch, Cinna was being beaten for his Mockingjay dress. They beat him, in front of Katniss, and then killed him.

"We don't know who has made it out, but we do know where they're all going," A large Peacekeeper informs us, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Where?" I ask, frightened for my family.

"If they made it to the hovercraft, they will be lifted to District 13. That's where Katniss, Finnick, and Beetee have been lifted to as well. It's were the Rebels have gone," He says with a gruff growl.

"District 13? I thought that was destroyed?" Portia sniffles.

"So did we," He mumbles. "But now were going into another war, all because of Katniss," I don't know If I was supposed to hear the last part, but I instantly get annoyed.

"She probably doesn't even know what's going on. If her cousin and Haymitch tell her something's right, she'll do it," I growl.

"Sure boy, whatever. Come on you 2, you need to get ready for that interview," He yanks at my arm, and Portia. We're shoved into a sterile white room, where my prep team waits.

"Peeta! We've missed you!" They smile brightly at me. They don't know anything or if they do, they don't understand. They instantly start working on me, trimming my hair, covering the remaining bruises from the Games, and rubbing my face with the harsh chemicals. They don't do much, but when they leave I'm drained. Maybe because it's the first time it's been only me, and I know Katniss isn't with her prep team either. I don't even know if her prep team is alive.

"All righty then, Peeta, we're done," Tentic grins at me. Kem and Gem bounce out with smiles, and Tentic lets out a strange giggling sound. Portia smiles at me a little, her makeup running. I wipe a tear from the corner of her eye and she shakes her head. Portia goes to get my suit and comes back with a simple black pant, black shoes, white button up shirt, and a yellow tie. I change quickly, and I feel the small padding on the chest of the shirt and along the arms. Portia stands on her toes to tie the tie, and then helps me slip on the black jacket.

I stand in front of the mirror and see I look fine. I don't look overly thin; you can't see the small, light bruises that were on my face, or the scar that was on my hand from the deep cut the knife left on me. Portia sees me staring coldly at myself and takes my face in her hands.

"Can I see a smile?" She asks, lightly touching the corner of my lips. I smile at her touch and she then lets a small smile rise to her lips. A sharp, loud bang hits the door and I jump. The Peacekeeper from before pulls Portia out, leaving me alone in the dark room.

The door opens and I gasp at who comes in. Snow stands there, no guard, no protection I can see. He smiles at me, and it makes me sick that I'm alone in the same room as him.

"I'm not going to sugar coat this Mellark, and I'm guessing you already know this. I hate you. I hate Katniss. I hated District 12 too, and see what I did to it? I made it disappear. I can do that to anything I hate. Do you see where I'm going with this?" Yes I do. He's trying to get me to turn against Katniss. I don't say anything though, so after a moment he continues. "I'm guessing that you would rather not die, so I have a proposition for you," He gives me a big red smile. "If you do exactly as I say, I won't kill you. I won't torture the other victors when we get them. You'll be safe. We're going to say you won the Games, Peeta. You're the most believable of the 3 that remain in our facility. It's simple. All you have to do is call for a cease fire."

"What? Are you kidding? No one will go for a cease fire, not even if I say it. People are fed up Snow, and they aren't going to give up that easily. Especially with all those Victors supporting the cause," I spit out in disbelief.

"Do you believe in it Peeta? Do you believe in the death that is going on, because of their choices?" He questions me.

"No I don't. I also don't believe in the Hunger Games. And guess what? Those still happen every year. I can't control them. You do," I snap.

"Yes Peeta, I know. But if you don't, we'll have to destroy all of the rebels," He taunts a horrible glint flashing in his snake like eyes.

I understand now. All the rebels. Even the ones that didn't know they were part of the rebels until a week ago. The ones that I care for, the ones I love to hate. The ones I just love. He'll kill Katniss without a second thought. He'd be happy; the star-crossed lovers' most lethal player would be dead. And I wouldn't be able to help her.

"Cease fire?" I ask.

"That's it. Now come, don't want to miss your interview," And he opens the door for me to be lead out. A large man, not dressed in a Peacekeeper's uniform but still holding weapons, leads me down the hall, pressing call button on the elevator. When we step in, he presses the button to go down to the 1st floor. I follow after the large guy, I think I hear someone call him Brute which sends a wave of regrets through me, but he pushes me through an open door and I instantly become somber.

It's Caesar Flickerman's interview stage. He sees me and smiles sadly at me. There's something different about him, but I can't tell. He lightly lays his hand on my back, leading me over to the chair. There is no audience. I remember a few days back when they did the replay of the Games. I didn't even watch the screen, and couldn't hear anything over the roar of the crowd. They all were screams of hatred and vengeance. I don't think they ever aired it.

I fall into the chair and Caesar sits across from me. I hear them counting down, and the loud shout of 'Action!' and the silence all around us.

"So…Peeta…Welcome back," Caesar says finally. I give the smallest of smiles.

"I bet you thought you'd done your last interview with me, Caesar."

"I confess, I did," He shakes his head a little. "The night before the Quarter Quell…well, who ever thought we'd see you again?"

"It wasn't part of my plan, that's for sure," I frown.

"I think it was clear to all of us what your plan was," He says leaning towards me. "To sacrifice yourself in the arena so that Katniss Everdeen and your child could survive," Another sad shake of the head.

"That was it. Clear and simple." I trace the pattern on the chair, remember how it's the same as the love seat me and Katniss shared, almost a year ago. I wonder where she is, if she remembers that day too. Or if she's already with Gale, smiling and totally fine. "But other people had plans as well," I try not to growl the last bit. I crease forms between my brow as I wonder about her.

"Why don't you tell us about the last night in the arena? Help us sort a few things out," Caesar suggests. It's a strange request, but I nod and start slowly.

"That last night…to tell you about that last night…well, first of all, you have to imagine how I felt in the arena," Caesars eyes widen for a fraction of a second, then go back to normal. No one has ever told what it was like in the arena. Victors, even the ones from the Career Districts, never tell about the time in the arena. "It was like being an insect trapped under a bowl filled with steaming air. And all around you, jungle…green and alive and ticking. That giant clock ticking away your life. Every hour promising some new horror. You have to imagine that in the past two days, sixteen people have died-some of them protecting you. At the rate things are going, the last eight will be dead by morning. Save one. The victor. And your plan is that it won't be you," I can feel the sweat form over my brow, as a remember the horrible place. "Once you're in the arena, the rest of the world becomes very distant. All the people and things you loved or cared for almost cease to exist. The pink sky and the monsters in the jungle and the tributes who want your blood become your final reality, the only one that ever mattered. As bad as it makes you feel, you're going to have to do some killing, because in the arena, you only get one wish. And it's very costly," I keep my voice steady, making sure to paint the perfect picture.

"It costs your life," Caesar murmurs.

"Oh, no. It costs a lot more than your life. To murder innocent people?" I shake my head a little. "It costs everything you are," I mumble.

"Everything you are," Caesar repeats, almost silently. I nod my head, and I can hear people holding their breath around me, not wanting to miss one breath.

"So you hold on to your wish. And that last night, yes, my wish was to save Katniss. But even without knowing about the rebels, it didn't feel right. Everything was too complicated. I found myself regretting I hadn't run off with her earlier in the day as she had suggested. But there was no getting out of it at that point," I have to stop, my throat choking out the words.

"You were too caught up in Beetee's plan to electrify the salt lake," Caesar guesses.

"Too busy playing allies with the others. I should have never let them separate us!" I burst, unable to stop myself. "That's when I lost her," I drop my head into my hands, holding in the tears.

"When you stayed at the lightning tree, and she and Johanna Mason took the coil of wire down to the water," Caesar clarifies. I wish he didn't bring it up.

"I didn't want too!" I yell angrily. "But I couldn't argue with Beetee without indicating we were about to break the alliance," My voice growing fainter. "When that wire was cut, everything just went insane. I can only remember bits and pieces. Trying to find her. Watching Brutus Kill Chaff. Killing Brutus myself. I know she was calling my name. Then the lightning bolt hit the tree, and the force field around the arena…" I'm not blaming Katniss. "Blew out."

"Katniss blew it out, Peeta, you've seen the footage."

"She didn't know what she was doing. None of us could follow Beetee's plan. You can see her trying to figure out what to do with that wire," I just about snarl.

"All right. It just looks suspicious. As if she was part of the rebels' plan all along," Caesar barely finishes before I'm on my feet. I lean over Caesar, my face in front of his, hands placed on the arm of the chair, no way of letting him leave.

"Really? It was part of her plan for Johanna to nearly kill her? For the electric shock to paralyze her? To trigger the bombing?" I start yelling in his face. "She didn't know, Caesar! Neither of us knew anything except that we were trying to keep each other alive!"

"Okay, Peeta, I believe you," Caesar says, his eyes wide with fear. His hand rests on my chest to push me away, and I comply mumbling an 'okay,' barely loud enough to be audible. I fall back into my chair, running my hand through my hair. I feel ashamed for my outburst and I don't know what to do.

"What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?" Caesar says after a moment.

"I don't know what Haymitch knew," I say coldly.

"Could he have been part of the conspiracy?" Caesar prods.

"He never mentioned it," I try to calm myself.

"What does your heart tell you?" He needs to shut up soon, or my fist will be telling him something. But his question makes me think. What is my heart telling me?

"That I shouldn't have trusted him," I growl truthfully. "That's all."

Caesar rest a hand on my shoulder, telling me we could stop this dreaded interview. I let my eyes flash up to the large Peacekeeper that led me here, and he shakes his head. I still haven't called for that cease-fire either so I have no choice.

"Was there more to discuss?" I mock harshly.

"I was going to ask your thoughts on the war, but if you're too upset…" I can almost hear Snow hissing in my ear, one last chance to back out. But I won't. I put on a crude smile

"Oh, I'm not too upset to answer that," Deep breath, make sure they understand. "I want everyone watching-whether you're on the Capitol or the rebel side-to stop for just a moment and think about what this war could mean. For human beings. We almost went extinct fighting one another before. Now our numbers are even fewer. Our condition more tenuous. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off completely? In the hopes that-what? Some decent species will inherit the smoking remains of the earth?"

"I don't really…I'm not sure I'm following…" Caesar says. Must I say those exact words?

"We can't fight one another, Caesar," I sigh, explaining once more. "There won't be enough of us left to keep going. If everybody doesn't lay down their weapons-and I mean very soon-it's all over, anyway."

"So…your calling for a cease-fire?" Caesar confirms.

"Yes," Snow glares at me, I can almost hear him hissing in my ear to say it. "I'm…calling for a cease-fire," And he has officially won. He made me say what I never wished to say. "Now why don't we ask the guard to take me back to my quarters so I can build another hundred card houses?" Caesar signs us off, and once the cameras are off, Brute walks over, grabs my collar and tugs me out.

Once away from everyone, I get a sharp zap of electricity into my back. I collapse right then. Snow sees me and smiles.

"You did well."

"Why was I zapped?" I growl.

"Because we can," He chuckles, and the sound is horrible. "Remember that Peeta, we can hurt you. And it can be entirely for fun."

And with that, he presses the stick to the back of my neck, shocking me once again. Completely and utterly for fun.