Too Close

The late afternoon sunlight streams in through the blinds, making shadows dance on the sterile white hospital wall. Detective Kate Beckett sits on the uncomfortable small couch, knees close to her chest as she watches his sleeping form breathe in and out on the bed just a few feet away. The sight is comforting, making her sigh in relief for what seems to be the millionth time in the past couple of hours since he was brought to this room. Tears sting her eyes when she remembers the panic that took over her when she saw his blood soaked his shirt.

It had been too close this time. Too close.

Letting out another shaky sigh, she brushes a stray tear away with the back of her hand.

He is alive. That's all that matters right now. He is alive and breathing and warm just a few feet away from her, she tells herself when another tear trails down her cheek. He will probably be out of commission for a few weeks, but other than that he is just fine. He has not left her.

God, she will never let this happen again.

The sight of his blood pouring from the wound, soaking his sleeve will be forever engraved in her mind, as hard as she has tried to erase it in the past twelve hours. She can still smell it, even though she nearly scrubbed her hands raw when they took him to surgery. Was this how he felt when she was shot last year? Because if it was… God, she never wants to go through something like this again. Never. And she will do the impossible to not put him in this position again, because quite frankly, it sucks.

But he is alive. She can't even begin to describe the relief that flooded through her veins when the doctor came out and told them he had made it through surgery and would make a full recovery. She honestly thought she was going to faint there for a second, her legs shaking so badly that she needed to sit down immediately. Closing her eyes, she can see Alexis again and how the young girl clung to her grandmother crying in relief that her dad was going to be okay.

A quiet groan pulls her out of her thoughts and she looks up in time to see him stirring. Kate is on her feet in a flash and quickly crosses the distance to his bedside. He is frowning in apparent discomfort, a line creasing between his eyebrows. His eyes are still closed, but she can see that he is on the verge of consciousness, so she slowly sits next to him, holding his good hand on hers until he wakes up.

His eyelids flutter and suddenly she can see his blue irises as he looks around in confusion, struggling to focus on something, anything. Finally, finally, he manages to focus on her and Kate smiles when she sees recognition flash on his features.

"Hey, partner." She tells him with a small smile, her chest coiling in itself, her scar suddenly feeling so tight that she can't move, can barely breathe.

"Hey." He croaks out, his voice hoarse. He still looks so pale, the dark circles under his eyes making him look even worse. "What…" He swallows painfully and she reaches out to get a cup of water with a straw, holding it out for him to take a sip. He takes a deep breath and nods gratefully when she puts it back on the small table next to the bed.

"Easy, Castle." She smiles at him, her hand still clutching his as if it is her lifeline. "You shouldn't talk now." She warns gently, but he just squeezes her hand, turning his wrist so their palms meet. His warmth makes her want to cry in relief and joy again. She squeezes back and laces her fingers through his, looking down in order to discreetly wipe a stubborn tear away.

"Kate," his voice is barely a whisper, but it makes her look up to meet his gaze. "What happened?" He asks, confused and concerned, now that he sees her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"You don't remember?" She takes a deep breath and covers his hand with her free one.

"I…" He starts, apparently struggling to put the pieces in his mind together. "I remember the cake at the precinct. Then…" He closes his eyes, his frown deepening. "Oh, we got a hit on the APB, right? At the pier?"

"Yeah. Jones was there when we arrived, but he wasn't alone." She swallows hard because the last thing she wants is to relive those terrible few minutes when all hell broke loose, but he needs to know. "They started shooting and… I don't know how it happened, Castle. It was so fast."

"I got shot?" He asks gently and she nods, brushing another tear away, embarrassed that she can't even pull herself together in front of him.

"They got you in your arm." She explains, smiling tearfully when he lets go of her hand to touch her cheek, wiping the wet trail with his thumb in a soft touch. "It was through and through but…" She takes a deep breath, trying to control her emotions. "the bullet nicked an artery on the way in and… there was just so much blood, Castle. So much blood." She looks down, her eyes watching the scene over and over again as some macabre film reel.

"But… I feel fine now." He says in a soothing voice, with a hint of confusion. "How bad was it?" He asks, but she only hears his voice as if coming from a distance. She can't seem to get out of her own mind and those nightmarish memories. "Kate, hey." His hand trails down her arm and holds hers again, giving it a squeeze. "Look at me. I'm right here." He smiles when she finally focuses on him again.

"You lost a lot of blood and you broke your arm. They took you to surgery to stop the bleeding and to reset the fracture, I think." She explains, letting out a breath and closing her eyes. Now she feels so tired. So, so tired. All she wants is to lie down next to him and go to sleep, listening to his heartbeat. "The doctor is going to tell you the details later."

He nods and they are silent for a couple of minutes, his thumb gently brushing over her knuckles. She sighs and stands up after a while, but he tugs her back to the bed before she can go very far.

"Where are you going?" He asks quietly, still keeping her hand captive.

This isn't something common between them so it seems that he is taking advantage of the moment to keep her hand in his for as long as possible. If it was up to her, she would just crawl into bed with him and hold him, so she could convince herself that he was still here, still alive.

"I was just going to grab a chair. You should get some rest." She replies, but even she can't convince herself that she really means what she said. He lifts an eyebrow at her and she sighs, sitting back down next to him. "Alexis left a little while ago. Said she'd bring back some clothes for you." She tells him, trying to change the subject. He nods and tugs on her hand again. "What?"

"Come here?" He asks, nodding to his side and she bites her lip, unsure. "Stay with me, Kate. Just for a little while?"

"I don't want to hurt you." She says, but he shakes his head, tugging on her hand again. The bed is on a half seated position, so Kate lets go of his hand and sits next to him carefully, leaning back against his pillow. "Okay?" She asks when she is finally settled.

"Much better now." He sighs and takes her hand again, immediately entwining their fingers. Kate lets out a breath and wills herself to relax.

He is fine. He made it. She didn't lose him.

"Hell of a birthday present." She comments after a few minutes and feels him chuckle against her side. He's relaxed into her and she brushes a kiss to his temple.

She almost lost him. God.

"Not how I had planned to spend my birthday this year." He agrees and she grins weakly, letting out a shaky sigh. "Kate?" He lifts his head from her shoulder and his eyes regard her worriedly when she shakes her head.

"It's just…" she swallows hard and looks down at their joined hands, unable to meet his eyes. "I saw your lights go out today, Castle. I don't…" She stops, takes a deep breath. "I almost lost you." She finally finishes in a whisper. "And I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

"You didn't lose me, Kate." He tells her, bringing her hand up to his lips for a gentle kiss. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Not any time soon." He smiles when she finally meets his eyes, hers shining with unshed tears. "Hey, you're not getting rid of me that easily, okay? You're stuck with me." He jokes and she lets out a chuckle, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Good." She closes her eyes and finally feels her chest starting to uncoil, her muscles relaxing, making it easier for her to breathe. "Promise me something?" She asks him after a few minutes, looking up at his curious eyes.

"Anything."

"Don't ever scare me like this again?" She bites on her lip nervously, trying to decide if what she wants to do is a wise move under these circumstances.

"I'll try my best not to." He gives her a crooked smile and squeezes her hand again. "Sorry I scared you today." He whispers, but she shakes her head, her hand coming up to touch his cheek.

"Just don't do it again." She murmured before closing the distance between them and pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss. He stiffens in surprise for a moment, but soon responds, taking her lower lip between his own, kissing her slowly.

"What was that for?" He asks when they break apart, foreheads touching. "Not that I'm complaining." He adds quickly, making her smile.

"Just…" She lets out a heavy sigh, presses her lips to his again. "I'm so glad you're okay." She confesses and he grins at her happily, kissing her again.

A/N: Those of you waiting for an update on "At the end of the tunnel", fear not. I'll get to it tomorrow. This scene has been playing in a loop in my head all day and I just had to get it out of my system. Tell me what you think?