Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: I decided to write this because I do not have much experience writing humour or light hearted stories and, so, I wanted the practice. I recently posted a story that is more serious and dramatic in nature, so I wanted to tinker with something that wasn't near as serious. Hence this came about! Plus, I hope writing this will give me some good practice of writing different Death Note characters.

Last, but definitely not least, I wanted to dedicate this to and thank oursolemnhour49 who got me thinking about this idea and whose creativity has definitely influenced me. If you have the time, I would definitely check out her stories!

Enough with the rambling...I hope you enjoy!

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"Please No Flash Photography"

Rules and Regulations

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"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! It is my great pleasure, as a representative of Ohba & Obata Tourism, to welcome you to this land of mystery and intrigue, this region where impossible things become possible, this nation inhabited by detectives and Gods of Death alike, the marvellous world of...Death Note!

"Now, I can see in the crowd quite a few newcomers to our homeland. I extend a very warm welcome to our guests who are visiting for the first time! I also salute all of our returning guests who just can't get enough of our home and all that it has to offer! Back in December 2003, the month and year of our confederation, our great and inspirational founders encouraged people from all across the globe to visit our diverse and unique nation. In fact, that was one of their main goals and visions as founders: To increase tourism rates and to educate people about our homeland. And thanks to you all, our tourism rates have soared since the very beginning.

"With our little history lesson over, I would like to formally introduce myself.

"My name is Touta Matsuda, but, Matsuda is just fine! Or, if you would prefer, Matsui or Matsu; I am a man who goes by many names, ha ha! I will be your formal tour guide during your stay with us in Death Note. If you have any questions or concerns during your stay, please don't hesitate to ask me and I will be more than happy to answer!

"Before we embark on our first day of sightseeing, there are a few rules and regulations that I am obligated to inform you about.

"First of all, please do not give your names out to anyone. This is one of our strictest policies and we advise you, for the sake of your health, to create a nickname (or codename, since that sounds so much cooler) for yourself, and to use this name at all times during your visit with us. Now, I know this may sound quite odd at the present moment, but I assure you that the reason for this procedure will become apparent quite soon during our tour. Now, you may be wondering why I just gave you my name, but not to worry, since the citizens of Death Note already know my name, so there's no harm telling you. Well, not all of the citizens know my true name for certain reasons, but I have codenames that I use instead. Uh, which I also told you. Um, yeah, hmm. Is this going to complicate things? How about I'll tell you before we visit each attraction what name you should call me by, okay? Some places we visit you can call me by Matsuda and other places you can call me by Matsui and – yeah, I'm sure you get the picture, right? Bottom line, don't use your real name during your stay here.

"Speaking of getting the picture, we ask you at Ohba & Obata Tourism to please take no flash photography. There are certain citizens of Death Note who have quite a low attention span (I'm not speaking of myself of course, heh heh), and flash photography can be quite distracting to them. We have had a few incidents (very minor of course, heh heh) with tourists and one of our citizens. This particular citizen thought the tourists were stalking her because they were taking pictures of her and it took some time before we resolved the issue, resulting in shorter timeslots for the other attractions. Therefore, I encourage you to refrain from taking flash photography. In fact, there are some destinations on our tour where photography of any kind is prohibited for security and confidentiality reasons, but I will inform you of these areas well in advance. And I beg you to not break this rule in those particular areas, since you may find yourself under surveillance or confinement if you break this rule. Not to darken the mood or anything, ha ha, yeah, moving on!

"As I'm sure you're all aware, Death Note is a very multicultural society. Our citizens come from various different cultural backgrounds and then there are some inhabitants who are of a completely different species all together. I am, of course, referring to the Shinigamis. We ask that all of our guests show respect towards our Death God friends and to refrain from making any deals with them. Um, yes. Anyways, I encourage you to interact freely with the Shinigamis during our trip. I'm sure they will be happy to answer your questions. Then again, they may not give you the correct answer or any answer at all, but it's worth trying, right? Oh, and we have found that apples and chocolate are very well-accepted gifts with certain Shinigamis, in case you want to thank them for their hospitality.

"Finally, please do not stray from the group. The world of Death Note contains many locations and many different inhabitants. Some locations are more than what they appear to be and many inhabitants contain secrets that can change the flow of our whole world if revealed. For example, a hotel room that serves as a secret investigation base, and a young insomniac who is actually the world's great – uh, but that's all I can say for now. Overall, it is best to stay with your tour guide who knows about these things, in order to not get lost and to get the most out of your experience while visiting.

"So there you have it! Those are the basic rules for our tour! We will take a short break before we begin our sightseeing. If any of you are still looking for a hotel to stay in during your visit, I can recommend some excellent hotels that I've stayed in (and believe me, I've stayed in quite a few, so I have quite the stack of knowledge on which ones are first-rate in accommodation). Apart from that, please enjoy your break and I look forward to being your tour guide!"

RING!

"Oh, that's my cell phone! Hello? Oh, Ryu – what's that? Yes, I just finished and told them about the break...huh? Oh, yeah, sure! Right away, Ryu – uh, I mean, uh...I'll be there right away with your coffee! Yes, I told them about the photography...yes, they know not to take photos in certain areas...yes I did warn them about the surveillance and confinement...yes, yes. Okay...I'll – yes, I know extra sugar...extra sugar done your way, yes...okay, see you soon!

"Ha ha, just one of my, uh, colleagues. I have to see him for a second, but I'll definitely be back when the tour's scheduled! So, see you all in 15 minutes when the first tour will begin!

"Now, where's the nearest coffee shop around here?"

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A/N: Hoped you enjoyed!