Chapter 1

There is a distinct feeling of uneasiness hanging heavily in the air.

And they wouldn't have to be a group of world class profilers to sense it.

The tension is palpable when the team return to the building. Still, no one asks. No one speaks.

It's not that tension is unusual among the team recently. There had been a fluctuating state of unrest and uneasiness since Emily's miraculous resurrection from the dead. It was to be expected.

Some thing were expected, anyway. Some things came as no surprise at all to Emily Prentiss.

Like Morgan, and his quiet intense rage. The way he tries to shield Emily from his anger, his soul crushing guilt. He is afraid that any protest or complaint he offered would nullify his joy at her being alive and well. So he tries to hide it. But Emily sees. And his attempts to hide it only serve to drive the wedge further between them. But he is trying, and Emily tells herself 'time will heal.'

She had anticipated Morgan's rage, as surely as she had anticipated Garcia's joy and forgiveness. Her unconditional embrace. There were nights Emily had cried herself to sleep longing for those arms around her. Emily knew, just knew, Garcia would be the one to take Sergio under her wing, that she didn't have to worry for him. Garcia was just purely happy to see her friend alive. No questions asked. Garcia is a remarkable person and it's a special kind of friendship. Yet, sometimes, Emily cant quite meet her gaze. Because its feels just a little wrong that Garcia isn't even a little bit angry at the betrayal.

And Hotch? Well. Emily had received from him exactly what she'd been expecting- nothing. He always played his cards close to his chest. And he had the advantage of knowing all along that she wasn't dead. The fact that he opened the door for her to return to the team, that he stood in front of Reid and took the blame, that spoke all Emily needed to know.

And Rossi. He had always been there, a friend and confidant. He supported Emily without question after Matthew died. The whole team had, in their own way, But Rossi was the one who stood by her side, took her by the hand, absorbed her long kept secret shame. He looks to Emily now the way he did then. Kindly. Almost fatherly. Though she know she is getting far too old to look towards him in that light.

Then there were the things Emily had not expected.

Reid, shattered like a motherless child. His shameless confession that he had cried for months after losing Emily. His admission that he was tempted back to Dilaudid. The ferocity of his anger at JJ over keeping the secret. Emily herself, along with Hotch, somehow escaped unscathed. JJ bore the brunt of his fury. And had done so to protect Emily.

However, after the initial upheaval, there had been a seamless transition of Agent Prentiss back into the team. After all, people come, people go. JJ most of all. She was had been there, bright and shining. Then gone just like that. Then here again, gone tomorrow. And even though "the gang's all here" now, it's not the same. Not when it's so damn easy for people to slip away.

Emily casts her mind back, to the time she had resigned from the BAU to prove her integrity. How much it hurt. How her heart burst with painful hope when Aaron Hotchner showed up at her door. Asking for her to return. Offering his outstretched hand, offering her a second chance as part of the BAU family.

And now here she is, back with the team.

There is only frustrated silence as she, Morgan, Reid, Garcia and JJ enter the conference room for mandatory debriefing.

The case had been blown to hell in the worst possible way. They all know it.

Which is why it grates on Emily's nerves to her JJ's nonchalant comment. "Well, things could be worse."

Emily can't help but scoff at her. "Could be worse? He gets to go free, no consequences, no justice for the victims, and god knows how many more victims out there?" Emily prefers silent anger, but she has been caught off guard by the events of the day, and the words just come out, sounding a hell of a lot more angry than she intended.

"Settle." Morgan tells her. "It's not JJ's fault. We all need to remember who the bad guy is, and not turn on each other."

Garcia makes her way over to Emily, trying surreptitiously to lay her arms around her friend protectively, to calm her down, but she knows already Emily will only push her away. She still tries, she always tries, that's the thing about Garcia.

"Whose fault is it?" Emily spits.

"If you're waiting for me to apologise – you have a long wait." JJ taunts, folding her arms defiantly in front of her chest.

"An apology is the last thing I'd expect from you." Emily acknowledges. There is bitterness in her tone now, far disproportionate to the situation. "You're pleased aren't you? Pleased with yourself?" It finally dawns on Emily.

"Pleased that I saved you from being killed by a psychopath serial killer? Well, yes, Agent Prentiss, I'm rather pleased with myself." JJ informs her. She tries to sound confident, but it only comes across sounding defensive.

"He wasn't going to kill me!" Emily shouts. "Did you even read the profile? Everything was perfect, I almost had him, then you showed up, Jennifer." The other woman's name slips icily of Emily's tongue.

"The trouble with you, Emily.. "JJ inserts the other woman's name here deliberately, mimicking Emily's bitter use of her own name. "Is that you can never see when you are in over your head. He knew you were a fed. He would have killed you." JJ tells her.

"You're wrong." Emily announces with a slight arrogance.

"Because you're a world class profiler and I'm not?" JJ asks, furrowing her brow in annoyance.

"Did I say that?" Emily answers the question with a question.

"Or because your last undercover mission ended so damn successfully!" JJ has raised her voice now. She is coming across as angry. She doesn't know if the others can see it, probably they can, they are profilers, but she is fighting back tears. Not Emily though. Emily can't see it. Emily is too caught up in her own head. Emily has always been like that.

The others shift uncomfortably, not wanting to be in the centre of an argument between the two woman. They are all staring, in the unobtrusive way of trying not to stare. And Emily chooses to shrug off JJ's comment and sit, in silent defeat.

It's at that moment Hotch and Rossi appear in the conference room. There is an instant change of tone, as if they are children, as if their father has walked in on them misbehaving. Hotch waits for each and every one of them to sit in compliance before making his announcement.

"I think we are all aware this is not the outcome we had hoped for. The responsibility is mine. This was my plan, and in hindsight it may have been too soon to put Emily in a situation like that."

"I didn't do anything wrong." Emily declares defiantly.

Before Hotch can answer, JJ stands to her feet, towering over Emily. "Did it occur to you, even once, what it was like for the rest of us to watch you in that man's clutches, so soon after we thought you were dead?" JJ can't quite meet Emily in the eye.

The others squirm in their seats. Hotch takes a step back. Perhaps better to let them get it all out in the open. Lay it to rest once and for all.

"You never thought I was dead." Emily shoots back without missing a beat, but the venom in her voice is gone. As she thinks of the others, Mogan, Reid, Garcia, Rossi. Perhaps it had been a lot to ask them to sit back and watch her undercover, getting up close and personal to a serial killer. Still, none of them had a problem. They all had enough faith in her to get the job done. They had trusted her with the undercover mission. It was JJ who hadn't trusted her. JJ who had blown it.

"Alright." Hotch calls everyone to order. "I think we need to take a step back, be grateful everyone is fine. It's been a long day, a long few months. Lets all go home and get some sleep. We'll meet back in the morning. 8 am. Don't be late." Hotch orders.

"And he just gets away with it?" Reid can't help but ask.

"The local police know who he is, they're watching. That's all we can do." Hotch tries to hide his frustration at the situation behind his eerily calm voice.

"Well that's just wonderful." Emily mutters under her breath.

Hotch shoots her a disapproving gaze, and she bites her tongues, shaking her head as she picks up her belongings and heads for the door.

It's been one of those days when all anyone wants to do is grab their bags, and get home to a nice shower and bed. It's the one thing that keeps Emily going. She is almost home. Just a few more minutes with her professional face plastered on. Then she is free to break down in any way she chooses. Then she can relax. She can let the tears fall. She can sit alone, in the dark, and draw her knees up to her chest and rock herself to sleep.

But then the doors to the building snap shut suddenly.

"Oh, come on, not today." Morgan mutters under his breath.

The team look to Hotch, who at that exact minute has received a phone call. He turns from the probing eyes of his team. "Yes, I understand" He says into his phone. "How long? I see. Thank you for the call."

When he is finished, Aaron Hotchner looks down to the face of his team members, exhausted and weary.

"I'm sorry. The building is locked down for the next two hours. No one in, no one out."

"What is it this time?" Rossi asks.

"I'm not privy to the reason." Hotch informs them, and it's plain to see.

There is a collective groan, the team drop their bags, remove their coats, and settle in for the immediate future. It had happened several times lately. Some kind of security drill or training exercise. No one knew for sure. Mostly the team passed the time joking around, generally having fun, watching movies, catching up on reading, chatting and laughing, shut off from the world. As if for a moment in time they could pretend there was no such thing as murder and rape and all the harrowing, tormenting, heart breaking things they see every day.

Today, however, everyone is a little on edge. And the feeling of being shut in for two hours with the team is suffocating. Hotch and Rossi make a hasty exit, leaving the rest of the team in the conference room.

"Unbelievable, I don't have time for this today." Emily announces. She isn't talking to anyone, its a general complaint. "That's three times this month."

JJ rolls her eyes "Uhuh" She mumbles in response, clearly unimpressed. To the untrained eye it may seem JJ's dissatisfaction was at the situation, the lock down. But in a room full of profilers it's plain to see her bitter gesture was for Emily's benefit.

"Something you want to say JJ?" Emily asks.

"Please, girls, stop this." Garcia begs, but no one pays her any attention.

"We all know its three times this month. No need to go on about it." JJ snaps. "There is nothing we can do about it. I have a baby at home waiting for me, you don't hear me complaining."

"Yes." Emily shakes her head without missing a beat. "We all know you have a baby."

"What is that supposed to mean?" JJ demands, slipping into her fierce mother protector mode.

"Nothing." Emily raises her hands in surrender, but her eyes gleam with something else.

"Are you implying I can't do my job because I'm a mother?" JJ suggests.

"You said it." Emily retorts, without committing herself one way or the other.

"Hey!" Morgan interrupts. "Ladies, come on."

"I resent that, Emily." JJ tells her.

"You saying you never let the fact you're a mother affect you on the job?" Emily asks. It's genuine curiosity mixed with incredulity dripping from her voice. "Look how you reacted today, You totally lost your head."

"I acted in the best interests of the team, and being a mother has nothing to do with that." JJ defends herself.

"That's not strictly true. "Reid interjects. "There was that one case, the psychic, you reacted emotionally and not rationally. You tried to steer the team to the wrong location. You didn't trust the profile because you related to the mother losing her child." Poor Reid isn't even aware of the war going on around him, his words aren't cruel, just stating a fact. But JJ is feeling decidedly ganged up against.

"Shut up, kid." Morgan hisses at him, playfully slapping him across the head.

"So I made a mistake, one mistake, one case, years ago. I believed something I wanted to believe. You never made a mistake, Emily?" JJ directs her comments to Emily, even though it had been Reid who inadvertently attacked her.

"Believe me, I've made plenty." Emily acknowledges. If not for the others in the room, she would have spelled out to JJ just what her greatest mistake was.

"Nobody throws your mistakes in your face, Emily."

"Isn't that exactly what you do, JJ?" Emily asks. The anger is gone. Her voice is soft, almost sad.

JJ sits back down at the table, cradling her head in her hands. Now, there is no hiding the tears that are about to fall. Emily doesn't understand it. Doesn't understand what she has said that suddenly turned JJ's eyes from angry to sad. Only that somehow she is the bad guy. Like always. She may be stuck in the building for two hours, but she isn't stuck in that conference room. Emily doesn't even stop to collect her belongings. She merely stands, so calmly, so confidently, that the others are barely aware she has even moved, until they hear the door click softly shut behind her.

TBC