Title: There's No Place like Home

Disclaimer: Ha, no.

Thanks to Wldwmn, tromana, SteeleSimz, AngryLittlePrincess, Anonymous, vanrigsby, and WeBuiltThePyramids for the reviews! :D

I wish I could say I have one more chapter after this to bring you, but apparently I don't. Thank you all so much for all the kind reviews, and just allowing me to make you all laugh!

5—The Demise

"…you want me to give you my broom?"

Jane nodded, as Grace viewed him.

"I want to go home, and you want your slippers back." Jane offered. "We'll both be happier this way." Grace shook her head. "Why not?"

"I'm not giving up my broom to you."

"Not even to get your slippers back?"

She hesitated. "Not even then."

"I'll have to kill you then." Jane stated, and Grace nodded.

"I suppose you will, but good luck with that."

Grace swept from her chambers, and Jane stared after her.

"The Wizard of Oz didn't go like this." He muttered. "I'm supposed to be able to outsmart her, or at least manipulate her."

Cranberry barked.

"This is entirely yourfault." Jane threw at the small dog. "But since you're here, maybe Grace will take you as my bargaining chip."

Cranberry barked again, and Jane frowned.

"It'd be horrible of me to do that though." Jane glanced around the room, and quickly found something he could hold water in. "Well, I'll kill her then...but…" he paused. "How do I get the water?"—I suppose I could jump out the windows, or even ask Grace for the water.—he grinned. "Oh, Wicked Witch of the West! I'm thirsty."

Grace hurried back into the room. "So?"

"I'm thirsty, and I'm your prisoner." He grinned at her. "I need a drink."

She merely rolled her eyes, and left the room again—but the second time, she returned with a small silver flask. "Here. It's water."

"Oh, thanks." Jane brightly responded, as he took a small swig before he stared at the small thing of water in his hand.—this was almost too easy.—and just tossed the water at Grace.

She screamed in agony. "I'm melting! I'm melting!"

While she screamed, Jane ran to grab at her broom and grinned.

"I'm going home!"

Cranberry barked, and Jane shook his head.

"Not you."

Eventually, the group of four stood back before the Wizard.

"I brought you the broom." Jane threw the broom down before his feet. "I want to go home now."

"Not so fast." The Wizard boomed, in a flash of bright colors. "How did she die?"

"I gave her a bath." Jane admitted, brightly. "I had no idea witches hated water." Jane glanced at Wainwright. "Do you hate water?"

"Don't you dare..." Wainwright warned.

"I wouldn't dare." Jane beamed.

"Are you two done yet?" The Wizard clamored, and they turned to refocus on the Wizard. "If so, I'm afraid that you both will have to come back tomorrow to claim your gifts. I need to think this over." Jane furrowed his brow in response.

"You promised us." Rigsby cried. "I want my brain."

"My heart." Cho added.

"And, I just want him to leave." Wainwright threw.

"I want to leave also." Jane argued, and the Wizard spoke again.

"I have spoken."

The room went dark, and Jane frowned.

"Well, I guess I'm staying."

He could have exposed the wizard, but seeing the crazed look on Wainwright's lion-like face was too good to pass up.

"I'll kill you, if you stay." Wainwright threatened, and Jane frowned.

"I am a hero, just so you know." Jane retorted. "I killed a witch. What did you three do today?"

"Make sure you didn't die." All three responded at the same time.

Jane grinned. "You all did an excellent job, but…"

Cranberry began to bark.

"What now?" Jane asked the dog, who had disappeared.

"Hey! Stop that!"

It was a familiar voice.

So familiar.

Jane couldn't stop his grin.

"I'm going to go see what Cranberry found."

The four approached the dog, who had a tuff of curtain in his mouth—which quickly fell to the ground, as the dog pulled backwards.

And behind the shrouded curtain, stood ex-CBI boss Virgil Minelli.

"I knew it was you." Jane grinned, and Minelli grimaced. "I'm seriously glad you cut Wainwright down. His ego was a little too large for…"

"Let's just get you home, okay?" Minelli asked. "I'm sure people miss you, somewhere."

"You don't?" Minelli continued to grimace, and Jane grinned. "I'm feeling the love already."

Soon enough, Lisbon reappeared—but it wasn't until after everybody had gathered to wish the Wizard a great goodbye.—I suppose at this point, Jane mused, I'm not really caring.—

"You mean, we've always had a heart, a brain, and courage?" Rigsby asked, and Jane sighed.

"I thought I told you all that."

"Yeah, well—none of us wanted to listen to you." Rigsby retorted, and Jane shook his head before he stared at the bemused Lisbon.

"So, are you going to help me or not?" Jane asked. "I've spent way too much time here, and clearly, I've gone insane."

"You've always had the power to go back to Sacramento, Jane." Lisbon pointed out, as the five stood next to the Wizard. "I just thought you needed to learn your lesson first, and did you?"

"…I think I learned how to kill Red John." Jane cheekily answered, and Lisbon gave a disapproving stare. "No worries, Lisbon. I know water only kills bad witches—although, Grace wasn't a bad witch."

"I think you're missing the moral of the story here." Wainwright snapped.

"Then please," Jane drawled. "Explain it to me."

"You're supposed to learn to listen to people." Wainwright answered. "If you had learned to listen, you wouldn't be here right now."

"Actually, I probably would still be here." Jane pointed out, and Wainwright growled. "Is kitty getting hungry?" Jane patted down his plaid pockets. "I think I've got something here for you…"

"Jane!" Lisbon hissed.

"Sorry, Lisbon." Jane tried his best to look apologetic. "I did learn my lesson though, and I will try to use my active listening skills more often."

Lisbon sighed. "I guess that's all I can ask for." She cleared her throat, before she slowly stepped over to him and waved her silver pencil again. The tie briefly turned into slippers, and he glared at her.

"We've had this discussion, Lisbon."

"If you want to get home, you should wear them."

Jane grimaced, "there has to be a different way."

"Nope." Lisbon responded, and because he just really wanted to get back to his couch—he put the shoes on, and clicked three times.

Nothing happened.

"You're forgetting the magic words."

"Please or thank you?" Jane asked, and Lisbon rolled her eyes.

"You know which magic words."

And he did.

"There's no place like home." He chanted, three times.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Rigsby asked Lisbon, as the entire team gathered near Jane's couch—were the man peacefully slept. "It's not every day you get hit with a window pane."

"He'll be fine." Lisbon reassured him. "His ego will be a little wounded, and I'll hurt him when he wakes up—but he'll have no lasting damage."

"That's a relief." Grace admitted, and every one glanced at her. "I meant the no lasting damage."

"He has a slight bump on the back of his head." Cho commented. "Wainwright felt pressed to take Jane to the hospital."

"I'd like to see Agent Wainwright make him stay." Lisbon pressed. "Jane doesn't listen to anybody, but himself." Grace glanced down at Jane and frowned. "What Van Pelt?"

"I was just thinking, boss." Grace awkwardly answered, and Lisbon nodded for her to continue. "Jane looks peaceful when he sleeps."

"…and harmless." Rigsby replied.

"About as harmless as a six-legged tarantula." Lisbon scowled, and the entire team chuckled in response. Lisbon glanced back at Jane, before she saw the slight movement under his eyelids. "I think he might actually be gaining consciousness."

Jane slowly opened his eyes to find the entire team, and smiled brightly at them all. "I just had the strangest dream."

"Did it involve me yelling at you?" Lisbon asked.

"All my dreams involve you yelling at me, Lisbon." Jane answered. "It's just our relationship." Everybody except Lisbon laughed, and Jane continued on. "I dreamt about you, and Rigsby, and Cho, and Grace…even Wainwright was there."

"You dream about Wainwright?" Grace crinkled her nose. "Why?"

"I also dreamt about Bertam and LaRouche." Lisbon frowned.

"This sounds like a nightmare."

"Oh, it wasn't." Jane reassured her brightly.

"It wasn't?" Lisbon asked, and Jane shook his head with a wince. "Oh good then, because you're about to get a nightmare from me."

Jane glanced at Grace. "What did I do?"

"Don't even try that, Jane." Lisbon scowled, and Jane flashed an innocent smile. "You know very well what you did."

"I wouldn't dare try it, Lisbon." He answered. "There's really no place like home."

The team only glanced at each other in confusion, and Lisbon shook her head. "I don't even pretend to understand you, Jane."

"It's probably safer that way." Rigsby muttered.