Two months had passed, and those two months had lasted so long it seemed.

Kaede had told her that the training was going great. The powers that she never even knew she had hadn't ceased to amaze her. It was a scary thing sometimes, mainly because this was something she'd never even experienced before, because this was something entirely new to her.

But still, the training put a lot of stress on her, which wasn't good for her or the baby that was steadily growing inside of her body.

"That's right, Kagome. Just like that…" Kaede continued on, encouraging her.

She concentrated as hard as she could, her eyes crinkled shut and sweat forming on her brow. It was a hot, humid day, and she was cranky and overheated and mad, so she took that anger and turned it into something that would protect her and her kid if needed. The hardest part so far had to be the creating of barriers.

They were difficult, and they required a lot of concentration and patience, and Kagome wasn't in the mood for either of those two things. But she obeyed Kaede anyway, brows furrowed in concentration and her mind focused only on one thing- her family.

Him actually being in the real world scared her to death. In her womb, he was safe and warm and he was well taken care of. She'd accepted the fact that people really did want to use him, that they would do anything they could to take him from her. But she'd already made up her mind that once he was in her arms, she was not letting him go for anything.

She took her anger and concentrated on it as hard as she could, and she turned it into something useful, something that would save her and her kid if they were ever in danger. She could hear Kaede encouraging her in a gentle voice to go on, just to go on, to keep doing it because she was doing great.

But she was starting to feel odd. Her body was overheated and her head was starting to feel light, and before she knew it, her whole world went black.

XXXXXXXXXX

She couldn't sleep. Every night, these dreams got worse. So she spared herself from the horror of the vivid dreams, kept herself awake and kept her body alert. Miroku was curled next to her side, and it was so late at night. She was so tired, but the trembling of her body and the steady flow of tears wouldn't allow her to sleep.

She felt as if she'd done something horrible. Hell, she really had. Was she wrong for trying to choke down the feeling? Should she just let it swallow her whole, spit her out after she had broken completely down, and let her learn from her mistakes? No, she didn't want to feel any more miserable, and she knew her depression would end when it ended her. She wanted to turn this mistake into something positive, but she had no idea how to. The little face inside of her mind, inside of her heart, that little face that used to be inside of her belly, growing and aching for life, would haunt her for days to come not only with love, but with hate, too.

Hate for giving up. Hate for loss. Hate for not being good enough. Hate for not being able to be in this world, experience the things that her and Miroku felt. Hate for not being loved; oh, but she had loved it so much when he or she was inside of her. And if she could speak to this lost child, wandering around so broken with no one caring to notice, she would tell him or her that she loved it more than anything else in the world. She would tell him or her that she'd made a mistake; that she'd tried to protect it, but she ended up killing it in both ways.

Her body was still trembling and she was still choking down sobs, but she let a melancholy smile take over her face and if she could scream all of these things out to the world, she would. But she couldn't. This child, he or she could take her life if it meant that they got a chance to live, to be in the world and within the world and to learn everything as a whole, not part. But she had been scared. Life had roughed her up, made her out into a person she'd never wanted to be.

She remember how she looked when she was about three. She was happy and she'd came out laughing, screaming; she'd came out dancing. And she remembered how she looked when the world had summed her up. She went on and on and on until she became the strong woman that she was today. But she wasn't strong for taking that life away, and she wasn't God. She'd had no right to do that.

She wanted to turn her thoughts off. They were so loud that Miroku could probably hear them.

She choked. Fuck. She paused, putting a hand on her heart as if she could stop the loud beating. Miroku shifted next to her, pulled her closer, burying his face into her long hair. But she had woke him, she knew that much.

She stayed as silent as possible, her heart still beating wildly as she waited for him to speak.

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" he asked her, his voice tired and worn. Had he been dreaming about it?

"How in the world can I not, Miroku?" she asked him, turning away from him. "I-I'm not God. I had no right to do that, you know? We're supposed to live our lives so well that we made death tremble at the thought of taking us, and I didn't let our kid experience that. I-I never gave him that chance. I played God. And…it's so wrong, Miroku. It's so sad. I can see it, I can feel it. Our kid's gonna haunt me forever. It's killing me."

"Sango, you loved it, that matters, doesn't it? I bet our kid could feel that love. It was a mistake. Maybe a big one, but shouldn't you know the most about mistakes? We've got to sail towards disaster, towards the unknown to go to bigger and greater places. You should know about this. He or she will probably live longer than us, and never fade away." He sat up and pulled her into his arms while she quieted her sobs. His arms went about her, his lips pressing against her neck.

He was simply amazing. He was simply incredible. She closed her eyes, relaxing and her heart beat slowing down considerably as he continued to work magic on her. "You wanna try again?" he asked her softly, still kissing her neck and his hands venturing. Her eyes opened wide, and she froze.

She was suddenly scared, suddenly anxious. "It might not happen ever again, Miroku…"

"We can try and try and try again. There's fun in trying, you know. And plus, I've got faith."

She smiled, her face damp with tears as she closed her eyes again and wrapped her arms tight around him. "God, I love you. I love you more than anything, Miroku."

XXXXXXXXXX

She awoke from the most wonderful dream, and for a second, she had thought it was real.

Her eyes opened, quickly adjusting to her surroundings. She sat up a little too quickly, making her head throb. She heard the crackling of a fire outside of the tent she was in. Something smelled good, and she could hear a heavy, rough female voice, and her heart returned to its normal beating when she recognized the voice as Kaede's. And then she heard Inuyasha, who sounded quite angry.

And then she remembered everything that had happened. She had passed out, concentrating so hard on her anger to turn it into something positive. Her heart sped up again as she rested a hand on her stomach, closed her eyes and prayed to God that he was okay, as she prayed to God that Inuyasha wouldn't be too angry with her.

But it was obviously already too late for that. Kaede was trying to calm him down outside of the tent, and Inuyasha was mouthing back to her, his voice angry and gruff and unforgiving. But how could he be that mad? All she wanted to do was protect their baby. How could he be that mad.

"I've told you a million times that the child is fine, Inuyasha. So is the baby. She can't help the fact that she only wants to protect her child, and she's trying extremely hard. Couldn't you at least be a bit more grateful?" Kaede asked him softly.

"Fuck, she blacked out, Kaede! Why were you pushing her so hard? Why was she pushing herself so hard? What if she hurts the kid and what if she hurts herself and ends up hurting them both? What the fuck am I supposed to do then, huh? Do you know what they mean to me? What if I had lost them?" he was shouting, obviously not regarding the fact that she had been asleep and she wondered how long this had been going on.

"You know well that it was at her own will, Inuyasha. She wanted to protect her family. She wanted it so bad. She just wants to feel useful and she just wants to feel like she's helping you, she wants to feel like she's an aid in this fight, too. And you know what? She is. She's a child of love and she's offering so much of it to you and the child. She's apart of this and you made it that way, and you can't stop her from fighting because that's all she knows how to do at the moment. She only knows how to fight for what she loves. And she loves you and the child more than anything. She wants to be your protector, too." Kaede told him all of these things calmly, and Kagome kept her eyes wide and her ears open, impending on what Inuyasha had to say to all of this.

There was silence at first, and she could feel his anger, she could feel it more than anything. She could feel life moving around inside of her and she took comfort in that.

"Yeah?" she heard him say weakly. "Well, I need no goddamn protection. I'm supposed to be the one protecting her, and somehow, I feel like I've failed, and in this fight, there is no time for failures. I don't need her protection. I didn't need it back when I was a kid and when I was almost killed many times for what I am, for who I am. I protect myself and I protect her and the kid because I love them. I need them Kaede, fuck. She's a human, a bit different from the rest, but she's still human. She's weak, Kaede. Her only job should be sitting at home and taking care of what's growing inside of her, whatever it is, whatever it will turn out to be."

"Inuyasha…" Kaede said, her eyes showing fierceness and her mouth hanging open in surprise at the words he'd said.

He simply waved her off. "I'm gonna go check on her."

He probably should've noticed that she wasn't sleeping by her breathing, but maybe he was too angry as he flung open the tent, ferocity in his eyes. All of it disappeared in just a second as he took in the look on her face, the tears trailing down her cheeks. Why hadn't he smelled them? Why had he said all of those things he didn't mean?

She just sat there looking at him, one hand on her stomach and one hand wiping away the tears he'd caused, but he had promised her he wouldn't cause them again. Fuck, another failure. He was losing count of all the failures he'd made lately. She was just as angry as he was seconds ago, but his eyes were soft now, his heart calming down, his face remorseful while she wore the face he did just minutes ago. He didn't mean anything he'd said. He spoke these horrible words, never knowing what they all could mean. That was his fucking problem.

She hurried to move up, and he couldn't really do much. She bumped his shoulder hard on purpose as she cursed and walk right by him and out of the tent into the warm night air. Mouth still agape, he turned around to watch her for a few seconds before he finally came to his senses and dived forward to grip her arm, to try and make her understand that he'd made another mistake, but he knew she'd already forgiven him way too many times.

She was looking for Kaede, her face angry. She didn't want to be anywhere near him, she didn't wanna look at him anymore. So when she felt his grip on her arm, she turned quickly and snapped, refusing to show any weakness since she had apparently already shown him too much.

"Kagome…c'mon, I didn't mean any of those things. I'm sorry, okay? Let's go home and forget about it all. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. A million times sorry, Gome. Please." He told her, taking a deep breath.

She jerked her arm back. "Get away from me."

She walked away again, not a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Kagome…"

"Where's Kaede?"

"Can we just forget about all of this?" he sighed.

"It's already forgotten," she told him, refusing to look at him still.

He growled as if to warn her. She rolled her eyes. Yeah, like she was scared of him. Yeah, like he was going to do anything. He'd never done anything before and he wouldn't do anything now. She felt his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged him off. "…Kagome…"

She turned around, eyes on fire. "Fuck you. Fuck you for thinking I'm weak, and fuck you for saying that about your own goddamn child. Yeah, whatever he'll turn out to be, I just hope he's not like you. Fuck you Inuyasha, fuck you a million times and fuck your sorry's a million times, too. How many times have you been sorry? Fuck sorry. I'm done with sorry. I'm exhausted with sorry. It's wearing me the fuck out."

He growled again. Nope, it still wasn't affecting her. "Listen, I said I'm sorry. Do you really think we need to be fighting at a time like this? For fuck's sake, it was a fucking mistake. You know how I am, you know who I am. And the Inuyasha that you know says stupid shit he doesn't mean all the time. And yeah, it's a really fucking bad habit I've gotta kick, and I'm sorry and I mean it."

She laughed. "Oh, God. I bet even sorry's exhausted, it's came out of your mouth one too many fucking times and I bet it's tired of your mouth. I bet it's tired of you like the way I'm tired of you. Listen, the main point is that it's my child, I'm the one going through hell day and night carrying it, and you think you're the only one who can protect it? He's fine, Inuyasha. I'm fine."

"You blacked out."

"And I was exhausted. I used all my strength to try to control these powers and get to know them because I wanted to feel useful. Is that too much for you? I wanted to show you I could be strong for my son- or daughter."

"Oh, so she's just yours now? So it's not my seed? So I didn't help you make the kid? What, Kagome, he just has one parent now? Just a mother? It takes two to tango."

She growled, her eyes narrowing. "You dumbass, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"Just like I didn't mean what I said earlier?" he crossed his arms, his eyes narrowed, too.

"Fuck this. I'm not fucking arguing with you. I want to go home and I don't even want to be in the same bed as you, so you can sleep in Souta's room, the couch, or the floor tonight. It doesn't really matter to me, it's your choice. You're good at making those by yourself, right? But I suggest the floor. It just seems better suited for you, Inuyasha."

"I don't really see what you're so angry about…" he said, snatching her hand in his and leading her away. She snatched her hand back. He sighed, exhausted.

"You really wanna know why I'm so fucking angry?"

"Enlighten me, Kagome."

She growled, focusing on anything besides him. Her voice came out choked and shaky and he could smell tears that were being held back. "You basically said you didn't need me at all, Inuyasha."

He said nothing, but she didn't even expect him to say anything at all, really.

XXXXXXXXXX

Souta had been home since last month, which meant that Mama was around to help much more. Kagome had never been so thankful to have them around. Souta was getting better, and that was good, but she couldn't help but wonder sometimes if he ever felt scared that something was going to happen to him again, and she wondered if he was scared that he'd end up losing them all, all of his family and matter of fact, losing his life. That's how she felt sometimes. So everyday she woke up to see another day and to look in her mirror to see the bump on her stomach getting bigger and bigger, she sent thanks to the heavens.

When she got home, dinner was ready. Inuyasha followed close behind as they entered through the shrine, and yet he was so far away. She was feeling depressed, she was feeling angry, she was feeling sad and honestly, she didn't want to be anywhere near him tonight. Mama asked where they had been, she asked how her training had went as they sat down at the table, preparing to eat. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been until the smell of the curry took over her senses. Her stomach rumbled and she wasted no time to help herself to Mama's cooking.

As soon as she asked about the training, she murmured that it had went well and shot Inuyasha a look from across the table, her eyes telling him not to say anything about it that would worry her. Mama didn't need it. Jii-chan was getting old, she had a grandchild on the way, she had a son who was almost killed but ended up with a broken leg instead. Mrs. Higurashi didn't need to know anything. She was tiring and straining under all of the lives that she wasn't living, she was growing old and weary way too soon and it was all Inuyasha's and her fault.

She had offered to wash the dishes, but Mama waved her off. She had waved Inuyasha off, too, when he bothered to help. But Mrs. Higurashi could tell there was something going on, and fuck, even Souta could tell. The tension in the air was thick and her eyes were getting heavy and all she wanted to do was go to sleep, but sleep wouldn't help her forget the things that Inuyasha had said.

She stayed up a little bit too late, just to help Souta with his homework, just to make herself useful. Inuyasha had went off upstairs somewhere, and she didn't look in her bedroom first before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair and wash her face and change into something much more comfortable.

She knew he was in her bed, most likely not asleep and just waiting on her. So she took a bit longer to brush out her hair, she spent a bit more time brushing her teeth, she took a bit longer to pick out her pajamas, although picking out pajamas was a simple, easy task. So were the other two things, but she wasn't in the mood for Inuyasha and she definitely wasn't in the mood for an argument.

When she went into her room, she found Inuyasha on the floor, a blanket beneath him, his eyes expectant as he looked up at her. Rolling her eyes, she hastily made her way to her bed, covered herself up and cut off the lamp on her bedside without saying a word to him. The room was quiet, and she sighed deeply, laying on her back and knowing she wouldn't be able to go to sleep. She could no longer sleep on her belly, and most of the time, it hurt to sleep on her side. But falling asleep on your back wasn't that comfortable, and there was nothing she could do about it but lay there and stair at the ceiling until she finally fell asleep, Inuyasha next to her on those nights, his breath on her neck, on her lips, waiting on her to go to sleep, waiting to make sure she was alright…

She scoffed, not caring if he heard her. Despite the fact that it hurt, she turned to her side anyway just to feel like she was far, far away from him.

"Kagome?" she heard him ask, his voice low. She rolled her eyes and said nothing back to him at all.

"Kagome."

She closed her eyes and wished that the baby would at least this once make it easy for her to sleep. She hoped that Inuyasha would think she was asleep, she didn't want to talk. She was afraid that her voice would sound too weak, she was afraid he'd say something that she'd have to reply back to, and she was afraid his words would hurt her so bad that all insecurity was heard in her voice. She didn't want that right now. She wanted peace. She wanted to forget the fact that she was carrying a baby and that she was in a situation of life or death. She wanted to forget about waking up tomorrow, only for training and only to see if they could find more information about Naraku's whereabouts. It would be nice to just get away from everything, if only for a few minutes or a few hours.

"I know you're not asleep, so talk to me…"

"Oh, you're speaking to me now?" Kagome shot at him, venom in her voice. She turned to see him visibly flinch at the tone of her voice, and it made her feel satisfied. "'Cause before, you didn't have much to say. So why do you want to talk now?"

He knew he couldn't really say anything. She was feeling angry, and he didn't want to turn this into something bigger, he didn't want to argue. He was feeling shitty enough, for obvious reasons, like the fact that he still wasn't getting the information he needed, the fact that she was angry with him, the fact that Kagome didn't know that all of this shit was his fault mostly, the fact, the fact that her belly was getting huge now and they were still in serious danger, the fact that she had to use all energy she had just to try to protect her 'family', and the costs of just one child was also something that had been nagging him lately.

She was obviously getting angrier by the second, and he snapped out of his thoughts when he heard her let out a scoff. And then he smelled tears, and he looked at her, realizing that she was much too beautiful to be wasting tears over him. She lie on her back in the dark and silent room, looking at the ceiling as if it could give her answers. Her eyes were full of sorrow, it was obvious to him even though it was so dark in here, she was all he could see, all of his attention was devoted to her. He wanted to touch her or tell her to calm down but that would be the wrong thing to do, it would make thing even harder for her and she didn't need that.

He didn't know how long he laid there on the floor looking at her, which was what he used to do all the time in high school. Back then, she'd never let him sleep in her bed, and suddenly he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Sure, he loved her and right now, her stomach was protruding even more, so heavy with his kid. But he missed those days when they had nothing to worry about and the only reason they argued was because they were too stubborn to admit their feelings for each other.

So what happened next? What would happen tomorrow or the day after that? What would happen in a couple months from now? Could they finally just be happy? Would their kid grow up happy, healthy, strong and calm? What would happen?

She still hadn't fell asleep, she just laid there with all of this shit inside of her head that she couldn't get out no matter how hard she tried. She hadn't meant to cry, and she knew Inuyasha was awake, so that meant he could smell her tears. She didn't care if she seemed so weak to him anymore. He could go and fuck off, because she was going through a lot and if he cared about her, he'd realize that and understand.

She got up and left the room without another word. She couldn't sleep like this, not without his arms around her, yet, she couldn't stand to be near him.

Souta was awake, which was something she wasn't expecting. It was so late at night, shouldn't he have been tired? He didn't say a word to her as she laid herself down on her back on his bed, not even bothering to look at him.

"I'll be careful about your leg, okay? Just let me sleep here tonight," she looked at him for a split second, her eyes and her voice sincere and pleading. "I can't sleep in there. You understand, right?"

"Not exactly," he admitted, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His big sister let out a sigh next to him, rolling her eyes.

"We're not on good terms."

"And why is that?" Souta asked, suddenly curious. Was that where all of that tension was coming from when they were eating dinner? He sighed to himself, wondering what Inuyasha had done to fuck shit up this time.

"Don't tell Mama, but today while I was training, I blacked out. I don't know exactly what happened. I took all of my anger, I took everything I had and focused on protecting our family, you know? I wanted to feel useful. I don't wanna feel like everything I do is in vain. So anyway, when I woke up, I heard him and Kaede outside of the tent I was sleeping in, and Inuyasha, god, he sounded so angry. Angry at me. I told him I just wanted to feel useful. He said he didn't really need me, that I was basically useless and all I needed to do was sit at home with this kid inside of me. He didn't say the exact words, but I know what he meant, Souta."

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" he asked, his eyes wide and serious.

Kagome simply shook her head, and when she spoke, her voice was incredibly small. "He acted like the baby wasn't gonna be a human being or something. He acted like it's gonna turn out to be a monster…"

Souta shook his head, his eyes locking with hers. "You're overreacting. You know he loves the kid more than life itself. After all, he is sacrificing everything just so it can be safe. You know how Inuyasha gets when he's worried. He says a lot of things he doesn't mean, Kagome. But he's not perfect, and neither are you."

She shook her head, her eyes closing. "My kid's not gonna turn out to be some monster. He's not gonna turn out being confused about why all of this is happening, that's for sure. I would love to show him how much I love him by telling him all the shit I went through while I was carrying him, but he doesn't need to come out thinking he's a monster and that he's not like everyone else. Yeah, he's gonna be different, but he's gonna be somebody. I may be overreacting, Souta, but I don't want Inuyasha thinking that he's gonna turn out to be a monster. I don't want him to ever regret this kid, regardless of all the shit we've been through since the first moment I found out I was pregnant. I don't ever want Inuyasha to look down on him. Never."

"And you know he's never gonna do that, Kagome. Think of all the things he's gave up for this kid. Drugs, sex, alcohol, and any other worldly pleasures that aren't pleasing to you. You know why? Because he loves you and he loves the life you two created more than anything in this world. We're all family. Inuyasha's been family ever since you two became so close. And no one gets left behind."

Souta was tired and his body was sore, but comforting his sister had always been something important to him. Because just like Kagome, he wanted to feel useful, too. And for the first time since all of this began, he felt like he was doing something amazing by telling his sister these words that were absolutely sincere. He felt as if he was doing something great by being there for her and encouraging her to keep fighting.

She didn't say anything back, but he didn't mind. He hoped that he'd left her with something to think about and something to look forward to. He didn't know for sure how late it was, but he finally fell asleep, Kagome's body next to his and her breath on his cheek.

At least he hoped he'd done something amazing.

XXXXXXXXXX

No one would ever understand how much it hurt. There was no point in screaming, no one could hear her. And even if they did, they wouldn't care. She felt as if she was just a child. She was his child. And with every step she took away from her was her prison, because he'd made it that way. He'd made it so she couldn't live without him, he'd made it so she couldn't live with him, and she guessed she wasn't living at all.

He would destroy her before she could even think of a plan to escape. He would destroy her. But hadn't she been good to him? And being good to him was the reason why she had these scars, right? And she'd tried to move on. She'd ripped every piece of him out of her smile. She didn't whisper his name to stars anymore. She had been so good to him…

She had never meant to be in love with Naraku. But he wasn't Naraku anymore. He was a murderer. A killer. An enemy that she slept next to every night. He didn't love her anymore. Had there ever been a time when he knew what love meant? She missed who he used to be. She had loved him and somehow he'd turned out to be the greatest stranger she'd ever knew.

He didn't even have a name to her anymore. Naraku was gone, and he was now to be called 'master.' That's what he'd told her. He'd jerked her against him, told him that he'd created her, built her up, and he could destroy her just as easily. She'd been scared. She had never fought against him, she wouldn't dare.

But deep down inside of her, she knew that she had a life and it was important and she was meant for something. She deserved something. She didn't feel completely empty yet. Only half. She was meant for something.

He watched as Inuyasha and the girl he loved, the girl he cherished, slowly fell to pieces because of him. Something sinister was inside of his darkened heart and it wasn't leaving anytime soon. "It'll all be over soon, Kikyo. Everything."

She felt like she was meant for something…

But his arms went about her, his touch was so cold that she froze up, eyes wide. Had she been expecting something different? Something less ordinary? He didn't speak to her, but his touch told her everything.

"No. No. You're never going to get away, you're never going to be useful or good for anything and you'll never be meant for anything. You're going to be the same as you've always been; you're always going to be nothing. Happiness had eluded you for eternity and it'll never be possible and you will always be mine."

That's what his touch told her.

He didn't undress her. He didn't take off her pants slowly, he didn't look her in the eyes for permission before pulling her shirt over his head. He used to be a lover, now he was an enemy. He didn't kiss her. Instead, his tongue danced across her pale skin like a slow, killing sadness. Depression ended when it ended you.

She couldn't keep dying this way anymore.

A/N: I hope you guys can forgive me! My God, I've been M.I.A for so long it seems. Anyway, I think I got my inspiration back, and in about maybe five or six chapter, maybe a few more, I think that I'll be done with this story. Once again, I'm sorry. I've been going through some changes lately, and I've been growing up. I'm officially 15, thank God. More freedom, at least.

Anyway, thank you guys for sticking with me, even though you all probably hated me because I wasn't updating. But I'm back, and I'm gonna try my best to finish this. I guess we're getting close to the end, which is great! And thanks for all the comments about never giving up, and thank God for all of the people who related to this story, or related to anything I've ever said. And wow, I've got 303 reviews, which is something I've never expected. It's really amazing. I hope I'm doing something great. I hope I'm changing someone's life.

Anyway, don't forget to leave a review! Those are the only things that keeps a girl happy, you know! (;