Mass Effect 3: Leaving Earth

By: Shadow Chaser

Disclaimer:

Mass Effect does not belong to me; it belongs to Bioware, EA, Casey Hudson, and its writers. Commander Shepard, however, sort of belongs to me – after all, I created her and personalized her (at least I wish I can claim to own her, it's all Bioware's writing so I sort of claim her).

Story:

Chapter 9 – Worthy of Survival

"Hello Toombs," Shepard greeted, the smile frozen on her face. She had stared down far worst and the fact that Toombs did not instantly shoot her the moment she stepped out meant that he was either going to talk or wanted to shoot her at the most dramatic moment…which should have been when she first stepped out. Judging by what she knew about the man when he served under her on Akuze, he came from a theatre background and loved entertaining an audience. Her unit had referred with some affection that he was their unit's clown.

And how far the clown had fallen…

"Shepard," there was no respect in Toombs' voice, unlike their encounter on Ontarom three years ago. Instead, she heard anger, disappointment, and hurt in Toombs' voice.

She acknowledged him with a curt nod, keeping her eyes focused on him. However, she was peripherally aware of what was happening around her – how the marines that had been stationed aboard the Normandy looked a little surprised to see her up and about and probably with massive scars all over her face exposing some of her inner…circuitry for the lack of a better word. However, they were professionals as they maintained their cool and some moved a little, but not too much to startle the other four who had guns trained on them.

The biotics that had been disarmed instead, stared at her with open shock, perhaps not used to seeing a living legend, but also perhaps of her scars. She was certainly not what they had expected. And she was fully aware that she was still dressed in hospital clothing, even though it was a far cry from the hospital gowns of olden days, it was still a thin fabric material that hung a bit loosely on her already wiry frame.

"They said you were dead," now that she was standing in front of him, she saw the hint of doubt in his eyes, even though they were darkened in anger.

"So they say," she kept her reply neutral as she held her hands open and slightly away from her body.

"You're not the real Shepard," Toombs suddenly cocked the gun in front of her face, inching it closer, but she merely stared at it. Inwardly, she was terrified that all it took was one bullet to put her down again. She had no doubt that Miranda would jump into action if she did die and perhaps even revive her again, but at the same time, realistically staring down the barrel of a gun wasn't pleasant. "And if I put a bullet in you, what's stopping Cerberus from reviving you again? You're nothing but just a V.I. who thinks she's Commander Shepard."

"Then what's stopping you?" she gambled upon the slight bit of fear that was in Toombs' eyes and took a small step forward, the gun now solidly held against her head. A quick glance at the others stopped them from doing anything else. "You think I'm not real, then shoot me and let the others go. You're after me, right? You think that I'm an abomination and that I don't deserve to live, right? Then shoot me."

Her former teammate suddenly smiled and stepped back, but still kept the gun leveled at her head. "No, no, no," he laughed, a bitter-insane tinged laugh, "you think that I'm that generous? That I'm willing to just shoot you and let the others go so that they can revive you? That's...that's not you Shepard. You're definitely not the Shepard I served with."

"Then tell me who was the Shepard you served with?" she asked, watching his gun carefully as he waved it around before returning it back to her head.

Toombs laughed again, "You think- You think I'm going to tell you about Shepard? So that what, you can impersonate her? Be that Cerberus mole I fucking know you are? You're nothing but an android! I mean, come on! Look at yourself!"

She merely stared at him, refusing to rise to the bait and instead watched as he twitched a sign that he had expected her to answer. But when presented with no answer to his angry question, he had to think of something else. "You're nothing but a copy, of grown flesh and cybernetics. Look at you, nothing but a machine. Bits and pieces of copper wiring that shouldn't even exist. They say that artificial intelligence is illegal in Citadel space, but you should be illegal. You should be six-feet under the ground where there's nothing else for you to breathe in except the bugs and worms that are eating your desiccated body."

The vivid imagery that he presented curled some of the mouths of her fellow crewman and more than one twitched, trying to do something to prevent him from slandering her further, but they were professionally restrained by the four others standing above them. Even the biotics had slight looks of disgust and Shepard did not blame them. However, she managed to keep her face neutral, blank, unaffected by the insults and descriptive language of where her body should technically be.

"See," Toombs sudden laughed, "nothing but a robot."

Shepard frowned as she realized that by keeping her cool she had fallen into Toombs' trap. But a part of her reasoned that if she had lost her cool then it would only serve as ammunition to whatever Toombs was ranting and formulating in his head. Damned if she did, damned if she didn't; she thought with some frustration.

"You really think that insulting me, insulting that I should be six-feet under is really going to cut it?" she asked quietly, "Toombs, you know me better than to make petty threats like that."

"You're right," Toombs hefted the gun again; "I do know the real Shepard and you're not her."

"Then why aren't you shooting me dead yet?" Shepard could feel a slight bit of frustration and anger mounting, "What's making you hesitate Toombs? Afraid that somewhere deep down, I may be the real Shepard? That I am who I say I am?"

"When, Shepard, when I shoot you, I'm gonna shoot you dead. No hope of revival, nothing!"

"And then what? Walk out of here?" Shepard pressed her voice nearly a hiss of anger as she stared at Toombs. She could barely keep a lid on her anger and knew that it was a combination of waking up to something like this, her inability to stop others from reviving her, and even the dark fact that she had destroyed the Citadel. The fear, anger, all of it, knowing that nothing was beyond the darkness of death, it scared her and Toombs was ripping that wound wide open to let it bleed all over the place.

But she also knew that she had to save the crew; save Chakwas. If there was anyone that needed to die, it would be her. After all, Miranda would probably revive her nice and easy, a small voice muttered almost bitterly. But did she want to die? Was she that much of a death seeker? Shepard inwardly shook her head as she shoved the annoying thought to the side. It was something she could dwell on later, after Toombs and his men were dealt with. She was tired, cold, and knew that the adrenaline she had when she crawled her way out of the med bay was dying away as she stood in front of Toombs. She could feel each shudder and vibration of the Normandy and hoped that whatever mission Kaidan was on and with Joker piloting, it would be completed soon.

But she also knew she could not hold out hope of activating the ramp of the ship. Toombs would definitely not allow it which meant each delay potentially was a death sentence to whomever Kaidan had taken along with him. Judging by the fact that it was only Tali and Cortez on the ship, with EDI incapacitated, it meant that Liara, Garrus, and the others were groundside with Kaidan. She knew that the possibility of some of them perhaps staying in London was slim, since her crew was almost like family and thus she knew that no one would stay behind when they could help another member of the crew with any mission. The fact that they had even dragged her unconscious self meant that Kaidan was willing to forgo normal procedures and perhaps even tell Admiral Hackett that she was coming no matter the circumstances.

"No," Toombs smiled again, a half-deranged smile and shook his head, "even I'm not that stupid. No. I'm going to probably die..."

"Hey Toombs-"

"Shut the fuck up, Brennan," Toombs suddenly turned on one of his men who had Chakwas in his grip, gun still pointed at her head. "I told you no talking!"

"Yeah but-"

"You want to die right now? Huh?" Shepard saw Toombs move his gun away from her and every instinct screamed at her to move and disarm him, but she managed to violently suppress that instinct and even glared at Cortez and one of the other biotics who had also twitched to the sudden movement.

The man, Brennan, shook his head before the gun moved back to point at Shepard. She calmly stared at Toombs who had a hesitating grin on his face now as he realized that she had not even moved an inch while the gun had been off of her.

"You...didn't disarm me?"

Shepard shrugged, "Couldn't risk the good doctor here."

"Thank-"

"Shh!" Brennan cut Chakwas' reply off by tightening his arm against her throat.

"...Really..." Toombs stared at her, an eyebrow raised up in surprise, "the Shepard I remember would have done some weird-assed biotics, or something to stop a situation like that when the gun was off of her."

"The Shepard you knew was also foolhardy, reckless, and got her team killed by a Thresher Maw that day," she replied quietly, the memories of that horrific day flashing before her eyes. She had been an N5 then, leading her squad to rescue civilians from a Cerberus facility on the other side of Akuze before receiving a distress call from a downed civilian ship. She had radioed her commanding officer and he had approved of the rescue mission after they had blown up the Cerberus facility.

She could still hear the screams of her team as she tried desperately to distract the Thresher Maw with her shotgun and biotic charges. It was the first time that she had used her unique ability to literally teleport like a miniature mass effect relay around the battlefield. She had only tried teleporting once before and even then it was in a controlled setting and had left her very hungry afterwards. In light of what happened in Akuze, she had refused to use her unique ability for the longest time. It was only when Cerberus revived her and gave her new implants along with trying to save Garrus' ass from the combined forces of Omega's gangs that she started to use that ability again.

The rest of her squad had tried to fan out after the initial attack, but some had been caught by the liquefaction of the ground by the Thresher Maw's acid, while others had fallen due to the ground quakes and subsequently eaten. It was almost twenty minutes of non-stop teleportation that she had finally collapsed to the ground, near the bodies of her men that had not been eaten, expecting to die when the alien creature withdrew into the ground one last time.

To her surprise, she had woken up at an alliance facility and discovered that she had been out cold for a week due to malnutrition and had nearly died from a biotic overload. The facility's commanding officer had reported that she was the only one to have survived Akuze and even then her health had been very touch and go. Her reward was not a demotion or discharge from either the N-program or the Systems Alliance, but rather a promotion to an N6.

It had taken her at least a year to accept the N6 promotion without feeling utterly disgusted and even then, she had hidden that disgust deep inside of her. Her mind had rationalized her track up the N-program as a way to atone for getting her team killed on Akuze.

Until the day she discovered that Cerberus had been holding Eddie Toombs and had experimented on him.

"And she left her team behind," Toombs finished quietly.

"Yes, she did," Shepard agreed, her anger deflating a little, "her promise not to leave anyone behind was broken."

"She left her team behind once more," the initial crazed anger that was in Toombs' voice was gone as he seemingly wilted in front of her. However, she dared not move, noting the steadiness of the gun held in the man's hand that was still pointed at her chest.

"She thought..." Shepard hesitated; she had never really told anyone and had even omitted it from her report to Admiral Hackett back then, but before Toombs had been taken away by the Alliance from Ontarom, he had asked her if he could join her team. She had not guaranteed any promises, but had at least promise to consider it. And it seemed that Toombs had taken her consideration as a 'yes'. "She thought that you needed to rest. She knew that she abandoned her friend for six years, left him behind in the hands of the enemy. I thought that if I could go back to that time, to realize what had been done, that it was all a trap..."

"It was six years of hell," Toombs said quietly, his teeth set on edge, "and you promised."

"I'm sorry," Shepard knew her words were empty and the sarcastic snort from Toombs confirmed it, "I can't say anything else."

"Because you're not her!"

"Then shoot!" she ordered, "shoot me and be done with this. Shoot me and let the others go!"

"So they can kill me?"

"So they can continue the fight against the Reapers you idiot!" she could not believe that Toombs was so blinded by revenge and betrayal that he had forgotten about the Reapers, "they're still out there!" She shook her head, "So you can fight the Reapers and get your ass back on the front lines where you want to be!"

"I...I don't-"

Shepard watched as Toombs hesitated, blinking his eyes rapidly as the conflicts within him came ahead, clashing against one another. "I'm keeping my promise right now Toombs. Shoot me and you can go back to the front lines, hell even join the crew if you want, I don't care, but you have to know that the real enemies are the Reapers. You want to rejoin me? Then kill me and then go kill the Reapers. Stop holding your fellow future crew members hostage and focus on the enemy. Right? Remember what I said? Support-"

"-your teammates as they are your family. Focus on the enemy and give them hell."

"'Ooorah," Shepard echoed quietly, "Motto of the 51st platoon."

"...Yeah," for the first time, she was treated to the sight of a slight hesitant sad smile on Toombs' face, "Carver called us the Warbirds. I called him the Plucked Chicken."

The corner of her lips twitched up in a smile at that memory. Toombs was always assigning nicknames to the rest of the platoon and squad members. As was befitting of being their commanding officer, she was nicknamed Prairie Hawk, an allusion to her farming background and homeworld of Mindoir, while Toombs himself was, "Albatross."

"You remembered," the smile grew a little and Shepard saw his pistol lower just a little, but still did not move, acutely aware of what was happening around her. The crew was watching their exchange with some morbid fascination and she knew that if she survived this, then rumors were bound to fly around the ship, both of her reclusive and literally blacked-out background, and also of what was happening between her and Toombs.

"I followed you," Toombs' voice suddenly cracked, "I followed you and tried to follow you into hell, but..."

Shepard smiled sadly, "Eddie, where I went...no one had been expected to make it back. Hell...I did not expect to come back. Cerberus-"

"Fucking rebuilt you," the hurt and anguish was suddenly and rather violently replaced by a flash of anger as the gun rose once more, "fucking turned you into a robot, cyborg, something that's not human."

"You're probably right," Shepard agreed, absently reaching up and touching one of her many scars on her face. It felt oddly weird to be feeling puckering flesh, a jagged hole, and sharp shooting pain underneath where she knew she probably had pain receptors implanted into her to simulate injury and the like whenever she took accidental fire or had bumped into something. But she had always wondered how much of her was flesh and how much of it was machine. Project Overlord had proven that she was machine enough to be hacked, which had been a surreal and terrifying experience to the point where she had sworn Garrus and Miranda to silence regarding that issue. Kaidan did not even know about what had happened to Overlord and she was only glad that Dr. Archer had not spilled much about it after finding him with the defecting Cerberus scientists on Arrae.

"Did...did you really die? Or was it all a trick? You didn't die right? That's why you joined Cerberus because you were undercover-"

"I died," Shepard stopped Toombs from rambling on, "Collectors ripped the Normandy apart and I died. If you'll forgive me, the details are a bit vague." It was a blatant lie, as she remembered every single excruciating minute of her death, her only salvation was that she was going to not breathe anymore by the time she felt her suit heat up as it entered the upper thin atmosphere of Alchera. Burning up, even the sensation of burning gave her nightmares and it was only because of what had happened when she had made her desperate escape from Batarian slavers on Mindoir.

Toombs only stared at her for a second before shaking his head, "There you go again, lying. You're not the Shepard I knew. She wouldn't- she-" He shook his head some more, gasping a little and it was only then that Shepard instantly knew what was wrong with Eddie Toombs and why he had acted the way he did.

Toombs believed like so many others, that she had not died and rather had faked her death to join Cerberus. While some of the others questioned the value of her joining with a known terrorist organization that had caused so much grief within the Alliance, others suspected that perhaps her views of cooperation with aliens was just a front for perhaps a Terra Firma or even a humanity-first view. And it was not by association that they had made the mistake of assuming that. She knew that her chat with Charles Saracino who ran for a seat on the Terra Firma platform was being watched and recorded by dozens of others, media outlets not included. But she had hoped that they would pick up on her refusal to endorse a candidate like him.

Instead, some had thought that she had humanity-first ties. It was also because of Councilor Udina, who made no bones about his view of putting humanity first and because of his actions on the Citadel that some had perhaps become disillusioned with her; associating her status as the first human Spectre to Udina's rise in power. Even the Council had been wary of her and reinstated her Spectre status as a conditional point to restrict her to the Terminus Systems. No one trusted that she had actually died and came back to life except those that knew her and those that survived the original Normandy's destruction.

She wanted to tell Toombs that contrary to popular belief, she was not a hero, but she also knew that it would turn this tense negotiation south in a heartbeat. But neither could she just dismiss his seemingly heroic-worship of her. She realized that he saw her like many others saw her, a pedestal of paragon action; a person who was able to move the world and make things right. And for Toombs, joining Cerberus was her falling off of that metaphoric pedestal. Joining forces with the devil.

The only course then was a validation of Toombs' fears and the truth. "You're right, you know."

"That you're not Shepard-"

"This ship," she gestured to the hanger bay, aware that Toombs and a couple of the mercs twitched in reaction to her sweeping gesture, "definitely was Cerberus. You're right. Slapping on blue paint doesn't quite call it Alliance, but whatever. That's just the mere details. Tali, there, the quarian, joined me so you can say she also joined Cerberus-"

"Shepard-"

"And the good doctor also definitely joined Cerberus, but the Alliance can't prosecute her because she went through proper channels and took leave while she was with me," she continued, overriding whatever Tali was about to protest.

"Joker," she pointed a finger upwards in the direction of the elevators, "definitely joined Cerberus. Quit right after the first Normandy's destruction. Said he couldn't stand the bullshit that the Alliance was doing, non-action, about the Reapers and instead thought it was stupid of them and the Council to assign us to clean up geth forces of all things."

She pointed at two more crew members, "Valdez and Inoue, both are definitely part of Cerberus long before I joined up with them. You can ask them about how it was if you want to." She held up a hand to stop Toombs from interrupting her, "Ask Cortez here, the Kodiak's pilot. He probably can tell you all about how the Alliance ignored Collector attacks attributing it to raiders and the like before Cerberus tried to evacuate everyone from Ferris Fields, but failed. Yeah, I'm sure that would go over well.

"Oh and you can probably also ask Garrus, that turian you remember meeting back on Ontarom," Shepard saw the dip of Toombs' head on his increasingly baffled face, "yeah, asking him when he gets back, how we did it."

"Did...what?" the first sign of curiosity lit up Toombs' face and Shepard knew that she had succeeded in holding his attention, breaking him from his momentary anger and fury.

"How we stole the damn ship from under Cerberus' nose," she allowed the wolfish grin to appear on her face once more, "how we basically said fuck you to the Illusive Man and took his ship, gave the crew a choice, and said 'you know what, the bigger concern is the Reapers.'"

"This is still a Cerberus-"

"Of course it is," Shepard rolled over his protests, "and it'll probably be a Cerberus ship until it goes down. And I may be suspected of being Cerberus and fake, but do you really think I give a damn about that?"

"Then why are you down here? Huh? Come to meet your death-"

"To stop you from making another goddamn mistake!" she suddenly shouted at him, startling him a little as he took a step back, "because you don't need to kill anymore people! If you want to kill something, then either kill me, or focus your fire on the enemy, the Reapers!"

"But-"

"What's past is past, Toombs," Shepard shook her head, "you have to move on. You can't dwell on the past because it will eat you alive if you do. Like it's doing right now!"

Silence greeted her statement and she saw the hesitation, the indecision on Toombs' face. It seemingly stretched to the point when the sudden crackle of the speakers echoed in the near-silent hanger bay everyone jumped a little.

"Uh, sorry Commander, but, I'm getting a marker to approach the LZ and-"

"No," Toombs waved his gun, "you're not putting the ship down to pick up the people down there. They're indoctrinated-"

"They're my crew, my men Toombs," Shepard stated coldly before suddenly turning her back on him and walking towards the weapons bench. She immediately heard the whine of his gun readying itself and heard four others follow suit, but did not look back. Instead, she slowed her step and stared straight at the weapons bench, aware that Cortez, Tali, and several others were trying to see if they could figure out a way to cover her while she had her back turned.

"Toombs, I'm not leaving anyone behind. You can shoot me, or you can allow me to save my team. You can probably call them Cerberus or whatever, but they're still fighting the good fight against the Reapers," she paused for a second, wondering if a bullet was coming her way, but when there was no bloom of pain in the back of her head, nothing to indicate that she was shot, she continued to walk forward and stop in front of the weapons bench.

"Cortez," she turned to the Kodiak pilot who had a pistol trained upon one of the five men.

"M-Ma'am?" Cortez responded a little hesitatingly, obviously confused as to what he should do.

"Where's my rifle?"

"Uh..."

"Don't tell me Harbinger fried it-"

"Oh, um, Garrus has it up at his station. He said he was going to repair it and make some calibrations-"

"And that's Garrus in a nutshell," Shepard smiled a little before reaching out and picking up the Mantis that was on the bench, recognizing it as her own that she had given to Cortez to sell and procure some more money for upgrades to other weapons. The fact that the weapon was still here meant that either the pilot had not had time to sell it or did not even consider selling it. She knew that a well-kept Mantis was hot commodity on the black market, so she wondered why Cortez did not sell it.

"This still in working order?" she asked, peering at it and knowing that guns were still trained upon her.

"Y-Yes ma'am," Cortez replied, "ma'am-"

"Good," she slapped a fresh thermal clip on it and checked the cartridge slab. There was still more than half a block left which meant she had at least several shots. Grabbing a handful of thermal clips she turned around and glared at Toombs and his merc band. "Toombs, if you're going to stand there pointing a gun, point it at the enemy."

"Hey Toombs-"

"Shut up Miller," Shepard watched as Toombs glared at another one of his companions, "and follow the good Commander's orders."

"But-"

"I said shut up!" Toombs suddenly walked over and pistol whipped the man across the face, startling everyone.

"I thought-"

"Brennan, I told you not to speak-"

Shepard took the opportunity and hefted her Mantis, "EDI send the elevator back up with my apologies. Tali, disable the bombs on the elevator so we don't have an accident later. Cortez, I need you and Andrews to help move the civilians to the back of the hanger bay-"

"Hey you-"

She rounded upon Brennan who was still holding Dr. Chakwas hostage thought he had doubts written all over his face and was looking around with some amount of confusion at the sudden movement from everyone. Even the biotics that had been held hostage were tentatively getting up, their captor that had been standing over them confused. "You've got a problem soldier?" she asked in her quiet, frozen tone that Kaidan had once dubbed drill sergeant nasty.

"No ma'am," Brennan's immediate answer confirmed that at least parts of Toombs' merc band were ex-military and prone to following orders when one had the voice to do it.

"Then please let Dr. Chakwas go so she can make sure the other civilians are safe. And then help the others move crates into position," she said quietly before raising her voice, "Joker, hot LZ?"

"Hopefully not too hot. Major Alenko was supposed to have disabled two Hades Cannons, but we'll definitely have a lot of Reaper forces on the ground."

"Let me know when you're starting your final approach," she heard something impact the bulkheads before a slight shudder reverberated through the ship.

"Yes ma'am. And might I add that it's good to see you back in action Commander."

She only grinned in reply before turning to the biotics, immediately identifying their commanding officer, a mere Ensign, "You, what's your name?"

"Ensign Ophelia Hawking ma'am," she saluted her, "E-squad sniper division under the First Special Operations, Biotic Division."

"Related to J-Squad?" Shepard asked, her curiosity momentarily getting the better of her.

"Not quite, but J-Squad's commander, Commander Shaw is our commanding officer while Major Alenko is away. My brother Rick is part of F-Squad's biotic engineer division."

"Ah," half of it went over Shepard's head and she supposed she would have to ask Kaidan about his squad after everything was done, but she pushed the thought to the side, "Ensign, I need you and your men to help move crates around the parts of the hanger bay. Can any of you set up a barrier field?"

"Like what the asari sometimes do? Yeah, I'll have one of my men get to it."

"Good, set it up where the civilians are and assign three members to protect the civilians. I want you to pick a sniper's perch and get a spotter."

"Yes ma'am," the two of them tilted a little as Joker put the Normandy through a tight turn before she hurried off and began to bark orders to the four other biotics that had been getting their weapons, some still wary about the ones who had held them hostage, but Shepard was getting to that as she walked over to Toombs who was helping Cortez move a crate into place.

"Toombs, will your men fight?"

"If they know what's good for them, yes," there was clarity in Toombs' eyes, though still clouded by hatred and anger, but Shepard was glad that she was able to at least temporarily break the hostage situation going on. Her only hope was that Miranda knew to stay out of sight. She was perhaps the most visible of all ex-Cerberus members and if Toombs got one whiff of her...

"I want them to do covering fire. And if I see them deliberately targeting the evacuating soldiers, I will kill them myself-"

"Not if I get to it first," Toombs smiled darkly, "we'll follow your lead Commander."

"And then afterwards," she smiled a little, "we can continue talking, okay?"

"Hah," the man snorted, "for a V.I. who thinks she's Commander Shepard, you sure act like her."

"I'm touched," she replied a little sarcastically, unwilling to show that his comment had cut her deeply.

"Commander, starting final approach," Joker's voice suddenly came over the comm., "brace for incoming fire."

"Lower the ramp!" she moved towards one of the crates positioned just near the edge of the hanger bay doors and settled the butt of her rifle against her shoulder and steadied her breath. She did not know if she was healthy enough to even think of going into combat, but she knew that there was no other choice.

Author's Notes:

With the revised ending DLC launching tomorrow, I'll be a bit busy over the next couple of weeks. However, I will continue to write this fic and will not abandon it just because of the DLC. I seriously hope they have the fourth option I put forth in this story – blow up the Citadel and Crucible and fight the Reapers one-on-one.