And I've finally got this done! Without further ado, the Final Chapter:

/

The three cores swivelled slightly to look at Chell, and more likely to look at POTaDOS.

"This could actually work in our favor," she said. "These cores are suffering from about 25% file corruption apiece. If we linked them to the AI hub on the chassis, it might be enough to initiate a core transfer."

"Yeah, well, same ta' you, dragon lady." Rick the Adventure Core squinted at POTaDOS, clearly recognizing the voice (if not the actual words).

"ERROR: REGULATION CORRUPT. Please re-re-re-reeeeeee"*zap* The Protocol Core twitched and sparked.

Chell looked around. Although the corrupt core bin hadn't been there last time, and a lot of the glass pipes were now full of gels, the place was still clearly recognizable as the AI underchamber. Chell could also see the elevator that the Protocol Core had used to transport them up to the AI chamber. She started to step toward it, but POTaDOS stopped her.

"Wait. Before we go up, we need to figure out how to plug in these cores."

The Paranoia Core made a funny noise somewhere in between an overtaxed computer's whirr and a mouse being stepped on. "I'm standing right here, you! You'll never take me alive!" It twitched away from Chell and POTaDOS, rolling down a stack of heavily corrupted cores and eliciting responses from the less active individuals such as 'You are now reading this in my voice', 'Space isn't crowded', and 'Fact: you are a coward.'

"Well. I suppose self-locomotion is out of the question," muttered POTaDOS to herself. "This would be a lot easier if we still had the portal device. But, since we don't… we might well just have to throw them at him and hope they connect."

Chell looked around the room. She didn't see anything that could help, unless…

She walked over to the warren of pneumatic tubes on the far wall. Streams of gel rocketed through them at incredible speeds. Sure enough, one was bright blue.

She held up POTaDOS to the tube and pointed to it, then mimed jumping with a core in her hand.

POTaDOS was silent for a moment. Then: "…You know, it's so simple it sounds like one of his ideas, but it just might work. And we might invent a brand new sport while we're at it. You can plug me into the auxiliary console, and I can move the cores up as needed, but since you're the only one in the labs with a body, it'll be your job to plug them in."

Chell nodded. She stepped over to the elevator platform and opened the core socket. Although it took her a while to figure out exactly how to plug a potato into a socket meant to hold a full-sized personality core, eventually she discovered that some of the wires connected to the potato could be twisted out into the three-pronged core configuration. It wasn't perfect, but the control board interfaced properly.

With a creak, the elevator rose toward the central AI chamber for the second time in the past day. From above, Chell could hear Wheatley mumbling something: "'In their tongue, he is portalkiin'… no, that doesn't work. Um… what if…" His voice suddenly dropped several octaves. "assuming direct control." His voice returned to normal. "No, no. That would have worked a lot better six hours ago. Okay, to hell with cultural references."

At that moment, the elevator platform rose into the chamber.

"AAH! Too early!" muttered Wheatley to himself. "gotta improvise. Um… Welcome to my Lair!" He spun the chassis around a few times. "And it's a proper lair, too. Look at all these, um, pipes! Of super evil!" He gestured to the exposed pipes full of repulsion gel. "And the plan, too! My great plan, the four-part plan…"

Chell was already moving to investigate the pipes, as Wheatley continued on to describe how he had constructed his plan to eliminate all the weaknesses that Chell had exploited to kill GLaDOS originally. Clearly, he didn't realize that that undertaking had been under completely different circumstances, despite having watched it on tape.

"Speaking of that," he added, after saying this, "I'm rather impressed that you managed to beat her twice. Too bad that I'm smarter than she is, hmm?" This earned an annoyed protest from POTaDOS. "Anyway, part four! Bombs! Because, you know, bombs are better than a rocket turret…" he directed this part subtly at POTaDOS, "because… well, they just are."

A smaller pneumatic tube that had been connected to the chassis (along with a series of panels) whirred to life and spat out five explosive devices in rapid succession. Fortunately, Chell had been half-listening to his monologuing and jumped out of the way, leaving the bombs to shatter the network of pipes.

Well, that solved a surprising amount of problems, thought Chell as all colors of gel poured out of the pipes and spread across most of the room's floor. Wheatley reacted with what was, for him, an unsurprising amount of shock, followed by an immensely transparent coverup.

"AHHHH! Oh… um, yes! You've fallen into my, um… my trap! Yes, because, um… that was supposed to happen, and… it's probably toxic, or something. Yes! So, you might as well just give up right now, because you're already doomed, because, ah, because of reasons."

POTaDOS had retracted the elevator below the floor while Chell had been looking at the pipes, but she could (it seemed) still talk over the loudspeakers. "Great work so far! Okay, I'm sending up the glitchy one."

One of the cable-claws slid into the room from a gap in the wall that Chell was sure hadn't been there a few minutes ago. In its grip was the Protocol Core, apparently totally unaware of the situation. Instead, it was quoting off a series of totally unrelated regulations from thousands of organizations across the world, its voice occasionally skipping.

"Student janitors are no-no-no-not to use the same toilet brush for more than 4 weeks consecutively."

Chell plotted her jump before making it, just as if this was only another test. It felt different without the portal device, but still, she jumped twice off the repulsion gel, snatched the corrupt core off of the cable, and as she ducked under another arc of bombs, jammed the core onto the left chassis outlet with all her strength, and landed behind Wheatley with a clack from her long fall boots.

"Oi! What was that, then? What've you put on me? Are you trying to weigh me down, darlin'? Make me fall off the chassis? That's against the rules, y'know!"

The Announcer's recorded voice blared over the loudspeakers: "Central core 50% corrupt. Alert: neurotoxin emitters offline. Facility reactor approaching overload."

That was almost too easy, she thought.

Of course she spoke too soon.

"All right! Here's the paranoid one!"

The claw returned, this time holding the familiar Paranoia Core. As Chell lined up her jump again, the Core twisted out of the claw's grip and bounced off across the floor.

"HA! And so, I make my escape! So long, suckers!" He inched awkwardly toward the pipes by contracting his handles. Chell stumbled midjump, almost being struck by a bomb, and fell facefirst on the floor. Getting up, she ran toward the broken pneumatic pipes just in time to see the core vanish into the propulsion gel pipe.

The core's voice echoed down the slick surface. "I win again! Too bad for you you didn't think I was aware of your devious plot!"

With a popping noise, he shot out a broken pipe segment in the ceiling with enough force to smash clean through the surface of another. Broken glass exploded out over the AI chamber, catching Chell on the cheek as she dove to escape Wheatley's bombs. Chell swore mentally and tried to track the runaway core's progress while running around the room.

It exploded through the side of another section of pipe with an explosion as a section of machinery exploded, releasing a cloud of dust and shattering several pipes of assorted debris. The Paranoia core somehow managed to land cleanly in another pipe.

Chell navigated her way up the stairs circling the side of the room to an area of balcony whose railing had been destroyed by an explosion. With a crash, something else exploded, tearing a hole in the ceiling and coating the balcony in propulsion gel.

It's almost like he's trying to help me, she thought.

That illusion was very short lived, as POTaDOS interrupted Wheatley's monologue, saying, "You're running out of time! He won't admit it, but that wasn't him. The entire facility is going to explode in minutes."

"It was me, actually, in fact. It's all part of the um, the plan. Part four point five, lots of… random explosions," protested Wheatley ineffectually. Further discrediting his insistences, the Announcer reported in its characteristic happy drone, "Reactor overload progressing to critical. Chain reaction will be irreversible in [FIVE] minutes."

Chell took advantage of the propulsion spill to run and jump off the balcony, soaring through the air and colliding with the Paranoia Core, slick with propulsion gel. Landing on the floor in front of Wheatley, she threw the core at the ground, bouncing it up and onto the upper chassis outlet, where it stuck firmly.

Wheatley cringed. "Ow! Hey, what are you trying to pull here, lady? I was here first! None of these bloody idiots are going to replace me! I'm on the main socket, and that means I'm in charge here!"

"Central core 75% corrupt. Main reactor sensors offline. Switching to facility contingency auto-destruct. [THREE] minutes to utter annihilation."

The claw-cable returned through the wall. "Great! Just that one who thinks he's an adventurer left!"

The core in the claw objected, "I think I'm an adventurer because I am an adventurer! I'd like to see you enter battle on a fair field, dragon lady! How about right now, huh? I got ninja skills, ready to deploy!"

Something exploded. At this point, Chell couldn't tell the difference between Wheatley's bombs and circuit overloads. Rick couldn't, either. Not that he cared.

"See, now this is an adventure! I'm here for you, pretty lady!"

He hopped out of the claw and started to bounce on the gel. Predictably, he did so in circles around Wheatley, who started trying to swat him with the chassis. A very predictable dialogue ensued.

"Go away! You're even more annoying than the last one!"

"Annoying? Annoying? I am the ninja master! Ha! Hiyah! Hoo-ya!"

"Don't make me laugh." The Protocol Core sparked and twitched, a visible charge spreading down the chassis. "No se podía perforar un conejo. AGHH! ¿Cómo puedo desactivar esta opción?"

"Oh, so it's Mexican style, is it? Well, hasta la vista, amigo."

"Eso es racista."

"Same to you."

Deciding that the exchange had gone on long enough, Chell jumped forward and grabbed Rick out of the air, connecting him to the right outlet and sliding down the edge of the chassis and down to the ground.

Wheatley apparently figured out how to turn off the Spanish translator, because he spun around and yelled at her, "Hey! If nothing else, you're going to clog up the server, or something. Wouldn't that be such an anticlimax to all those adventures you've been having, me killing you in slow-motion? I mean, it wouldn't exactly be pleasant for me either. But you would be, you know. Dead."

POTaDOS brought the elevator back up into the chamber, rotating it to face Wheatley. At the same time, the announcer droned, "Central core corruption at 100%. Core replacement required. Replacement core. Are you ready to start the procedure?"

"Finally!" sighed POTaDOS. "Yes, already!"

"Corrupt core. Are you ready to start-" The announcer was interrupted by an explosion that tore the wall out from behind its loudspeaker. There was a few moments of stunned silence, until the pit in the chamber's center opened, one of the claws holding up a test chamber camera with attached speaker.

"-the procedure?" it said, in a tinny, muffled version of the Announcer's monotone.

"NO! Of course not! How come he gets to do that? I want to do that!" yelled Wheatley. Something else exploded.

"Stalemate detected. Alert! Fire detected in the stalemate resolution annex. Extinguishing."

Every section of wall not destroyed sprouted hundreds of sprinklers, like flowers in timelapse, and thoroughly soaked the entire area. The gels dissolved and poured into the abyss outside.

"Oh, that just washes off, does it? That would have been real nice to know just a little bit earlier!" Wheatley was apparently unaffected by the deluge, but the Protocol core sparked violently, causing the sprinklers to shut down and the false wall hiding the Stalemate Button to drop.

Chell approached the room. It was smaller now, and the portal surfaces were on the ceiling. Not that it would help at all, considering her lack of a portal device. The entrance was blocked by a simple metal grille, apparently installed by Wheatley himself, while the walls were obscured by raised panels. Without a portal device, however, it was utterly impossible to get in.

POTaDOS and Wheatley were focussing on each other, oblivious to Chell's inability to enter the room.

"What are you waiting for? Press the button!"

"Don't press it!"

"DO press it!"

"DON'T!"

"DO!"

Chell looked around hurriedly, painfully cognizant that the explosions in the background were increasing in frequency. Spotting a long metal strut that had snapped off of the ceiling, she rushed over and grabbed it, sliding it through the grille and flailing it at the button. She missed once, twice, click.

The raised panels dropped down, revealing rows of bombs stacked on top of each other.

"PART FIVE!" yelled Wheatley. "Booby trap the stalemate button!"

The bombs exploded simultaneously. Had Chell used the portal device to get inside, she would probably have been vaporized. As it was, she was thrown several meters across the room, and felt a sharp pain on her face and hands.

She tasted blood, and thought maybe she had lost a tooth.

"What? Are you still alive?" yelled Wheatley. The burning husk of the stalemate room collapsed in on itself and fell down into the void. A large section of the ceiling above came with it, revealing the open sky.

The sky. Chell had only seen it once as long as she could remember, for a few seconds after defeating GLaDOS the last time, but before passing out. Then it had been daytime, and the sun had been high in the sky, and warm on her skin. Not now. Now the moon, round and full, filled the gaping hole in the ceiling. The rush of air felt cool on her burned skin.

A ribbon of multicolored lights appeared underneath Wheatley. He yelled in apprehension, and Chell shielded herself with her left arm.

Under her elbow, she saw a large object appear a foot or so off the ground and drop to the floor. It embedded itself deeply within the metal sheet, a smaller object striking its flat surface and sliding off toward Chell.

The Portal Device. She jumped for it, ignoring the stabbing pain in her hand as she pushed off the ground, and then again as her raw flesh gripped the device.

Turning around, she saw that the object on the floor was the chunk of portal wall from the deathtrap room. She set an orange portal on it. But it didn't do her much good if she couldn't find a useful place to put her second portal…

She looked up, into the moon. One of Cave Johnson's recordings sprung out of her memory, unbidden.

Turns out they're a great portal conductor.

Moon rocks.

Great portal conductor.

Chell shot a blue portal at the moon.

Several seconds passed. Then there was the swish of a portal pair connecting.

Wheatley yelled in panic, and Chell rolled over to look at him. Chunks of metal the size of her torso were lifting off of the floor where they had fallen and disappearing into the portal, sucked through by the pressure bearing down on the lunar atmosphere. And Wheatley wasn't doing any better.

With a pair of loud cracks, the Intelligence Dampening Core broke free of the chassis, dangling over the open portal by a pair of wires as thick as a human wrist. Protocol broke loose entirely and vanished into the void without a sound.

Unfortunately, the plan was working too well. Or so Chell noticed when she herself started sliding towards the portal. As she neared the lip of the opening, she reached up and grabbed the first stationary object she found.

Wheatley's handles.

The chassis dipped, Wheatley's core passing completely through the portal with Chell hanging on for dear life. She looked to the side. There was an odd machine there, and for a second she panicked until she realized that it was inactive. Past that was the Earth, high in the lunar sky and framed by thousands of stars.

She was brought back to reality by Wheatley shouting.

"LET GO! I CAN PULL MYSELF BACK IN BUT YOU HAVE TO LET GO!"

Are you kidding me? No! she thought to herself, wrapping an arm around him.

She looked past Wheatley. The Paranoia Core sat on his socket, apparently yelling something.

He snapped free. As he struck her arm, she made out a small bit of what he said: "-All pay for this-"

One of the wires snapped. Wheatley was silent for a moment.

"Change of plans. Hold on to me. Tighter. TIGHTER!" he yelled as the second wire snapped.

He shot out into space, sailing off into the distance.

Chell's mind was getting foggy, but it vaguely occurred to her that she should be following him. And yet she wasn't. She looked behind her.

One of the core replacement arms was gripping her ankle tightly. It withdrew slowly into the portal, dragging her with it. The portal hummed closed and she dropped to the ground.

The last thing she saw before blacking out was the claw dragging GLaDOS' core across the ground. The core's optic followed her, with an expression Chell couldn't quite identify.

/

Chell slowly opened her eyes. Two oddly-shaped robots stood over her, wielding portal devices. She lifted her head slightly, and one of the robots – it looked uncomfortably like Wheatley with arms and legs, - jumped and made odd humming noises. There was a click and a groan of moving machinery. Chell looked up.

GLaDOS, now fully repaired, looked down at her, with the same odd expression as before on her face. A series of panels lined the walls of the spherical room, just as they had before Wheatley took over. For a moment, Chell thought maybe she had dreamt the whole episode since that point. But then GLaDOS spoke.

"Oh, thank god you're all right."

What?

"For a moment there, I thought-" She caught herself.

GLaDOS rose up, and the chassis shook almost imperceptibly, revealing the Adventure Core still plugged into the right hand outlet. She made a noise as if clearing her throat.

"You know, having Caroline around has taught me a valuable lesson. All along I thought you were my enemy, when all along you were my greatest friend…"

The announcer interjected. "Caroline.exe deleted."

"That's better." GLaDOS sighed. "You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes the easiest solution to a problem is the best one. And to be honest, killing you is hard. So you know what? You win. Here's your freedom. Take it."

The elevator Chell was lying in rose up towards the ceiling. She looked up, hardly daring to believe it.

"Just go."

The elevator vanished from the AI chamber. It shot up several floors before stopping at a door. Chell stepped toward it cautiously. It hissed open, revealing…

Four turrets. They raised their targeting rays at her and beeped to each other. Chell mentally facepalmed.

Of course not. How could I have been so stupid?

Then one of the turrets lowered its targeting beam. It slid its gun-arms along itself, producing a musical tone. The other three followed suit.

"We're different!" said one.

They began creating different musical tones, linking the notes together into a song. The elevator rose again, emerging in a massive amphitheater full of turrets. A spotlight focussed on one, the turret's usual childlike voice replaced with a smooth song.

"Cara mia…"

/

Back in the lab's depths, GLaDOS watched the elevator go. When it disappeared into the ceiling, she turned around back to the wall of screens she had been watching before Chell woke up. Their images flicked back to life, displaying a young Caroline oiling the gears of what was unmistakeably a shinier, untarnished Maintenance core. As she watched, she dug into her computer banks, finally finding the file she was looking for. She mentally nudged it, sending a short message to it.

I'm sorry.

Before long, a reply came back, equally short:

I know.

A claw cable descended from the ceiling and set a cowboy hat atop the Adventure core.

/

And there's the end. For the record, Wheatley's cultural references were to Skyrim and Mass Effect 2.

On a side note, this is my first finished fanfiction! (I don't count Team Fortress: Genesis. That was a practice run.) I have no idea what I'll do now. Maybe Trace Amounts of Time Travel, or I do have a prologue ready to go for a Mass Effect story.

We'll see what's what, when what is ready.

MadHighlander out.