Disclaimer: Any characters that you recognize belong to Janet Evanovich. I'm making no profit by using them … just having some fun and will return them unharmed!

Authors Notes: A big shout out to BeautifulBabeForever, Dennyside, Two Guns, Raven2609 and a Knife, and Stayce for all your help in writing and editing my first attempt at fanfiction. I hope everyone enjoys this. Pleease let me know what you think.

An Unlikely Duo

By

Margaret

Prologue:

My hands were shaking so badly, I could barely open the heavy door. I looked down at the floor, not wanting to see anyone who was already seated. Sliding into a chair in the last row, I was hoping to go unrecognized.

When the speaker entered the room, I kept my eyes focused on my feet, my heart pounding even harder in my chest.

"Good morning," she said. "My name is Catherine and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to our first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Please turn to your right, and say hello to that person beside you."

I turned, and was shocked to find myself looking into the eyes of Joe Morelli.

So, who am I?

My name is Helen Plum, and I've been ordered here by a judge.

Jomo's POV

I'm at an AA meeting, how I got here is a long story, but if I want to get my life back on track, I need to take responsibility for what I had done, and who I had hurt. Just like my dad, my reputation is seriously tarnished and my career is at stake. It would be too easy to blame Morelli DNA, but even I wouldn't stoop that low. Although, looking back on recent weeks, I realized that the addiction, absolutely had its link with my genetics, but was no excuse for how horribly I treated Stephanie.

Flashback.

I can't believe that I had been drinking the whole night before and never got to sleep. Somehow, unwanted and uninvited, I found myself at Joe Juniack's house where a wedding was about to take place.

Honestly, I wish this was my wedding to the girl. Technically the day was beautiful, but not for me, my worst nightmare was coming true. The temperature was a balmy (if you can call Jersey air that) 70 or thereabouts. I was a crasher to something I never thought would happen in a million years. Even the weather cooperated on the worst day of my life. Go figure.

I never expected Stephanie to marry Ranger, I always thought (however unrealistic) that we would be the ones tying the knot. It had been my goal in life to marry this woman, the woman of my dreams, but I´m not the man of hers evidently.

How I found out was unimportant, I'm a detective for Christ's sake. It wasn't a state secret. The whole damn burg gossipmongers wouldn't leave me alone, from the deli talk (thanks mom), to the TPD (thanks Eddie) and, of course, Pino's (thanks oh dear brother of mine), everyone had something to say about this wedding.

The upcoming union of the Bombshell Bounty Hunter and the Man of Mystery, also known as the Plum/Manoso wedding, was the talk of Trenton, and believe me, Trenton did love to talk. (It was everyones' favorite past time)

And it was entirely my fault that it was happening in the first place.

Screaming at her when a car was sent to car heaven by some criminal, instead of taking her in my arms and offering her comfort, definitely wasn't smart. Brow beating her self-esteem, instead of offering her support and training like any good boyfriend would have done. I´m a cop for chrissake! The least I could have done was shown her some takedown moves. But, the worst mistake I made, was forbidding her the contact with Manoso. I warned HER off HIM, when I should have gone to HIM and make it clear that I wouldn´t tolerate his poaching. I should have made it clear that she was MY woman, with fists if necessary. But what did I do instead? I´d gone and fucked things up, my usual MO with her I guess.

I had taken to stalking her even, showing up at her parents' house. At least Helen welcomed me, Stephanie quit showing up there altogether. In hindsight I don´t blame her, between her mom and myself, I thought our wedding would be happening. The plans Helen and I made were coming together. It's too bad Stephanie never got the memo about it.

Old patterns resurfaced and I cheated on the only girl I ever loved, and then I flaunted it in her face. I had thought I could have my cake and eat it too. All kinds of cake: cupcake, devil's food and angel food cake. I think you get my drift. She belonged to me, after all, or so I thought.

I took her for granted, thought she would always come back to the Italian Stallion. I had her in the garage when she was 6, and I took her virginity behind the case at Tasty Pastry. Right? If that didn't show she belonged to me, I don't know what would. Right?

Wrong! The bride was no longer mine. Gone. Forever. Taken by the man who truly loves her. The Right Way!

Now I'm a wedding crasher. I slunk into a seat in the last row, hoping no one realizes I'm here. I had even replaced Steph as the laughingstock of Trenton.

The song lyrics run thru my head "people are talkin', talkin' bout people."

Funny, it´s now me they're talking about. Everyone avoids me, friends I thought were in my corner, turned out that they supported Stephanie instead. Friggin´ turncoats.

It was then that I realized who the woman next to me was. Her eyes so much like my Cupcake's.

The problem was, they weren't Stephanie's, but as bloodshot and runny as I suspected my own were. It was Helen Plum, guzzling something out of paper bag, as if it was a water canteen in the desert.

The drool was pooling by the side of her mouth as I watched it drip down. Had I sunk as low as her? It appears so. Pulling out my flask of Wild Turkey, I enjoyed the burn of the liquor as it passed down my throat. I joined her in mourning of this day. It was hard to sit upright, as I was enjoying myself way too much with my drink, if you know what I mean.

"Joseph dear," Helen slurred as she patted my hand. "This should be your day, not his."

I nodded in agreement.

Hell, I nodded so much that I leaned heavily to my right and fell right out of the chair. I grabbed Helen´s arm on my way down, hoping to stabilize myself, instead Helen landed on top of me; showing her grannies panties for the world to see as her dress ended up around her waist.

It was a good thing I had the corner chair at the last row. Getting back in that chair was a bitch, but I made it, then helped to prop Helen in her seat, to no avail. She listed to the side and leaned against me and we barely managed to stay upright. As shet continued on, talking away like we were eating pot roast over the Plums' dinner table, like nothing happened. Which frankly, would have been preferable than being at this wedding. I bet my nuts that the pictures of Helen Plum riding the Italian Stallion at the Plum/Manoso wedding are trending worldwide, right now.

"To think she wants that….that thug, when she could have YOU." Helen spat with slurred speech, and saliva flying from her mouth.

I had no answer for that because as much I disliked Manoso, he treated Steph the way she should be treated. On the other hand, I treated her like shit, I only considered what I wanted or needed. Only my own needs and wants were ever important to me.

Her finding me with the other woman just sent her right to where we are now. 'This damn wedding'. Flaunting that waitress from Pino's in front of her and Mary Lou was icing on the cake, so to speak.

In hindsight, with a clean and sober head, it was a pretty stupid idea to bring, 'what´s her name', to Pino´s at lunchtime. I had told Steph I was working out of town, and that I would be back in a week. I just couldn't resist showing my latest conquest off to everyone. Not seeing Stephanie's car, I thought I was safe, safe from being seen. I never took Mary Lou's mom van as a warning sign. It should have dawned on me when I saw the back of a curly head in front of Mary Lou that it was indeed a bad idea. The shock on Steph's face when we strolled by their table, arm in arm no less, quickly turned into utter disgust. One would think I realized that would be our undoing as a couple. But did it? Nope! Not even the punch to my face or the knee to the nuts did it.

It must have been how my dad felt, cheating and boozing it up on my mom, that led me to this thought. I remember my mom asking him about the perfume on his shirt, watching him slap her, then chug his whiskey as he laughed like a damn maniac. I thought 'I'm just like him', and I am.

Then the music started and the ceremony began. Steph was a vision in a simple, but elegant white dress carrying a bunch of expensive blue flowers. Before I knew it, the priest pronounced Cupcake and the thug, man and wife.

"You may kiss your bride." He said and Manoso leaned over to Steph and their lips touched, it was then I heard a banshee wail of a cry that took a few minutes to register that it was coming from me.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!"

I never paid attention to the goons Rangeman had surrounding them, my goal was to get to the girl.

Hands went around me to restrain me as I raced to get to her. If I could get to her, I could make everything all right, and we could be together. A big paw of a hand came down on my shoulder, not caring who I knocked over as I made my way up to the gazebo where the makeshift altar was and the newly wed couple kissed. Fists flew as I was stopped from getting to my objective, Stephanie. People were yelling and crying and soon Frank Plum's face came into focus. His complexion was as purple as his last name.

"You son of a bitch! Don´t you get the hint? Stay out of my daughter's life, you scumbag." I remember seeing Tank and some other muscle bound monkey coming at me, keeping the newly married couple safe from me.

That was the last thing I remember when a punch connected with my jaw and I blacked out…

I came to in an ambulance with hands shackled to a stretcher. I was told at the hospital by a snot-faced, pimply rookie that I was arrested for drunk and disorderly, plus trespassing on private property. The judge sentenced me and as part of the deal so I wouldn't lose my badge, to AA.

End Flashback

I'm now at this AA meeting and will be for the next 60 days of my life. Plus I also have to go through anger management classes, and a psych evaluation, for some reason everyone thinks I'm obsessed with Stephanie.

Lord help me, I am. Plus this boozing I'm doing isn't helping at all. Go figure!

I wonder why Helen Plum is here, other than she had crashed her daughter's wedding just like me. I hope she didn't follow my lead and make more of a spectacle of herself as well, but it seems like she had.

She is as sober as a judge on TV. Seeing her sweaty face, her eyes met mine. We are both in the same space, same time, same nightmare. Lord Help us both.

Frank´s POV (At the time of the Wedding)

That damn wife of mine and her partner in crime came around and created quite the scene, thankfully it was after Stephanie and Carlos were married. I knew the minute the Burg heard the news of this marriage there would be chaos. Once again, Helen didn't disappoint.

It was a pleasure being the best man for Carlos and giving my girl away, as the drunks gradually passed out. Ranger and Joe Juniack knew there would be trouble here today. But the only way to get them both arrested and get some help with their twisted, sick obsession with my daughter and her life, was to let them make the first move. And boy did they!

Seeing them land on the ground was worth it as the Justice of the Peace married my pumpkin and my new son-in-law, having them as the distraction for once instead of my baby girl allowed the wedding to proceed.

Their snoring was at a low buzz, but nothing would stop these wedding vows from being said. Tank and a few others from Rangeman were scattered throughout the newly decorated back yard, hidden from view. Watching. Waiting.

I had been waiting and watching that Morelli boy become just like his father, from the moment he took her into that damn garage, and then he took her innocence and wrote on the bathroom walls about my baby girl. A drunk. A morally corrupt man. I was one proud Papa when she ran him over with my Buick, breaking his leg in two places. Nothings better for that then a half ton of good old American steel.

I had also been waiting and watching for a chance to beat the shit out of him as well, for all the emotional beat downs he gave Stephanie thru the years. Helen caused most of that crap. Honestly, who would want to be a burg wife besides her and Valerie? Valerie was doing well, leading her own life, married to Albert. All was right with her being a wife and a stay at home mom. That's what she wanted from the very first wail as a newborn, and she took to her 'burg training' like a duck to water.

But Stephanie is my girl! With my temperament! My zest for life! Or, I did have zest for life, but that was strangled out of me, the more the years passed being married to Helen. Slowly, the life of me was being sucked out of me, like a giant vacuum cleaner that she loved to run all the time.

Punching him was such a pleasure, I wanted to pull his ass back up by the scruff of his neck and do it again, but hearing that banshee wail of Helen's, "How could you?" had me stopping in my tracks before I could accomplish my goal.

Looking over across the yard, Helen had her arms flapping, her face a bright red, as she kept on wailing "This can´t be happening" mixed in with some "Hail Mary's" and "Why me´s".

Her mother Edna was grinning like the old bat she is. Being the maid of honor for Stephanie was such a treat for her. Not a bit of gossip passed her lips in the days leading up to the wedding. For once, Edna was doing the right thing, and not adding to the drama like she usually did. She had her hair done when Stephanie went to see Mr. Alexander and for once the flamboyant color of hot pink didn't upset me any. She was my daughter´s biggest cheerleader, unlike her mother who was the biggest critic (or whiner) of her life.

Having just us at the wedding, kept it down on the gossip level, but when Mrs. Juniack ordered the wedding cake for Stephanie and Carlos, all hell broke loose in this town. Carlos took the safety of everyone into consideration, he had his men placed in the shadows of the back yard, hidden from sight. The man's a genious!

Edna´s PoV

Finally, I got me some happy. Now, mind you, there isn't one of those hot beef steaks of Rangeman running around, but damn this was even better. I couldn't see the fellas out in plain sight, but I knew they were there, keeping everyone safe from the crashers. Seeing my baby granddaughter finally saying "I do" to her man was so romantic to me, but hearing Helen wailing was like fingernails scraping down a chalkboard to my ears. That woman just had to show up and try to ruin what has been an incredible day for all of us that loved this couple. I couldn't believe my daughter would act this way. Ah, who the hell am I trying to kid here? Helen would find something to say about anyone or anything if it didn't conform to her way of thinking. Try living with the woman and see how fast your eye twitches.

I missed seeing my granddaughter at meals, but honestly, with Helen badgering her all the time and that Morelli boy always there, who could blame her for staying away?

Steph gave me a Rangeman cell phone to stay in touch, picking me up and driving me around whenever I needed her to. Going out for meals and catching up, just the four of us. Smuggling Frank away from that house was a hoot. He's a completely different man away from Helen, or rather he was the man he was before Helen sucked him into her force field. Laughing and talking more than I've heard him do in the last thirty-six years.

Both Helen and her co-conspirator were arrested, slick as anything, trotted off to the drunk tank at Trenton Police Department, and released the next day after a night in the pokey. Her embarrassment was complete, though the next morning when the bail hearing was held, Angie Morelli had to post bond for her son, and grudgingly, Frank did the same for his wife.

Too bad!

I snorted when I heard the conditions of the bail; AA meetings for Helen for 60 days, court ordered therapy for her as well, something about her being a control bitch, and being obsessed with how her daughter lived her life was mentioned.

I wonder if Helen would get a grip on reality this time. If I had to guess I'd say that's highly unlikely.