Future Fic, established Sebklaine, Kurt's just graduated from NAYDA.

Rated and Warnings: M to be on the safe side, man on man, Sebklaine, some angst (okay maybe a lot of angst).

Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews).

I own nothing, literally.

Me in the Background

Sighing softly I reach up and run the washcloth over Sebastian's face being careful not to get water or soap in his eyes. He's been playing some daft game with the guys involving water, god alone knows how the mud joined in, but I clean him up as he laughs and tells me how Blaine defended his honour and was last seen chasing Puck around the garden with a water pistol.

Laughing gently I brush back a stray strand of his hair, "Oh Sebastian, I do love you," going on tiptoes I kiss his cheek and pretend I don't notice how he stiffens under my touch, or how much it hurts me when he does.

"Sebby!" Blaine screams from the garden his attack on Puck transformed into flight as the once Mowhawked man has teamed up with Sam to drive him off.

As usual we do as Blaine tells us so I turn to wash the cloth out and when I turn back Sebastian is gone.

Refusing to cry over them any more I put the cloth up to dry and escape into the living room. We've all met up again at Dad's and Carole's. This is the last time I'm coming to one of these shindigs, it hurts too much. I don't think Finn will be coming either.

The girls are lounging around and I flop into a seat beside Tina. Rachel's showing off her daughter again, little Star is truly amazing, and trust Rachel to get pregnant in college, NYADA of all places, and still manage to graduate with honours, oh and land a job on Broadway too.

When Star gets passed around I hold her and gaze down at her, such a small little thing to grow up into person. I love Rachel, I really do but I can't help the comment, "She really has her father's eyes," because gazing into them is like looking into Jessie St. Scum's.

Being Rachel the remark goes over her head, she still doesn't know that Finn had the tests done early, he knows he has such a low sperm count he's not having kids naturally, and hey guess which ex slimed his way into Rachel's life around about the time Star was conceived.

It's ripping Finn apart that she was unfaithful to him, but he's taken Star in as his own, given up his own college dreams, gotten a part time job so that Rachel can practice and rehearse and live her dream, while he's a stay at home dad as much as he can be in these difficult financial times.

Both of our families know and it's nice to see the two Mr Berry's standing by Finn so much, giving him their support so wholeheartedly.

Rachel's spouting off about her Broadway debut coming up, it's the same night as my debut off Broadway. She gets a good supporting part, I get a small supporting role in a play, so no singing for me. But it's a job, a real job with pay at the end of it and something to put on my resume.

She has people lined up to see her on her debut night.

No one's coming to mine. Not even Blaine and Sebastian. My two boyfriends are off on holiday. We were supposed to go together, we had it all booked, I wasn't supposed to get a job this quickly, I got lucky, very lucky. We couldn't even get my deposit back, so I told them to go, to not waste the money we've already paid and they agreed to go.

It's easier this way.

I won't be there when they come back.

Passing Star on I pretend to listen to Rachel and then I really do smile when Quinn puts her in her place, their rivalry may have changed but they still bang heads regularly.

Keeping it together until they all leave in the evening I slowly clean up with Carole, then I sit at the kitchen table and sip warm milk on my own. I give them all time to go to bed.

Washing up my glass I put it away and then check the house is locked up, unable to put it off any longer I creep up the stairs to the bathroom and do my face, I have to look good for my public of none after all.

Sneaking into my bedroom I see them curled up together. Blaine's hogging the covers and Sebastian's left out in the cold. Snagging some blankets I cover his lanky frame up, he tends to feel the cold.

Stirring he makes a sleepy sound, "Shh," I tell him, "It's only me, go back to sleep my beautiful wonderful 'Bastian," he murmurs a protest so I take advantage and kiss his cheek, "Sleep."

When he's breathing's evened out I slip into bed on the other side, Blaine between us, always between us.

How did we get here? Oh yes, I left for NAYDA breaking up with Blaine as he was going to be here alone and Sebastian was sniffing around, nicely, he'd changed so much after David's attempt. It was inevitable really. Three months later in New York I found out from Mercedes on Facebook, it had hurt so much and I thought I'd gotten over Blaine.

Then Blaine came to NAYDA too, he's brilliant, absolutely brilliant, he's the best student they have. Sebastian followed him and is in the middle of law school, I pity the idiot to go up against him in the courtroom.

I wasn't over Blaine I'd only fooled myself, again, and it hurt to see him and then the offer, to be his boyfriend along with Sebastian, because Blaine wasn't over me either.

Tossing and turning I can't sleep so I take the blanket downstairs and curl up on the sofa with tissues. We were so young, so stupid, believing love conquered all. I should have known Sebastian would never love me, and I've fallen so hard for him. He will always measure me against Blaine and I will always come up short.

To my dad, to Carole to Finn I will always be enough, and I will always be loved. I am a great son and brother and I don't doubt how they feel about me, I make sure to tell them how I feel about them, it's awkward and I'm not good at it but I want them to know, to never doubt it.

But to Blaine, to Sebastian, or any man I've yet to meet I will never be enough. An unsexy little gay faced baby penguin who wears too many layers and girl clothes to be loveable in any way. We go to parties and it doesn't matter which of them I'm standing near I'm shoved to one side by men and women who throw themselves at them.

Only three people have ever wanted me, truly wanted me, Blaine, Mercedes and David. And I really have no idea why.

Drifting into restless dreams I wake with a headache. Sliding on some clothes I sneak out leaving a note on the fridge that I'm going to visit mom. An excellent excuse to cry my eyes out and no one will interrogate me why.

Parking at the cemetery I walk through the lines of gravestones and I know the way so well I could take this route with my eyes closed. I sit by her graveside and lean my head on her stone.

"Hi mom, I miss you, love you, I'll always love you," I tell her and rub the cold unyielding stone.

The sun is riding low in the sky and I huddle there glad I wrapped up warm.

Strangely it's Sebastian I feel the most pity for. I walked into this to get Blaine back, Blaine got love from two men with none of the guilt, and Sebastian is the one who had to share.

No wonder he used to snipe at me, the fights we used to have, the angry words, the cruel words, and then one day after six months I woke up to see him sleeping and it hurt so much because at some point I'd learnt to love that sarcastic, defensive, funny, obnoxious, chipmunk. I stopped fighting him, didn't snark back, it took another three months for him to stop too and we entered into an uneasy truce.

We never touch, not even in bed, there it is always Blaine, Blaine who gets all our attentions, except in the last two months I've been reaching out to Sebastian, touching him, helping him get Blaine prepared, I've even blown him a few times, god knows Blaine never will. One blowjob that's all I've ever gotten in my life and Blaine said 'ew' so he never did it again, I do it for him but no reciprocation, the same with Sebastian.

Sometimes Blaine can be so very selfish, and other times so very generous.

Since we got here last week I've not made love to Blaine once, it's a laughable thought of me and Sebastian, he just doesn't like me, I'm there, I clean up for them both, I get in the way of him and Blaine.

The sob rips out of me and I let the tears I've been saving up flow, I'm so lonely, I live with two boyfriends and I'm so lonely. I've tried everything I can think of to get Sebastian to like me even a little, to hang on to Blaine and I'm losing, I know I am. Blaine wasn't over me when I went to college, he's had years of living with me now, and it's clear he prefers 'Bastian. They have more fun things in common, like partying and drinking, see more than the same few musicals over and over, and the big thing is 'Bas makes Blaine laugh, really loudly, I only make him smile fondly.

It's time.

Time to break those ties, Sebastian's been patient long enough, they are going to be so happy together.

And I am going to continue being an amazing son and brother and uncle. Finn's only staying with Rachel now because of Star, not that the Diva seems to understand she keeps saying they'll fix everything. Maybe I'll move in with Finn in eighteen years time.

Crying myself out I get to my feet and blow my nose. People expect me to come back a wreak from this, "Bye mom, see you again soon, thank you for letting me cry."

Walking away I go to my car passing a group of people, "Hummel?" A guy says my name and I look up.

Why me?

Its one of the damn Neanderthals that used to make my life a living hell, "Hey it is you," the guy's smiling at me, "Dude congrates on the acting job thing you got man, you always said you'd make it," usually as they were lifting me into the trash. He gives me a sneaky look, "Is it really true you got yourself two guys? At the same time?"

Even now I blush at the mention of certain things and now is no exception, he takes that as a yes and actually whoops, "Awesome, go get some Hummel," for a second I think he's going to punch me but he's held his fist out, I fist bump and he jogs over to his group saying, "Yeah, sorry, kid I knew in high school, he managed to escape, doing well in New York name in lights that kind of thing, and get this, two guys, at the same time!"

Turning away I walk slowly to my car, well that was unusual.

Going home I arrive in time to see them all getting ready to go out, they're going out for fun, crazy golf as a big family. Pleading a headache I wave them off and slink up the stairs to my room, collapsing face first onto the bed I breathe my boys in and hug the messy not tucked in covers.

I'm going to miss them both so much, it sets me off again and I cry the way I never do in public, the one that turns my face blotchy and my eyes puffy but it hurts inside so much.

Getting myself under control I scrub my face and make them all lunch, they're ravenous when they get back. For the rest of our stay I play the part of being happy, occasionally I see 'Bastian frowning at me but I ignore him, I'll be out of his hair soon.

Leaving Lima behind us we head for home in our rental car, we all take turns driving, I volunteer for night time so the two of them can snuggle in back and sleep. I drive for longer than I need to and thread my way through New York to outside our apartment.

"Kurt," Blaine smiles sleepily, "You didn't need to do that, you should have woken one of us."

Shrugging I squeeze his shoulder, "It's fine Blaine, you both looked so cute I didn't have the heart to wake you," it makes Sebastian frown at me again, he's getting his thoughtful look, usually that does not bode well for people.

Keeping myself busy I start the laundry and power my way through it as the two lounge around and catch up on homework so they'll be free for their holiday. Two weeks with sand, sea and surf. Two weeks of just them. Two weeks to gather my stuff and move out.

And then three days have somehow passed, my boys are leaving in just a few days, just few more days to stare at them, to memorise them, to make meals I know they love and not the heart healthy stuff they complain about.

I get in from rehearsals to find Blaine angrily picking up his guitar, "Sebby I've had this booked for weeks, the proceeds are going to charity, I'm not going to your father's office thing he's pulled on you at the last second, you know that man doesn't like us," actually he likes Blaine, he hates me.

"Blaine, please, you know I hate going too," Sebastian is arguing, "I don't want to take Kurt…" And then he spots me, "Kurt… I…"

"It's settled, Kurt's going with you, don't fuck it up," and Blaine flees the apartment after giving 'Bas a significant look.

"I assume it's black tie," I pretend his rejection of me didn't hurt, that Blaine palming this off on me didn't hurt either. And then I go through my extensive wardrobe and find the most boring conservative evening outfit I can. "What time are we going?"

That frown is back, "It's okay Sebastian I'll be good and quiet and stay in the background, no dancing on tables for me," I try and make him smile about the small in joke with Blaine and tables, it fails miserably.

"Seven," he grunts out and then walks off.

Well this is going to be fun.

Ready with ten minutes to spare I follow him out of the apartment and into the taxi. We arrive early and then he ditches me to go and mingle. Plastering on a smile, I've gotten better at faking them, acting school comes in handy, I go to mingle too being pleasant and sweet and hating every second of it.

Needing some courage I grab some champagne and sip it, urgh, who drinks this stuff? I keep circulating, keep sipping and it's weird how happy I suddenly am, sort of buzzy, oh dear, I may be a bit drunk, never drink on an empty stomach. Only Blaine is more of a lightweight than me, Sebastian can drink nearly anyone under the table.

Not really paying attention I head for the buffet table, best to eat something before I get any worse.

There's an older gentleman at the table glaring at the food, "It can't be that bad," I joke and he glares at me, "I know Mr Smythe is a jackass but he does put on good food."

Startled the man quirks an eyebrow, "If you're a lawyer aren't you supposed to kiss your boss's butt?"

Wagging a finger at him I laugh, "Not my boss, he's my boyfriend's dad, and he really is a jackass. Amazing lawyer and," I lean in conspiratorially whispering, "I think he still believes in justice, I think that's why he's cranky all the time, you know the justice system being crooked," and the room spins, wow how much have I had to drink, oh my glass is empty, when did that happen?

"Really?" The man nods, "Tell me more."

"Oh I can't," I shake my head regretfully, "No one tells me the juicy details about trials, confidentiality and thinks like that. I do know he's a scary barracuda, nope not scary enough, wait my brother likes dinosaurs, T-Rex, yeah he's a scary T-Rex, you never want that man up against you. I think that's why Sebastian's so snarky, he learnt it from his dad."

"Sebastian?"

"Yep, his son, my boyfriend, and," I lean in again, "He's so smart, and beautiful, he acts all mean, but deep down he's a pussy cat. He helps out at homeless shelters when he can, and I've seen him break up fights in bars, give talks to troubled teens but don't tell him or he'll deny it."

The man laughs and asks me, "So what do you do then?"

I pose, "I am an actor, well I have my first paying job, it's a small production off Broadway, I get to play a gay kid, they picked me, it must be my gay face," I check out my glass, "Really there was more in here a minute ago."

"What was?" And Sebastian's here.

"Bas my beautiful boyfriend," I crow happily, "My glass, see it's all empty," I tip it upside down demonstrating the emptiness, "Honest there was more in there, maybe I dropped it."

"How much have you had?" He asks.

"Um, one, yes one," I beam at him pleased at remembering.

Sighing, he tugs on my arm, "Come on lets get you home and put you too bed, you really need to eat before you drink Kurt."

Twisting I wiggle my fingers at the man, "Bye it was nice meeting you," in a loud whisper I tell Seb, "He's a very nice man."

"Uh-huh," Seb propels me out of the horrible place and the horrible party and hails a taxi. I hum as we get driven home, Seb's busy glaring out of the window at nothing at all, probably another fight with his dad.

"You know you're beautiful right?" I ask him entranced when he turns to me and lifts an eyebrow. "So beautiful, like a tiger, all growling and scary and so so beautiful." I reach out with my finger to stroke his cheek but miss and poke his face instead, "Oops," I giggle and then laugh when he goes back to frowning. Using both hands I turn his frown into a smile, "You should smile more Bas, it suits you. I'm not good at this am I?" I confess, "Blaine makes you smile, the real smile, I never make you smile," he frowns harder, "It's okay, shh I'll be good so very good."

I stare out of the window at the blurry buildings that whip past, have to remember to leave him alone, that he doesn't even like me.

He helps me up the stairs to the apartment and we go in, I don't know why I'm giggling but it's so very funny, and then he takes me to our bedroom and says, "Bed."

"Yes," I push him so he topples onto the bed with a shocked look, and then I pounce, "Bed time," I kiss him and he pushes at my shoulders, I pout, "Please Bas, pretty please?" I have an idea and slide to the floor resting my head on his leg, "You've let me suck you off before, can I do it now?"

"You're drunk," he states.

"Well d'uh," and I roll my eyes at him, "You've let Blaine do stuff when he's drunk, and I really really want to suck your dick," I don't bother trying for seductive I just made gassy faces.

Bas stares at me so I flutter my eyes at him and he huffs as his hands reach for his pants, "Yay," I clap my hands and he's barely undone his pants before I bat his hands away and do what I want to do.

He's not even hard but I caress him loving the feel of him soft, he moans as I play with him and lift up onto my knees so I can just take him into my mouth, sucking on him soon makes him hard and I hum happily as I bob up and down, stopping I lavish love on the head licking around the foreskin. I spend time doing what I want as he moans and his hands fist the sheets.

"Kurt," his voice is rough and husky like it is with Blaine, he must be close so I suck him harder and squeeze his balls, he shakes, "God, Kurt," nearly there and I tease him with my tongue before deep throating him, its enough and he cries out cumming in my mouth, his cum slipping down my throat as I swallow eagerly around him.

I watch him fall back onto the bed with a groan, resting my head on his thigh I hum some more, one of Bas' favourite tunes now stuck in my head. He shifts his head to look at me so I smile at him, "You okay?" He asks moving to raise himself onto his elbows.

"I'm purrrrrr-fect," I purr at him and giggle.

Shucking his pants off he undoes his shirt and tie, I sit and perv on him rubbing the bulge in my own pants and wanting to help him. Naked he turns to catch me and I jerk my hand away, he's so beautiful, more lean and lanky than Blaine, those long plains on his stomach, those rising collar bones, legs that a woman would kill for but hairy, so very hair and manly.

Boldly I stare at him knowing he'll walk away but he walks towards me and helps me off with my own clothes, the last thing to go are my boxers and then he palms with his, well his palm and I moan begging him, "Bas, please Bas, please, just love me Bas, please just love me."

A hard hot mouth covers mine as we settle on the bed, his mouth is aggressive and rough, yet his fingers skim my skin softer than any butterflies. Abruptly he stops and goes to get lube. Pushing me to lay back he grunts and then gets me lay on my stomach.

Fingers touch my butt and I spread my legs for him hoping for and getting a long finger all covered in slippery lube inside of me. I'm always the bottom to Blaine, it's not fair, I want to top sometimes but he never lets me, he lets Seb, but then Seb won't let him top.

That finger works around inside of me and I moan as he stretches me and then he brushes my prostate so I mew. Now he's found the spot he doesn't let up driving me on more and more.

Two fingers, three, he scissors and thrusts and wiggles and caresses and I'm writhing on the bed, "God Bas, stop teasing me, just love me, please Bas take me, please, oh god, more, more, love you so much, Bas."

"What?" He stops and I whimper brokenly. "Say it again," he urges and I don't know what he wants, "Tell me," he bears down on me and I groan, "Tell me how you feel about me."

Oh.

"Love you," I tell him, "Love you Bas, so smart, so clever, so funny," I have to break off to writhe some more as he does this thing to me. "Love you," I whimper out, "Love you."

Those wonderful fingers are removed and I groan miserably but then something bigger is there, I spread my legs wider and arch my back, "Yes, oh Bas, yes, please Bas, oh god," he starts to penetrate me and I cry out at how good it feels, it's been over a month since Blaine topped me, months since I've been filled up and then Bas is all the way in.

He lets me adjust to him and then doesn't do anything I buck my hips in a hint but he still doesn't move, "Say it," he hisses in my ear.

"Love you," I say and he pulls out to thrust in roughly, it's so good I'm left clutching at the sheets and shaking, "Love you," I tell him again so he does it again. I set the rhythm, each time I say it he thrusts into me. I end up babbling it as fast as I can as he takes me hard and fast and mercilessly.

"Seb, won't last, so close now," I warn him.

Panting in my ear he says, "Okay, I'm not that far either," and he gets rougher, faster, stronger so I wail in pleasure and beat him to it by seconds as I explode beneath him.

His breath is warm in my ear, I smile and kiss his arm, he stirs and pulls out of me, "No," I sulk, "Liked you there."

Huffing a laugh he lays next to me, "Tough, I was a little heavy, don't want to squash you."

Even now he does it, "I'm not a girl Sebastian," I snark, "I won't break that easily."

"I gathered that considering the way I just fucked you," he rolls closer and smirks, "You took everything, " and I smirk this time.

We lay there quietly and I start to drift off to sleep, a feather light touch on arm and I open my eyes to see him run a finger down it, he looks really serious, "Kurt?"

"Hmm…" I like laying here with him like this, yawning I stretch content and happy.

"Nothing, go to sleep Kurt," he sounds regretful.

"No," I argue, "What did you want Bas, tell me, please?"

The lube is placed in my hand and he turns his back on me and flexes his hips. He can't mean? He never lets either of us do that. Cautiously I sit up, "Bas? Bas do you want me to make love to you?"

He goes quiet and I must have misunderstood, he just wants me to put the lube away. Oh good one Kurt, guess what, it's all in your head again, when will you learn to stop putting your heart on the line.

"Yes," he says softly and I drop the lube in shock, I can't have heard that right. He glances over at me, "Have you had enough time to recover?"

Stunned I nod and yep, recovery is starting, his hips shift and he rolls onto his stomach mimicking me from earlier, he spreads his legs and I have to be dreaming this.

Smearing my fingers, part of my hand and some of the covers and a splodge on his leg with lube I gently rub his entrance, he tenses, "We don't have to," I pull my hand away.

"Please," he says so I do it again, he still tenses but starts to relax.

Tentatively I slide one finger into him and I go so slowly, so gently, he tenses and then bit by bit relaxes. I quickly search out his prostate he gasps so I do it to him again.

There's no hurry to the second finger or the third. I make him extra slippery, extra stretched and he's biting the pillow groaning and thrashing under my hands before I'm sure he's ready.

"Bas?" I ask him, "Bas can I be inside you or do you just want fingers?" Please let me inside of him, "I'm not very good at topping, you might prefer fingers…"

"You, Kurt, god you inside me, now," he's panting his eyes blown and lustful, "Tell me again."

Lubing myself I line up and push in as slowly as I can, sinking into heat, warm, tightness, "Oh god Bas, god so tight, so warm," I'm all the way in and cling to his back, "Bas, love you so much, please tell me I'm not hurting you."

"Now who thinks the other's a girl?" he sasses and I cuff his shoulder gently kissing it better afterwards. "No, you're not hurting me Kurt, but can you go slow?"

"Anything," I promise him and I rock in and out marvelling at how good he feels around me, I'm used to a boring old hand, but this is amazing no wonder they all like to top. Pressing kisses over his shoulder blades I murmur, "Love you, love you Bas, love you my chipmunk."

Shaking from under me and he laughs, "Really, the chipmunk thing, still?"

"Hush, you're cute, and chipmunks are cute, therefore, ergo and things, I win and I love you," it made sense to me. Oh I remember, I angle a little differently and he writhes under me, "Hey Bas? I found your prostate!"

"I noticed," he gets out in a long moan, "Kurt, god, god, do it again."

Just like the fingers I don't hurry, it's so good his body under mine, him wrapped around my cock, my words of endearment in his ear, he rocks his hips, "More, faster," I oblige and then it hits me when his ass contracts and I thrust a few more times to finish inside of him with a sob.

Hmm, I'll show him. I roll him to one side and stay inside him, "There, still with you," I kiss the back of his neck and cuddle into him.

Only to wake up alone in the morning, Blaine's walking towards me, "Hey sleepyhead, how are you feeling?"

I take the water and pill offered, I don't feel too bad but then I only had one glass of champagne, never again, never ever again.

Sitting next to me Blaine rubs my back, "It wasn't too bad was it?" He asks about last night the party was dreadful, the time in our room was wonderful.

"He got drunk and insulted dad to a potential client," Seb's leaning in the doorway, I wince, his dad is going to no nuts, "And managed to insult dad in such a way the client is jumping ship to dad's firm and bringing a lot of clients with him," smirking the man adds, "Dad both wants to kill Kurt and hug Kurt, it could go either way."

Draining the glass I hold it out to Blaine and pull the covers back to stand up and go for a shower, at the very least to clean my teeth to remove the dead thing that died there in the night. Stretching I see them both stare at me, Sebastian turns away frowning.

Did last night even happen?

Not sure how to ask if I had sex with my boyfriend I hurry to the bathroom and get in the shower. Luckily my skin care takes a while so I try and figure out if I had sex with Sebastian by basically begging him to take me when I was drunk or if I imagined the whole thing. Either option isn't nice. Because if I imagined it then he still dislikes me, and if it was real I think he just had pity sex with me to shut me up. At no point do I think me topping him was real, Bas is really anti about that, it makes me what to find whoever it was that hurt him and hurt them.

Drying and moisturising I pull on my robe and slink into the bedroom, there I pull on clothes that cover everything, wouldn't want to blind people with my paleness. Plastering on a smile I make them lunch and then start to pack for them.

Blaine's soon joined me and we make short work of it, Bas is terrible with clothes, so we pick things we think he'll wear and things that should be burnt but he's determined to keep wearing, mostly to annoy us, well me I guess.

Putting the suitcases to one side for last minute packing I volunteer to go to the gym and then vanish out of the apartment to run on the human equivalent of a hamster wheel. Run and run and get nowhere.

Home I make them dinner and tidy up and generally avoid them I can't take Bas frowning at me anymore. Doing my toenails takes me forever and I can hide in the bathroom the whole time.

Finally it's time for their holiday and I help them carry everything to the taxi, journeying with them to the airport, Blaine's happy and chatting about everything in the guide book determined to do everything at once, Bas is more quiet glancing at me now and again before frowning.

At the airport I help them book in and then hug them goodbye, I hold onto Blaine, this is the last time I'm ever going to see him, "Goodbye Blaine, you be good and take care of Sebastian, I love you."

"Love you too," he grins, that boyish easy charm still kicking me in my heart after all these years.

"Goodbye 'Bastian," I drag him into a hug, "Take care of Blaine you know what he's like, love you Bas."

"I…" Sebastian doesn't seem to know what to say and Blaine's jaw's dropped open.

I shoo them through to security and wave at them until they're gone from sight. And then I flee to the nearest set of toilets to cry as quietly as I can. When I nearly make myself sick I stand up and wipe my eyes uselessly, wandering out I go and sit at the departures board. Their plane gets called, then final calls and then it vanishes from the board.

They're gone.

My boys are gone.

I go home one final time and start to box my things up, it doesn't take long, just my clothes really. I already know where I'm going to be living and I call a cab to take my possessions and me over there.

Stepping into the rattrap cockroach infested biohazard that's all I can comfortably afford I sigh and sit on the horrible bed that is probably crawling with things.

And then suddenly it's time to go to work.

I love this.

The anticipation, all the hard work I've done to get to this point, there are curtain calls and I step onto the stage at my cue and I'm not me anymore I'm my character, movements that aren't mine, ways of speaking that aren't mine. This person uses me and at the bitter end of the show the invisible audience starts to clap and it's all worth it.

Linking up with the cast and director we go to a popular watering hole and tell each other how well we did, how good it felt, how happy we are.

And I go home alone.

I go to my new empty, please god let it be empty, bed and cry myself to sleep.

Without the other two in my life I don't know what to do, no more running around after them, no more bitching at them to clean up, no constant errands to run for them.

Other than my clothes I did pick one more thing up. A picture of the two of them, they're posing and grinning at the camera arms around each other. We'd gone to the park, they'd played Frisbee, and I couldn't resist snapping them. That was a good day.

I rip it out of the boring frame it's in and put it in the new frame, one I made at those silly fairs Blaine's always dragging us to. It's a big heart and I decorated it with glitter and more hearts. They sit squarely in the middle of the frame as I stroke the glass over their faces.

And then it's work, it's still amazing, the cast all rave over the reviews, I didn't bother to read them. We party some more I collapse on the bed in my new home holding my boys close and crying.

Waking up late and groggy I wash in the skanky mould encrusted shared bathroom. I should be hungry but I can't be bothered to eat, it's so much hassle and the roaches will only beat me to any food.

Going to work I feel dizzy and nearly freak out thinking I've caught something from the shower but I'm only light-headed from not eating, I'll eat tomorrow, maybe.

The atmosphere is electric, our reviews must be good then, I still don't read them, maybe it's a hang up from Glee club and always being told to disband, that we weren't good enough.

On stage I stop being me and escape for a while. Coming back down to earth with a bang I bow out of partying and go home with a ranging headache, I really need to eat. Stomping up the stairs to my new apartment I can't help the feeling that I'm being followed.

Too tired to care I close the door and flop onto the bed only for someone to knock on my door, not thinking I open it and get it shoved into my body by a very furious Sebastian and Blaine's glaring at me from behind him.

"Kurt," Sebastian hisses enraged.

And then Blaine's pushing past him and wandering into my room, my very small room. He picks up the frame next to my bed, "Why do you have this if you left us?"

Faint and dizzy, I struggle to stay up right; I just want to sleep, "Because I love you both so very much."

"Then why the hell did you leave?" Bas yells.

"Because you don't love me," I mutter and is it me or is it strangely hot in here? My legs feel funny and then I sort of pitch forward.

"Kurt!" Sebastian catches me before the floor does, I hope he lets me sleep, I'm so tired.

I wake to find myself in our bed, it was just a nightmare, I cuddle back down and then try to sit up only to find my hands tied to the headboard. "Not funny," I yell, "Bas you know kidnapping is a felony!"

Two heads peek around the door at me, Blaine smiles, "You're awake!"

"You've slept for over a day we called in sick for you," Sebastian adds as they appear fully, Blaine's carrying a tray.

"I'm fine," I tell him and Blaine frowns.

"You say that a lot Kurt," he says accusingly and sets the tray with food on the bedside table, "You've said that to me, and you lied to me," and that's Blaine in a nutshell, he really believes in people, in a better world, after everything he's been through he came out the other end a truly gentle and generous person, a bit gullible, a bit naive and completely oblivious to some painfully obvious things going on in front of him. "You told me you were fine about Seb and me going on holiday without you, you said we didn't need to go to your opening night, you said you were happy. How long have you been unhappy Kurt?"

I refuse to look at him, he'll just use those eyes on me, I can't resist him when he does that.

He settles on the bed next to me and crosses his arms, "Why did you say we didn't love you? I love you so much Kurt," he rubs his hand on my leg.

"He means me," Seb moves closer and crosses the room to crawl onto the bed and sit on the other side of me. "Kurt, kitten," Kitten? "I know you were drunk but I don't let just anybody do that to me."

"It wasn't a dream?" I blurt, uh-oh, they're both frowning.

"No kitten it wasn't," Seb rubs my leg.

"Baby are you hungry?" Blaine holds a bowl of delicious smelling soup and wafts it under my nose.

"I'm a little tied up," I waggle my hands.

"No sweetie," he shakes his head, "I'll feed you, we're not letting you run from this, from us, if you really don't want us in your life then you have to tell us, and we'll try and deal from there, but if you love us, if you want to really try you're not getting untied just yet," Blaine's being firm.

Thumping my head back, "It won't work, it's not working now. Blaine gets all the attention, Sebastian works too hard and I run around looking after you both, I'm not your mother. Just let me go, you'll be fine on your own, you'll be better off without me."

Sebastian tips his head back and laughs, "Kitten, trust me, we lasted barely three hours without you, we argued all the way there on the plane, argued all the way to the room, fought over the bed, had a pillow fight, tried to call you and then freaked out the hell out when you didn't answer. We phoned the super who told us you'd left and then we had to wait for the first available flight back worrying constantly about you."

Oh.

"Yes," Blaine eyes Seb up, "Most of it was Seb picking at me for being a selfish bastard," he rubs my knee again, "I'm sorry Kurt, I should have said something, done something to ease all the stress you've been under, kicked Seb into actually telling you he cares instead of letting him sob on my shoulder about how you don't even like him, even after you sucked him off and made those noises at the time."

"Sex is one thing," Bas is blushing, "The caring thing is much harder."

"You care?" I'm shocked.

"God I'm really useless at this," Bas' hand tightens on my leg, "Yes Kurt kitten, I care about you. You fluffy up at some ridiculous things, you purr over others, you fuss over us, your obsessive with your hair, and I…" He huffs, "I can do this, this is not scary," Blaine rolls his eyes, "I love you Kurt."

And then I know it's just a dream and start to cry.

Two bodies hold me, two bodies comfort me and bicker over how you should declare your love, "So sue me I've not had a lot of practice," Seb snarls.

"It's just you're not real, I'm just hungry and hallucinating," I tell them fondly, "You're both away without me and I know I'm not good enough, just a silly little baby penguin with a really gay face."

"Kurt!" Blaine makes me look at him, "I was a stupid idiotic teenager, I was and still am so blind to things, like how utterly sexy you are every single second of the day and night," he blushes, "It's why I only last a short time when we make love you drive me crazy."

"And you don't think I have a gay face?" Seb leans in, "I was talking more about me, about how people treat me, kitten."

"Kitten?" Blaine asks.

Shrugging Seb says, "If I'm a chipmunk he's a kitten."

"What am I?" Blaine frowns thoughtfully.

Grinning Seb teases, "Oh a rhino, a giraffe, no I got it, with those curls, a sheep, oh Blaine my sweet little lamb."

"Shut up Sebastian," Blaine mocks glares at Bas who Baa's at him. "I'm never going to hear the end of this am I?"

"Nope… Baaaaa…" and Seb ducks a hand from Blaine.

I want to believe them I really do but…

"Stop over thinking," Blaine tells me, "You always think too much baby. We're going to take this one day at a time, and you are going to talk to us, and Seb is going to talk to us, and I'm going to start pulling my weight instead of coasting along bragging about my two hot, smart sexy boyfriends. And next time I'm not going to run out on Seb's dad dragging him into some dumb party because I want in on the next drunk Kurt moment. It's been so long since we made love baby."

Coughing softly Seb raises an eyebrow, and Blaine adds, "Right yes, that was my fault, we'll take turns being the focus of attention in bed. And…" He pauses, "Um, I really don't like giving head, but I do like rimming, can I swap?"

The biggest grin crosses Seb's face, "I vote yes, because then I have one boyfriend who gives amazing blow jobs and one that's gonna eat my ass out, hell yeah."

"Seb," Blaine scolds him.

"You really love me?" I ask quietly.

"Yes," they answer at the same time.

"I've been so lonely," I admit and then they're back holding me and I can't help crying in their arms.

"Never again," Seb kisses the side of my face.

"Nope, we're here for you forever," Blaine strokes my chest. "Together."

"Okay," I'm not convinced but my arms are going to sleep and I need them to let me go.

They let me up and I rub my wrists. I eat the soup and I'll take it one day at a time.

I wait for them to fall into their normal habits to disprove their little declaration, but I go to work, the cast fusses me, and I have two boyfriends ready to escort me home, and on the wall of our bedroom is a new chart, one with my name on it for tonight, and I fall asleep sandwiched between Blaine and Bas, safe in their arms.

We're going to rota for the sleeping thing, and the non-athletic sleeping thing? Well we'll play that one by ear, but Blaine has to do more in bed for us, that's a must.

It'll take time but I start to think we might just make it. My show runs for a month and they're still with me, they still want me. Bas struggles to say the words but he does. Blaine is still a bit of an attention seeking furniture surfer but he shares the limelight. And I open up slowly to them and I'm not alone anymore.

I get a new role. A leading role off Broadway.

My boys make the time to come and see my opening night.

We go to cheer Blaine on when he does his charity gigs.

We go to Seb's dad's parties. I think we scandalize them being a triple in love.

It's not easy, it's never easy, but it's worth it.

There are photos of us on the walls, some with Blaine, some with Seb and some with me. I'm not so in the background now. More in the foreground sharing it with my beautiful boys.

A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

I was determined this was going to be a one shot and not be a long massive chapter fiction, now I need a rest…