Once again, sorry for the late update. I'll try to be less lazy in the future, but don't count on it.

The President of the United States was not happy with the nation he was supposed to be leading.

"America!" The President yelled angrily at the American, "This television show of yours is getting out of hand!"

America rolled his eyes, "There have only been two episodes, dude!"

"Don't refer to me as dude! I am your boss," President continued, "You are neglecting your work because of it, and you called me a dick on TV!"

"Relax, dude," America said, making President's face turn red with anger, "It's not like I did the work before."

"Grrrr! You're impossible!" President yelled, "I would never have even thought of running for president if I knew I would have to deal with you!"

"Maybe you shouldn't be President then," America yelled back. "...Ah-hah!" he said suddenly, "Maybe I should be President!"

"In your dreams!" President said, "Nobody would vote for you!"

"Oh really?" America asked. "I think that would be a good question to ask the what if machine..."

President through up his hands, "I give up! Go play with your stupid machine!"

"Welcome to the third episode of Ask the What If Machine! This week we're doing something new: We're going to have a guest come onto the show to ask the questions!" America yelled as the studio audience started clapping.

"The way we're going to do this," Canada said, "is with the 'Who Ask' machine." Nobody heard him because the audience was still clapping.

"We're going to use the 'Who Ask' machine to find out who the guest will be," America said after the audience stopped clapping, oblivious to the fact that his brother had just said the exact same thing.

"That's what I said, ey!" Canada whispered.

"Did someone say something?" America asked, confused.

"No," Canada replied sarcastically.

"OK, then," America continued, "Let's ask the 'Who Ask' machine..." he turned to a machine that looked like an oversized version of the 'What If' machine, "Who should ask today's questions?"

The screen of the machine changed from yellow zig-zags to the Stars and Stripes, "Oh yeah! I get to ask the questions!" America fist pumped.

"Uh, you're the host, ey."

America stopped, "You're right, voice from nowhere, that would be boring."

He asked again and the Union Jack appeared, "Aw, come on, dude," he muttered, "Why couldn't it have been someone cooler like Australia or Lithuania?!"

"Oh, so I'm not 'cool?'" England had randomly appeared next to the 'Who Ask' machine.

"WTF!" yelled America, jumping a foot in the air, "Ugh, England, don't do that, dude!"

"Why am I here, you git? I was making some scones and suddenly I'm here?"

"You've been chosen by the 'Who Ask' machine to be the guest star of my show," America said dryly.

"I don't want to be on your bloody show!"

"The feeling's mutual, dude," America replied, "Maybe we should ask again." He asked the machine again but the Union Jack stayed up on the screen.

"I guess you have to stay then," America said, frowning, "Ask the 'What If' machine a question, Iggy."

"Don't call me Iggy, you stupid git! And I'm not gonna ask a bloody question!" England yelled as he stomped out of the room.

"Good!" America yelled, "Let's choose someone else to be guest, shall we?" He asked the 'Who Ask' machine again, but the Union Jack stayed up on the screen and England teleported back to the room.

"What the hell, America?!"

"Sorry, dude but the 'Who Ask' machine really wants you to be the guest."

"Well, I'm still not asking a question.

"Fine," America said, "I'll ask one instead." He thought for a moment and a grin spread across his face, "What if I ran for President of myself?" he asked.

The screen changed to a scene of the presidential debate room. America and two men in suits were standing by podiums and a woman was sitting at a desk facing them.

"First question," the woman said, "is 'What are your views on taxes?'"

The first man in the suit, Democratic candidate Rick Jackson, said, "Tax the rich and give money to the poor."

The Republican candidate, Jack Richardson, said, "Tax the 99% and give to the 1%."

America cleared his throat and said, "No more taxes!" The crowd started cheering and America did a thumbs up.

"Next question is 'What are your feelings on immigration?'"

"Let them in!" Rick Jackson said.

"Keep them out!" Jack Richardson rebutted.

"Build the Great Wall of America!" America declared. The crowd started cheering again.

The screen changed to a news channel with two anchors commenting on the progression of the elections.

"This may be the first time in history that an independent party will win the election!" the female anchor said.

"That's right, the 'Hero Party' candidate, Alfred Jones, has an estimated 70% of the votes." the male anchor replied.

"He seems to know exactly what the American people want." the female anchor continued, "His ideas may not be practical, but they seem to win over the public."

The screen changed to an image of the oval office, "Oh yeah!" America yelled as he ran around the room, "I won! Now I don't have to work for some jerk anymore!"

He then sat down in his chair and put his feet on the desk. "Secretary of State!" he called.

A short man with glasses came into the room, "Yes, Mr. President?"

"Can you bring me a burger?" America asked.

"Um... that's not my department." The Secretary replied.

"Oh," America frowned, "Then I hereby make you Secretary of Nourishment. Bring me a burger."

The now Secretary of Nourishment frowned, "Yes Mr. President." As he was walking out of the room he muttered, "He's going to make this country into a wreck."

The scene changed once again to the news channel, "Breaking news!" the female anchor said, "The United States of America has gone bankrupt!"

"The new President has spent all of the nation's money on the 'Great Wall of America' and other stupid schemes while not collecting taxes to pay for said schemes." said the male anchor.

"Many Americans are migrating to Canada," he continued, "taking all of their money with them."

The scene changed to the oval office where an obese America was stuffing his mouth with burgers, fries, and soda.

"Mr. President you have to listen to me!" cried a woman in a suit, "The nation has gone bankrupt! You have to do something!"

"Pfff! No, the nation is better than ever!" the man-blob said, "Secretary of Refreshment! Bring me another Coke! And Secretary of Remotes! Change the channel!"

"Yeah, I was pretty sure that's what would happen," England nodded.

"No, I'm i think the machine's just broken," America replied, "But it would be pretty cool to have a Secretary of Nourishment..."

"You know, this is actually pretty fun," England said, "Watching your nation go to ruin, that's entertainment."

"Great!" America said sarcastically, "That means you're staying then..."

"Yes, and I get to ask the questions!"

"Go right ahead!"

England thought for a moment, "Hmm... What if... the frog had raised America?"

The screen changed to a scene of a forest in America. France and England were both trying to get a baby America to come to them.

"Come here!" England said in a creepy voice to the little American. America got freaked out and started to cry.

"Aw, don't cry petite Amérique," France said, "Have some of mes délicieuses friandises." He held out a steaming platter covered in delicious food. America looked at the food with delight and started towards the Frenchman.

England was sad that France had won so he started sobbing. America looked back and said, "Screw you, creep!" He went to France and ate all of the food.

"Hon hon hon!" France laughed, "L'Amérique loves me and not you, poor Angleterre."

The scene changed to the world meeting room. America was giving a speech on global warming.

"Mon idée géniale is that we engineer a huge héro to protect the Earth!" America said.

"That proves that it's not my fault that you're a git," England said once the screen changed back to purple waves.

"No, it proves that no one can change my awesome heroness!" America replied.

"Never mind that... I still get to ask more questions. Hmm... What if... the Confederacy won the American Civil War?"

"Come on, dude!" America yelled, "Are you doing this just to annoy me?!"

"Yes!"

The scene changed to Appomattox Court House in Virginia on April 9, 1865. General Robert E. Lee and CSA were preparing to surrender to General Ulysses S. Grant and America.

"I requested this meeting to discuss the terms of our surrender," General Lee said.

"Yes," General Grant replied, "If you surrender here, the Confederate soldiers won't be tried for treason or imprisoned and we will provide the soldiers with food. Do you agree with the terms?"

"Yes," Lee replied.

Grant looked at the CSA, who had been glaring at him. "Yeees," CSA sneered.

"I'm glad we reached an understanding without further bloodshed," America said.

"Of course you are," CSA replied. America frowned at this but said nothing.

"We must make up an official document," Grant continued.

CSA looked out of the window and nodded at something. America followed his gaze and saw Confederate soldiers ready with guns.

"Get down! This is a trap!" America yelled, ducking under the table.

The Confederates opened fire on all of the Unionists in the room. CSA smirked as General Grant got hit. He grabbed America by his hair and dragged him out from under the table.

"You thought you had won," CSA hissed, "But not even you can enforce your will on me and my people." He drew his sword and stabbed America in the stomach. America doubled over as he pulled the blade out. He tried to get up but CSA stepped on his back and held him down.

"Goodbye, brother," CSA called as he stalked out of the room. America lay on the floor, bleeding, alongside his soldiers.

The screen changed to a map of North America. The Union was colored blue while the Confederacy was colored grey.

"After the Confederacy won the Civil War, it continued expanding until it had taken over the majority of Mexico and the Union territories leaving only the 23 Union states, which were gradually eroded until the CSA ruled the entire North America except for Canada and Alaska, which it didn't want," said a random narrator. While he was talking, the grey expanded until it covered all of the stated territory.

The screen changed back to purple swirls but America just continued staring at the screen.

"Well, I honestly didn't expect that..." England said after a few seconds, "I thought there'd just be two Americas at the world meetings or something."

"Anyways," Canada said, covering for his shocked brother, "That's all the time we have today! Thank you, England, for being the guest. Um... the end."

Tell me if you guys like the Who Ask machine. I was also wondering if anyone knew where I got the idea of the What If machine from. I'll answer whatever what if question the first person who gets it right wants. (Unless it's really stupid :P) Edit: Someone got it already.