Hello, Time Bomb

Epilogue

Kaidan didn't think he'd ever been so nervous. He leaned heavily on his cane, trying not to get knocked over by the crowd of people around him. It was tough trying to stand up for so long, Miranda didn't want him supporting his own weight at all yet, but he could get through the pain. The more he worked at it, the sooner he'd be back to his old self. Anyway, he didn't think he could sit still if he tried.

Vancouver spaceport was busy. There were a few dreadnoughts and mass transports deboarding in outer atmosphere, sending down shuttle after shuttle, anxious family and friends jostling in the arrivals lounge. He was looking for one frigate between the smaller ships, a distinctive silhouette.

He had butterflies. He hadn't had butterflies since he was a teenager. It was just Ivy, he reasoned, it hadn't been two months since they last saw each other, not even a week since they spoke. She had been in and out of blackout zones and swamped with work, heading up the investigation into Sanctuary. It was strange this time, different. Maybe it was because she was going to finally meet his parents. Maybe it was because it was so public.

Ever since Lazarus he'd been acutely aware that her skin was only a few years old, wrinkle free and unscarred. She was the only person he knew who had grown younger over the years and she'd been gorgeous to start with. He wasn't getting younger. Grey hair, crows feet and now a cane. Between the looks he was getting from people recognising him and the looks they'd get for their apparent age difference they were bound to set off every one of Ivy's public attention issues.

And yeah, maybe he was a little nervous about how she'd see him. He was in rehab, he'd get better in time, but for now he was hobbling around like an old man.

"Excuse me?"

He turned around, already knowing what he'd see. That tone of voice only meant one thing. A young woman was blushing, averting her eyes shyly.

"Are you...? Can I get a photo?" she asked.

"Sure," he said, used to the drill by now. She turned to stand beside him and held up her omnitool. He put his free arm around her shoulder and smiled, trying to look relaxed.

The flash went off and she quickly stepped away. "Thank you. And... and... thank you."

"No problem," he said, trying for that relaxed smile again.

The girl blushed vibrantly and backed away, giving him a nod of appreciation before disappearing into the crowd. He didn't think he'd ever be comfortable being so recognisable.

From the corner of his eye he saw someone having trouble with security and somehow he just... knew.

The smile on his face was genuine when he turned to see her arguing with a customs agent. She was in civvies, he didn't think he'd ever seen her in anything but her uniform. Now she was wearing jeans and had his jacket draped over her shoulders, comically baggy and secured at her waist with a belt. And sunglasses, the huge kind that obscured half her face and were causing an argument with the poor bastard who needed to scan her.

Kaidan limped over, his progress slow, giving him plenty of time to hear the argument.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to take them off."

"No."

"If you continue to refuse I will be forced to call security."

She stared at him blankly. "No."

"I... I'll have to..." The poor guy was completely thrown off.

Kaidan stepped in. "Excuse me, sorry. She's cleared."

He ran his omnitool over the customs interface, overriding it with Spectre clearance.

Ivy turned to face him, pulling her sunglasses off. She lit up, pupils dilating, a dazzling smile spreading across her face. She didn't say anything, just staring at him like he was the best thing she'd ever seen. He felt the anxiety ease up and returned her smile.

"Oh. You're..." The customs guy tried to fade into the background. "Sorry, sir, ma'am."

"Kaidan," Ivy breathed. "I thought I was picking you up from the hospital."

He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. "I got out a few days ago. Wanted to surprise you."

"You're..." She looked down at his legs. "Does this mean we can have sex again?"

Kaidan laughed, mostly at the way the customs guy looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him. "Well, not right now, but..."

If she knew how inappropriate she was being, she was good at hiding it. He held out a hand to her and she took it, using the other to heft her duffel bag over her shoulder. He led the way, through the crowd, she wasn't going to say or do anything else with so many people around. It would have been nice to find some private corner where he could say a proper hello, hug her and kiss her and tell her he'd missed her. Unfortunately the spaceport was low on privacy and he was forced to move at a frustratingly slow pace. It would have driven him crazy if he hadn't been in a wheelchair until a week ago. By comparison it felt like he was flying.

Ivy was patient, squeezing his hand gently as they walked. They stayed in silence until they were well into the parking lot, where the crowds thinned out and no one was looking at them anymore. When he stopped at the rental car he was driving while in Vancouver she nearly pulled him off balance with a sudden, vise-like hug.

He staggered but caught himself, dropping his cane to the ground to wrap his arms around her. She groaned against his chest, her worry finally showing through. "I kept having a nightmare that you'd never walk again. I thought I'd paralysed you."

He pressed a kiss into her hair. "Miranda brought you back from the dead; my spine was child's play for her."

"I know, I know," she breathed. He felt a shiver run through her. This had really been weighing on her.

"Hey." He cupped her face in one hand and urged her to look at him. Her eyes were shining with tears. "You saved my life. Legs or no legs."

He meant it. It had sure as hell crossed his mind more than once in the past four months that he wouldn't walk again. But he was alive and with her, he couldn't ask much more than that.

"I also shot you."

"The Reapers did that, sweetheart. You know that."

She gave him a soggy smile and nodded. This was a conversation they'd had a few times now. He knew what she was going through. The guilt. The nagging, constant guilt of hurting someone she loved even if he'd forgiven her. He leaned down and kissed her, holding her close for comfort.

"I missed you," he murmured against her lips.

"Missed you," she agreed, kissing him again.

He smiled and nuzzled her cheek, stroking her neck, just enjoying the feel of her after so long. He would have liked to stay like that all day but the muscles of his legs and back had wasted from bed rest and were beginning to hurt enough to trouble him. He pulled back and looked down at his cane where it had fallen.

"Would you mind?" It was embarrassing to ask for help, but Ivy bent down and handed it to him without fanfare. She tossed her bag into the back seat and waited patiently for him to make his way around to the drivers side. It felt good to slide into the cushioned seat, his lower back was aching fiercely.

He took off and settled them into a gentle cruising speed.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked.

"No."

She was so serious about it that he fought the urge to laugh. Half of his relationship with Ivy was anticipation and he knew she would be taking this with the same gravity as the Reaper war or hunting Saren.

"They're just my parents. This isn't a tactical exercise."

She was unimpressed. "This is unfamiliar."

"They're going to love you." Alright, that was a lie. They were only human and would be completely put off. He hadn't even begun to catalogue the ways this could and inevitably would go wrong, and even if he had she had a habit of surprising him. But the calmer she was the more he could hide his own concern about how this meeting was going to go.

He had no doubt – none – that in time they would love her as much as he did. She just had a warming up period, one he hoped would be as quick and painless as possible.

She didn't look like she was buying it. Actually, she looked a bit distracted. She was messing with the sleeve of her jacket – his jacket – and on closer inspection it looked like one of the metal buttons was stuck to her wrist. She saw him looking and gave an exasperated sigh, tugging at the button.

"EDI and I have been trying to demagnetise my cuffs without surgery. I'm getting strange surges."

"You're magnetic now?" He tried to hide his smile again and she gave him a scathing look.

"Sometimes," she grunted, trying to remove the button. "I'm not grounded here. Perfect. This is just perfect."

She sighed and leaned her head against the window, her shoulders hunched and tense, still picking at the button.

Kaidan reached over and took her hand. "You don't have to be so nervous."

"This is one of those things, isn't it? One of those tests I can't fail."

"There's no test," he said firmly. There was no point trying to convince her this would go smoothly. "Come on. After everything we've been through do you think my parents could change how I feel about you? How we feel about each other?"

She softened, looking up at him with an abashed smile. "No."

"Then relax. We'll go there, eat some food, drink some beer, sleep in until midday and then it's just you and me again. Alright?"

"Alright. Ground rules?"

"My dad lost a friend in Moscow so don't go there. No husk stories while people are eating. No talking about sex. And mom has a cat, don't freak out."

Her hands curled in an involuntary defensive movement. "A cat."

"He's friendly, it's alright."

She hated animals. Moscow was overrun with packs of dogs and other strays. She'd confessed one night, blushing and glassy-eyed, that she'd had to fight feral animals for food scraps as a kid. But his mom loved that cat and there was no way to avoid it.

"Alright. Cat." She took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. She stared out the window and he started to think this wasn't such a great idea. It was difficult sometimes to deal with her problems. He didn't kid himself about how difficult it could be, he didn't think she'd get spontaneously better or would somehow find ways to make things work. He'd made a promise to himself never to bully her into pretending she was completely healthy, no matter how much he wanted it sometimes.

"We don't have to do this. Not if you don't want it."

"I want it," she answered immediately. She met his eyes and he could see she was scared, but she was also brave. "I want this. I want to see..."

"How the other half lives?" he suggested

"Yes." She squeezed his hand. "I want to be part of your life."

That goofy smile sprung to his lips, the same one that only she could give him. There were a lot of days when he didn't need her to be healthy, a lot of days when she was better than normal. He was proud to bring her home to meet his folks.

More relaxed, Kaidan settled back into his seat and focused on driving while Ivy watched the city fly by out the window. He had been mentally compiling a list of all the things he needed to take her to see while he had her there. He'd been staying with his parents since leaving the hospital. Miranda and his mother had simultaneously insisted that he shouldn't be alone. Ivy had let him take control of her shore leave planning and he'd found them a decent hotel for the rest of her trip.

He wanted to do this right. This was her first holiday. The first real one where she might let herself have some fun that didn't have an accompanying graph or cost/benefit analysis.

It was nice to see her in civvies. She looked more mature, more relaxed. Not so lost. She'd given up alliance blues when she took on full time Spectre duties, but kept the military grade jumpsuit the last few times she'd visited him. But now it looked like she had clothes that weren't infiltration gear. He'd have to buy her a Blasto t-shirt. She loved those movies.

As they cruised into the landing pad in front of his parents' house he heard her taking deliberately even breaths.

It was nothing special, like any other house in the neighbourhood, an old fashioned two storey place with huge windows. Mostly intact, although the roof still hadn't been repaired from where it had been hit with falling debris. Building contractors couldn't be found at any price since the war. A lot of people had just done the repairs themselves but his parents were a little too old to be climbing around on the roof. He'd do it himself when his legs healed.

When they landed he struggled to get out of the car. Ivy politely looked away, leaning behind the seat to get her bag. He wasn't going to miss being so clumsy when his surgeries and rehab were done.

Ivy tucked herself under his arm as they walked to the front door. She was shaking but straight-faced. A little blank, even.

He opened the front door and felt her tense up.

"It's fine. You're doing great," he whispered against her temple.

"I haven't done anything yet," she muttered.

Kaidan shucked his jacket at the door, hanging it on one of the hooks, then held his hand out for hers. She hesitated, then dropped her duffel and pulled off the jacket.

"That you, son?" his father called from the other room.

"Yeah."

He heard the creak of the leather chair and his father's footsteps. He appeared in the doorway and Kaidan thought Ivy was going to fall over if she stiffened up anymore. He bit down on the inside of his cheek. She reminded him of a young soldier about to go into a hot zone for the first time.

His father didn't look anything like him, paler, lighter hair and a broader nose. Kaidan favoured his mother for looks. Same greying hair, though, so he knew what he had to look forward to in a few years' time.

"Ivy, this is my dad, Matthew. Dad, this is Ivy."

His dad's eyes widened a little, but he hid his surprise fairly well. "Ivy Shepard."

"Yes," she said. "Hello."

"Pleasure to meet you," he said, recovering quickly. "Kaidan's told us a lot about you. Failed to mention your last name, somehow."

Ivy nodded shortly and said nothing. Ah, so she was going for the silent approach. He tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to get her to focus on him instead of his father. She needed a minute. "Why don't you go throw your bag upstairs? Second door on the left."

"Yes."

She kept her eyes on the ground and rushed for the staircase. Kaidan needed a minute with his dad anyway. If the old man didn't say something he was going to give himself a hernia.

His dad nodded toward the kitchen and Kaidan followed.

"Quiet girl."

"Yeah, she's a little shy."

"Something you forget to mention?"

"What's that?" His mom looked up from the bench in the kitchen where she was setting a hot tray from the oven down. She looked a little worn out, her neat hairstyle and prim grey clothes at odds with the bright red oven mitts she was sporting.

"We have Commander Ivana Shepard in our guest bedroom."

"It's Ivy," Kaidan corrected.

His mom raised an eyebrow. She looked like she didn't know whether to be impressed or disappointed. "Commander Shepard?"

"His CO."

"Yes, I'm aware of who she is, Matthew."

"She's not anymore," Kaidan said. "And I'm fairly sure they're not going to court martial us at this stage."

His father gave him that disapproving look. "Regs are there for a reason, son."

"Didn't she shoot you? How long has this been going on?"

Kaidan winced and glanced at his feet.

"Jesus Christ," his dad muttered.

His mom looked away for a moment, thinking, then back at him. "After the Normandy was shot down. That episode you had, the psych leave..."

He looked down again. "Yeah."

"Oh, my boy." His mom reached out and squeezed his hand. She looked so sad for him. "You could have told us."

He smiled. "Thanks, Mom. It's alright. She's alive, I'm alive and she's not going to be in the service for much longer. Just please give her a chance, she's a little weird but – "

He was cut off by the sound of a cat screeching upstairs. Kaidan closed his eyes just briefly. Perfect.

His mother looked alarmed but he held up a hand to reassure her and made his way as quickly as possible upstairs. The stairs were something he'd told himself were important to build up the muscles in his legs when he'd come to stay, but when they were between him and a possibly panicking Ivy they were just a wall of frustration that he couldn't climb over quickly enough. If she'd killed that damn cat he was going to have to do some serious work to get his mother to like her.

Thankfully the cat staggered around the corner just as he hit the top stair. Every strand of its hair was standing on end, puffed it out like a giant ball of fur and he started to get a picture of what had happened.

Ivy was peering around the doorframe of the guest bedroom, her eyes wide, looking even more surprised than his mother.

"It was an accident," she said in a small voice.

"It's alright. He's fine. What happened?"

He heard his mother at the base of the stairs, scooping up the cat and muttering under her breath to it.

"It surprised me," Ivy said. "And my cuff..."

"It's okay. Come on." He held out a hand to her. She looked like she was going to shake apart over this. She reached out and took his hand. The cuff sparked and a jolt of electricity shot into his hand. He grunted but held firm, not letting her pull her hand back.

She looked up at him with big, helpless eyes, like she was begging him to save her from herself and he laughed. "Relax. Come on, come meet my mom."

He tugged her gently back toward the stairs. She squared her shoulders as they went. She automatically ducked under his arm at the top of the stairs, helping to support him back down. His mom was standing in the doorway to the living room, holding the cat and looking extremely suspicious.

"I'm sorry," Ivy said preemptively.

Kaidan gave his mother an apologetic smile. "Synthetic rebuilds. They can be a little touchy."

"Of course, dear," his mom said in a tone that said she wasn't having any of it. "You must be Commander Shepard."

"It's Ivy," she said.

"Helen." She held out her hand but Ivy didn't take it.

"She's electrocuting people right now, Mom. I wouldn't."

His mom took that in for a moment, that eyebrow raising again. "I'm about to serve dinner. I hope you're hungry."

Ivy said nothing. Kaidan guided her toward the dining room but hung back to murmur to his mother, "She's terrified of you. Give her a break, will you?"

"I'm trying, dear. She's not exactly personable."

"No, she's not. But I love her and you. So try harder?"

She smoothed a hand through his hair affectionately. "I'll try harder."

When they sat down to eat Kaidan didn't think he'd ever been in a more awkward situation. His mother was trying to be polite but looked like she had a headache coming on and was fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. His father was trying to show Ivy due respect as the saviour of the galaxy while at the same time glowering in disapproval at Kaidan. And Ivy, for her part, had completely shut down, speaking in single syllables and not meeting anyone's eye. It was obvious his parents thought she hated them.

He sighed and cracked open a beer. This was about what he expected.

He had just about given up hope for the evening when Ivy managed to take her first bite of food. Her whole face changed, her eyes widened and she pressed a hand to her mouth. "What is this?"

His mom looked at her, fork half raised to her mouth, eyebrow raised. "Pasta."

"It's amazing." She took another huge mouthful, seeming to forget her anxiety.

"You've... never eaten pasta?"

"Mm-mm," she hummed through a full mouth.

Kaidan bit his cheek to stop from grinning. There weren't a lot of things that cracked his mother's stern exterior, but she looked completely bewildered by this turn of events. She cleared her throat and composed herself. "Well, you'll have to learn to cook it. I taught Kaidan how to cook when he was younger."

Ivy smiled. Really smiled. "He's a good cook."

"He cooks for you?"

"Sometimes. After –"

Kaidan cleared his throat, interrupting her. His mother smothered a smile in her hand.

"After... missions," Ivy finished lamely. "He cooks good eggs. And pancakes. Have you had those?"

His mom was actually smiling. It was the kind of smug, knowing smile she used to send him whenever he talked to a girl after school, but he'd take it. "He never learned how to cook a proper pancake. I'll make some in the morning and show you how it's done."

Ivy had her mouth full of food again, her lips flecked with pasta sauce. She was watching his mother with rapt attention, like she was talking about a cure for old age instead of pancakes. His mom was sipping her wine more easily now, talking animatedly about cooking to her enraptured audience.

Kaidan relaxed, letting his shoulders drop a little and loosening his hold on his beer. One down, one to go. His mom would talk his dad into easing up. He had always been a stickler for discipline. Saviour of the galaxy or not, he wasn't impressed by fraternisation.

They got through nearly the entire meal without another incident. His mom picked up the need to carry the conversation quickly and his dad looked like he was softening a little at Ivy's wide-eyed fascination with domestic life. It wasn't until all their plates were clean that a little twing sounded in the air and Ivy's fork snapped to her wrist, spattering the tablecloth red.

She blushed so brightly that she almost matched the sauce and started picking at the fork, trying to dislodge it.

His father cocked his head. "What's all that, then?"

"It's just... it's just a magnet," Ivy stammered.

"A magnet?"

"They implanted my cuffs after I picked the first set." Her eyes were cast downwards again. Kaidan shot his father a warning glare. Her time in Alliance custody would always be a sore spot.

Dad ignored him. "You picked a pair of mag cuffs?"

"Yes."

"Kaidan," his mother said a little too forcefully. "Help me clear the table."

He hesitated, not quite ready to leave Ivy and his dad alone together. But his mom's expression said she wouldn't hear any arguments, so he stood up, loaded one hand with dishes and limped into the kitchen with his cane behind her.

She didn't say anything, just took the dishes from him and set them beside the sink then began to scrape and stack them, slowly and meticulously. She was waiting for him to talk. He settled himself against the counter, taking some of the weight off his legs.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave them together?" he asked.

She scoffed. "Are you forgetting who taught you electronics? She might win him over with this one. I wouldn't mind knowing about the cuffs, mind you."

"She was falsely accused. Well, sort of. She's a good soldier, Mom, and a good woman. I want you to trust me on this one."

"You know her better than I do, dear. What do you know about her family?"

"She doesn't have one."

"Everyone has parents."

"Her mother's dead, she never knew her father." He sighed. "Just say it."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"She's..."

His mom turned to him and folded her arms, leaving the dishes. "I have no doubt that she's brave and sweet and probably has a list of good qualities that you're preparing to give me. And obviously she has my respect for her work as a soldier. But, Kaidan, she's not well. She may not be able to give you what you need from a partner. I want to know that you're happy."

Kaidan pressed his lips together, trying to think how to explain this to her. Ivy was a puzzle to people who didn't know her, he didn't expect them to understand on the first meeting just how great she could be. "She gives me what I need, ma. She makes me happy. We make each other happy. This is what I want."

"Well that's good to know if she's going to be my daughter-in-law."

"We haven't..." he trailed off when he saw the look on her face.

"Don't play dumb. No son of mine would be stupid enough to think a woman like that needs anything less than a full commitment."

He heard a crack of electricity from the dining room, followed by a burst of laughter from his father. His mom gave him her best 'I am an all-seeing mother, don't try to fool me' look.

"Alright, you got me." Kaidan wanted to be irritated with her for prying, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face. "So you approve?"

His mom took his hand in both of hers and smiled at him, her eyes crinkling, one of those rare, proud, loving smiles that he treasured. "If you love her, then so do I. I'm so proud of you, my boy."

He pulled her into a hug, tucking her under his chin. "That means a lot, ma."

There was another guffaw from the dining room and his mother turned, bemused. "What do you think they're doing in there?"

"She's probably teaching him how to turn his omnitool into a taser. That was a big hit on the Normandy."

His mom rolled her eyes. "Heaven help me, a house full of marines. My grandchildren aren't joining the military. Consider that an order from your real commanding officer."

"Yes, ma'am," he laughed.

"Come on, we'd better keep them out of trouble." She opened the fridge and pulled out some more beers. He took them from her in one hand and they made their way back to the dining room where Ivy was hunched over his father's omnitool with a bobby pin.

She gave him a dazzling smile as she took the beer he offered. He sat down beside her and she leaned against him, letting him put an arm around her shoulders.

His dad met his eyes and gave a slight nod, a restrained smile on his face. Kaidan tipped his beer in appreciation. That was the closest the old man would ever get to approving, and it was enough.

Later, much later, after his mom had grilled Ivy for every detail she could get and dad had regaled her with fifty-year-old war stories and both of them had eventually grown tired and gone to bed, he took Ivy up to the balcony that looked out over English Bay.

It was just as beautiful as he remembered it, the lights of the city reflecting off the ocean. The skyline had changed a bit, but it was still home and it felt so good to be there with her. She leaned against the balcony railing and looked out over the water, hypnotised, the moonlight on her hair and her eyes sparkling.

"So," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "What do you think?"

"Well. I electrocuted your mother's cat. I stole one of her forks. I reminded them that I'm an accused terrorist with over three hundred thousand confirmed kills." She took a swig of her beer. "I'd say it went well."

He laughed into her hair. "They like you."

"I like them. This is still confusing."

"It's family. This is what family does. We bicker, tell boring stories, drink too much beer."

She let out a contented sigh. "I like it."

Kaidan took a deep breath, his earlier burst of anxiety returning. "They could be your family, too."

She looked up at him, questioning. His heart thumped hard in his chest. He pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it, setting it on the balcony. He would have gone down on one knee for any other woman. But Ivy hated fuss, she wouldn't want to be put on the spot like that. He didn't say anything else, letting her consider the ring at her own pace.

She picked up the box and looked at it like it was some foreign object. He had spent a lot of time picking out the perfect ring. Something twisty, sparkling, impractical. Something that wasn't regulation, wasn't military issued and that she could never wear under a hardsuit. Something just for her, like she deserved.

"A family," she said in that neutral tone that gave nothing away and was driving his blood pressure up by the second.

"Yeah," he whispered into her hair.

"You and I. And your parents. Another baby."

God, she was going to kill him. "Yeah."

She set her beer down on the rail. His heart was beating so fast he felt light-headed as she reached out to touch the ring, then hesitated and looked up at him with glassy eyes. She spoke in a whisper, like someone was going to overhear. "Is it safe to do this?"

Kaidan let his cane drop to the ground so that he could pull her close with both arms. His eyes stung, his hands shook. With his wheelchair and now the cane, with all the surgeries, with the ugly scars to his chest it was easy to forget that her war wounds were just as deep.

"No one is going to take you from me," he breathed into her hair. "No one is even going to try. We can get married, we can have a baby, no one's after us anymore. It's safe now, sweetheart. We're safe. I'm going to keep you safe."

She shuddered in his arms, but nodded. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He stroked her hair until she stopped trembling. "Is that a yes?"

She laughed, half a sob, and pulled away to press the back of her hand to her nose. "Yes. Yes, it's a yes."

Kaidan grinned, his heart breaking and lifting at the same time. They were both a little broken, but they'd paid their dues and might just have bought themselves a chance to heal. He'd never actually thought they'd make it this far, but they had. It felt like they could take on the galaxy together.

He pulled the ring out of its box and took her hand. She let him slide the ring onto her finger, using her other hand to muffle her tearful laughter. When he had the diamond fitted on her finger she looked up at him, then reached up on tiptoes to kiss him. He cupped her face in his hands and returned it.

"You said we could have sex again?" she asked.

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, I did."

She reached down and picked up his cane, handing it to him before ducking under his other arm to help him walk. "Then let's go."

He laughed into her hair. "Yes, ma'am."