"You're all I've ever wanted Dick, you know that you are." Her long brown hair fell in my face as she crouched over me. She lowered her head and twitched her hips a little, her eyes narrowing seductively. I started to tremble in anticipation. Her lips were an inch from mine when suddenly, a loud noise rocked the bed we were on.

"Master Dick!" I tried to ignore it and put my arms around her, pressing my lips to hers. Mmm, they tasted like cherry! "Master Dick!" The girl disappeared in a puff of disappointment and I was left making out with my blanket. "Master Dick, time for school!" Angrily, I rolled over and stuffed my head under my pillow, wrapping myself tightly in my blankets.

"Alfred!",I roared, "You interrupted another one of my teenage fantasies. Bruce's child raising books say they're important for my development. Stop ruining them." Alfred walked into my room.

"I'm sorry Master Dick", he said dryly, "Next time do warn me so you and your blankets can get thoroughly intimate." I gave a foul natured snort and burrowed deeper into my bed. "Come now Master Dick, it is time to get up. You're going to be late."

"I don't care", I snapped, "I'm not going to school, I'm sick."

"Ohh", Alfred said, "and what ails you on this fine morning."

"Anal blindness", I replied angrily.

"Ohh", Alfred asked, "and what might that be?"

"I just can't see my ass going to school today. (I stole that from the book Tattoos on the Heart, which I highly recommend by the way)" Alfred rolled his eyes and gave a halfhearted yank on my blankets, but I held on tightly to them. He gave another, more spirited jerk, but I still would not relinquish my grip. He should have known he could never beat me in a tug of war.

Alfred was about to plead exasperatedly with me again when we both heard a voice yelling from upstairs. "Alfred, I need help!"

"Yes", I said to myself softly, "saved by the Bruce." It was a good thing he was so needy all the time. Alfred seemed to sense my relief because he said fiercely, much like a war general vowing return "You will be getting out of bed Master Dick, as soon as I get back." Then, he stalked out. I heard him stop outside my door. "What is it now Master Bruce?"

"Alright, does the bunny go through the hole or around the tree first?" I giggled.

"Here, just let me do it."

"Where's Dick, is he already at school?"

"No, Master Bruce, I was just getting him up when you called me to tie your tie, something you should have learned how to do when you were his age."

"It never seemed important enough for me to devote any time to. Anyway, why did you wait this long to get him up? He's going to be late."

"I didn't "wait this long" as you put it Master Bruce", Alfred said annoyedly, "He won't get out of bed."

"Ohh", said Bruce, "well, I'll fix that." I gave a yelp and burrowed deeper into my covers. "Come on Dick, time to get up, you have school." I wanted to peek at him and see if his tie still looked ridiculous or if Alfred had fixed it, but I didn't want to show any sign of letting up. I was planning on staying in bed all day today and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

"No", I moaned, "I'm not going." Bruce gave a sigh and then ripped the covers out of my grasp. I hated that he was so strong. My mentor stood with his hands on the hips of his cashmere suit and his tie in an erratic knot around his neck. He looked less than amused. That look alone almost got me up, but I stayed down.

"What if I'd been naked/" I said, affronted at his total lack of regard for my privacy and sanctuary under my covers.

"That wouldn't have changed the fact that you need to get your lazy ass out of bed." I snorted. "Dick", he growled at me.

"Never", I said. He rolled his eyes and then grabbed me around the middle.

"Hey!" I screamed, "Put me down, I have rights!" But, he tossed me over his shoulder and started to haul me down stairs. "Stop it!" I cried angrily, "I'm too big for this. This is child molestation, I'm gonna have like fifty lawyers on your ass." He carried me over to the couch and tossed me none to gently onto it. I glared up at him, but he had an amused expression on his face. I curled up reflexively at the cold. "It's freezing down here", I moaned.

"Then I'll warm you up", he said, and started tickling me violently.

"No", I screamed, trying to get away. But of course, no one escapes the Dark Knight, no one. I was howling for mercy when he chanced a glance up at the clock and gave a yelp.

"I'm late for my meeting", he said and raced back over to Alfred. "Fix my tie!" Alfred rolled his eyes and started undoing all the knots Bruce had put in it. I lay back on the couch.

"So", I said, "how long are you gonna be at work?"

"Until midnight", he replied, "it's a really important meeting, I'm trying to close a deal and I have a lot of work to do. Sorry Dick, no patrol tonight."

"Aww", I moaned, "but you promised." He shrugged.

"Sorry Bud, but that's just the way it is. Anyway, I gotta go." Alfred finished and Bruce raced out the door, stopping to kiss me goodbye on my forehead. I remained with my arms crossed, gazing foul naturedly at him. He gave me an apologetic smile and walked out. I sat down at the table in silence to eat my Crockies Cereal.