Quick recap since it's been so long since the last update:

Santana grappled with the grief of her miscarriage. Feeling like it was a personal failure, she bottled her emotions and withdrew from Brittany and those around her, starting to drink heavily in an effort to numb her anguish.

Exhausted from the chaos and deeply hurt by Santana's misdirected anger at her, Brittany moved out and in with a generous colleague from the theater where she is a chorus dancer.

Santana has worked hard to stop drinking and get her life back on track in an effort to win back Brittany. She's gone on auditions but has not landed any roles yet. She met a popular photographer named Miller at a coffee shop. Miller was instantly drawn to Santana's beauty and gave her his business card, hoping to involve her in a new project of his.

In the last chapter, Quinn and Cate are happily planning their January wedding. Quinn is pregnant with Puck's baby – yes, again – but loves Cate and plans to raise the baby with her.

Rachel and Grayson are still dating, and they hosted a birthday party for Santana. All were pleased when Brittany showed up to help celebrate. Having Santana and Brittany in the same room together after several weeks of no contact did cause some awkwardness. However, by the end of the night, their innate chemistry overtook them, resulting in a romantic kiss.

I hope that helps reestablish the timeline for you…

Keep Me Where the Light Is (part 23)

Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go,

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go…

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast,

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies…

But you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go,

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go…

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast,

Well you see her when you fall asleep,

But never to touch and never to keep

'Cause you loved her too much

And you dived too deep…

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go,

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go,

And you let her go.

(Let Her Go ~ Passenger)

Monday, November 14, 2022

11:42 pm

Santana Lopez loved bright lights. Any season, any occasion, life was better under the lights. She supposed it was a nostalgia thing, returning her to her teen years of high school in Lima, Ohio and the brightness of the football stadium on Friday nights.

Her connection to lights followed her into adulthood. Certainly, one of her favorite things about living among the energy of Manhattan was the brightly colored lights…and of course, bagels.

Anytime Santana took a cab through midtown, she would tilt her head upward and look out the rear window at the exhibition generated from the billboards, the marquees, and the video advertisements. The visual festival of color that pierced the darkness never disappointed her. The energy traveled through her blood and made her feel alive.

Tonight was no different. The beautiful brunette gazed out at iconic Times Square as her cab traveled down Broadway toward her apartment. The top of Santana's passenger window was opened three inches, allowing in some cool air which relaxed her. She was still in pleasant shock of how her birthday dinner ended. Brittany…she grinned.

Santana's fingers went to her mouth, tracing the fullness of her lower portion. Her lips still tingled from the eagerness she and Brittany exchanged, and her mind wandered back to their kiss. Had it really happened or did she imagine it?

Santana missed her wife so much that sometimes she had thoughts so vivid it was like Brittany was there with her. She felt an intense heat flare throughout her entire body, and suddenly, sitting in the back of cab was too constricting for the Latina. Her body needed movement.

Santana leaned forward and requested, "Excuse me, would you pull over?"

The cab driver nodded and looked over his right shoulder to check for traffic in the outer lane. He moved over and safely guided the cab to a stop near the intersection of Broadway and West 4th Street. Santana paid the older man and hopped out, shutting the cab door and stepping up on the curb.

She stood a moment, letting the chilled November breeze blow against her face and cool down her body. A wind like tonight's always stirred up a mix of smells you could only experience in a huge city like New York, that eclectic blend of global cuisine, car exhaust, and garbage. Santana zipped her leather jacket and started walking, meandering down side streets toward her apartment building.

Her pace was slower than usual, slightly less purposeful than pedestrians passing her. Santana's mind wandered as she walked. The dark beauty had a lot to think about, and she continued to revel in the nights' festivities.

Life felt sort of whole again, especially being near Brittany, even if she and Santana weren't at the party together. The former head cheerleader felt good being around her old friends too. Any gathering with Glee club members was a step back in time, a chance to be around those her knew her best, an occasion to laugh at their familiar antics.

Santana's smile still clung to her cheeks as she took a deep breath and quickened her pace, crossing the street.

She round a corner off Bleecker onto her quiet side street, moving over slightly as a couple, joined hand in hand, walked toward her, taking up most of the sidewalk. Her head turned to give them a last look as they disappeared behind her. Turning back around, she noticed someone sitting on the steps of her apartment building. Her stride tarried once she realized who it was sitting there.

"Well hello," Santana greeted with a hint of confusion.

"Fancy meeting you here," Brittany joked, winking at the brunette.

Santana giggled. Brittany's humor was Santana's weakness, no matter the situation.

"Have you been waiting long?" the Latina asked.

Brittany looked down at her wrist even though she wasn't wearing a watch. "Ohhh, it hasn't been an unbearable amount of time," she cheerfully reasoned, "Besides, it's a beautiful night."

"Agreed…I decided to walk part of the way," Santana told her wife, "Though…had I known you were here, I would have hurried home."

Geez, Santana…that sounded desperate, she self-chided. She was grateful it was mostly dark around them, because she could feel a flush of embarrassment spread across her face.

Brittany smiled, recognizing every nuance of the girl in front of her. "No worries," she assured her, trying to offset some of Santana's awkwardness by adding, "I would have waited all night."

Santana blushed again for a completely different reason. "I'm glad you did."

"Did you enjoy your party?" Brittany inquired casually.

"I really did," she answered enthusiastically then added with a coy smile, "Especially the end."

Brittany grinned with a slight nod of agreement, admitting, "Me too."

"It was unexpected," Santana acknowledged, glancing down at her hands which were clasped in front of her, adding, "So is this, actually."

Brittany stood up and moved down the few steps to close the gap between them. "Well…," she reached for her wife's hand, noticing that it was trembling, "Honestly, I couldn't get you off my mind."

With that confession, Brittany leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on Santana's lips.

"I've missed you, Santana," the blonde told her, "I didn't realize just how much until I saw you tonight."

Santana didn't know what to say, the thousands of apologies and heartfelt phrases she'd pondered in her head now seemed inadequate in Brittany's presence. Instead, she put her arms around her wife's neck and pulled her into a deep kiss.

The two kissed then kissed again. Neither could be certain exactly who initiated the first step toward the door of the building, but before either could form a complete thought or say anything more, they were already moving up the many stairs to get to the sixth floor apartment. It seemed to take three times as long as usual because they couldn't keep their lips or hands off each other.

They somehow made it to the top floor, not regretting a single stalled moment to linger in each other's grip. Santana fumbled getting the key in the door lock as Brittany kissed the back of the brunette's neck while stroking her already-erect nipple.

Santana paused, her body falling forward against the wood of the door. Brittany's hot breath and familiar hands on her skin were overwhelming the Latina. She moaned out in a raspy voice, "Holy shit."

Those sounds only encouraged the impish blonde. Brittany slipped her other hand inside Santana's silk blouse, unbuttoned about three floors down, and cupped her hand around her wife's other breast. She spread her fingers to cover its fullness, squeezing it with the perfect amount of pressure. Santana's knees buckled, forcing more of her weight against the hard surface of the door.

Brittany leaned into Santana, eliciting more moaning from her as she nibbled her ear, Brittany's lips traveling down Santana's neck.

"I've missed hearing you moan too," Brittany confided in a breathy whisper.

Eventually, Santana refocused enough to unlock the door and turn the knob. The girls stepped inside the tiny apartment and turned quickly into each other's arms.

Brittany and Santana were so innately drawn to each other that their movements would have appeared like a coordinated dance to the casual observer. Each hand knew just where to go next, the couple's lips never leaving exposed skin, each predicting the other's next move as only longtime lovers could do.

They continued their dance across the living room toward the bed in the far corner, leaving a trail of clothing along their path. The moment they reached the flat surface of the bed, Brittany gently pushed Santana down, straddling her and tossing her own bra to the floor.

The blonde leaned down, kissing her wife, pressing their breasts together, as her finger tips raked down Santana's midsection.

Santana moaned into Brittany's mouth and her back involuntarily arched.

Brittany sat up and moved her fingers to Santana's nipples, twisting both simultaneously.

"Ohhh god," Santana responded.

Brittany continued massaging the two mounds of flesh, leaning back down to suck on each one of Santana's hard nipples. As she sucked, she flicked with her tongue for added pleasure. Each time she did, Santana bucked underneath her.

Teasing her wife made Brittany more aroused, and she knew Santana could feel the amount of wetness between her legs as she moved around on top of her. She leaned in for one last deep kiss, her teeth biting Santana's bottom lip before she started moving down the length of the brunette's body, slowly trailing downward with the tip of her tongue along every inch of Santana's warm, brown skin.

Once perfectly situated between Santana's thighs, Brittany pushed up on her wife's hips to position her for easy access then with one long, fluid motion, Brittany licked Santana's center.

"Ohhhh…Brittttt."

Brittany smiled and continued to expertly lick, around and around and around, in a slow figure eight then a circle and another circle and various other motions, ending with a hard suck and several flicks of her tongue. Santana continued to arch and moan and call out Brittany's name until she was finally pushed over the edge into one of the most intense climaxes she had ever experienced.

Brittany wanted her wife to savor the intensity, lying quietly for a few minutes with her head resting peacefully on Santana's thigh. This was her favorite moment of sex with Santana, lying close to her, breathing in her scent with the taste of her ecstasy on Brittany's lips.

Santana had other plans for the tall blonde though, and after only a few calming minutes, the Latina pulled Brittany up toward her while expertly turning her over on her back. The kiss Santana gave Brittany left no doubt that she not only enjoyed what just happened but also that Santana desperately needed that connection with her wife again.

"I love you so much, Brittany," Santana told her, looking deep into Brittany's blue eyes.

Brittany smiled, a sweet smile, all sensuality set aside in that moment, and replied, "I love you too, sweetheart."

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

9:26 am

The moment Santana opened her eyes, she felt like she had just closed them the minute before. The daylight surrounding her suggested her otherwise.

What time is it?...she asked internally, reaching out to the bedside table in search of her phone. Feeling around did nothing to locate it. She lifted her head to look but dropped it immediately in self-defeat. The brunette felt bleary eyed and her mouth was so dry that her tongue was stuck to its roof. Ugh, I need water…she told herself.

Santana sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest. There was a sheet draped across most of her, but she recognized that she was very naked. With that realization, she heard movement behind the closed door of the bathroom and looked that direction. Brittany.

The night came flooding back to the Latina all at once. She and Brittany made love for hours then reminisced and ate grilled cheese and ice cream until dawn, finally drifting asleep in each other's arms.

The doorknob of the bathroom twisted and out stepped the blonde, freshly showered.

Brittany smiled widely at her wife, greeting her with a cheerful, "Good morning."

"A very good morning," Santana responded with a sexy, knowing raise of her eyebrows.

Brittany walked to the side of the bed and leaned down to kiss Santana, before turning and collecting her clothes off the floor from the night before.

"You're already getting dressed?" Santana questioned.

Brittany returned to the area in front of the mirrored dresser, dropping her towel and stepping into her jeans. "I've got to start the day at some point, right?"

Santana shrugged, responding, "I guess."

Being on a schedule wasn't exactly Santana's strongest trait. Her body was weary from the night's activities, and her brain was still mostly asleep. Still, she wanted to seem agreeable to whatever Brittany wanted.

The Latina climbed off the bed, moving behind the taller girl, hugging her tightly with both arms.

"Let me get a quick shower then we can grab some breakfast," she suggested, placing several kisses along Brittany's broad shoulders.

Brittany turned to face Santana, kissing her lips. "I think it would be better for me to head home now."

As the blonde searched the floor for her shoes, Santana stood there watching. She was confused.

"I thought you were home, Britt."

Brittany sat on the floor, putting on her shoes, looking up at her wife. Santana's disappointment was evident.

She reached for the brunette's hand and pulled her down to the floor with her. Santana was naked and vulnerable which broke Brittany's heart. Last night was supposed to be a good thing.

Brittany cupped her wife's face, telling her sincerely, "When I'm with you…like this…I'm definitely home. You're my heart, Santana."

Tears welled up in the brunette's eyes, and she shut them quickly to force composure.

"Look at me, honey," Brittany gently requested, and Santana opened her eyes, allowing one tear to escape and roll down her cheek. Brittany continued, "Last night was perfect, but I'm not ready to just push our issues aside."

"I'm trying, Britt," Santana choked out.

"I know, I know," she pulled Santana into a comforting embrace, confirming, "I see that, I do. But…this is more about me than about us or you. Please understand."

Santana shook her head, not able to vocalize her objection.

"We've been together forever, Tan. I've only ever known me as part of me and you," Brittany confided, "Being away from that identity has felt good, it feels freeing in a way."

Santana looked down at her hands. She couldn't bear to look Brittany in the eyes, conceding, "I've ruined us."

Brittany chuckled at her wife's tendency to be catastrophic. "No you didn't…but we can't sweep everything that happened under a rug and pretend it's all better now. We need time. We need to take it slow, ok?"

Santana felt a little less shattered, asking in a joking tone, "Last night was taking it slow?"

"Last night had its slow moments…like when I slowly took my tongue and…."

"Okay, okay," Santana stopped the rest of Brittany's sentence with a playful hand over her wife's mouth, "Stop right there or you'll get me all worked up again."

Brittany laughed, relieved that Santana was cheering up. She leaned in and kissed the brunette firmly, assuring her, "I'll text you soon, ok?"

Santana moved off Brittany's legs so the blonde could stand, missing her already but agreeing, "Okay."

Brittany bent back down and kissed Santana's cheek then headed for the front door, turning back around for a last glimpse and a smile, before disappearing.

Santana grabbed her fuzzy bathrobe and wrapped it around her, walking to the window, stuffing her hands inside its large pockets. She saw Brittany reach the front stoop and watched her until she vanished down the street.

The Latina stood there a moment, collecting her thoughts….so many thoughts, so many doubts, of what she could have said, should have said. It was no use though, the conversation was over. Brittany was gone again…and she let her go.

Santana thought a shower would help wash away her woes. As she turned, she heard a sharp buzz from her pants on the coffee table.

My phone, she remembered and pulled it out of the back pocket to see a new text. It was from Brittany. It read simply, "I love you xo".

Author's Note:

To anyone still reading this story, thank you for your endless patience! To anyone still actually enjoying this story, this update is purely due to your dedication and encouragement sent to me privately. I may be slow, but I do follow thru on my promises. Yes, there will be another chapter.