I disclaim. I own nothing.

AN: So here is 'season 2' of the Tara Janowitz AU. This story won't follow as closely to the episodes as Corresponding Shapes did but events will be mentioned and used to mark just where in the season we are.

Again, major thanks to Eve Levine.

Chapter 1

Staring at the cold, unwelcoming, gray walls of the Stockton prison visiting room Jax could list a thousand other places he'd rather be at the moment. It wasn't even the prison itself that was making him uncomfortable. No, Jax was bracing himself for a conversation he'd rather not be having. But he had been holding Abel when he read Lenny's letter requesting he come for a visit. As a father he knew what Lenny wanted and figured having a sit down with the man was the least he could do.

More he knew just what Lenny meant to Tara. Maybe he resented the pull her father had over her, resented that she let what Lenny wanted from her come between them. But he had his own interfering, overbearing parent that didn't give him much room to talk. He just wanted them both to butt out, just let him and Tara finally be. It wouldn't happen, but he felt it important to hear what Lenny had to say. Just as it was important that Lenny hear what he had to say. And know that what he and Tara had was theirs and theirs alone.

Tara. A slow smile crept over Jax's face as he thought about her. He left her in bed that morning, he hated leaving Tara in bed. But he considered the fact that she was there a win. He could usually get her to stay with him maybe a night or two, but never anymore than that. Intellectually he knew she was right when she said it wasn't good for Nikolai to sleep on the futon in Abel's nursery. But he hated every time he came home to find his mother with Abel and Tara and Nikolai gone. Hated going to bed, smelling her on his sheets, but not having her there with him.

Her career, the club, and their boys didn't afford them much time alone together. He became possessive of the time they did have. Finding himself glaring at his mother if she lingered too long at the house or at their phones when they rang. If he couldn't have her with him all the time, he wanted all of her to himself the times he did have her. Sometimes Jax could feel himself slipping back, ready to kill himself if he didn't get to her. That scared him, scared the shit out of him. And he figured it was in everyone's best interest if he found a way to keep her and Nik at the house with him and Abel.

Jax's dark thoughts were interrupted by the clang of the doors. Looking up he saw Lenny being escorted in by a guard. It was odd, when Jax was a kid Lenny seemed like one of those men who'd never get old. The guy had been a fucking mountain back then. He'd never admit it, but Lenny had scared the shit out of him. Fuck, the old man still scared him. Didn't matter that he was older, smaller, than he had been. That he was locked up. It wasn't a physical fear. Truth was Lenny was the only man who could take Tara away from him.

Walking into the visiting room, Lenny tried to think about the last time he'd seen Jax. Before he went inside that was for sure. He didn't know if the kid's look had changed, if he was bigger or smaller than he'd been. Lenny looked at Jax and all he saw was the cocky little shit who always seemed to have his hands on his little girl. Logically he knew the kid had grown into his feet, filled out so he wasn't as gangly as he had been. But Lenny didn't see any of that. When he looked at Jax all he saw was the man who took his little girl from him.

"How you doing, Jackson?"

Reaching across the table, Jax shook Lenny's hand firmly and for some reason felt like a teenager meeting his date's father for the first time. "Doing pretty good. How you holding up?"

"Getting by, brother. Got something for me?"

"Yeah," Jax handed over the pictures he'd been allowed to bring in.

"Thanks," Lenny glanced down at the pictures. Naturally the first one was of Nikolai, his blonde hair already a shade darker than it was the last time he'd seen him. "How's my girl doing?"

Jax had to bite back his knee-jerk response, which was to point out that Tara was his girl. But realized that was no way to start this conversation. "She's good. Pretty busy between work and the boys."

"Boys?" Lenny asked without looking up. His brow creased as he came to the last picture. Tara was seated on a couch, dressed in a pair of shorts and a SAMCRO T-shirt. Nikolai was standing behind her, his arms wrapped tight around her neck, his cheek pressed to hers. And she was holding a baby, Jax's baby, in her lap. The message couldn't have been more clear if Jax stamped mine in the middle of the picture.

"She's helping me with Abel." Jax explained needlessly. There was no way Lenny didn't know just who he meant when he said 'boys'.

"Cas wasn't too happy she stayed in Charming."

Like he gave a shit about Cas, but again, he censored himself. "I know."

"Kozik wanted to keep her close. After what happened with Opie's Old Lady, can't blame him."

Jax's fist clenched on the table. "What happened to Donna…" He didn't have the words to describe what happened to Donna. It was a fucked up situation. One he couldn't make up to Opie if he had a million years to do it. "I'm not going to let that happen to Tara. I'm not going to let her get hurt."

"Can you promise me that, brother?"

"All do respect, brother, it's not a promise I need to make to you. Tara knows I wouldn't let anything hurt her."

"I know you didn't think much of Alexei."

For a moment Jax frowned in confusion, he'd grown so use to referring to the man as The Russian he'd forgotten he actually had a name.

"But he was a good kid. He kept her safe. He died for her."

"What good does being dead do her now? I came here out of respect, but I don't need you throwing that fucking Russian back in my face. This thing that Tara and I have, it's none of your business."

"My kid, my business." Lenny didn't have to point out that the next words he spoke were a threat. The promise was in his eyes. "Anything happens to her, she gets hurt in anyway, we're going to have a real problem, Jackson. I really hope we don't have a problem."

After he left Stockton, Jax headed back to the clubhouse. It was hard for him to be there, to be around Clay. But the club was his and he wasn't just about to hand it over to Clay. He didn't know how he was going to handle it when Opie came back. Was actually glad that Opie was gone for the next few weeks. Jax just wasn't ready to look his best friend in the eye and ask him to sit at the table with the two men who killed his wife.

There wasn't much to do at the clubhouse. Clay was still trying to set things up with the Irish and until the Irish were ready to deal, things would remain quiet. But they still had to maintain their relationship with the Niners, keep Darby in line, and make sure the Mayans felt their presence. It was bullshit work, but considering what the previous months had been like, Jax couldn't really complain about the slower pace.

It was late when he got home, his mother's car was in the drive but the Cutlass wasn't. He knew his mother was keeping Nikolai, but leaving the house while Tara was still sleeping meant he didn't know what time she got off tonight. So there was a good possibility that she'd already been by to pick Nikolai up and headed home.

"Jackson?" Gemma called from the nursery when he stepped into the house.

Because he wasn't greeted by a little blond ball of energy shouting 'Axe' he figured Tara had already come and gone. "Yeah." He walked the short distance to Abel's nursery, going directly to the crib to smile down at his son. Already he'd grown so much. Looking at him now, it was like the first three months of his life hadn't even occurred.

"Did Tara say what time she'd be getting off?"

Jax frowned, he'd have sworn she was off already. "No. Where's Nik?"

There was a knowing look in Gemma's eye. "Asleep in the other bedroom."

He was familiar with that look from his mother, it meant she got her way on something. But Jax wasn't able to quite figure what it meant this time. Not until he stepped out of the nursery and walked to the bedroom he actually forgot was even there. Hadn't even noticed the light creeping out from under the door that was partially cracked. Pushing it open just a bit more the first thing he noticed was the small bed against the wall. Nikolai was curled on his side, fast asleep, the covers tucked up to his chin.

There was a small table beside the bed, a little motorcycle shaped lamp sitting on top, and a dresser on the opposite wall. The room was pretty sparse, no toys or pictures or anything like that, but for now it was enough. As long as Nikolai had a bed and a space of his own, Tara wouldn't really have an excuse to leave.

Suddenly the room was filled with light, Jax realized it was the headlights of the Cutlass as Tara pulled into the driveway. He stepped back out into the hallway just in time to see his mother coming from the nursery, her purse thrown over her shoulder.

Gemma stopped in front of her son, placing a hand on his chest she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "You can thank me later."

She was gone before he could say anything. Because really he was going to have to thank her.

"Hey," There was a hint of a smile in Tara's voice as she greeted Gemma. "Leaving already?"

"Oh, yeah. Those boys are a handful. I'll see you tomorrow, sweetie."

"Alright."

Jax was still standing in the hall when Tara rounded the corner. She was still in her scrubs, which meant didn't have any surgeries scheduled that day. He liked knowing that. He liked knowing her schedule and relearning all her quirks.

"Hey," Her lips curled into a smile when she saw him, stepping close until she was reaching up to press her mouth to his. Tara all but melted into the kiss, loving the way his hands came up to frame her face. Her hands itched to push his kutte off his shoulders, wanted so much to give him a shove to get him going towards the bedroom. But she needed to get her baby in bed. "Sorry I can't stay tonight."

Jax kept his hands fisted in her hair, tilting her head back so that he could trail his lips down her neck. With both the boys sleep he knew now was the perfect time to get her into the shower. "Yeah you can."

His mouth was at her ear, his teeth pulling at her earlobe until she whimpered. She pressed her hips against his, needing to feel as much of him as she could. "I can't. I have to get Nikolai to bed."

"He's in bed." Jax murmured the words into the crook of her neck, using his head to nudge hers in the direction of the bedroom.

It took a moment for Tara to realize just what he wanted her to do and another moment for the lust to clear from her eyes so that she could see her baby sleeping peacefully in the little toddler bed. Instantly her heart melted. "Jax-"

But whatever she was going to say was cut off as Jax covered her mouth with his. As far as he was concerned there was no need for her to say anything else, because there was no need for her and Nikolai to leave. There was no need for them to spend another night apart.

Jax wasn't sure how to handle these…shifts, in his life. Talking to Tara about Abel as he filled some poor sap full of bullets. Part of him wished she hadn't said I love you, wished he didn't need to give the words back to her. What he did today had to be done, for Opie, for the club. This guy, whoever the fuck he was, maybe he deserved to die. But it was all a lie. A lie he hoped he didn't have to feed to Tara.

God he hoped she didn't ask him about his day. There'd be some part of her that would want the guy who killed Donna to pay. It would be like Kohn all over again. She'd be glad the son of bitch was dead, but sorry for his part in it. And feeding her this lie, he'd allow her to continue to love the men truly responsible for Donna's death.

Jax knew Tara and Opie deserved better than this. Knew Donna did as well. But he didn't know what else to do. Donna was gone. And selfishly he wanted to keep Opie and Tara. In order to do that, he had to make sure they never learned the truth.

"You staying at Jax's tonight?"

Tara's cell phone was tossed in the middle of the bed as she slipped into her favorite lounge clothes. She was tired, beat actually, especially after the strange conversation with Gemma. Not like it was the first time Gemma questioned her about birth control, but she hadn't appreciated the conversation anymore the second time than she did the first. Then for her to tack on that whole 'no truth, no pussy' adage was more than Tara could handle in one night. She loved Gemma, she truly did, but she didn't know if she could deal with the woman positioning herself smack in the middle of hers and Jax's relationship. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing. Just…two weeks in a row. Don't you think Nik deserves to sleep in a bed every now and again."

"He is sleeping in a bed." The smile spread slowly across her face and she was glad Kozik was on the phone. He'd ride her like Zorro if he knew just how sappy she was getting. "Jax set up the extra room for Nik. Bed, dresser, and everything."

Kozik was quiet a moment. "Good. Nik's no second class citizen."

"Jax loves Nikolai. And Nikolai loves him. He wouldn't mistreat my son, Kozik. I wouldn't let him mistreat my son."

"I know you wouldn't." He paused, even over the phone the silence between them completely comfortable. "This feels odd. Not being around to protect you."

"You could always transfer, become a member of SAMCRO again."

"Thought about it. But then who'd keep Cas out of trouble with both of us gone."

Tara's heart sank. Selfishly she wanted all her guys with her. She knew it was impossible to have Cas around full time, but she'd love to have Kozik back in Charming especially with Happy making noises about staying around. "I guess that's true. Left to his own devices he'd knock up half of Tacoma and shoot the other half."

"Speaking of knocked up, you still on the pill right."

"That's none of your damn business, Herman."

"What have I told you about calling me that?"

"You're in Tacoma, I'm not exactly shaking in my boots."

"I really think we were too good to you, such a fucking brat. Look I gotta go. Be safe, Princess."

"Don't worry about me so much. Things have been downright boring around here lately."

Tara had known the moment Jax came in the door that something wasn't entirely right with him. Really she'd known from their conversation on the phone earlier. But she didn't want to pry. It wasn't until he remained in the shower longer than usual that she finally made her way down the hall to the bathroom.

It was like he was trying to drown himself. She hated to see him this way. Hated not knowing what was wrong or how to fix it. She didn't want to pry, she knew things had been tense between him and Clay lately. And she knew he was still grieving Donna just as she was. So she figured he just needed time to get his head on straight. Wanting to give him that she gathered up his discarded clothes to take to the laundry. Giving him one less thing to do seemed to be the least she could do.

When she saw the blood on his clothes her heart stop. For one panicked filled moment she thought the blood was his, was going to rush back into the bathroom to check him over before reason set in. She'd seen him when he came in, saw him in the shower. He wasn't the one hurt. The heaviness she saw on him was the same as he had the morning after they killed Kohn. No, not entirely the same. And that's what caused the sick feeling in her gut.

The feeling only worsened when he gave her the truth. She hated that for a moment, she was actually relieved. Glad that the man who killed Donna was dead. But when she looked at Jax she forgot all about her own feelings. This was killing him. Twisting him up so that he was turning in on himself.

This hadn't been easy for him and she was grateful for that. She didn't want killing to ever be easy for him. But she didn't want him to suffer this way either. Couldn't bare to lose him this way. She took the clothes to the laundry, absently wondered if she should burn them as she set the machine. On her way back to the bedroom she checked on the boys. They were both sleeping peacefully, unaware of the world around them.

Going to the bedroom she took a moment to just watch Jax, the way he curled in on himself. Hiding. The act he put on in the bathroom having slipped away. What he'd done hadn't been easy for him. But crossing the room and crawling into bed with him had been far easier than it should have been for her.