Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.

Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.

(this chapter by eight 0f hearts)

A is for Arachnophobia

"Bwah!"

Having a grown man leap on top of you in the ungodly hours of the morning is hardly the most pleasant way to wake up... as Charles Snippy now knew from first-hand experience.

"What," he gasped, winded, as he shoved Pilot off his chest, "are you doing?"

Pilot let out an infernal screech and tried to clamber further onto the couch – and further onto Snippy, his arms and legs wrapping around the sniper like a monkey.

"Run, Snippy!" he screeched. "Run for your life!"

"Run from what?" All traces of sleepiness now gone, Snippy attempted to prise Pilot off him, but the other had a grip of steel and was clinging like a limpet.

"It'll eat us alive!" Pilot wailed. "It'll lay eggs in us and they'll hatch out of our eyeballs!"

"What are you talking about?" Snippy asked irritably, turning his face away as Pilot began waving his hands madly about. "Stop squirming around! Get off me!"

Finally seeming to calm himself down, Pilot crawled off Snippy's lap and huddled in a corner of the couch, his knees drawn up to his chest. He cast a nervous glance across the room to the pallet on the floor where he had been sleeping.

Sitting up a bit, Snippy followed the pilot's gaze. He couldn't see a thing.

"What are you so scared of?" he asked drily, figuring that he may as well try to solve the problem so that he could get back to sleep.

"It's there," Pilot whimpered, pointing a trembling finger.

"What's there?"

Pilot leaned in closer to Snippy's ear and whispered: "The eight legged freak."

"...what?" Snippy asked, now mighty confused.

"The radioactive spider!" Pilot grabbed Snippy by the shoulders and shook him vigorously. "Don't you understand, you stupid slug? It's watching us right now! Lurking in the shadows! I woke up and it was this close to my face! It would have eaten me but I jumped up in time!"

"All this fuss over a spider?" Snippy plucked Pilot's hands off him. "Stay on that side of the couch."

"No! We need to run! We need to find Captain!" Pilot drew his legs up again, squashing himself as far into the sofa as he could – as though if he merely touched the floor with his foot, the spider would launch itself from the shadows and bite his toe off.

With a long-suffering sigh, Snippy got to his feet.

"Where's this spider?" he asked.

Pilot jabbed his thumb vigorously towards the corner of the room.

"It's deadly! Take this!" he thrust Snippy's gun towards him.

Snippy waved him away. "I'm hardly going to shoot it! Seriously, I can't believe you woke me up because of a little spider," he grumbled under his breath as he stalked towards the pallet. "You're such a ninny."

He squinted to see in the darkness, reaching one foot forward and scuffing his boot about in the shadows. A dark shape scuttled across the wall.

"Ah, there it is."

Pilot let out a scream. He leaped onto the back of the couch and crouched there like a frightened cat.

"Don't be such a wuss!" Snippy chided. He stepped back into the light... and got a good look at the spider for the first time.

There was a frigid pause.

"Bloody hell, that is one big spider," Snippy breathed.

The thing had a body as big as his hand, legs a good six inches long, and was bristling with black hair. The fact that it had about twelve legs and glowing red eyes was indication enough that it was a mutant of some sort.

Snippy suddenly decided that maybe shooting it wouldn't be such a bad idea.

He backed towards the couch, eyeing the creature warily. It suddenly ran down the wall and onto the floor, and Snippy leaped up onto the sofa to join Pilot.

"Kill it, kill it!" Pilot hissed, latching onto Snippy's shoulder.

"I am going to kill it," Snippy shot back. He was a man, dammit! Men were not afraid of insects... and men most certainly did not hunch up on sofas like frightened girls just because there was a spider on the floor.

"Give me your shoe," he ordered.

Pilot tilted his head. "Shoe?"

"Yeah."

Looking a bit puzzled, Pilot pulled off his boot and handed it to Snippy.

Okay. I can do this. Just whack it with the shoe and it'll die. Nothing to be scared of.

Kicking himself for being such a chicken, Snippy stepped tentatively off the couch. The spider had run over to the opposite wall, where it was crouched menacingly in the corner.

Pilot let out a low moan of trepidation, and Snippy furiously shushed him.

Raising the boot in both hands, he took a moment to steel himself before slamming the shoe down against the spider.

It didn't die.

It fell off the wall, whereupon it twitched madly on its back for a moment before turning right-sight-up and running up Snippy's leg.

Later, the sniper would furiously deny that he ever screamed like a girl.

What he couldn't deny was the fact that he leaped backwards, fell rather ungracefully onto his posterior, and flailed around trying to get the creature off him.

Pilot was being absolutely no help, remaining hunkered down on the couch and screeching along with Snippy.

The spider somehow managed to make its way up onto Snippy's face. The sight of its hairy black stomach right up against his goggles was really not reassuring in the slightest. He was slapping at it, trying to get it off while anxious to avoid being bitten, when he heard the sound of a door slamming open.

"What is going on in here?"

The amused German voice calmed Snippy down almost embarrassingly quickly.

Captain strode across the room to where his minion was lying in the floor, and calmly reached down, grabbed the spider and lifted it up into the air.

Snippy scrambled to his feet and attempted to regain some dignity. "Captain. You're back. We-"

"Have you found a new pet for me, Mr Snippy?" Captain held up the wriggling spider by one leg, head tilted as he looked at it thoughtfully. "How nice of you!"

"It's not a pet, we were trying to kill it-"

"Kill it?" Captain exclaimed. He peered at the spider, then waved it in Snippy's face, causing him to recoil in disgust. "Why would you want to kill this lovely creature? It hasn't harmed you!"

"No, but it-"

"But what, Mr Snippy?" Captain looked over at him sternly. "What unmannerliness! Why, I thought I had raised you better than this!"

Snippy stared at him in confusion.

"Can I have my shoe back now?" Pilot piped up.

"Indeed, Pilot. Garb your foot. I will release this little beastie."

And with that, Captain carelessly flung the spider over his shoulder and out the open door. He dusted his hands off.

"Well! Since we're all awake, we should do something!" he declared. "Come on, minions! Chop chop! We're wasting daylight!"

"The sun isn't even up yet," Snippy groused, but followed the other two out anyway. It looked like he wouldn't be getting any more sleep tonight.

And if he didn't notice the small white eggs trapped inside the folds of his jacket... well, that's a story for another time.

Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. Be brutally honest with me, folks. I can take it.

A/N: Somewhat short, but I think dragging it on would just have been needlessly prolonging the story.

=8=8=

NEXT CHAPTER: "B" by ItachiFangirlShay1133.