Well this is my first fanfiction. Please review and decide on if I should make more and what I should do to make it better. I basically wrote whatever popped in my head! Enjoy!

Ciel Phantomhive sat at his desk. He was bored to tears and hungry because his loyal butler won't make him any sweets. His butler stated that he would ruin his appetite for dinner. So there he was laying his head on his desk , right before he was about to nap the phone rang.

"Hello. This is Earl Phantomhive."

"Hey sexy! Ready to be fucked? " A strangely high voice said.

"Who the bloody hell is this!" Ciel exclaimed with anger but all while his face bright red.

Giggles are heard through the other end of the line. "Oh baby, don't be that way. You know you want this , or you know you can't handle me in your bed!" The voice snickered.

"Oh my fucking God. Trancy is that you? What the hell are you doing?" Ciel practically yelled in the phone.

"This is not the awesome Earl Trancy! This is…um…" Alois had paused trying to think of someone he could pretend to be. "This is your mother, young man! You need to go clean your damn room." Alois snickered.

Ciel sighed and face palmed so hard. "You're such a dumbass, Alois. My mother died a long time ago, remember? Seriously Trancy, you need to get better at prank calls."

"Damn. So you knew it was me the whole time?" Alois whined.

"Anyone would know it was you with that fucking annoying voice of yours." Ciel smirked. "Now, what the hell do you want?"

"I'm bored and Claude won't fuck me. So I was wondering—." Alois was about to finish his sentence when Ciel hung up on him.

'What is wrong with that moron?' Ciel had thought to himself. 'That dumbass only calls when he's bored or wants to be fucked which will never happen.' Ciel sighed and looked at the clock. It was a little after 3pm. 'Well, I still have a couple hours till dinner and I finished my paperwork before scheduled; I guess I can try to take my nap again' As Ciel laid his on the desk and shut his eyes , the phone rang again.

"Hello. This is Earl Phantomhive."

"Ciel, PLEASEEEEEEE!" Alois begged. "I'm so bored. Claude ignores me every damn time I try to seduce him. Come on please please please please let me just have a quick shag to your small little ass and then I will leave you alone for a whole day!"

Ciel was irritated. "Maybe there's a reason Claude doesn't want you. Maybe because you're a dumb blonde whore? Or I know, you throw yourself at him, like some worn out sex doll." Ciel snickered.

"Hey I'm not a whore! I only fucked….um.. Let's see 1,2,3,4,…5 …. About 5 men!" Alois stated. "And it might be six tonight, if you get what I mean." Alois giggled.

"What? Oh hell no!" Ciel practically screamed! "You're a fucking whore! Bye!" Ciel had slammed the phone back on the receiver. 'What was he thinking? That bloody pop tart!' Ciel shook his head in shame of his fellow Earl. Again Ciel attempted to nap, the phone rang.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL DO YOU WANT YOU DUMB WHORE?" Ciel yelled into the phone.

"You think I'm a whore Ciel." It was Elizabeth. "What did I do?" You could hear the crying in her voice.

"Oh shit. Elizabeth! I'm so sorry! It wasn't meant for you I-I it was meant for—." Ciel was cut off by a angered Elizabeth.

"MY NAME IS LIZZIE AND I'M NOT A WHORE YOU MEANIE." And with that she hung up the phone. Ciel slammed his head on the table. He couldn't believe that just happened. He knew that this was going to bite him later on. Ciel was already stressed from before and now this added even more.

'Damn this world. I'm so screwed.' Ciel thought. 'What am I going to do. My dumb fiancée is not going to let this go.' He sighed.

The phone rang.

'I swear to God if that's Trancy I'm going to kill him.' Ciel thought. "Hello. This is Earl Phantomhive."

"Yes hello Earl. This is Alois Trancy's butler, Claude, and I was wondering have you seen my young master?" Claude stated.

"Um. No. I have not and hope not to anytime soon." Ciel exclaimed.

"Oh. I see. Well he said something about going out and I figured he might have wandered off to your manor. I further apologize for any trouble I have caused you. But I hope Sebastian is taking good care of which you deserve the best." Claude said flirtatiously.

"Um. Claude your not getting my soul. Bye." Ciel hung up the phone and disconnected it from the wire. 'Now I can nap without distraction!' As Ciel almost fell asleep he heard a quick tap at the window. 'What in the bloody hell was that?' He thought.

Ciel got up and walked towards the window to see a jumping Alois. "HI CIEL! I'M HERE TO FUCK YOU MY LOVE!" Alois yelled up towards the window.

Ciel didn't even respond to him. Instead he called for Sebastian. "Sebastian come here now!"

"Yes my lord?"

"Get that parasite off my property this instant, but don't kill him. It's an order."

Sebastian got on his knee and said "Yes , my lord." And he went off to do as he ordered.

As Sebastian walked out of the room, Ciel starred at his ass and thought 'Damn. That ass is so perfect. Why the hell is my butler so perfect? And sexy? And Wow! I bet he's good in bed…' Ceil shook his head. 'Why am I thinking about that! I should just rest. Yes rest is what I need.'

Ciel laid his head down and peacefully fell into the perfect nap while listening to the screams of Alois. Of what Ciel could make out of what Alois was saying was "Oh Sebastian! Please just let me have him! I want him! Or unless you want to fuck me instead. You can do that anytime! Haha! OUCH! OH! What are you doing. !" Sebastian had smacked Alois so hard he flew all the way back to the Trancy manor. Ciel had one of the best naps he ever had.

Well tell me what you think. Remember this is my first fan fiction so give me some tips. Should I make more? Maybe add yaoi? ;) Haha!