Hello everyone. The One-Eyed Lady here. This story was Co-Authored with my sister, Strawberry M&M. She doesn't have an account, so we're posting this on mine.
This story was inspired by the White Collar fic "Twenty in Twenty" by Kiki Cabou. It's awesome, so as soon as you're done here you should go and read it.
Disclaimer: Neither the One-Eyed Lady nor Strawberry M&M own X-men Evolution. It belongs to Marvel and Stan Lee. We also don't own the Twenty Genres Challenge. That belongs to Kiki Cabou.
Warnings: Extreme Silliness, Complete and Utter Lack of Any Semblance of a Plot, Character Abduction, Gratuitous Abuse of Author Powers.
This story was not Beta'd. All mistakes belong to the One-Eyed Lady.
For the purpose of this fic, Strawberry M&M goes by "The AUTHOR" and One-Eyed Lady is "The Consultant."
Bold: AUTHOR'S (Strawberry M&M) dialogue
Underlined: The Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue
Italics: Sound Effects/Descriptions
Presenting...
The Twenty-One Chaotic Genres of X-men Evolution Fan-Fiction!
Chapter One: The Beginning of the Madness, and the Interminable Introductions
Iceman, Rogue, Colossus, Pyro, Gambit, Scarlet Witch, Toad, Nightcrawler, Cyclops, and Magneto find themselves locked in a mostly empty room, while a five-foot four inch and a quarter tall brunette girl wearing a pink T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans sits in the corner, in a director's chair, holding a video camera.
"Who are you?" Colossus asks.
I am The AUTHOR!
The AUTHOR stands up and sets the video camera on a stand.
"Where are we?" Iceman asks, looking around.
Knowing your location is not important.
"Tell us where we are!" Magneto demands.
Well, I'm certainly not telling you with that attitude, Mister.
"Come on, Sheila," Pyro pleads. "Tell us! Please?"
Nope.
"Pretty please?
I won't tell. You can't make me!
"Pretty please with flaming buildings on top?" Pyro pleads once more, giving the AUTHOR the puppy-dog eyes look.
"Come on, Petite, it's jus' a location," Gambit says.
Not the eyes! Not the French nicknames! Stupid foreigners and their cool accents and words. Fine. Um...I'm gonna need some assistance answering the whole location question. One minute, I need some backup.
An older, taller blonde girl with glasses magically appears in the room.
"Where'd she come from, yo?" Toad yelps, hopping backward.
She comes from...I don't know where actually. She came from wherever she was before I magically poofed her here.
"Who is she?" the Scarlet Witch asks.
She's the powerful, amazing, CONSULTANT!
The AUTHOR turns to The Consultant, smiles, and waves enthusiastically.
Hey! Where am I?
"There's actually been a fair bit of debate about that, luv," answers Pyro.
I needed you, so now you're here!
Yeah, but why do I need to be here? I'm just your editor.
Because they want to know where they are and I don't know what to tell them.
Well, why are you looking at me? I don't know where we are! Why does it matter anyway?
Pyro asked pretty please with flaming buildings on top! And Gambit called me Petite! You know I can't resist that. And the fact that Pyro was doing the puppy-dog-eyes did NOT help my resistance!
You're weird... and a complete pushover.
I know. Why do think I need you? Somebody's gotta be able to put their foot down!
"Look, all of dis is mighty interestin'," Gambit says. "But Remy don' see what de point of us being here is."
"I have homework to do!" Iceman complains.
"I was in the middle of a painting..." Colossus says. "Is this very important?"
I'm sorry about keeping you from your painting, Petey, but I'm afraid that I have to do this now. Don't worry. This won't take up all day...I hope.
"What are we even doing?" Cyclops demands.
Right now we are standing here, well, some of you are sitting...Why doesn't everyone sit down in these nice little wooden chairs I've provided until we get started and everything? You all look so uncomfortable! Sit down!
Most everybody sits down, except for Magneto.
Magsy, sit.
"My name is Magneto, you silly girl!" Magneto says loudly, "And I will not sit until you tell us what is going on!"
Really? That's funny. I thought it was Bucket-Head...anywho. Sit. And don't call me silly!
"I refuse," Magneto glares. "And I shall call you what I wish!"
Hiss. Hiss I say! Fine. Be that way. But anyway, MOST of you are sitting here chatting when we should be doing my twenty-one genres thing.
Questioning stares were aimed at The AUTHOR and The Consultant at this announcement.
"What are genres?" Bobby asks.
Genres are...Um. I don't know how to explain it. Genres are genres.
Genres are different types or categories of stories or other literary works. Humor, Tragedy, Romance, etc.
Thank you, Consultant! I knew I had a good reason to bring you here.
Hmph. Alright, down to business. The challenge today is to complete twenty different story genres. We'll draw one out of a hat and call it out. You all then have to do something that fits within the parameters of that specific genre. It could be acting, funny one-liners, or anything that gives an example of what that genre is about.
"Like, act it out?" Iceman asks.
Exactly! Really, Bobby. I think you're getting smarter!
Okay, we need to hurry this up. We've wasted pretty much three pages already and we haven't even started.
"Huh?" Toad scratched his head. "What do you mean three pages, yo?"
Long story.
Literally!
And just because this is kinda long doesn't mean it's a disaster, my dearest Consultant. But you're right. Let's get on with it.
"There's no way Ah'm doin' this!" Rogue says indignantly.
"Yeah!" the Scarlet Witch agrees.
"Oi don't know," Pyro says. "Oi think it'll be fun!"
Thank you, Johnny.
"That's because you're one fry short of a happy meal, yo!" Toad says.
"One fry short of a happy meal?" Colossus blinks. "What does that mean exactly?"
It means crazy, loony, a few screws loose, not all there, escaped from the funny farm, the loony bin...WACKO! Which is what I will be if we don't hurry up and start this blasted thing!
"Oh," Colossus blushes. "Thank you."
The AUTHOR turns to the video camera which was fixed on its stand, recording the whole thing.
Hello humans, mutants, and citizens of Pluto. (And yes, I know, you ARE a planet!) I am your ever-so-insane host, THE AUTHOR!
applause comes from out of nowhere
...thank you, thank you, and this is my assistant, editor, and close relative, The Consultant!
once again, applause comes, though not as energetically as before
I deny any and all relation to this lunatic. For the record, I disowned her years ago.
Yes, well, you know you love me! Anyway! We bring you...Twenty-ONE Fan-Fic Genres LIVE on your favorite TV channel, TCBWSIE!
more applause
This is on TV?
Yep.
Wonderful. What does TCBWSIE stand for?
Why, The Craziest, Boring-est, Weirdest Station In Existence of course! Now, on with our show! Here we have your favorite mutants, including:
The Mysterious Nightcrawler, that fuzzy blue elf, KURT WAGNER!
applause
Our very own Fearless (most of the time) Team Leader, Cyclops! Give a hand to SCOTT SUMMERS!
loud booing and hissing
"Huh?" Scott shouts indignantly.
The Mystical and Terrifying, as Stunningly Beautiful as she is Deadly, Scarlet Witch! Also known as WANDA MAXIMOFF!
applause
The reckless Iceboy...er Man aka BOBBY DRAKE!
more boos and hisses
"Hey!" Bobby shouts.
The Fun-Killing Bucket, I mean...MAGNETOOO!
booing, no hissing
The Acolytes laugh at that, and Magneto turns purple in fury
The Amazing, Unique, Funny,Wonderful, Cute...
Yes thank you. While I'm sure you could spend hours praising him, we do have a SHOW to get on with!
Hey! That was uncalled for. Spoilsport. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted...Pyro! That's right folks, the one and only ST. JOHN ALLERDYCE!
applause and cheering
The Sweet Metal Man and Gentle Giant, Colossus. That wonderful Russian, PIOTR RASPUTIN!
applause
The Temperamental, the Feisty, the Gorgeous, ROGUE!
applause
pauses
The...um, Anti-Hygienic TOAD!
silence
And finally, the moment you all've been waiting for...the Charming, the Sneaky, the Popular, Talented, Handsome, Egomaniac...Gambit! The Prince of Thieves, REMY LEBEAU!
hysteric cheering, screaming, sounds of fainting in the isles...
Remy just smirks.
Okay, that concludes the introductions.
One-Eyed Lady here. We hope you enjoyed the first chapter of our fic. We would really appreciate any reviews.
Strawberry M&M: Pretty please with flaming buildings on top?
What she said. So, thanks for taking the time to read this. Constructive Criticism is always welcome, but Pyro will send any flames back to the person who wrote them.
Apologies for the fact that nothing actually happened in this chapter. Next bit should be up in a week or so.