This is to be taken as a lighthearted attempt at humor. My apologies if it seems like I'm bashing on Temari, because it blatantly seems like I am, but it's more for purpose of the plot. I have nothing against Temari as a character, I just don't like ShikaTema. That and I was trying to capture what girls really act like when confronting someone they're not too fond of, even if most of the time the nasty thoughts never leave the mind. I suppose Ino's characterization has some issues too, seeming vain and such. But again, this is meant to be a lighthearted one-shot to get the creative juices flowing, so no hard feelings! I have some civil ShikaIno ideas on the drawing board, so maybe one of those will make it after this absurdity.

Dedicated to all my "bitch" friends out there who always have my back when things go down, because when one of us doesn't like someone, the rest of us don't like them either.

Scare Shot

"Ino, I really don't think this is a good idea," Chouji begged, struggling to keep in stride with his only female teammate. His words fell on deaf ears however, as Ino continued through the streets of Kohoha, indignance painted over her pretty features.

"It's part of his job, you know? He's sent over to Suna all the time because he's one of our diplomats," he continued wearily, hoping that Ino would at least try to assess the situation before succumbing to her bad judgment. And apparently, he wasn't the only one concerned as the villagers parted like the sea in front of the enraged blonde's feet. Chouji shot them an apologetic look before breaking into a small jog to fall by her side. "It's normal that they'd become friends. It's totally normal!"

"If she were content with being a friend," Ino enunciated pointedly, drawing the word out for further emphasis. "She wouldn't have been touching him like that after supposedly giving her report," she fumed, recreating the mental image she'd witnessed last time Temari was in Konoha, playing with Shikamaru's signature ponytail as she stood behind his chair. The ensuing argument itself had consisted of a lot of yelling from her side and a few snide comments from the Suna-nin, eventually ending in a stalemate and hostile tension between the two females. Along with angry marks from her kunai embedded in the wall of Shikamaru's office. Which had been completely open when she'd come across the two of them.

Shameless.

"What if reports don't really mean reports, Chouji!" she wailed in fury, making a swift manual motion to flick her bangs aside as if they were suffocating her. "She's trying to sink her sand-crusted nails into him!"

"Okay well I guess there was that, but you're overreacting. You know Shikamaru would never do something like that," Chouji remarked with a frown, not surrendering to her determination just yet. Her and Shikamaru had been through too much to be jeopardized by something so trivial. "Besides, he said himself that what happened then was a totally one-sided thing. He'd been telling her to stop, give him some credit, Ino!"

"Doesn't mean that it didn't happen," the blonde stated icily, seeing nothing but red in contrast to her pure, blue eyes. She balled her fists in aggravation as she continued her search for the individuals in question. "Fact of the matter is, she needs to back off."

"But you need to trust him," the larger boy pleaded hoping she would realize that her course of action was completely unnecessary. He didn't like seeing Ino mad at Shikamaru, and the situation tended to get ten times worse when their arguments concerned Temari. The couple was usually civil to each other save the occasional lighthearted teasing or banter, but when it came to the other female, Ino lost her cool relatively quickly. And this time, she was ready for direct confrontation which, he guessed, she hadn't thought completely through.

"He doesn't like Temari," Chouji stated with confidence in Shikamaru's stead. "He's told you that thousands of times. And he already that he'd probably avoid her like the plague if he weren't forced to communicate with her."

"I do trust Shikamaru," Ino replied in a more level-headed tone, pausing as her fondness for their other teammate slipped through her irritated demeanor. But remembering her purpose, the blonde's eyes went aflame once more as she spoke her woes, "I just don't trust her. You've seen the way she throws herself at him even though she knows we're together together. That's not acceptable!"

And then she huffed before storming off again, ponytail whipping Chouji's nose in the process. He sighed in defeat as Ino continued forward, calling out for her to wait. But with only her goal in mind, she ignored his cries and walked even faster. In fact, she had been so blinded by her rage that she almost didn't notice the girl in the middle of her path until she'd bowled them over. She let out a gasp at the sudden impact, landing with a hard thud on the ground and ending up in a mess of limbs.

"Watch where you're going, Ino!" a familiar female voice scolded as the other body struggled to stand.

"Ah, I'm so sorry!" Ino yelped, pulling her own legs from the tangled mess. She offered a hand to the unfortunate victim, but ended up making a joking face at the realization of the bright, pink hair. "Oh, never mind. It's just you, Sakura."

"Hello to you too," her best friend replied sarcastically, rubbing the sore spot on her forearm where Ino had clipped her before taking the other girl's gloved hand to help her up. She nodded to Chouji in greeting as well, who gave a meek wave in return.

"Sorry about that," the blonde repeated, jesting aside as she smoothed out her skirt. Remembering why she was in such a hurry, she clutched at the hem for a moment in irritation. Sakura in turn couldn't help but notice Ino's stifled concern then, giving her friend a careful once-over in concern.

"Something wrong, Ino?" Sakura inquired, wondering vaguely if it had anything to do with her previous rush. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Don't tell me your dad bought 2% milk instead of non-fat again."

"No, it's not that! It's just that…" Ino stated in frustration, leaving Chouji to wonder if she really did berate her father for such a thing. "Well, I'm looking for Shikamaru. Have you seen him at all today?"

"Yeah, not too long ago actually," Sakura answered, making the blonde raise a brow. "He and Temari had an appointment with Tsunade-sama after me. I figure they're done by now, so you can probably catch them on their way out."

"Great," Ino said, voice caustic and drawn out in response to Temari's name. The dark tone of her voice made the other kunoichi's spine straighten a bit. "I need to have a word with them. Wanna come with?"

"Sure…" Sakura shrugged airily, thinking that rejecting the offer might lead to some kind of imminent danger for her alongside the other two. But before she completely agreed, she had to ask. "What did he do this time?"

"I'll tell you later," Ino said, brushing her off with a hint of annoyance. Sakura knew better than to ask the direct source again. She looked to Chouji for the answer, throwing him a questioning look.

'Temari?' she mouthed once Ino had turned her back to them. He nodded in confirmation, making her shake her head in dismay. She probably should have guessed, since any mentions of the Suna girl weren't taken very kindly from Ino.

"Well are you guys coming or what?" said blonde yelled, already a good number of feet in front of them. Swirls of sand rose around her feet as she walked, the bewildered pair consisting of Chouji and Sakura following suit.

Ino's fierce determination built with each step closer, much like the growing sense of panic that the two trailing behind her. Their concern was only heightened when they heard audible voices from the front of the tower.

"I said let go of me already, woman!" said a rather exasperated voice that matched Shikamaru's perfectly. Ino's ears perked up as she quickened her pace.

"Come on," a husky, feminine voice that sounded all-too-familiar slurred. "You've turned into such a prick ever since you started dating that-"

"That what exactly?" Ino cooed, blocking the entrance to the street with her hand on her hip in an accusing pose. She glared daggers at the two who had just now acknowledged her presence. Ino's eyes zoomed in on Temari's firm hold on Shikamaru's arm, drawn his limb to the space between her breasts. She quietly seethed as Chouji and Sakura caught up to her, looking equally shocked at the sight in front of them.

"Well look who it is," the dusty blonde called out, releasing Shikamaru's arm and sending a coy grin to the other group. It almost looked like she welcomed their company unlike the sputtering male next to her.

"Ino-" Shikamaru began, worry written all over his face as the genius fumbled for words. Though a genius, his smarts generally failed him when it came to the subject of women, especially an indignant Ino facing off against Temari.

"Hi, Shika," Ino interrupted, uncharacteristically sweet voice dripping with sugar. It caught him off guard, shutting him up for the time being as he wondered why she hadn't impaled him yet, but before he could question her, she turned her attention to his companion, who met her gaze with equal vigor.

"Hey, Temari," she remarked more than greeted, trying to sound as composed as possible. Her eyes trailed down to the stretch of exposed leg through the slit of the opposing kunoichi's skirt. She grinned maliciously this time, bearing her true intentions with her cat-like fangs, "Shave, much?"

Behind her, Sakura attempted to stifle a chuckle with little success. Shikamaru and Chouji exchanged wide-eyed glances. They knew where this was going and it wasn't going to be pretty.

"What did you just say?" Temari seethed, stepping forward as if it were a challenge. Ino held her ground as she approached, holding back the urge to shrink back with every step the other girl took.

"Oh, looks like your arms need a little help too," Ino continued, pointing to her tanned forearms, making Temari stare at them in a moment of shock and self-consciousness before attempting to pull down her sleeves and giving Ino the confidence she needed to proceed.

"Don't worry though, there's this great salon we frequent near Sakura's place." Ino went on, silently taking pride in Temari's shaken appearance. "You should definitely come with us sometime. You look like you need it."

This time, Sakura erupted into a full-fledged laugh as Chouji diverted his gaze to the ground to hide his grin. Temari might have had the advantage when it came to physical combat, but Ino was the master at feminine mind games. This – Ino was good at this.

"And what makes you think I have to listen to a skinny little bitch like you," Temari recovered after a moment, visibly fuming now. The darker blonde took intimidating strides until she was directly facing the other girl, towering over her with her excess height. "I could rip that pretty little face off if I really wanted to, girlie. Don't test me."

"Temari, cut it out–" Shikamaru stated defensively. He made a sudden maneuver to come in-between the two, but was interrupted.

"Stay out of this, Shikamaru," Temari hollered, resting a hand on her fan to keep him at bay. Whether she was threatening him or Ino was unknown, but he remained immobile for the time being. "Blondie here started it, she gets what she deserves."

Ino's froze in fear for a split second, the obviously bulkier girl casting a shadow over her lithe figure. Her background supporters looked ready to act at any signs of open hostility like Shikamaru, but she didn't want to rely on them for help. This was her battle to win, and her boyfriend to take back. She couldn't afford to lose.

With newfound courage, she took a breath before calling on the Ino that had been notorious for making the other girls at the academy cry, straightening as if it were her curtain call.

"Oh gosh, Temari, is that you?" she gasped in disbelief, eyes widening in faux-shock and putting a hand over her nose. She leaned in close to the other girl's ear, but still whispered loud enough for everyone else to hear. "You need to take care of yourself down there! For a moment I thought we were near the fish market."

Temari staggered, face red as a beet while looking like she'd just swallowed a bug. Ino bit her cheeks to hide her glee as the other blonde stood in horror and embarrassment, prying her thighs as close as she could while still standing. Adding to her embarrassment was the fact that Sakura was on the ground, clutching her abdomen as she laughed and struggled for air. Next to her, Chouji was equally out of breath, only he was using a tree to support his weight and hide his toothy grin from the already mortified kunoichi. That was the only bit of kindness he could spare her.

An soon after, a small, muffled snort was heard behind her, making Temari whirl her neck so fast that it looked like it might snap. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of Shikamaru, who was clenching his thumb in-between his teeth to prevent any further slip-ups. Turning back to Ino, she scrambled for a comeback, for words, for anything, but her vocal cords betrayed her.

"This isn't over!" she screeched as she shoved Ino out of the way and made a beeline for the streets.

"Let me know about our salon date," Ino called as Temari temporarily struggled to make her way around a still-toppled over Sakura. She waved, catching the other girl's eye for a fleeting moment before another malicious grin made its way onto her face. "Who knows, they might even do your eyebrows for free!"

Temari didn't even bother replying at this point, letting out an incoherent, aggravated yell before deciding to disappear altogether in a cocoon of sand. Ino smiled in triumph as the structure melted away into the earth and Sakura and Chouji regained their composure. But when she looked to Shikamaru for approval, she met with a stern set of brown eyes.

"Uh oh," Sakura muttered, dawning on the consequences of the situation. She patted Chouji on the back to signal their departure. "We should probably leave."

He nodded, giving his teammates one last look and a silent wish of good luck before following Sakura out of the area and leaving Shikamaru and Ino alone.

"That was kind of harsh," Shikamaru stated, approaching her slowly. And for the second time in the past five minutes, Ino felt a surge of panic make its way from her head to her toes, rattling her bones in the process, this time, from the person who made her happiest.

"Well she just," the blonde began, finding herself at a loss of words this time as Shikamaru's arms encircled her waist. She felt her face grow hot as she attempted to explain, "She needs to grasp a sense of boundaries, and-"

"Hm," he mused, looking at her with patience, not anger, as she settled in his arms. Raising a brow, he eyed her badly hidden flush with curiosity. "Could it be that you're jealous, Ino?"

"Of Temari?" she scoffed, still bitter at the sound of the name. She pressed her cheek against the green padding of his uniform as he drew her closer, "You can't be serious."

"You should learn to be more honest," the brunette said, resting his chin atop her head. "My heart belongs to you, you know." She relaxed a bit more at the phrase, taking in his scent. She liked the way he smelled, like freshly cut grass and coffee – it calmed her down and gave her strength.

"I just hate how she's all over you every time she visits," she mumbled into his clothing, pressing a dry, chase kiss onto the fabric to mark what was hers. "Like she owns you or something when she doesn't. It makes me mad."

"You think it doesn't make me uncomfortable?" Shikamaru spoke into her hair, using one hand to play with the strands of spun gold that made up her ponytail. He rolled his eyes as he felt her huff against his chest, but continued to hold her with understanding. "I'll talk to her, I promise."

"Damn right, you will," she declared, using her elbow to create some space between them so she could look him in the eye and gave a playful shimmy when his hands settled on her hips. Her manicured ones in turn tangled themselves in his messy ponytail in order to guide his face down to meet hers. She smiled, feeling his nose brush the tip of her own.

"You're mine."

I feel like that ending was a bit too cheesy to tie in with the rest of the fic, but I kind of liked how it turned out in the end. Hopefully you did too. Spare a review, pretty please? They make my day.