Harry Potter and Naruto

-Completely Comic Drabble

"Maybe you should be a bit more sensitive," Hermione snapped, "Voldemort killed his parents!"

"My father killed himself and left part of his soul in my stomach," Naruto said.

"My brother killed my entire family in front of me when I was seven," Sasuke added.

In the silence that followed, and the stares that were aimed in her direction, Sakura was forced to explain, "My parents lost their mortgage."

Hermione and Harry blinked at the three ninja. Wind, and the distant laugh of the poltergeist, floated down the abandoned hall. "Wait," Harry frowned at Naruto, "you're father's soul."

"Oh," Naruto laughed, "Don't worry, I got it out."

Hermione's hands writhed under her robes as she bit her lip. "Sasuke, how did you... manage...?"

"He was traumatized. Tried to destroy the world. He's better now," Naruto assured. "I fixed him." Sasuke considered this for a moment, and then shrugged and agreed.

Hermione took a glance at Harry, trying to make it natural by tugging on her hair, and then asked Naruto, "How did you manage that exactly?"

Sakura grinned. "Sex," she answered with a predatorial grin on her face. "Beautiful," she whispered as she looked at Sasuke and Naruto, "incredible, hot, sexy, sex."

Sasuke smirked while Naruto turned red.

"I don't think Draco would like that," Harry said to Hermione.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Maybe it wasn't you I was thinking of. Maybe it was Ron. Maybe it has something to do with the fact Ron dragged me out of the library last night to kill a spider in your bathroom."

Naruto glared at Sakura. "You're worse than Jiraya," he muttered.

"Then keep your hands to yourself when we're on missions," Sakura countered.

"Why," Sasuke said in complete monotone as the smirk on his face grew wider, "even Sai doesn't mind."

"Perverts," Naruto muttered.

Sasuke stepped just a few inches closer to Naruto. "Even me?" He asked as one of his long fingers traced the edge of Naruto's ear. His finger slipped between some of Naruto's hairs and his lips touched the gold threads, causing goosebumps to erupt over Naruto's skin. Naruto visibly shivered.

"Wait, who's Sai?" Harry asked.

"The fourth member of our team," Sakura replied because Naruto was pointedly staring of into the distance and Sasuke was focused on seducing Naruto via his ear.

"Will he be here when we start the investigation?" Harry asked.

"He's finishing up our preliminary investigation," Sakura answered, "investigating you. He should have finished acquiring all of your records by now."

Hermione blinked. "He's..."

"Well, we weren't going to overthrow a government for you without at least knowing if you were Death Eaters like the Minister of Magic," Sakura laughed.

"Mhm," Naruto moaned.

Harry gritted his teeth awkwardly. "Isn't it a bit unprofessional," he started to say as he stared at Sasuke and Naruto.

"Shush," Hermione said instantly.

Harry stared at her with widening eyes. "Hermione, you're not-"

"Seriously, Mr. Potter," Sakura said as she shook her head, "it's rude to interrupt two people having their own private conversation."

"Fox," Sasuke mumbled with his lips pressed against Naruto's skin. His teeth traced the edge of the ninja's earlobe. Naruto whimpered.

Hermione and Sakura were riveted, while Harry pretended he wasn't. "Ron's not going to survive this," Harry muttered as he looked at Naruto and Sasuke between his fingers.

"Why's that," Hermione asked as she wiped a flowing nosebleed.

"He's the only one not into blokes," said Harry.

Sakura shrugged. "Well Sai..." She stopped. "Sai is... I don't know about Sai. Sai's probably a guy, maybe he's bi, maybe he's a girl, it's hard to tell with Sai."

"We're never going to concentrate on the Death Eaters, are we?" Hermione sighed.