I haven't posted any fanfiction in a while but I thought I'd try it out again! So this is just a chapter I felt like writing down and if i get enough interest and reviews etc. I hope to continue! Most Chapters will probably be longer. Let me know what you think, feedback is always welcome! :3

Time. It has no meaning any more. Not really.

I sit in my chair in my house that is far too big for just me. Sae comes every day, without fail, making sure I eat at least something. One day seeps into the next. I sit in the chair. I watch the fire Sae relights every day burn itself out. She says it's to keep the house warm. I don't really notice.

I watch the flames flickering brightly at first, and then slowly diminish. The spark ignites but eventually it runs out of fuel. When it can't have what it needs, it burns itself out.

Sae's granddaughter comes round sometimes. I hear them talk about District 12 and the people who are coming back. Some familiar names float around but I try not to think about it. Anything related to people I might know might make me think of her.

Sometimes my gaze turns to the window. I watch the world go by, although nothing happens. It's still winter, the trees are still bare, everything is lifeless. It's almost like time has stopped, and I wish it would. I slip in and out of sleep at random times, always awoken by the sound of my screams. Luckily Sae is never here to witness them.

Nobody visits, except Sae. But I wouldn't call them visits, more making sure I eat. After all this time it would be the most ironic thing if I starved to death, I suppose.

The mail piles up. My phone rings at least twice a day. Occasionally Sae is here to pick it up, and it's usually Dr. Aurelius trying to speak with me. Every time I refuse to talk. It's not like I can, anyway. I haven't said a word since shortly after I got back. There's nothing to say.

I wonder how Haymitch is coping. He hasn't come to visit since I've been back, not that I blame him. I'm not exactly worthy company.

After a while, I don't really know how long, the view outside the window changes slightly. The clouds shift, the snow starts to melt away. Sunlight starts to stream in through the windows. I can hear the birds faintly singing outside, through the windows, chirping away like nothing is wrong.

Sae comes in with the goods that must've arrived from the train this morning. We get a weekly delivery of goods from the different districts and Capitol, and Sae does my order for me. She talks about how spring is in the air, how I should go out, hunt. Apparently there's a bow and arrow in the hall. I think about it, but decide against it.

"The flowers are starting to bloom too. I saw some lovely daffodils and primroses-" but she stops too late. My head snaps and I look at her before an incoherent noise, the first one I've made in weeks escapes my mouth. Somehow, I get up, and I bound up the stairs head first. I have to get away, get as far away from everything as possible.

I hurtle into my room and fling myself on my bed before I let the sobs take over. I curl up into myself, hoping maybe if I'm as small as possible I can just shrink away from the world completely. Eventually my sobs slow down and I am aware of the soft fabric of my duvet, the give of my mattress and realise I am aching all over. The movement makes me aware of that smell. I lean into my bed, and that's when I recognise it. I sit up and there it is, on my nightstand. It must've been left there before we invaded the Capitol. A single white rose lies across it. I haltingly move toward it, until it is right below me. The scent of blood overwhelms me and I run to the bathroom just in time to throw up whatever food was left in my stomach into my toilet.

When I'm done retching, it's like I can feel it, the blood on my skin. I have to get it off, I have to clean myself, because what if it's her blood, no wait, it can't be. I scratch my hands, my arms, the patchwork that now makes up my skin, trying to clean myself until I catch myself in the mirror.

The face that stares back is almost unrecognisable. Her hair is matted, unwashed for weeks. Her skin is raw, a pastiche from skin grafts. Scars cover her everywhere, her grey eyes wild, feral, lost. She looks starving, sick. It doesn't look like me. But it does look hideous. The scratching is just making it worse. I turn on the shower and slip in. The water feels so alien on my skin but I let it wash over me. I scrub my skins with all the shampoo I can find until it's red and raw. I wash my hair at least three times, trying to clean every bit of dirt, blood, anything that could've come back with me from the Capitol. Eventually I turn off the shower, wrap myself in a towel and go back to my room. A fire is burning, and the rose is gone. Sae must've known.

I sit on my bed, watching the flames for a long time until I realise I'm shivering. I'm dry, but naked, so I find the first clothes in my dresser, and climb into bed. I hope that maybe my bed will provide some comfort, but the faces of the dead I've seen haunt me as much as ever.

Sleep is temporary. I wake up several times in the night to the sound of myself screaming and feel across my bed for something that isn't there.

Eventually, when it gets light outside I allow myself out of bed and go for another shower. I swear I can still smell the blood on my hands.

I hear Sae come in, and after a lengthy amount of time I turn off the shower. I braid my wet hair, dress in the same clothes I slept in and make my way downstairs. She doesn't comment on my washing or change of clothes.

"Finally slept in a bed last night, eh girl?" I nod in response and take the bowl of whatever food she's made for me.

We sit in silence whilst she cleans the kitchen, until she remembers something.

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. The boy's back," I stop eating and look straight at her. She can only mean one boy, if she says it like that. Peeta's back in District 12.

"Why's he back here?" surely Peeta wouldn't want to move back here. He's lost even more than I have.

"I don't know, child. I just saw him moving back into his house yesterday. Got off the afternoon train."

I contemplate this situation. Peeta is back in District 12, and not just back, but practically living next door. How can I avoid him now? Surely he still wants to hurt me. Even after what happened in the Capitol.

"I thought he'd gotten a job in the Capitol," I say, "He'd been there so long."

"Like I said child, I don't know. You'd better ask him yourself," Ask him myself? Is she kidding?

I don't reply. I eat the rest of my bowl and Sae decides I am well enough to be left by myself for the rest of the day. She shows me where the food is. She reminds me to pick up the phone to Dr. Aurelius. I nod, but have no intention of doing such a thing.

I walk her to the door, and she goes to leave but then stops in the doorway.

"There's a box out here for you child," she says, looking back at me. I follow her into the doorway and see it. A small baking tin is sitting on my porch, with a note on the top. I squint at the sunlight and take my first steps outdoors in months. The air is cool out, on the cusp of spring and I wrap my arms around my body as I kneel to get a closer look. It's an envelope actually, and in a scrawl of what his handwriting used to be is just 'Katniss". I pick up the box and envelope and step back inside the door. Sae waves goodbye and promises to be back for breakfast tomorrow. I wave and walk slowly down the hallway, carrying the tin. I go back into the kitchen, place the tin and envelope on the side and stare for a while. What does this mean? What does he want from me? I decide to open the tin before the envelope.

I prise the lid off, and the most delicious smell envelopes the room. It's a smell I'm all too familiar with, and sure enough, sitting in the tin, are 3 perfect cheese buns. I wonder what this means. I wonder if they're full of poison to try and kill me. Probably. I put the lid of the tin back and decide to read the envelope.

In the envelope is just a small piece of paper with the same scrawl. All it says is:

Katniss

I remembered that cheese buns were your favourite.

Real or not real?

Peeta

I stuff the note back in the envelope and throw the tin on the side. Almost definitely poisoned.

I spend the day looking through my father's old book of edible plants, the book that helped me survive all those years ago. And of course this makes me think of Peeta. Everything does, sooner or later.

Hunger overcomes me by mid-afternoon and I go to the fridge. My scattered mind cannot remember what Sae told me to do about lunch. I suppose I will have to do without it. Unless…I look longingly over at the tin but resist. And then I hear a hiss coming in from the back door and see Buttercup lurking. He's been doing that a lot recently. He still hates it here, but he's where any sign of food is. I decide to test the buns out on him.

I chuck him a small piece of one and he sniffs it before devouring it in one. After an hour he hasn't dropped dead, surprisingly, and I am so hungry that I decide it would be a shame to waste them.

When I've finished eating them, I go back to the tin. I don't really know what to do with it. It would be weird to keep it. The whole situation is quite bizarre. I decide to leave it back out on the front porch. The less I have to remind myself of him, the better.

I go to find the tin and I find the envelope. Just seeing his handwriting makes me want to scream. I end up scribbling all of it out and ripping it apart, but leaving one word clean and in the tin. Four letters.

I place the tin back outside where I found it this morning. I catch sight of the lights from his house on, and try to look away as quickly as possible. I get back inside before he comes out and tries to strangle me or worse.

But not before I catch sight of a dandelion growing out of the bottom of his house, amongst the grass, bright yellow amongst the green. The first dandelion of the spring.