You actually think I don't know.

   How could I miss the presence of my beloved rurouni, even in the middle of the night, even in the middle of an awful thunderstorm? You've been coming into my room and crying by my bedside for nights on end since my return from Enishi's island. I can imagine your 'oro' face if I tell you this, and it makes me stifle a small smile, turning my face to hide the growing grin in my mattress. I feel your grip on my hand stiffen, and I wish you'd relax.

            After all, am I not asleep?

   Well, you did crush my hand the first night you rushed in, blinded by tears, heaving with gasps…my grin vanished, replaced by a slight frown that glowered into the blankets.
 … Even though you burst in here in all sorts of un-godly hours and sob uncontrollably at my side, clutching at my hands, brushing my cheeks and even going so far as to gather my body into your arms one particularly nasty stormy night. And yet you still do not know? You think that your title of Battosai would actually guarantee you ninja status so that the woman who loves you more than life would remain oblivious to your presence?

   Do you think of me as some sort of living dead?

There is something that I have kept secret from you all these days, other than my knowledge of your so-called secret nightly meetings at my side. I guess while you have calmed down and are holding my hand, I should tell you mentally, even though I could never confide this to your face. When we were together, Enishi fell in love with me-so deeply in fact that he begged me to run away with him to China. He was willing to forgo his jinchuu for me-Kamiya Karou, tanuki girl. He showered me with praises, brought me simple, but heart-warming gifts of flowers and seashells, even asked for my cooking. It was…nice, to say the least; nice to feel loved; needed; desired. Of course I did not say yes, as I'm here listening to your sobs again this night, but I did pause to consider, perhaps even wavered. I never gave him an answer- I think that he knew what my feelings for you were, even to the very end.

  I'm sorry, Kenshin, but a girl can only take so much of this kind of affection.

Yes, I do know of your feelings for me, Kenshin, and I wish that you would say the words that you whisper to me late at night more often, and not only when you think that I am sleeping. I can read them in your eyes; feel it in your touch; hear it in your voice. I am a woman, and women are blessed, or cursed with a sort of second sight into these matters. It just took a bit for my superpowers to work, so to speak. Is it love? Fondness? I draw a blank.

  You are probably as afraid as I am when it comes to our feelings. Lord knows that I don't know exactly what to do when you look at me with barely hidden emotion, at times where you are comfortable enough to let your walls come down. I suppose you're like Misao-chan's precious Aoshi-sama; so different, and yet so similar when it comes to love. He's as afraid of what feelings he has for Misao as you are, and I must admit it does make him endearing.

Why be scared? I do not plan to go anywhere (and god knows Misao will never leave him.)

    If it is of my feelings that you fear, then, yes, you might be entitled to have some doubt. I suppose you think that I will wait for you forever, do you? I have to hide my face again as a scowl lifts my lips. Of course you would be thinking something like that. Someone has been filling your head with how immature I am that I would cling to you for the rest of my bloody life, isn't that right? Stupid fox lady. See if I help her when she realizes how deeply she's fallen for that chicken head. You mustn't have seen my smirk, as you keep silent.

  Don't misunderstand, there was definitely a time when I would have waited till the end of time for you, but I've lost that childish innocence, no longer that naïve, no longer that poor, love struck teenager. If you will not have me, then I will die, yes, but I will live on. It used to scare me, and it still does, your rejection, but I am strong. I can live without you, if need be.     

 Tell me that it would never come to that, however. Words and actions are entirely different things. I have no wish to test out my bravado. I am still in love with you, no matter the pain.

   But how I grow weary of waiting for you, Kenshin.

Imagine, the best swordsman in Japan, afraid of me. I assure you, I think you're gallant and brave and absolutely lovely, no matter how much you protest and object. Is it the age difference? It matters naught to me. Do you fear the guilt? If purity was one of the qualities I demand for a lover, then I guess I am out of luck, ne? For none of my past boyfriends were as pure as you. I guess I could tell you that, to ease your fright, but I'm afraid of what you might do to them…I am friends with them still, and good friends are hard to replace.

  Ah. A flash of understanding hits me and I move to lay on my back, enjoying the way your hands stroke my cheeks. You are afraid of losing me, is that it? I confess, with all my former kidnappings-especially Enishi's- I'm not exactly safe, but there is something I must confess.

  I love being saved by you.  

What? I can enjoy playing the damsel in distress, can't I? It makes me feel lovely, even though the usual irritation at the idiot's opinion of my seemingly helpless predicament is infuriating…the things I do to get some action around here, ne?

  Well, a girl has to do what she has to do.

But, Kenshin, give me some credit. I think I can take care of myself. Despite my father's style, and my choice of weapon, I am still considered a formidable opponent. And since this is mental lecture and you'll not hear this, I believe I can let you in on one more secret.

  Just because I do not usually wield a sword does not mean I cannot brandish a blade.

I open my eyes with a start as I feel something softer than your hands touch my cheek, lingering longer than you ever have. My, my, my, Kenshin, are we getting bolder? I snap my eyes shut as you regard me, but I can only pray that the darkness of my room is cloak for my impish smile. You whisper the words that I have longed to hear forever, although I would have liked them without the cover and security of night, and lean in- perhaps to kiss me once more? This time, I cannot resist…I watch as your violet eyes soak in that I am indeed watching you, and find much amusement in the fact that you go as stiff as a statue in panic.

   "Hello, Kenshin," I smiled, reaching up and tugging at your bangs playfully. "Fancy meeting you in here, de gozarro yo."

  "…" You intelligently answer, emitting a sort of terrified gurgle from time to time. "…"

I giggled, "You came in quieter this time, I must congratulate you."

"Oro! Qui-*squeak*-quieter this time, de gozarro ka? Sessha can explain, de gozarro yo!"

I try to patiently listen to your rushed and incomprehensible babble which I assume is an apology or an justification but roll my eyes, reaching up to wrap my arms around your neck, bringing you down closer to me-pause for air, before you pass out, man! A girl can only wait so long, ne? And to hell with being demure-you're just too damn slow.

   I kissed you, long and hard, effectively stopping your flow of explanations. After a tense moment of uncertainty, I whimper with the new sensation, and it was answered with a moan of your own.

   There was no need for talking for the rest of the evening.

"Love? That emotion is nothing to be afraid of. The female, however, you should approach with the greatest amount of caution."

*~*~*Author's Note*~*~*

  Ah, it's done! What do you think of my quote, eh? After I re-read Coward, I was kind of mad when Kenshin was saying that Kaoru'd wait forever. I think that's really macho, guy thinking, taking the girl for granted, don't cha think? I think she would wait for him, but come on, there's more to Kaoru than just Kenshin. So I added a mixture of some independence, but still some vulnerability. Just like any girl, she's afraid that he might not like her, but I kind of inserted a tough "it's his loss" feeling-still kind of shaky, but there, and developing.  And they get together at the end- I'm still a true k&k fanatic! Sorry it took so long to finish, but ff.net was always down, and when it wasn't I wasn't at the house the computer that had it was in. Please don't kill me…*cringes*. Anyways, are you guys getting bored with all these insight fics? What do you think? If you guys want some of my longer works…how could I say no? J Until next time! Ja!

July 2003: sorry for the false alarm, but I was looking over the formatting for my past stories and cringed when I saw this, so…I had to update the format. No new updates to this one, folks. Its done!