I read Divergent and I loved it! Then, since I couldn't get enough and I couldn't wait for Insurgent, I started reading FanFiction. Most were written from Four's POV, and I liked them a lot, though there was always something missing or some part I didn't agree with. I found myself thinking up my own story for Four and I thought that I would share it with you. Please give me feedback, I could use some critiques!

I also want to share my disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or dialogue. I am writing my thoughts based on Veronica Roth's series and the credit goes to her.

-AB

Four's POV

The memory always comes back to me. It is the start of all my problems, of all my nightmares. It is the reason my home became a dangerous place to return to, the reason I had to leave. The memory never fades; it just stays as vivid in my mind as the day it happened.

"Hurry, Tobias!" My father calls me from downstairs. "Mom is waiting for us!" His voice is loud, anxious, but excited. I can hear the happiness through his nervousness as he calls to me. I put my shoes on and run down the stairs as fast as my nine year old legs will carry me, jumping the last few steps. We're taking Mom to the hospital, because I'm going to be a big brother in a few hours!

My heart hammers as I run outside to the car, warm spring air hitting my face, smelling like grass and worms. It rained last night. I jump into the back seat of the car, slamming the door behind me and clasping the seatbelt over my lap. We don't own a car, and I'm not sure which neighbor Dad has borrowed this one from. It might just be a government car from work; Dad is a political leader.

I look out the window as Dad speeds out of the driveway and down the street towards the hospital. The houses are plain in our neighborhood, with small, sparse lawns covered in crabgrass and cracked driveways that most people don't use. People don't really own cars anymore. A few smaller children are outside playing, but not many. We don't play in Abnegation, but it's ok if you're small enough. I wonder if those kids know where I'm going, I wonder if they know that I am getting a new brother today and that they will have a new playmate!

Mom's labored breathing brings my attention back into the car. She gasps and lets out a little cry. "Mom, what's wrong?" I ask her, worried now.

"Nothing Tobias," she breathes out. "This is just what happens before we get babies."

I hear her crying softly and Dad takes a corner too fast. I slide to my left, hard, being held in place only by the seatbelt. Mom's moans are loud by the time we reach the hospital and it's all I can do to not cry. I want to be brave. I'm nine now, I have to be big and brave because I'm a big brother.

The car skids to a stop in front of the hospital and Dad jumps out, leaving his door open as he frantically runs to Mom's side of the car to help her. He smiles at her as he helps support her as they walk through the doors. I follow and he turns to smile at me too. I want to help, knowing that is what is expected of someone from Abnegation, but I don't know how. I follow close behind. Once inside, Mom is taken into a room and Dad stays with me for a moment.

"I'm going to go into the room with Mom," he tells me. "Can you stay out here? I'll be in and out to check on you and tell you what's going on."

I nod, but he's already turning away from me, excitement and anxiety in his eyes. I sit in a chair in the hall, bouncing my knees up and down, up and down. I can't wait to see my new brother, to help Mom take care of him, to play with him, to take him to school. I'll make sure no one bullies him, like they bully me. Kids from other factions aren't very nice to those from Abnegation. I don't think adults from other factions are very nice to those from Abnegation, either. I reach into my pocket and pull out a little ball that I got at school. I won a game (that I shouldn't have been playing) with a Candor boy and he gave me his ball. I have been saving it to give to my new brother.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming down the hall. I look to my left and see a yellow flash as a doctor and two nurses walking quickly. Most doctors and nurses are either from Amity or Abnegation, and these ones are Amity. They must be hurrying because the baby is here and they want to see, and so do I! They go into Mom's room and a second later, Dad steps out. I smile up at him with inquisitive eyes because I know better than to ask questions like a Candor, but I want to know how Mom is and if the baby is here! I can see that he's very tense and his jaw is tight. My smile fades, and my eyebrows come together in confusion. He sits in the chair next to me and puts his head in his hands. Something is wrong.

It feels like a second goes by and it is a day long as I stare at the door. If I thought my heart was beating fast before, now it beats faster and harder. My mind doesn't know what to think and I don't know how to ask and Dad hasn't said a thing; He hasn't even moved since he sat down. He hasn't even looked at me. No one has even looked at me.

The silence around me is suffocating, and it closes in around me. I feel small, and I am trapped by the quiet, still air around me that holds all the tension and keeps me alone in my head. I don't know how to reach out to Dad, but I have to understand what is happening.

The door to Mom's room opens slowly, creaking and making me jump. Is my baby brother here? Dad stands to better face one of the doctors as he comes out.

"Marcus," he starts. His glistening eyes say everything as they meet my dad's worried gaze. "It was a very rare complication… She didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

I can feel a burning behind my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach as I stand and turn to look at Dad. His lips are parted, his eyes are wet, and all of a sudden he looks older. The face he wears doesn't look like my dad's face. He says nothing.

"Your new son is here, but his heartbeat is very weak," the doctor continues. He looks from Dad to me. "Would you like to come in and see him?"

Dad nods and I follow him into the room. To the left there is a bed and on it there is a long lump covered with a blue sheet. My throat tightens and I stop to stare. Why can't I breathe? What is that? It can't be my Mom. It isn't. She left through another exit, but why didn't she tell me? I study the shape of the lump, and my body starts to shake.

A nurse dressed in yellow puts a hand on my shoulder and guides me gently to the back of the room where Dad stands, looking into a plastic cradle. I look in to see a tiny head peeking out of a gray blanket that is wrapped around a tiny body. My brother! I take the little ball out of my pocket and lay it next to my baby brother. I'm glad I brought him his first toy.

Dad hesitates and then reaches into cradle to hold my brother. A sound escapes him, a little choked sigh. I watch as Dad rocks him carefully, holding him a little awkwardly. Then, Dad's face changes and he looks up at the doctor, distraught.

"I think… I don't feel him breathing… I don't feel… I…" Dad chokes and stutters. A nurse takes my brother from Dad and lays him back down, tears in her eyes. There are tears streaming down my face too, and Dad's. Mom is gone, and I don't have a brother.

I don't know what happens between then and the car ride home with Dad. I am shuffled around, but again, I'm trapped inside myself. I have been taught to be quiet, I don't ask questions, and I don't even know how to express what I feel inside of me. I don't even know what I feel. There is something heavy sitting on my chest that keeps me from breathing, something inside my stomach making me feel nauseated, something squeezing my heart so it can't beat, and something in my head that needs to get out.

I don't think that Dad has looked at me at all since he came out of Mom's room. He hasn't spoken to me. We get out of the car together and he follows me into our house. What do we do now that it will be only the two of us? There is something between us now that wasn't always there. I can't even bring myself to turn and look at him.

"Tobias," Dad says softly. There is a tension, a frustration in his voice now that I have never heard before. It's almost angry, but I can't imagine why he could be angry with me. Uneasily, I turn around.

"Who did you take that ball from?" His voice is frightening me a little bit, the low tone so foreign to my ears.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, my voice shaky. I haven't spoken in hours. I clear my throat. I didn't take anyone's ball, not really. I get ready to explain, even though I am very confused.

"The ball you left in the cradle, Tobias. You know you can't have toys. Toys are self-indulgent. I did not give you a toy, so you must have taken it." His voice is quiet, even. He doesn't give me a chance to respond, he just grabs my arm tightly, his fingers digging into the softer skin above my elbow, and thrusts me towards the staircase. I fall onto the first step.

I look at him, my eyes wide and my mouth open in shock. He comes towards me and kicks me hard under my leg. "Get upstairs!" He shouts at me. I whimper and scramble up the steps, but he follows me fast and kicks at my legs as I go.

At the top of the steps, Dad grabs a fistful of my shirt, right by my neck and hauls me towards the closet at the end of the hall. My feet are barely touching the floor, my arms bump into the wall, and Dad moves so fast. He opens the door to the closet and roughly tosses me inside. My body hits the back wall and slides to the floor when it lands on some boxes. It's so small in here, how do I fit? I can't fit, doesn't he know that? My chest feels like it has caved in and all I see is blackness. The door slams and the lock clicks, from the outside.

The memory stings each time it come into my head, unwelcome and unwanted. No longer am I in Abnegation. I lived for seven more years in my father's house, spending a lot of time locked in the upstairs closet since that first time I was punished for "stealing" a ball. I also spent a lot of time nursing wounds that I got from my father's belt, with which he began to whip me after letting me out of that closet.

He never gave me any comfort; I was always alone from the moment my mother died. I still can never seem to get out of my own head because my thoughts always trap me. People look at me, they see me now, but they don't know me. Most don't even know my name.

I am called Four here. I remember the day of my aptitude test two years ago, the one that every sixteen year old takes to see which faction they belong in. It's another memory, though one that isn't quite as painful. My test results were as expected: Abnegation. My stomach dropped when I saw that because I knew I couldn't stay in Abnegation, no matter what my test said. I had hoped for a different result.

Nevertheless, I left for Dauntless, a faction in which I fit well, but at the same time not at all. It works for me, though, and at times I can be happy, especially because I never have to see my father. But sometimes, I am tortured here by nightmares and memories. No matter where I go, those will always be with me.

Dauntless helps me forget most of the time. It gave me skills I can use to protect myself. It gave me friends, and we share a kind of camaraderie that comes from surviving the initiation process together. It gave me a job that I like. I work in the control room, monitoring the city's security. I know the codes that open the gates around the city, and this way, I can always get out. I am never locked in anymore.

Now I stand, leaning on a cold, metal railing that is damp with spray coming up from the chasm below. I feel the frigid droplets hitting my face and the sound of the water rushing by is loud enough to block out my silent memories for now.

"Four!" My name is called. I turn around to see Max, a Dauntless leader, walking towards me from the Pit. "It's good to finally find you! I've been looking for you. Don't worry," he says, in response to the look of dread that I give him. "I'm not here to talk about new positions yet. Well, not those positions. I do want you to take on a new job. Could you train the initiates this year with Lauren?"

I purse my lips, my eyebrows rising slightly. I could train initiates. I don't want a government job, which is usually what Max tries to offer me, but I could be an instructor. Lauren was in my initiation class, and we are friends.

"I think I could do that," I say. It actually sounds like a good idea the more I weigh it out. I know what a torturous trial the initiation process is, but I also understand the rewards of making it through.

"Good," Max responds. "You should take the transfers. I was worried you might say no to this. I want the best of the best to train our initiates so we can get the best new members. It was either you, or Eric."

Oh. No, I would rather take this job than let Eric train the initiates. Eric wasn't always what he is now. He was also in my initiation class. He placed second in the rankings, second to me. I remember meeting him just after our choosing ceremony. We were standing at the train tracks, watching all of the other Dauntless jumping onto the trains, and we were both nervous. I jumped on the train first because I had to get far from my father. He almost fell when he tried to jump, but I caught his hand and pulled him in. We were friends from that point on until I started beating him in the second stage of initiation. He began to feel bitter, and got meaner and more power hungry. I thought he was just very competitive, but it was more than that. Now Eric is a Dauntless leader, but not the kind anyone would want training initiates.

"Eric will be overseeing most of the training, but it will be up to you to get all the initiates ready and through all the stages," Max continues. "Their choosing ceremony is tomorrow night, so things will get rolling pretty quick. Take the day to get ready for them. Lauren has the plans mapped out."

"Ok," I reply. I'm still thinking of what the initiates would turn into if Eric trained them by himself. Max can tell I'm distracted. He claps my shoulder before he walks away.

Max must have been looking for me for a while, because this is short notice if the initiates are arriving tomorrow. I do a good job of avoiding him. I don't want to talk about becoming a Dauntless leader. I never want to go near the government building because I know who works inside.

I walk through the Pit and up the steps to my apartment. On the wall is a mirror, something that you would never see in a home in Abnegation. I am uncomfortable looking at myself in it; old habits are hard to break. If my father weren't there, I would have done well staying in Abnegation. I have done well here in Dauntless, though, I remind myself. To drive the point home, I look into the mirror straight on. I have changed. I am thicker now, muscles showing the strength that my body has acquired since leaving Abnegation. My dark hair is always short, and my dark blue eyes have a different expression in them. They don't show fear here, like they did just two years ago, when I looked in the mirror as I cut my hair before my choosing ceremony. I am very different, and I know I am stronger now.

I lie down in bed and stare at my ceiling, waiting for sleep. This is how I spend most of my nights, either because of nightmares or my racing thoughts. I think of all the nervous sixteen year olds who can't sleep tonight, waiting to make their choices. I breathe through my nose and smile to myself, glad that I don't have to choose again. It's my last thought before I actually fall asleep.