Lies Will Get You Nowhere

A/N- Yay, I'm writing a new fanfic, about a really awesome show, Drake & Josh! Yay! Ok, so, the warnings will be, um, cutting, suicide (not sure if it'll be successful), child abuse, rape, swearing, and anorexia/bulimia. This story isn't for the faint of heart. This fanfic will be rated mature because, well, you know why... And now, my first Drake & Josh fanfic! (And I know that it says Drake's journal entry is in 2012, but he and Josh are still 16, or 17, or whatever. They're 16 in this fic)

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Drake Parker's Journal, Entry One, May 14th 2012

Whoever said that words never hurt you was way wrong. I started this… old habit of mine because of some words this bitch said to me. That bitch, is my father. My stupid fucking father who drinks himself silly and then beats the shit outta me. Um, I'm not talking about him because he's back, no; my mom and he got a divorce when I was twelve, and I haven't seen him since. Ok, I'm lying. Damn it, I haven't been good at lying lately. Whenever Josh asks me if I'm alright, I get the urge to tell him that my father's back, that he's beating me, that he used to beat me when I was younger. I want to tell Josh that I've… started cutting again.

Yep, that's my old and new habit, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. It helps me release my frustration, and, it makes me feel better. I also cut because, well, my dad told me that he hurts me because I need to be punished for ruining his and Mom's marriage. And, I thought I'd help him punish me. I mean, I deserve to be punished for ruining my parent's marriage. But I'm not sure how I ruined it. Dad told me I ruined it by being a bad son, but, I don't really get it. What did I do?

I must be a terrible son if I caused them to get a divorce. And I must be a terrible brother to Megan, and to Josh. I'm a screw-up; I don't even know why I'm living anymore! I just-I just want to kill myself! I want to end my suffering, I want to be free, I don't want to deal with the burdens of life anymore! Maybe I should just go get Walters 'secret' gun in the garage and shoot myself in the head. Actually, that sounds like a good idea…

I heard the door opening, so my first reaction was to quickly throw my journal under the desk. I don't need Josh thinking I'm a wuss for having a 'diary'. I was relieved, though, when I saw it was Megan. Wait...What is Megan doing in my room!

"Megan, get outta here, I'm busy!" I yelled at her, twirling the pencil around in my hand.

"Don't worry, Boob, I'm not gonna prank you...yet," She had a mischievous smile on her face before continuing, "Mom wanted me to tell you that dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes."

Food? Ugh, disgusting. Just thinking of putting something into my mouth revolts me. "Ok Megan, now get your evilness out of my room, I'm busy."

"What are you even doing? You're just holding onto a pencil. Jesus, you're boring. Fine, I'm leaving, but I just need to tell you that-"

"GET OUT!" I screamed. Her eyes flew open, backing up. Uh-oh. Why the hell did I just scream at her? Damn it.

She looked startled, but she spoke, nevertheless, "Geez, what's up with you. Later, nitwit." She skipped out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Grumbling, I stood up to go close the door, when suddenly, Josh came running in, knocking me over. Ow, Christ, my head hurts! And, oh, my back! My 'dad' always whips me there with his belt, so whenever someone gives me a pat on the back, I feel like I'm going through hell.

"Oh my gosh, Drake, I'm sorry. I didn't see you." apologized Josh. He helped me up off the floor, offering me a pat on the back. Ohh, fuck you, Josh!

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I yelled, my back was a fiery pit of hell right now. Falling on it and getting a pat on it is NOT helping, Josh!

"Whoa, dude, what's wrong!" Josh asked, worry filling his eyes. Crap, what am I gonna tell him? My lying is worse than ever, and if he finds out about my back, he'll question me on it, and I'll tell him my father beats the shit out of me every day during my fake band practices. Yeah, my band broke up, but my family doesn't know that. So it's pretty easy to just say that I was practicing with my band while really my dad was killing me.

"Uhh, oh nothing, Josh!" I say, mustering up a cheesy grin. He stared at me questioningly, not really believing my terrible lie. "Don't worry, I just got a bit scraped up on my back a couple of days ago. You see, I was trying to ride Trevor's skateboard, but I, um, fell, and hurt my back. So when I fell on my back a few seconds ago, and when you patted it, it SERIOUSLY hurt." Huh, that's actually a pretty decent lie.

"Oh, sorry. Heh, I didn't know Trevor rides a skateboard." Yes, he's buying my lie. Oh, wait, he just said something.

"Well, he does..." I say, shrugging my shoulders. Wow. I can't believe he's buying it! This is the greatest lie I've thought of all week!

"Drake, Josh, dinner's ready!" yelled my mom from the kitchen downstairs. Oh, hell no, I'm not eating.

"Ok, Mom, we'll be down in a minute!" Josh yelled back. "C'mon, dude, let's go eat."

"I'll be there later, I need to do something first." I say. Jesus, that sounded lame.

"K, see you down there." Josh said, bounding down the stairs. Once he got to the bottom of the staircase, I closed the door and ran to the desk. I picked up my journal, flipping to the page I was on. I then pressed my pencil to the paper, letting my thoughts be written.

No one suspects a thing. None of them think I'm plotting my suicide right this very minute. But I am. Well, on to something else for a bit. I'm anorexic, and a bit bulimic. After what my dad did to me, shoving his cock into my mouth, I don't want to eat. No matter how many times I brush my teeth, no matter how many times I purge my guts out, I can still taste him. It's really fucking disgusting. I mean, GOD, what kind of man would do this to his son! Christ, my 'father' is really fucked up! I don't know what's worse, being beaten to a bloody pulp or being raped- BY MY FATHER! Ok, I think the rape one is worse. I just, I can't believe it. My dad robbed me of my innocence, he stole my dignity... he took away my virginity. Yeah, that's right. I, slutty Drake Parker, was a virgin when my dad fucked me. I can't believe my first time was with a mother fucker like my dad. I am so embarrassed. No, no nonono I can't tell anyone this. They'll think I actually wanted my dad to fuck me, they won't believe me... I can't tell anyone. Maybe in my suicide note I'll tell them, but, I can't in person. I just can't.

I slowly trotted downstairs, watching my 'family' eat. How can they eat? Oh yeah, they never gave their father a bj unwillingly.

"Drake, I was wondering where you were! Come on, it's meatloaf!" Said my step-father, Walter. Let me tell you, Walter is a huge dork. But he would never lay a hand on me, and he wouldn't ever think of fucking me. He is my father, not my stupid blood-related father, Devon.

"Uh, no thanks, Walter. I'm full. I ate a bunch of sweets around five, so, no more food for me 'till ten. See ya!" I said, heading over to the stairs. Me? Eat sweets? NO. Me? Eat? NOOO. Of course, my dearest mother decides to force me to eat.

"So, Megan, how was your Oboe practice?" Mom asked Megan. Megan grinned, before answering in her fake sweet voice,

"It went great, Mom! Mrs. Smith said I'm almost at a sixth grade level!" Walter and Mom shared shocked faces. Wow. Megan can play the stupid oboe. Great. Oh, disgusting, I think I'm gonna hurl!

"Be right back!" I said, running off to the bathroom before anyone could stop me. I barely reached the toilet in time, my vomit spraying all over it. After I finished, I saw that specks of blood were placed in my barf. "Um, that's not good!" I said to myself, flushing the toilet.

"Sorry, emergency bladder problem, but I took care of it!" I said with fake glee, trying my best not to vomit again. My family looked disgusted (please, they don't even understand what the word means), but they went on with their conversations.

"Josh, what did you do today?" Mom asked Josh. I knew it. She loves Josh more than she loves me.

"Well, after work, I took Mindy out on a date. We had a picnic in the park!" Said Josh. Ugh, he's talking about The Creature, a.k.a. his girlfriend.

"And Drake? What did you do?" Seriously? Can't you just ask me what my favorite color is? Oh, it's black, by the way.

"I did some more practicing with the band earlier. We're actually gonna have a little concert at this one place in a few days." I said. No, I'm not performing in a concert, my band broke up, remember? Idiot, I'm gonna kill myself then. Oh, I should think of what I'm gonna put in my note soon.

"Wow, cool, Drake!" Walter said. Pfft, yeah right.

Right when I heard those words, I thought of all the times my 'dad' used to say that when Mom was around. Oh God, I need my razor.

"I-I'm full now, I think I'll go take a shower. Bye!" I said, dashing to the bathroom once again. When I got in there, I locked the door and grabbed the razor blade from its hiding place. With the razor in hand, I sat down against the door, dragging the metal against my pale skin. Blood oozed from the wound, and I smiled. Soon, I wouldn't be bleeding anymore. Soon, all my suffering will end. Soon, I will die. I made at least a dozen more cuts before I felt better. I washed the razor off, put it back in its hiding spot, and washed my arms off.

I then proceeded to sneak out of the bathroom, and up to my room. Closing the door, I bounded to the desk, so I could write just a bit more in my journal before I go to bed.

It's official. I'll be ending my miserable life in less than a week. And no one can stop me.