Author Note: Just a new story that's been kicking about in my head. No, I'm not done with my other story, nor do I intend to let it go by the wayside (another chapter due soon, just waiting for my daughter to give me her opinion). This is because I just love Thane AND Garrus and can't seem to find many good fics with them AND Shepard in a single relationships…

CHAPTER One

Lora Shepard made her way to engineering, her heart heavy, her body tired and her mind in overdrive. Carefully, she entered the engineering main door, then hesitated before going into engineering proper. To her pleased surprise, the only engineer on the deck was Tali, who was working diligently.

"Tali? Do you have a minute to talk?"

Tali didn't even look up, so involved in her work that she simply said, "Can it wait, Shepard? I'm in really need to clean this engine…"

I turned to go, then stopped, no, it couldn't wait, and I sighed, "No, Tali…I need my best girlfriend right now….really bad… I need to talk and you're my best female friend. Sometimes I think you're my only real female friend…."

Tali looked at me, the surprise evident in her body posture, but she closed out the files she was working on and turned, "Ok…what can I do?"

I hesitated, then moved to sit to the engine core, sitting on the hard floor with my back against a panel, and watched as Tali did the same, her back against a wall. I couldn't help but appreciate her grace, something I lacked. Oh I was graceful enough in a fight, but just moving, I was a klutz. For long moments, we stared at each other and then she said hesitantly, "You wanted to talk, Shepard…"

I sighed, I was taking her away from her work and a minute part of me wondered if she really felt that we were friends and not just commander and subordinate. Hesitantly, I said, "Tali…you think of me as a friend, don't you?"

Surprise in her body language, "Of course Shepard…I trust you above everyone…you've always been there for me and I would like to be there for you…you're my best friend…."

"You're not just humoring the insane commander, right?"

For a moment, Tali's body language appeared shocked and irritated, but then she seemed to think of something and said, "She…Lora. I think it's very sad that you even think that….that so many people have hurt you just needing you and caring… Yes, we are friend. I would do anything for you, just like you would do for me. You don't think of me as some pathetic Quarian who need protecting, right?"

I shook my head, "I always protect my friends, but no, between you and I…it's different. You've always been there for me, and…and I need….", I was horrified to feel a sob catch in my throat, but Tali seemed less surprised, moving instead to sit next to me, her arm around my shoulders, hugging me. I tensed for a moment, the training of a life time , 'don't let anyone get close enough to put a dagger in your back', 'people only want what they can get' ran through my head, but I dismissed it and leaned into her. For once, she was the stronger, the more sure, and I was the one in need of…protection. I could tell it moved her and after a moment, I said

"I don't know what to do, Tali…I've got myself in a mess and I…I just don't know what to do."

Tali squeezed me, "tell me, Lora…let me help if I can. And if I can't help, at least maybe hearing it out loud might help you figure it out." I glanced at the tiny little woman in the environment suit who had becomes one of my few true friends, against all odds and said,

"Garrus is my best friend. He's been there for me through everything, watching my six, at my back…never letting me down, never questioning my honor. And somewhere in this fucked up mission to save the galaxy, I fell in love with him despite the fact he's pig headed, stubborn, irritating and often obnoxious." Tali appeared to be about to say something, but realized I wasn't done and stayed silent, simply holding me to her. Her grasp was stronger than I had expected and I realized for the first time that this was a full grown woman now, not some little girl on their pilgrimage who needed constant babysitting. "Then there is Thane. I felt such a draw to him the first time I saw him. He's…powerful in ways I never expected. Calm, accepting…he's gentle and caring and his mind is fascinating, like a pond that's calm on the top, but surging with current beneath."

Tali drew a shaking breath, before putting into words what I had been too much of a coward to say, even to myself, "You love them both."

I nodded, burying my face in my hands, but Tai simply pulled he closer to her, letting me lay on her shoulder, as tears I hadn't know I was holding in overflowed and a sob snuck up on me. She said nothing about my weakness, just held me while I cried. When my sobs became less pronounced, she said, "I see your problem"

I nodded, miserable, "I love them both so much; more than I thought I had the capacity to do. I always thought that love was just not in the cards for me. Oh, I've had flings," I felt her body move, questioningly, "sexual relationships. Even the occasional one where I thought I was in love; like Kaiden. But this is different…it's like…fighting Geth, thinking they're the enemy, then finding out that Sovereign is the real thing. It's a shock and it puts all the previous feelings into perspective." Tali sat silent, letting me vent, just listening, "It was like getting hit between the eyes. And the shitty thing is, I need both of them for this mission. I don't know that I can do it without them." Her voice fell to a soft whisper that Tali had to strain to hear, "I'm not sure I want to, honestly"

Tali sighed, "I see your problem, Lora…you love them both, and a decision between them will hurt all of you; the one you don't choose, you and the one you chose because you're hurting. It's a…what do the humans call it? A catch 66?"

I smiled in spite of the feelings, "Catch 22, and yea, it is. ON top of everything else, I have to think of the repercussions of ANY relationship. Thane is dying…", she sniffed, nearly weeping again, the pain at the thought of losing him made her heart contract. And Garrus…what it doesn't work out? Then I've lost my best friend in the galaxy…." Realizing how that must have sounded, she said, hesitantly, "not that you're not my friend too…."

Tali shook her head, the smile in her voice told me she got it, which was, in fact, one of the main reasons, "I get it, Shepard…it's a different type of friendship…don't worry…"

Sighing, I considered once again that I always seemed to have a case of foot in mouth disease when it came to talking about personal shit. I didn't want to even think what that might mean to someone like Kelly Chambers, the ships psychologist. "I just don't know what to do, Tali. I…I love them both. I can't imagine my life without either of them. And damn it, I'm horny as hell…" blushing, she looked anywhere but at Tali, afraid her bluntness had caused the Quarian to be shocked. But Tali just waved her hand and Shepard sighed, "but I can't choose one over the other…I can't hurt one of them and I can't fathom not having both of them."

Despite not seeing Tali's face, Shepard had a good idea of her thoughts from her body language, "Why do you have to choose? Why can't you have both of them?"

I looked at her, shocked both by her suggestion, and the matter of fact way she stated it. "Wh…huh? I can't…we….you can't do that, Tali…it's… Are you telling me that Quarians share their spouses?"

Tali shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world, "We're not a populous people Lora. Even now, we have a limited genetic pool… limiting a woman to bearing just one man's child can lead to genetic bottlenecking that might be the end of our race. Plus, there are many more males than females and we tend toward matriarchal society. It's not unusual for a woman to have two husbands…no one looks down on a woman that chooses to be with just one man, but Triads are pretty common, actually"

I was silent a moment, letting that sink in. It made sense, but while intriguing, I didn't think it was do-able in my situation. "I doubt either Thane or Garrus would be as open minded as Quarian males."

"Have you asked them?"

I blushed again, red was becoming the new normal for me these days, "No, of course not…I haven't even told them that I…that I care about them"

"I know that Drell tend to be more open minded about sharing…they have a similar issue as us in the lower genetic possibilities…but they also seem less…err….jealous than others."

Despite the situation and my feelings, I smiled at Tali, "Sounds like you've done some research on our Assassin…"

Tali squirmed, which meant I'd made her bush in her Quarian way, "He's very handsome…but I…well I have an interested a little closer to home…"

I grinned, "Kal Reeger…", I didn't mention to Tali that I had requested the Quarian Marine to be sent to us for the duration of the mission. I knew her feelings for the marine and I wanted it to be a surprise. Tali sighed, then said,

"Yes. But back to your love life, which is much more interesting and real than mine… Maybe you should talk to them. They might surprise you."

I heard Donnelly and Gabby coming back and sighed, this conversation would have to end, and I wasn't any closer to a solution than I had been…though talking about it to Tali had helped me feel a bit better; less alone maybe. I stood up, offering Tali a hand and pulling her to her feet. "Thank you Tali….I appreciate your help"

Tali dismissed it, "I didn't do anything, Shepard…". We were back to formality and I said,

"Maybe not fixed it, but you listened and that is huge. I've never had a girlfriend before to talk too…you have no idea how much this means to me." I hugged her and she hugged back, before saying softly, as we walked back toward engineering proper,

"Don't make a rash decision Shepard…and for Keelah's sake, TALK to them before you decide how their lives should go…"

Shepard smiled, "Yes mother…I'll talk to you late, Tali…" I left engineering feeling lighter than when I entered, though I still had no idea how to proceed.

CHAPTER BREAK

"Bullshit, Miranda….that is utter bullshit and you know it. I'm not saying that Cerberus has never done anything positive, but the negatives outweigh the positives. You can't use people like Cerberus has and not expect repercussions." I glared at the woman who was, at least on paper, my XO,

Miranda glared right back at me, "Sometimes the results are what's important, Shepard. Look at you…we brought you back to deal with the treats…some people had to die while we perfect the process."

I blanched, thinking of how they'd "perfected the process" that brought me back was one of my most nightmare inducing problems. I cleared my throat and sad, "While I am grateful for being on alive, and everything you've done, Miranda…those people who died haunt me. Just like some of the faces that I've seen in Cerberus bases. Just do me a favor, Miranda….read my reports from two years ago. And read them without being a "Cerberus loyalist"…just read them as a human being with empathy. And bear in mind, that any of those people could have been Oriana…"

Miranda winced and I knew I'd hit a sore spot, but the beautiful, genetically perfect woman nodded, "Very well, Commander…I'll read the reports."

I nodded, a wise soldier took their victories where they could find them. As Miranda stalked back to her office, I looked down at my dinner, now stone cold. It hadn't looked great when it was hot, now it looked downright unappetizing. Sighing, I looked up and realized Garrus stood in the entrance to the mess, watching me with those raptor like eyes. A movement out of the corner of my eyes made me turn to look at the other side of the mess and I saw Thane, standing there inscrutable as always, watching me. I could NOT deal with this right now, I stood up, walked my tray to the recycle area and headed for the med bay to talk to Chakwas.

After a nice conversation and a glass of brandy I exited the med bay and glanced around, it 2seemed the walking wet dreams that were currently causing me problems had left. Sighing, I started to the elevator and ran into Mordin Solace our Salarian scientist and doctor. Brilliant Mordin was a bit difficult to get to know, but I now considered him a good friend. Certainly not on the level of Tali…or Garrus; but a friend, none the less. He gazed at me a moment, which for a Salarian who did everything at 90 miles per hour was almost like a human staring for an hour. Finally, Mordin said, "Come to lab, commander…have something…delicate to discuss." I sighed, I really just wanted to go to my quarters, crawl under the covers and sleep for as long as my nightmares would allow. But Mordin was looking at me with such expectation, and he rarely asked me to his lab without good reason, so I nodded and set the elevator for the CIC.

In his lab, Mordin busied himself with things on his desk before taking a breath and saying, in his verbal all out race to the finish way, "Commander, have noticed certain…elevations of hormones and corresponding emotions. Do not mean to pry, but concern for mission dictates my speaking to you…"

Silently I cursed, I should have known that Mordin, with his every observant nature would have picked up on something. Opening my mouth to tell him my "hormones" were none of his concern, I stopped with he went on,

"Drell, Turian and human not so different from one another in actions and responses. All Respond to stress similarly. Sexual interactions common. Some precautions must be undertaken to avoid…interspecies awkwardness…"

I groaned to myself, speaking of interspecies awkwardness this was about as awkward as it got. But Mordin wasn't done embarrassing me, apparently, "response indicates embarrassment…no need. Doctor patient privilege sacred…would never break confidence."

I stood up as straight as I could and said, hoping he'd take the hint and stop speaking, "Mordin…I appreciate your concern…but I assure you that I have everything under control…"

Mordin shook his head, "Not just concerned about you, Commander…interpersonal issues could cause problems on mission…cost lives or jeopardize potential success."

I paused, he was right about that. If this thing between me and Thane and Garrus wasn't worked out carefully, I might have problems with my team, and that wouldn't bode well for the very critical mission we were currently on. I sighed, a good commander always listened to every suggestion, even if she didn't like them, or they embarrassed her. So I stopped and gestured for Mordin to continue, gritting my teeth and wishing that my complexion wasn't so pale that my blushing looked like a freaking neon sign.

"Naturally, interspecies sexual contact can cause issues: contact with Drell skin or saliva can cause hallucinations, allergic reaction…Ingestion of Turian…err fluids could cause allergic reaction as well, and Turian/human coupling may cause chafing, rash. Sexual contact with either Drell or Turian could cause anaphylaxis."

I sighed, another reason to stay away from both of my men… I stopped my thoughts, when had Thane and Garrus suddenly become my men? But my attention was drawn back to Mordin as he stared at me, obviously waiting for my attention to come back to him. So I stared a position just beyond his left horn and waited, gesturing for him to go on, "however, have worked out medication to prevent allergy with either Drell or Turian. Some other concerns still valid, however have created medications to assist." I nodded, moaning silently, if I blushed any harder, I was going to pass out as all my blood rushed to my cheeks. But Mordin was continuing, "Have also collected information on coupling; pamphlets, vids, instructional items regarding erogenous zones, positions enjoyable for interspecies mating with either Drell or Turian or both."

In the middle of a nod, his words sank in and I stared at him in shock, "both?"

Mordin nodded emphatically, "yes…have considered all options. Emotions and hormones indicate best possible solution is relationship with both Turian and Drell…though recommend that Drell be in back, as Drell err...phallus less…invasive. Have also composed information on Drell/Turian, male/male positions should desire arise."

That was it…I didn't care if not listening to Mordin meant the end of the galaxy or existence, I had to get out of there. I began to back toward the door, stuttering that I had a very important duty to see too and that I'd give his suggestions my full considerations later... Mordin nodded,
"Will send information to your cabin as well as to Drell and Turian…", Freezing, I said,

"Oh HELL no! You are FORBIDDEN to send anything thing you've talked about to EITHER Thane or Garrus…do you understand me?"

Mordin looked askance at me, then said, "Understood, however command counteracts good of crew…must oversee…"

But I interrupted him, my voice now a soft hiss, "Mordin…if you send that packet to either Thane or Garrus, I will space you…do you understand? I am serious here…that is NOT to be sent under any circumstances. Do I make myself clear?"

Gazing at me a moment, Mordin nodded. "Understood, Commander. Will not send packet to Drell or Turian. However, if questions arise, please come see me…." I was just about to agree and turn and flee when he walked toward me and said, "Commander, one final thing…", and he injected me with a hypo spray before I could blink, I started at him and he said, in what I could only consider a smug manner, "there…now interspecies intercourse safe with either Drell or Turian…"

Turning, I fled, too shocked and embarrassed to even call him on the carpet for injecting me without my permission. I hurried toward the elevator and happened to see Garrus coming down the hall from the cockpit, just as Thane stepped out of the armory. I could NOT face either of them, not with Mordin's lecture so loud in my head, so I ducked my head, pretended not to see them and made a beeline for the elevator. Kelly, damn her bad timing, said, "Commander, you have new messages at your terminal…" muttering something about checking it from my quarters I pushed the button for 'close door' several times with far more force than necessary, deliberately not looking up to see where Garrus or Thane were.

I reached the relative privacy of my cabin without further interruption, and said, "Edi, I'm not to be disturbed unless it's a real emergency…and not a Joker emergency, but a true, hull breach, attack, everyone dropping dead emergency, understand?"

"Understood Commander…logging you out"

I fell on my bed, face down, sure that the heat from my blushing would set the pillow on fire. A beep from my Omni Tool told me I had an inter-ship message and I glanced at it and wished I hadn't. Cursing, I began to delete Mordin's message without reading it, but something stopped me. Not giving myself enough time to consider why I was doing it, I saved the file, encrypted it as private, only to be opened by myself and gave it an innocuous name to hopefully keep Miranda and other prying, hacking eyes off it. Then I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

End Chapter