AKK! SO, SO, SO sorry for the wait, everypony! I don't know what got into me ! From now on, I'll be updating every Sunday. Hope you enjoy!

- Novi

"Hello?" Screwy called. Her purple and white swirls of eyes darted around the cold, empty castle. "Um… hello? Anypony home?" There was a thunderous silence. "I'm so stupid!" Screwy cursed herself. "I've got nowhere to go. Why did I even think that Crossbones would-?"

Suddenly, at the top of the grand marble staircase, Princess Celestia appeared, clothed only in a loose-fitting blue nightshirt. Screwy was speechless, stunned by the soft sparkles of Celestia's mane.

"I assume you're not a burglar," Celestia said kindly, smiling. "No burglar makes that much noise." She thought for a moment. "You know, burglars don't usually call 'Hello, hello' either, though."

"Um…" Screwy balked. She collected her wits and bowed low. "Princess Celestia, I am the humble Screwball."

"Screwball?" Celestia asked, finally reaching Screwy. "What sort of unkind stallion and mare would name their daughter that?"

"That's just the issue," Screwy said quietly. "May we please sit?"

"Sure." The Princess led Screwy into the library. They sat in two comfy overstuffed red chairs. The Princess made a fire start with her magic. The orange flames danced off the books. The ceilings were at least twenty feet high, with the bookcases reaching that height. There was no unoccupied space on the shelves. Books were neatly cuddled next to each other.

Screwy's mouth hung open. "Oh my! I didn't even know this many books existed."

"Me neither, when I was young," Celestia said thoughtfully. "You don't have to be so formal, Miss Screwball." She grimaced. "Such a rude name. Is there anything else I can call you? I feel like I'm insulting you whenever I call you that."

"It's my name, I'm proud of it," Screwy said boldly. "I have a story to tell you, Princess."

"Oh?" The Princess asked. "Is it that important that you need to wake me up in the middle of the night. I'm not exactly in formal attire." She laughed. It was a sound like pealing bells.

"It's really important," Screwy said quietly. "Um… so, I was out in the statue gardens tonight."

"Why?" Celestia asked. "You must have been cold. Don't you have a home to go to?"

"No," Screwy murmured. "Um… should I tell you the important part first?"

"Sure."

"My father… he's, um… He's not somepony that most other ponies like. In fact, he was defeated by a bunch of ponies whose names I don't know. Er…" She stopped. "He's Discord."

Celestia, never rattled by anything, gasped. "He… he fathered a foal?! Who is the mother? How are you not a… a…"

"I don't know," Screwy said. She explained everything.

XXX

The Princess shook her head. "I'm not sure what to say, Miss Screwball. My nephew, was he really out this late at night?"

Screwy nodded. "Yeah. Um…" She trailed off, looking awkwardly down at her hooves. Finally, she steeled her resolve. "Princess Celestia. I know I'm not like most other mares and stallions. I've never gotten to live my life normally. I was losing my sanity by staying in that abandoned statue garden and desperately talking to a statue. I don't want to be like my Mama. I just want a chance at a normal life. I'm not like my father. I'm not. I know I look different, but I would like a chance at a normal life."

"What are you asking?"

"I… I don't know," Screwy said quietly. "I don't know. I just thought that…"

"It's okay," Celestia said, using her magic to lift Screwy into the air and into her lap. "You deserve a chance at a normal life. What if you lived in the Palace with us? We could help you learn how to be "normal", and then send you to Ponyville with my nephew."

"Thank you!" Screwy cried. She hugged the Princess.

The Princess smiled. I've done well, haven't I? she thought. Good has many definitions, but good is helping the innocent. She's not like Discord. That much, I can tell. Yes. She nodded. I have done well.

Screwy yawned. "Your Highness, is there anywhere I might be able to sleep?" she asked tiredly.

The Princess led Screwy to a grand bedroom. The bed was plush and comfortable. All Screwy remembered before drifting off to sleep was Celestia brushing a kiss on her cheek. "You've been though much, little filly. Rest now." Screwy hadn't been called "little filly" in years.

XXX

She was dreaming. Discord stood in front of her, causally scratching his palm. "You're here, darling daughter," he stated.

"Um… Daddy?" Screwy asked. She knew that this wasn't a simple imagination-type dream. Discord had brought her here. There was an aura of light blue magic around her. She was floating. "Daddy, why did you bring me here?"

"I want to apologize," he muttered. "I was rash. Please, daughter. You're not insane."

"You're lying!" Screwy screamed. She glared. "I'm not like you! I… I'm not your daughter. The Princess is going to take care of me! She… she doesn't care that I'm… an abomination." She whispered the last words, sounding ashamed. "I don't want to be evil."

"Oh!" Discord cried sarcastically. "I'm evil, now aren't I? No, Screwball. You are deceived. They put on a kind mask. They care about you, they say. The want to help you, they say. THEY ARE LIARS!" he boomed. "I advise you not to trust them."

"I do!" Screwy shouted. "I trust them! Celestia will be like my mentor! Something you never were!"

"I was encased in stone!"

"If you didn't need to cause chaos, it wouldn't have happened! Why can't my father be a normal stallion? Why does my mother have to be insane?! I HATE YOU!" she screamed.

XXX

Screwy's eyes snapped open. She was soaked in an icy sweat. "He's not my father," she whispered. "No more Daddy for me!"

There was a knock at her door. "Screwy?" a silky voice asked.

She knew that voice…"Crossbones!" Screwy cried breathlessly. She yanked open her door and hugged her friend. "I'm so sorry about what I said. Princess Celestia is kind and caring, NOT evil and cruel."

"It's okay," Crossbones smiled. "Call me Bones."

"Okay," Screwy grinned. Her stomach snarled. "Um…" She blushed, embarrassed.

"Hey, you wanna go get some breakfast?" Bones asked. He led his friend down the grand staircase, which sparkled white in the morning sunlight. "We've got pretty much everything. Hey, have you ever eaten a hay salad?"

"No."

"It's, like, the most delicious thing ever! It's got hay and grass and flowers and-"

Screwy's stomach growled loudly. "I guess I do want it!" she grinned. As they sat down to eat, she noticed Princess… what was her name? Bones's mom. Princess Moon. No, Princess Luna. Luna was staring at her,

"I notice you have befriended my son," Luna said coldly.

"Yeff, ma'am," Screwy answered around a mouthful of sprouts. She swallowed. "I mean, yes ma'am."

"You can call me Luna," Luna smiled, suddenly warm. "Any friend of my son is a friend of mine!"

Bones groaned and blushed. "Mom," he moaned. "You're embarrassing me!"

"That's Princess Luna, to you," Luna said. "Don't get fresh with me Mr. Crossbones."

Crossbones smiled. "So," he said. "Screwy, how are ya?"

"I'm good," Screwy smiled. "I mean… I'm well. That's how it goes, right?"

Princess Celestia nodded with approval. "Very good, Miss Screwball."

Bones screwed up his brow. "Or would it be… very well?"

Princess Luna raised an eyebrow at her son. "Crossbones," she warned.

"Hey!" Bones cried. "I'm not-"

Screwy laughed despite herself. "I like living here." She grinned. "You're like a big, happy family."

Luna looked down. "Well, not always." She looked up again. "Most of the time, though!"

XXX

"The first thing we'll work on," Celestia said, "is your appearance. When you go to Ponyville, you won't be Screwball anymore. You'll be… Well, what name would you like?"

Screwy frowned. "So you're basically making me somepony I'm not? I thought I was supposed to be myself."

Princess Luna walked in. "Screwball," she said gently. "We accept that you're Discord's daughter. Other ponies won't be as accepting as we are."

"Good point," Screwy mumbled. She steeled herself. "So I have to pick a different name?" She thought for a few moments. "How about… Lavender Shine?" she asked.

"Sounds good," Bones said as he walked in. "Kinda alluring."

Screwy blushed. "Thanks?" she asked. "What are you doing in here? Don't you have something colt-ish to do? Like, go play video games or something?"

"Sorry nephew!" Celestia grinned. She rubbed his mane. "Fillies only. This is the makeover room."

"Fine," Bones mumbled, walking out huffily. They all laughed.

"Lavender Shine," Luna mused, letting the name out into the air. "Lavender Shine. Crossbones is right, though. It's alluring. Very good first step. Next step, get all of those curls out."

"Why?" Screwy squealed. "I love my mane! I took good care of it, even when I lived in the statue garden!"

"Sorry," Celestia said, using her magic to lift Screwy into the air. "We're losing the cap and the curls."

Screwy moaned. Suddenly, her mane was around her eyes. It was all let down. Before Screwy knew it, she was shoved in a soapy bathtub, her mane being washed and frothed, her tail being combed and primped. "Is this really necessary?" Screwy muttered. "I can wash myself."

"No you can't," Luna said happily. She ran a brush though Screwy's now-down mane. "You look so pretty, Screw- er… I mean, Lavender Shine."

"I don't look pretty; I look like a prost-"

"Hey!" Luna interrupted. "I worked hard on your mane and tail. Don't make me go all Nightmare Moon on you."

"What?" Screwy asked, rubbing the stinging shampoo out of her eyes.

Princess Celestia laughed, using her magic to lift Screwy out of the bath tub. "You know," she said thoughtfully, "I think you can keep the cap. It sort of brings a foal-like innocence to your alluring image."

"My prostitute image, if that's what ya mean," Screwy groused.

"Don't be fresh," Luna warned.

"I'm sorry," Screwy muttered. "I'm just a little anxious to see what everypony will think of me."

She was magically lifted out of the bath, her mane and tail dried by Luna's magic so that they would stay sleek and not become frizzed. "Look in the mirror," Luna whispered excitedly.

Screwy looked in the mirror next to the bath tub. She looked alluring and mysterious, beautiful even. "Wow," she breathed. "Thank you! I love it!"

"So," Princess Celestia said. "We're going to need to change your eyes."

"Huh?!" Screwy cried. "What does that mean?" She hoped they weren't taking her eyes out… "You're not gonna… take my eyes out are you?" she asked nervously.

Princess Luna laughed. "Nope, nothing as gory as that. I'm going to be casting at eye-change spell on you, since I'm better at it."

"Oh."

"We're going to make your eyes normal."

"But-"

"What color do you want?" Luna asked, unfazed. "Green, yellow, blue, pink, golden, brown, purple…?"

"How about…" Screwy trailed off. "Well, if I'm going all out, how about golden?"

"Okay." Princess Luna nodded, and her dark blue magic enveloped Screwy's face. Screwy felt her eyeballs jiggling in their sockets. The world rattled around like a bug's fast-flapping wing.

"Wh-oo-aa!" Screwy said, her voice vibrating with the magic. "Prrrr-innn-ceeee-sss L-uuuuuna? H-oooooo-w m-uuuuu-ch looooooooongerrrrrrr?"

"Done!" Luna said. "The fun has been doubled! Look at your eyes, Lavender Shine!"

Screwy looked in the mirror and gasped. Her eyes were beautiful.