Hello people!

This is my first uploaded fan fiction, and my first attempt at being funny in one. I hope you all like it... But before reading, I ask you to take a couple things in mind:

This isn't a serious 'fic. Nowhere near one. If you came here looking for drama, then I suggest you go back.

Also, I am always open to ANY critic, except any regarding power levels and such. I really can't afford to do a realistic comparison between the two worlds, and most battles are just milked for fun anyway.

In another note, In case you didn't read the introduction, this story happens right after metal gear solid 3: Snake eater and right after the regular Naruto ended (that is, before Shippuden).

All Naruto and Metal Gear characters belong to their brilliant owners. I own only the mess I will put them through.

Chapter 1: -Prized bonus level OR the last filler.

Naked Snake, just recently titled Big Boss of foxhound, watched the tomb stone solemnly. Written on it, the worlds "In memory of a patriot/ Who saved the world" Was all that was left of the greatest of all patriot, his mentor, his idol. And yet, one thought couldn't leave his mind:

Damn, I need some donuts.

There was, tough, a reason for Jack's apathy: He was doing the exact same thing for the 5th time already, and in just one week. After the third time, Big Boss had decided he hated whoever was playing the game for torturing him.

And, truth be told, Jack was in a bad shape. This time around, the player thought he could finish the game in extreme. The end result resembled closely a Swiss cheese who spent a hour in a fire, if Swiss cheese had broken bones. If it wasn't enough, whoever controlled him was a sadist, because he forgot to pull out a total of five leaches from his body. The pain was unimaginable. And he could only hear and speak the same lines so many times before going insane.

But just before this play through could end, and he could finally rest for a few minutes of revealing dialogue, something out of the usual happened:

"Afternoon, Snake." Said a deep voice, from a fair distance away. "I hope you had some rest from your last mission."

Big boss quickly searched the area, expecting Major Zero, but he found a man in a black robe. The hood covered his face completely, but the large size indicated someone at least as large as col. Volgin. But clearly it wasn't him. The man standing there obviously wasn't dead, and he didn't shout anything cheesy in a total of five seconds. Then… Who?

"Who am I, do you ask?" The man replied to Jack's thoughts. He answered by staring the man with his usual "Oh crap!" look. "Yes, I can read your thoughts. No, I don't care if you want donuts for lunch."

Big Boss took a moment to think. If he can read my mind, then I can't really do much. "What do you want with me?" He asked, trying not to think of anything embarrassing. His reputation was something important for him, after all.

"Well, Jack, I'm here for- Wait, is that a cardboard box? And that's you – You nasty!" The man replied, losing his calm and composed voice. He took a deep breath to recompose. "All right, forget that. I'm here to take you away; Far, far away. To… A bonus mission, you might say." The man said.

"Bonus mission?" Big Boss asked, in disbelief. From all the painful experience gathered the last week, he was absolutely sure the game should have ended already,

"Yes. Don't you see, Jack? The nature of war… is bonuses! We all live in favor of bonuses. You can't reach fulfillment in battle unless you do the bonus mission!" The man said, shouting unnecessarily loud. "And that, Jack, is why my name is…" The man removed his cape, with the exciting reveal… of another cape under it, but white. A large, curved nose peeked out of it. "…The Bonus!" The trees seemed to shiver by the mere pronunciation of his name.

At the corner of the screen, it appeared: The bonus – Darth Vader

"Are you serious?" Jack asked. The man's new robe waved in the wind dramatically, and the Bonus breathed deeply. "This is it. I'm going for my box." Jack said, reaching for his always trustworthy cardboard box in his backpack.

"Sorry, but I got other plans for you."

"Aaargh!" Big boss shouted, before disappearing from sight in the blink of an eye, his box left behind.

The Bonus walked slowly towards the tombstone where the war hero disappeared. It sure feels good to be evil. He then crouched at the cardboard object, curious.

"So where did he…" The (fake) Cobra started, examining the object. He found a small horizontal hole designed to lift purposes. "That man is just disgusting."

Naruto enjoyed the gratification of hard-earned money as usual: Helping the Ichiraku ramen shop owner in his dream to become a millionaire. Together with Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei, both if which ate in a slightly more human manner, they discussed their latest mission.

"Boy, those fillers sure are hard!" said the blonde boy, with a hint of fatigue in his voice. "Since that stupid you-know-who left us, we haven't even advanced a single millimeter in the plot!"

"Well, it seems like we're almost done with that." Kakashi said, who miraculously ate without taking his mask. The methods involved are not suitable for a T audience, so they shall not be described. "Aren't you happy Sakura? You might finally do something useful."

"Meh, I've kind of given up on that." She said, dismissing with her hand. "By now, I've got to the conclusion the author just hates me and I'll have to live with that."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed. "I'm sure that, by end of the series, you'll live your lifelong dream of marrying me!" He completed, gesturing to himself. Brilliance and selflessness shined from him like a thousand suns.

"I hate you."

"I love you too, Sakura-chan!"

"All right guys," Said Kakashi, with a tired grunt. "That's it for today. If you need me, I'll be at my house playing - I mean, catching on with my reading."

"It's the same thing, really." Naruto commented. "You aren't fooling anybody, sensei."

By the time he finished the sentence, his sensei was already out of sight. The two Genin exchanged insults for a while longer, until they saw team 10 about to leave Konoha. Naruto, the very essence of maturity, naturally decided to wish his friends good luck:

"HEY SHIKAMARU!" Naruto screamed, while running over his "friend." "Where are you guys going?" He asked, pointing for Ino, Choji and Asuma.

"Nice to see you Naruto…" Shikamaru said. "Now could you do me a favor?"

"Anything!" Said the blonde ninja, tilting his head down to face Sikamaru. His friend seemed to be lying in the ground for no good reason.

"Could you… Get off me!" He asked.

"Oh, sure!" He answered, happily, and then jumped to the side. "So were are you guys going?

"Remember the cat you had to snatch about 100 episodes ago?" Asked Asuma.

"He escaped AGAIN?" Sakura asked, in disbelief.

"You're kidding me, right?" Asked Ino, like if Sakura were the only person in the entire world who didn't know the answer. "That cat escapes AT LEAST once a week. So while you're busy taking care of the big stuff, we have to catch it again. And again. And again." She explained, with a slight bulge in the eye and punching her palm with her fist. "So I say NO MORE!" She waved her hands in fury, punching the air. "This monstrosity has to be destroyed once and – Humpf!"

Choji grabbed Ino by the mouth and took her outside to relax a bit.

"Sorry for that." Said Asuma. "We've all been under a bit of stress because of that cat."

"IT ISN'T A CAT, IT'S A MONSTER!" Ino shouted, before Choji managed to grab her mouth again.

"All right then, have a nice trip!" Said Naruto. "If you need me, I'll be dating Sakura at the Ichiraku Lamen."

"One.." Started Shikamaru, slightly amused. "Two…"

Naruto looked behind, but all he saw was a glare and a fist. Team 10 waved goodbye as the blonde ninja flew across the leaf village, destroying houses, shattering through building-sized boulders and just generally scaring the crap out of people all the way into the training field. Sakura watched the human missile with pride and kissed her prized fist. Did I say "live with that?" Sorry, I meant "channel my anger through Naruto-kun."

On the other side of the village, inside a small crater, the good listener could catch a final, barely audible comment:

- Still worth it…