Okay so this is a little more angst-y that the other chapters but I am hoping you all still like it. I am so close to 100 reviews that I actually cannot believe the response I am getting to this story. I'd have seriously stopped by now if you guys didn't love it so much.

I am being nice and updating this earlier than normal as I am away for the weekend, I am going to London and to the Harry Potter Studio Tours *squee* I am starting to write Chapter 16 but I am out of pre-written chapters however I am still inspired and have an idea for future chapters. Anywayyyyyy without further ado, let the angst commence. This chapter is Katniss POV only.

Reviews are love.

Chapter 15:

Today was moving day, Peeta had asked me to move in with him a week ago and I had been a little lazy about moving over to his as I thought I'd have longer but somehow it turns out that Johanna is due to arrive in 2 days so Peeta had started to nag that I got my stuff together and moved into his because he wanted us "Settled" before Johanna arrived, which had followed with me pointing out that I practically lived with him anyway and I just needed to pack what things I had left and move over to his house with this, most of my clothes were over there already, I didn't have anything in the kitchen that he didn't already have, it was just other rooms that I had to venture into that were going to make today difficult.

Peeta had offered to help me but this was something that I knew I was going to have to do myself, I knew today I would be facing some demons I hadn't faced in a while and I would have to do this myself, I needed to come to terms with it, besides, he had things to do with the bakery now the outside construction was finally finished.

The first room, after my own, that I decided to tackle was my mother's old room, she had most of her belongs with her in District 4 where she was helping set up the big hospital that was under construction, she was going to be a chief nurse when it was open, they asked her to be a doctor but she had declined. She had updated me on everything in the last phone call we had over a week ago, we didn't speak often, it was easier for us both to pretend that things were okay, it also avoided awkward mentions of Prim which would usually just result in tears from either of us.

I pushed the door open to her room, I hadn't stepped foot in here since the day I was being prepped for the wedding dresses for my "pretend" wedding with Peeta, a shiver ran down my back causing me to shudder at the memory, though I love Peeta now, back then, the wedding was a confusion and an attempt to keep my family safe, I scoffed a little with sadness, I had done a bang up job protecting my family with that. Everything I touched seemed to burn and suffer, even lovely Peeta I am sure that he is probably suffering with me every day knowing that I don't want children, or I don't think I do anyway. I looked around the lightly decorated room, it was simple and elegant, much like my mother had been when she was younger, my mother had most of her important trinkets with her in District 12 so I didn't expect to find anything in my mother's room as I started to pack up old clothes, things I know she wouldn't need anymore. I found one or two of her herbal books that she would want to keep, or ones that would be beneficial for me and Peeta so they went into a box marked "Keep" where as everything else was going into boxes I had planned to give to refugees that were coming to District 12 or other districts unless it was actually rubbish then I was throwing it out.

It took me over an hour to sort through my mother's things, the rubbish, there was some dresses that were in her wardrobe from her merchant days, the days of when she would dress up for father. It had made me quite tearful and I couldn't bear to get rid of them so I put them in the keep box to ask mother if she wanted them, she had probably forgotten that they were there. I had also had to fight a small breakdown when I found a collection of my father's shirts, that had brought back memories of him wearing them when we were hunting or in days of being by the lake that he had taught me to swim in. I knew it was irrational to keep them but they were one of the last pieces of him that I had to hold onto, like my bow and his old hunting jacket, they were tangible memories of my father and I wasn't about to throw them away. I packed them away carefully and looked around the now bare room, it was very hollow looking around that empty room, it almost made me realise that my mother was gone that she would never be returning to District 12 like the rest of my family.

I picked the last box of keepsakes that would be coming to Peeta's with me and with a sigh I left the room and closed the door behind me, I was not looking forward to what was next, there was only one room left in the house and I didn't want to face it, it almost made me wish that I had let Peeta help me but this was the room that I had to face, it was the room that was going to test the strength that I had regained, I was hoping that it was going to give me some closure, Dr Aurelis had told me that it would be difficult but the idea of going in there and sorting through Prim's short life, it almost tore me apart.

I placed the box into the kitchen amongst the other two boxes that I had to take over with me in a while when I was finished. I heaved another sigh and made my way upstairs, I could feel the nerves starting to manifest in my stomach, as I walked up each step I felt sicker, what on earth was I going to fins in her room. What memories was it going to evoke and how on earth was I going to get through this, how was I going to throw out or give away pieces of my sister?

I paused outside of her room, my hand rested on her door handle, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and opened the door to her room. The warmth from her room hit me immediately, her room was at the back of the house looking out into the gardens and without even looking I knew that you would be able to see the Geese that Haymitch was raising out the back. Prim's room was not like mine, she had made an effort to make it like home for her, it was covered in pink paper, there were drawings on her desk, homework no doubt from school and it was tidier than my room had ever been. As I let my eyes roam around her room, that horrible sinking feeling that I will never see my sister hit me and almost caused me to run out of the room but I didn't. My resolve and Dr Aurelis' words rang through my brain "you have to do it sooner or later, sorting through her things will help you come to terms and get closure and the peace that she would want you to have" it was like being in the room in the justice building all over again, I had to be strong for Prim, if there is a heaven she would be surely looking down on me, watching me doing this and I could not, I would not let my sister down again.

For an hour I worked my way through her things, through the work on her table, through the pictures of her that she had drawn, I knew she had taken some drawing lessons from Peeta and had tried to draw Lady her Goat, we never found Lady which deeply upset me, her stupid cat had come back I was hoping that Lady had been alright and I keep expecting to go into the forest one day and find her eating the plants and all healthy but like Prim she was probably gone forever. I had relived the day I got Lady for her when I saw the pictures, I relived telling Peeta about it and wondered to myself about the story, it was one of the first memories that cause Peeta to come back to me, they had showed him the clip of us in the games telling him the story, he had asked about the goat but it had given me a glimmer of hope that day, a glimmer of hope that he might come back to me. It was hard not to cry at this.

I packed her things between two boxes, there were a few items that I had found that I knew mother would appreciate, some memories that would mean more to her than they would me to keep and I felt like I would be a bad daughter if I kept them all to myself. Each item that I went through was almost like re-living that last moment, that last glimpse I had of my little sister, my innocent little sister before the packages exploded, before the fire engulfed my sister and she was taken from me. My fire, my fire that had caused the rebellion engulfed her and ended her life much too soon. I know it was literally "my fire" but I was pretty much always going to blame myself. Her death wasn't the only one.

I got to her clothes, there was no need to keep her dresses or her clothes so they all went into a box for the refugees and I was fine until I saw it.

I saw her reaping outfit and that was it.

With her shirt and skirt in my hands I had sunk to her bed and sat down as the tears started to roll down my face as I relived that day, relived her name being picked from the bowl after reassuring her that she had only one name in thousands, one name, the odds were entirely in her favour but it was not mean to be, I remembered watching her tucking her little duck tail in and screaming after her, volunteering and then everything after that came flying at me fast that the mutts had come at me during those first games.

I rewatched Rue die, relived killing Glimmer, the girl from 4, killing Marvel with my arrows, killing Cato, the berries, those god damn berries that caused all this trouble. The worst part is I can't even say I regret my actions, there was no way I was coming home without Peeta and he, I but now, sitting there crying as I remembered that my actions had caused this, it was then that I wished I had eaten the berries, wished that I had just swallowed those berries but then there would be no one to protect her, protect her from taking the tessare, to stop the repeaings like we did with the rebellion. I was stuck no matter which way I looked at it. If I had died, she might have gotten repeaed later but this way she was still gone…

It was like watching an awful, re-run of my life in front of my eyes, I sobbed into her shirt, I had been so close to getting through everything and not breaking down but this had just brought me back to the beginning where all of this started and I didn't know what to do. I needed to pull myself together, I didn't want Peeta to worry, I had no idea what the time was but I knew he would be home soon and would be expecting me, expecting the boxes to be there already but it was like I had become immobile.

I cried for her, cried for Rue, Finnick, Cinna, Portia and everyone who had died because of the rebellion, died for the "cause", died because of my actions all those months ago, it was hard to believe that it was over two years ago now that I had refused to kill Peeta, handed him those berries which would have killed him and me…

I continued to cry and didn't know how long I was sat therefore but a little while later I heard a voice from downstairs, Peeta. He had come looking for me and I was sat still a mess on Prim's bed crying into her now soaked reaping outfit. He must have heard my sobs into the shirt as he appeared a moment later, worry sketched all over his face, when he spotted me he made his way over to me as quickly as his leg would allow him "Oh Katniss… it's okay…" He whispered as he pulled me into his arms and held me as I cried into his shirt now, he rubbed my back to comfort me as I cried.

I started to hiccup as I tried to pull myself together, I hated the idea of Peeta thinking I was weak and though he would never admit that he would think that of me I was still embarrassed that I hadn't been able to get through this, I had thought it was supposed to help. I looked up at him, my eyes finally dry but they were now red and puffy from my hour or so crying, "S…sorry hic… I thought… hic… being silly" I hiccupped and mumbled at him. It was difficult and he just shook his head at me, "Never apologise for this Katniss. It's your sister… I know how much she meant to you. I should have helped, you shouldn't have done this alone".

I shook my head at him this time and wiped my face with the edge of Prim's shirt, a look of recognition ran across Peeta's face as he saw what I was wiping my face on. "No… hic… I was okay til… hic… this… I just… everything hic… came back in one go… hic… too much… hic" I felt like a child explaining it all to him but he hugged me tighter and helped me up.

"I've moved the other boxes over to our house. Come on. You're done here now so, let's go home. I've got dinner on, Squirrel stew and fresh buns. You need some rest Katniss and maybe a shower or bath to help you relax." Peeta said in a comforting but authoritive tone as he took the outfit from me and put it in the box to go to the refugees.

I followed him out of my house, it wasn't really much, I hadn't really liked it but the last few months it had been familiar and it was a reminder of those few months were Prim was happy and not starving but I knew I wouldn't miss this house, I knew that the memories there weren't enough, there were too many ghosts associated with that house, with Snow visiting, breaking my foot and bruising my pelvis, it even reminded me of Gale and I need to move on.

As I left the house, my hand in Peeta's letting him lead me to his house, our house, I knew that I was moving on, I was creating new memories, I would create new ones with Peeta, I would always miss my sister and everyone else but now I wasn't haunted my their deaths, I was hoping that by doing the memory book I had mentioned to Peeta, I could honour their deaths, remember them and remember the good times instead of being tormented, I doubted that I could totally forget or even forgive myself for causing their deaths but as I closed the door to my old house, to the past, closure was happening. I was letting myself move on, try to be happy with Peeta and with the pending visit from Johanna I wanted to talk to her about something that would make Peeta happy.

As I walked through the door to my new home, I felt hope again, I couldn't help smile to myself as I saw a little banner that Peeta had obviously painted, it was simply written in green, my favourite colour and read "Welcome Home Katniss" But it wasn't the words, it was the dandelions he had painted on them that caused me to hope.

It was going to be a long road, it was going to be difficult but this was progress, like Dr Aurelis had said, today I had made progress and was moving on with Peeta and for the first time I was looking to the future. Not dwelling in the past.

I was home.