AN: Sooo, yea, I'm here And I'm Not Going Anywhere was well..going nowhere for me. I had no ideas for it, so it got deleated. SO, I present to you Forever or Never. I've had this idea..well for a long time XD. Its actually orginally an RP I've been doing for at least a year with my best friend hotcutii3. Yea. I have to warn you, this story, has some HEAVY angst. Like...its gonna get way worse before it gets any better. And I have over like...500 pgs worth of this story already saved from the RP so hopefully I can get it edited and up pretty quickly. But just bare with me, its gonna be a long and emotional ride. ANWAYS, I hope you guys enjoy this.

Summary: Lilly has a dark secret. Well two...one, she's in love with Miley. The other...she can't even bare to think of, let alone tell Miley. The thing is...Miley is in love with Lilly too. Will this be a happy ending for Liley? Or will this dark and gut wrenching secret tear the girls apart? Forever.

Disclaimers: Hannah Montana and its characters belong to Disney. I own nothing except the story line and mah awesome orginal ideas xD...

Forever or Never

Ch. 1: Bottled Up Feelings

It was a typical Tuesday night at the Stewart's house as Miley and Lilly were in their bedroom/barn sitting on their separate beds and doing homework.

Miley, being the neater of the two had her books she didn't need neatly stacked to the side as she had her Math book opened to the right page and her notebook folded back to a clean page and sitting on her knee as she read over the assigned problems.

Lilly, on the other hand had her book bag's contents dumped on the bed and her books were scattered across her bed. Her math book was also open but crumpled up notebook paper was everywhere as she laid on her stomach, brows knitted in confusion as she read over the problem she was trying to figure out.

Once Miley worked through the problem she was on rather easily, she sneaked a glance at Lilly, and couldn't help but chuckle at the look on the girls face and the mess on the bed.

Lilly hears the chuckle and snaps her head up, looking at Miley. "Whattttt?" A small pout graces her face, "This makes no sense to me, Miles," she whines a little.

God, she's so adorable… Miley thinks to herself, resisting the temptation to say it out loud and walking over there to claim the girls pouting lips with her own. She chuckles again. "Well maybe that's cuz you spend most of the class sleeping, Lils," she says in amusement before sitting up better, and stretching a little. "If you want me to help, just gotta ask."

Lilly notices Miley's shirt ride up a little as the girl stretches and holds in a groan, resisting the temptation to lick her lips. Those abs…god, the things she does to me. She clears her throat silently. "Um….that'd be great," she says lamely.

Miley raises her eyebrow, not noticing the reaction Lilly just had before shrugging and nodding. "It's no problem, Lils," she says. She looks at her bed then at Lilly's. "I think it'd be best if you came over here," she says in amusement, smiling.

Lilly blushes a little, nodding as she sits up. "Yea…guess that'd be best," she mumbles and gathers her stuff she'll need before getting up and walking the short distance to Miley's bed before climbing in next to her carefully and getting comfy.

Miley hum softly once Lilly is situated. "Alright, what are you having a problem with?" she asks as she leans over Lilly a little to look at the work she's done, her hand brushing Lilly's thigh lightly as she leans over.

Lilly gulps quietly. Control yourself, Lils. You can get through this. "Um…all of them really," she manages to say, trying to think straight. "It's just not right to mix letters and numbers together in math," she adds. "I mean...some of it I get, but most I just don't get it."

Miley chuckles at the comment. "Alright. Let me see…" she shifts away again and grabs her other notebook before she flips through it. "Ah ha. Today's notes," she holds them out for Lilly to see, them being all neatly written and organized. "See? Read over these and if you still have a problem, just ask," she says, smiling.

Lilly smiles gratefully, nodding. "Thanks, Miles. You're much more organized then I am. And you have it written in a way that's easy to understand rather then how he explains it," she says.

Miley smiles back, nodding. "Its no problem. What kinda best friend would I be if I let you suffer through that class? I always do my best to write it so it's easy to understand, just in case," she says, winking playfully at Lilly.

Lilly grins a little. "I dunno what I'd do without you," she says back playfully but also meaning it sincerely. She really has no idea what she's been getting me through…

Miley smiles softly. "I dunno what I'd do without you either, Lils. You're my best friend and I wouldn't want it any other way," she says softly. Though I do…I love you so much, Lils…but if I'm stuck being your best friend our entire lives, then so be it.

Lilly's heart drops a little at that but smiles anyways. "I know. I wouldn't want it any other way either, Miles," she says softly. As long as she's happy…then I'm happy.

Miley nods, "Good…now. Why don't you read over that and let me know if you need any help and I'll help you," she says, getting comfy so she can go back to working.

Lilly just nods quietly and does the same, doing her best to concentrate with her and Miley being so close.

Little did Lilly know, Miley was having the same problem.

For the next hour the two worked quietly, Lilly only asking questions every once in awhile, Miley's notes really helping a lot. Finally, with a sigh, and rubbing the side of her head, Lilly sets her pencil down. "I'm done, finally. And beat," she says, looking over at Miley.

Miley had just finished herself, a few minutes before Lilly did. She nods in agreement. "Why don't we pop in a movie or something and get some snacks?" she asks softly.

As if on que, Lilly's stomach grumbles and she blushes slightly. "That sounds like a great idea," she says softly.

Miley chuckles, nodding. "Why don't you pick out the movie and I'll go make us some snacks," she says, starting to clean everything up.

Lilly follows suit, nodding. "Any objections as to what I pick out?" she asks as she stacks her stuff up and gets up, moving over to her own bed to start cleaning up her own mess.

Miley shakes her head as she gets her stuff in her book bag neatly before setting it next to her bed. "Nah. Not really. The movie collection that we have, most of those movies I like or can tolerate for your sake," she says, smiling over at Lilly. "Cuz I know there are a few action movies over there and if you wanna pick one out, you can," she tells Lilly as she makes her way to the barn door. "So just pick out whatever," she calls out as she opens the door and makes her way out.

"Alright," Lilly manages to call out, chuckling and shaking her head. "God, I love that girl," she mumbles to herself as she gets everything cleaned up as neatly as possible and tosses her book bag on the floor and out of the way before moving over to the other side of the barn to their big flat screen TV and the bookshelf of DVDs that were next to it.

Miley makes it inside the main house through the back door and is met with darkness. Quickly finding the light switch for the kitchen, illuminating it, she makes her way over to one of the cabinets, opens it and reaches in the box of popcorn to pull out a bag. Getting off the plastic, she puts it in the microwave and sets it for the right time before leaving it to pop as she makes her way to the fridge in search of drinks. Finding two bottles of Dr. Pepper, she grabs them and sets them on the counter before searching for the tray she knows they have. Smiling when she finds it sitting on the counter in the corner, she grabs it up and puts it on the counter next to the drinks. Once getting the drinks set on it, she finds their big popcorn bowl and quietly waits for it to get done.

As Miley is in the kitchen getting snacks, Lilly looks over their DVD collection, humming softly to herself. Finding a title that makes her eyes light up, she grabs up the DVD and moves over to the TV. Turning everything on, she pops in the DVD and grabs up the right remotes before moving over to her bed and gets comfy, waiting for Miley.

Finally, the microwave goes off and Miley pulls out a steaming bag of popcorn. Carefully opening it up, she dumps in into the bowl on the tray and tosses the empty bag. Grabbing some napkins, she makes sure she has everything before carefully lifting it, and manages to turn off the kitchen light as she makes her way out and back to the barn, getting the door open and walking inside.

Lilly's head snaps up as she hears Miley enters and she smiles. "Need any help?" she asks as she watches the brunette.

Miley shakes her head as she closes the door and carefully makes her way over. "Nah. I got it," she says with a smile as she sets the tray down on the bedside table, careful not to knock anything over before moving over and climbing in next to Lilly, sitting rather close. "What movie did you pick out?" she asks, looking over at Lilly.

Lilly does her best not to brush up against Miley, swallowing unnoticeably. "Avatar," she grins a little. "You did say you didn't care," she adds a little playfully.

Miley laughs, nodding. "I did say that. I actually do like that movie, you know. I'm not completely opposed to ALL action movies," she mumbles, pouting.

Lilly chuckles. So fucking adorable… "No, just the one with zombies and blood," she says playfully.

Miley hits Lilly on the arm lightly. "That was YOUR fault. You knew what it was about and never told me," she says, still pouting a little.

Lilly laughs harder. "Aw, come on, Miles. It wasn't that bad," she says in amusement.

Miley shakes her head, pout fading. "Not that bad? Lils…I had nightmares after that. All thanks to you and that stupid movie," she mumbles, huffing.

Lilly can't help but chuckle again. "Come on now. You slept in my bed that entire week. Couldn't have been entirely bad if you weren't kicking me out," she says playfully.

Miley can't help but smile at the memory. "Yea. I guess you're right," she says, smiling.

Lilly smiles back. "Good, now. Lets watch blue people kick human's asses," she says, doing a quick fist pump before hitting play.

Miley lets out a small yawn, chuckling. "You're so full of it," she mumbles, relaxing back into the bed.

Lilly grins as she grabs the popcorn. "Yea well. You must love it if you keep me around," she says playfully.

That I do…more then you know. Miley chuckles. "Yea. I guess I do huh?" she says softly.

Lilly just grins as she stuffs a mouthful of popcorn into her mouth, attention turning to the TV.

Miley gives her own soft smile as she relaxes back into the bed, grabbing up her drink to open it and take a sip, hoping it might wake her up a little.

Lilly shifts a little and sets the popcorn between them, as she grabs up her own drink, eyes still glued to the TV.

Miley quietly eats some popcorn before yawning a little again, rubbing at her eyes. Her schedule lately had been busy, not having any free time on the weekends and rarely ever after school until nighttime. It was starting to catch up with her. But she really wanted to spend time with Lilly and was gonna do her best to stay awake.

Lilly continues to stuff popcorn into her mouth before she catches Miley's yawn out of the corner of her eye. She turns her attention from the TV to Miley. "You haven't gotten to rest lately huh?" she says softly.

Miley shakes her head. "Hannah's schedule keeps me busy. Preparing this EP for launch and the concert for it. No tour is probably gonna be planned until summer cuz of the fact that its our senior year but they're milking me for all I'm worth right now cuz of that," she mumbles softly, taking another small sip of her drink.

Lilly nods softly, moving the popcorn bowl to the bedside table and back onto the tray. She motions Miley closer with a smile. "I don't mind if you sleep, Miles," she says softly.

Miley swallows a little, unnoticeably. Keep it together, Miles. You've slept together in the same bed plenty of times before. She sighs softly. "I just know we haven't spent much time together lately with me being so busy," she mumbles softly, deciding to scoot closer after a moments hesitation.

Lilly nods, not noticing the hesitation as she wraps an arm around Miley. "I know, Miles. But you're tired. We can hang out after," she says with a soft smile.

Miley chuckles, not being able to help but scotch even closer to Lilly. "We have that thing called school in the morning," she mumbles out. "It's already past 10 I think," she adds, the exhaustion she was trying to hide earlier clear in her voice.

Lilly hides a wince as Miley scoots closer. "Sleep. I'll stay till you fall asleep but I gotta head home after," she says, regret in her voice.

Miley sighs. "Again?" she mumbles out. "I can just sleep in my own bed if you need to go now, Lils. I know you agreed to go back home a couple times a week but lately it's been almost every night. I wake up sometimes and you're not in your bed," she adds, slowly pulling away, trying to hide the hurt in her voice.

Lilly sighs softly. "I know. And I'm sorry. I really am," she says quietly.

Miley shrugs. "I just wish you'd stay. Or answer my texts and calls when you disappear for hours on end. I get worried, Lils. You're still my best friend. That just doesn't seem as important to you lately," she mumbles, swallowing hard as she wraps her arms around her knees, pulling them to her chest, not looking at Lilly.

Lilly sighs again, hiding another wince as she runs a hand through her hair. "I…I'm sorry. I never wanted you to think that I don't think our friendship is important. It is important. Really. I…just…I'm sorry," she says quietly.

Miley lets out a shaky breath. "Then why does it feel like you're hiding something from me? I mean…you should know you can talk to me about anything. I mean…I…" she trials off. I love you, she thinks quietly to herself, not being able to say it. Would probably just make things worse anyways, she thinks sadly, sighing.

Lilly glances over at Miley as she trails off. "I…" she sighs. "I'm sorry. I know that I can. I'm okay. You don't gotta worry about me," she says quietly, cringing on the inside as she says that.

Miley looks at Lilly with sad and caring eyes, a hint of just how much she loved the girl in her eyes too. "I worry cuz I care and you're my best friend, Lils," she mumbles softly.

Lilly clears her throat, schooling her face into a cool expression so Miley wouldn't notice the crazy emotions warring inside her. She gives Miley a small smile. "I know, Miles. And I appreciate it. Really, I do. But don't worry. I'm okay. So, don't be sad, yeah?" she says softly.

"Good," Miley says softly before sighing. "Alright, I'll try not to," she mumbles, fiddling with the blanket a little.

Lilly nods a little, sighing quietly to herself. I hate that I did that but…she can't find out. I won't let her, she thinks quietly to herself. "Try. I'll stay till you fall asleep but then I really have to head home," Lilly says quietly.

Miley nods a little. "Alright…I'm gonna change into something more comfy," she mumbles, deciding to not argue and quietly gets up from Lilly's bed, heading over to her dresser.

Lilly nods quietly as she watches Lilly, guilt flashing across her face too quickly for anyone to see.

Miley quietly pulls out some shorts, underwear and a tank top. With her back turned to Lilly, she quietly starts changing, not really caring at the moment, her mind somewhere else.

Lilly blushes despite herself and turns to look away, wanting to give Miley privacy, pushing away the thoughts that want to come. Now is not the time. She'll only ever see me as a best friend. And she defiantly…No. Can't think of that. Lilly thinks to herself, getting lost in her thoughts.

Miley finishes changing and tosses her dirty clothes in the hamper in the corner of the room. She turns back to Lilly, studying her a moment, seeing her lost in thought. We've always been so close…she acts as though everything is fine but I know her better then that…I can't push her. That's not the right way. But I also won't let her go through it alone… She sighs, shaking her head before heading to their bathroom to brush her teeth and go to the bathroom one last time, movie completely forgotten.

While Miley is in the bathroom, Lilly's phone goes off. She jumps a little at the sound, thinking it was the movie for a second. She gets up and grabs her phone from her dresser, a sudden sinking feeling in her stomach. "Hello?"she mumbles, making sure Miley can't hear. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Lilly winces a little at the loud, slurred voice on the other end. "I'm on my way. I…I promise." Lilly listens with a heavy heart as the voice on the other end gets harder to understand. With a last, small "Okay," she hangs up the phone. She just stands there a moment, staring at her phone.

Miley finishes up in the bathroom, flushing the toilet before opening up the door and making her way back out. She looks around for Lilly, not seeing her on the bed and spots Lilly with her phone in her hand by her dresser. "Lils?" she calls out softly, walking over to her.

Lilly blinks a little before glancing up at Miley. She tries to give the girl her best smile but know it doesn't reach her eyes. "I gotta go, Miles," she says quietly.

Miley bites her lip, seeing something in Lilly's eyes that made her worried. "Why can't you just stay?" she asks softly, resisting the urge to reach out and take the girls hand.

Lilly starts to fiddle with her phone absently. "Ah. Mom wants me home. She said she needs my help with something import before she goes to bed for the night," she explains quietly, doing her best to not be sick at the fact that she was lying to the beautiful girl in front of her.

Miley sighs. "This is suppose to be your home…" she trials off, shaking her head. "Alright…go. I guess I'll just see you tomorrow," she mumbles, turning and making her way back to her own bed.

Lilly breaks a little and reaches out for Miley before she can get far, moving closer and wrapping her arms around her from behind. "This is my home. But I can't not go if she needs my help. If I…If I promise to try and make it back after will that make you feel better?" she says softly into Miley's ear, guilty filling her when she knows she most likely won't make it back.

Miley lets out a small squeak of surprise, unconsciously relaxing back into Lilly. Stay in control, she thinks to herself, letting out a breath, hands instinctively laying over Lilly's. "Promise?" she manages to get out.

Lilly nods softly, eyes closed as she takes in the moment. "I promise," she says quietly.

Miley just nods a little, biting her lip. Don't slip up now…

Lilly holds her for a moment longer, knowing she should let go. Dammit Lilly. She sighs quietly before slowly pulling away. "I better go then. The faster I leave, the quicker I can make it back. I'll call you when I get there. Want me to call when I leave too?" she questions.

Miley lets out a small breath of relief, turning to Lilly. "Yea, I'd like that," she says softy, yawning a little.

Lilly nods softly. "Alright. Now go on. Get to bed," she says, motioning Miley towards the bed.

Miley chuckles softly. "So bossy," she mumbles, slowly making her way towards her bed.

Lilly shrugs as she moves to grab her shoes, stuffing her phone into her pocket. "What can I say? It's part of my charm," she says absently as she pulls her shoes on.

Miley stops in her steps, eyebrow raised. I'll say… She sighs, shaking her head before just climbing into bed quietly, getting comfy.

Lilly glances up once she gets her shoes on and grabs her keys. "All settled, Miles?" she asks quietly.

Miley nods, slowly sinking into the bed under the covers, already half asleep when she looks up at Lilly. "Yea…drive safe ok?" she says softly.

Lilly nods, sending the girl a playful wink. "Of course," she says as she heads for the door.

Miley shakes her head, chuckling. "See you later, Lils. I…" she trails off, catching herself before finishing the sentence.

Lilly looks over at Miley, hand on the door. "What is it?" she asks softly.

Miley shakes her head a little too quickly. "It's nothing," she mumbles.

Lilly raises an eyebrow at that, standing a bit straighter. "Are you sure, Miles?" she asks, curiously.

Miley swallows a little. Stupid Miley… She gives Lilly a slightly forced smile, nodding. "Yea, I'm sure," she says softly.

Lilly hums softly to herself. Knowing she really should go, she lets it go. "Alright. If you're sure. I'll call you when I get there and when I'm leaving alright?" she says softly.

Miley nods. "Mkay," she mumbles, and noticing the TV is still on, she reaches over for the extra TV remote and turns it off. Yawning again, she sinks more into the bed, eyes averting from Lilly, as she gets more comfy.

Lilly smiles a little as she opens the door. "Night Miles," she calls softly as she leaves, closing the door softly behind her.

Miley mumbles incoherently as she falls asleep when the door closes behind Lilly.

Lilly leans against the door for a moment, trying to calm herself down before pushing off reluctantly and heading to her car to head back to the place she once called home.

AN: OH HO! What's going on with Lilly? And when will these two finally tell each other how they feel? It just might be in the next chapter but you'll have to stick around to find out! Till then, read and review please! Thanks to hotcutti3 for helping me rewrite this cuz didn't have the very beginning of this saved. XD. LOVE YOUUUU!