A/N: There's a reason no one mentions Fenris' glow too often. This is why. Never could have written these without Hatse's help and my dad; we spent hours cracking jokes. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns DA, but this is still fun.

Hawke huffed. "Andraste's ass! It's so dark in here. I can't see more than a foot in front of my face!"

"You're the one who insisted on coming to the deep roads," Anders pointed out, earning himself a very dagger-esque glare.

"For a fortune, mind you." Varric said reasonably, as if it explained their predicament soundly and left no room for arguement.

"You're the one who insisted on coming along, mage," Fenris growled, his lyrium markings glowing slightly in the darkness, lighting it up enough to see more of their surroundings.

"Fenris!" Hawke's eyes widened. "My how you glow so bright! Lead our way tonight! Blast it, I will not be stuck in these bloody tunnels longer than necessary."

"Pardon?" Fenris stared at her with slightly narrowed eyes, the idea very obviously not sitting well with him.

"Glow damn you!" Hawke smacked him upside the head and he growled, angry. However, he began to glow once more and Hawke gave a satisfied hmph. "Good! Now lead the way!"

Hawke had never heard him curse so lividly, but he moved on ahead, so she counted it in as a win. At least this time.

"Yo, Broody! A little closer if you would. Thank you." A quill scribbled across the parchment, occassionally stopping for a dip in the ink well. After awhile, it stopped and eyes squinted. "No, that won't do. Brighter please!"

The elf growled, his anger spiking. It effectively brightened his glow though and the dwarf smirked before returning to his writing.

"Bah! Justice takes the cake!"

"What? He does not! Do you see that glow?"

"Pshaw, that's a brooding glow."

"Hey! You cannot weasel your way out of this dwarf – pay up!"

"I will not. Even Bianca agrees with me."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "Bianca always agrees with you, so I call bullshit! Pay up! Fenris' glow is better."

Varric sighed. "This isn't getting us anymore," he shouted over the resounding commotion around them, "someone is going to have to break the tie."

"Everyone here is bias!" Hawke shouted back. Then she went aha, and turned to her elven companion, who was watching the fight with comically wide eyes. "Merrill, my dear – who's glow is brighter?"

"They're so shiny!" The elf exclaimed. "Ooooooh. I wonder if my coppers are as shiny? Perhaps I shall clean them, they should shine too! Oh by the Dread Wolf, where have I put my purse? Did someone take it?"

Varric and Hawke just both sighed and sat back to finish watching Anders and Fenris go at it, although Hawke would have much rather watched the two go at it in a rather different manner.

"Sooo...how does it work?"

"How does what work?" Fenris blinked.

"The glowing...thing. How do I make you glow?"

"Pardon?"

"I want to see you glow!"

"Do not...glow. Certainly not upon request."

"Uh-huh..." Isabela kicked him sharply under the table with her boot. Fenris growled, markings lighting up just enough to be visible. "Aha! Can I make you angry some more? I can hurt you in such pleasant ways..."

"Don't touch me," he muttered.

"You can touch me...you just have to promise to that glowy-fist-thing. Maker, I go for some glowing fisting..."

"Please. Stop." Hawke shuddered. "I do not need that visual...at least of you, Isabela."

"Yes, stop." Fenris shuddered as well.

Isabela sat back with a huff. "Poor sport."

"You made me a deal, Broody."

"I do not recall this deal," the elf said, shuffling uneasily.

"Nu-uh, you're not getting out of this. Now, bend over." Fenris sighed, scowling, but did as Varric said, leaning over. The dwarf then put a lantern shade over his head. "Alright, now glow!"

"This is beyond humiliating..." Fenris growled.

"You're the one who made the bet!"

"You cheated dwarf."

"Whatever you say elf, either way, you lost. Now glow." There was a moment of hesitation, but then Varric started laughing out loud, slapping his hands against his legs. "Hawke! Hawke! Come see this! I got you a new reading light!"