Wasn't Not The Boy Next Door great? In what was otherwise an ironic Glee Club festival of gloom, that performance was the silver lining. The song was perfect and gave me all kinds of proud mama Kurtsie feelings, but it was mainly outstanding because of the Gold Pants of Sex, and Chris Colfer's exotic dancer moves that really should have come with some kind of health warning because holy hell. So fanfiction had to be written. Fanfiction that easily could be canon because, you know, Klaine sex is canon and stuff.

I was going to write some Dance With Somebody make up sex, but I was having some unfortunate smutty writer's block with that one. And then Not The Boy Next Door happened and I wrote this instead, so I think that kind of makes up for it. I hope.

Anyway, chuck some reviews at me.

And I don't own Glee. It would be a smutty musical comedy where no one had to graduate if I owned Glee.

An Ode To Tight Gold Pants

I knew Kurt was going to nail it. As fantastic as his original Phantom number was, it was so tame and safe, especially compared to this. This performance was daring and exciting and flamboyant and... well, hot. And I owe it all to those tight gold pants.

Obviously I'd been there when Kurt was rehearsing Not The Boy Next Door, but I'd never actually seen him in costume. All I knew was that he'd altered his Phantom costume to make it tear-away, just in case he changed his mind about what he wanted to sing. So I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat when he ripped off his clothes on stage to reveal his more glitzy and form-fitting costume underneath. I had to remind myself that I was sitting right next to Rachel and just in front of Mr. Schuester, because oh my God.

Those pants. Those tight gold pants. Those tight gold pants that left very little to the imagination. I mean, of course Kurt's performance as a whole was spectacular and his voice was flawless. But for most of the song I was just staring... okay, ogling. It didn't help that all of his dancing was impossibly sexy. All that bending and kicking and... and hip shaking. I wanted to be a respectful boyfriend and look at his face, I really did. But those gold pants and those erotic moves left me entirely fixated on his crotch.

And there was a lot of be fixated on. As I've said, those pants left little to the imagination, and nor did all that grinding and hip shaking. Although Kurt was actually rather modest about it, he was very well endowed. And with all the spray-on skinny jeans he wore most of the time it was impossible not to notice. But in those gold pants... God, I could actually see the outline of his cock from where I was sitting. When he rolled those hips in an obscene circle, I couldn't help but imagine that thick cock thrusting into me. When he bent over backwards on his knees and lifted his leg over his head on the piano, I couldn't help but think about every position his crazy flexibility allowed me to put him in when I was on top.

By the time the performance was over I was half hard in my jeans, hardly able to even applaud properly because I was so turned on. On the one hand, I was bursting with pride that Kurt's audition had gone so well. But, on the other hand, I was absolutely dying to get into those ungodly gold pants.

I only had time to give Kurt a congratulatory hug before he had to sit down for Rachel's audition. But before we took out seats I whispered low in his ear "You look so fucking sexy in those pants."

He smirked at me, his cheeks going a little pink as he sat down next to each other. "Later," he whispered, crossing his legs in a way that I had to stop myself from staring at.

Rachel's audition was... well, a disaster. None of us could believe that she'd actually messed up. It had been painful to watch. She wouldn't let anybody but Finn comfort her afterwards, so me and Kurt made our way to the deserted choir room alone.

"God, I feel so bad for Rachel," Kurt frowned as we sat side by side on the piano bench. "I can't believe she choked. She's been singing that song since she could talk. She told me that her Dads used to play it her while she was still in her birth mother's womb."

"I guess the nerves and the pressure just got to her," I said.

"Yeah," Kurt sighed. "I hope she's okay though."

"She'll be fine," I said, taking Kurt's hand and smiling. "Now, let's talk about you, Mr. Future Tony Award Winner."

Kurt giggled and blushed slightly. "I'm listening."

"Kurt Hummel, that performance was out of this world," I said. "Your vocals were superb, your dancing was phenomenal, and don't even get me started on those damn gold pants."

"Yes, you mentioned earlier," Kurt said innocently, but with a not-so-innocent smirk. "They are rather nice, aren't they? So easy to dance in. I thought you'd like them, Blaine."

"You're an evil little tease, Kurt," I growled, curling my arm around his waist while my other hand squeezed his thigh. "I was half hard during that entire performance. I kind of wish I'd filmed it now, because you dancing in those pants was fucking pornographic."

I felt him shiver, and the look he gave me was just pure sex. "You were only half hard? Even when I was up on the piano? Clearly I'm not teasing you enough, I must try harder."

"The only reason I wasn't solid as a rock is because I was sitting right next to Rachel. If you were performing just for me, doing all those sinful moves in those fucking gold pants with just me in the audience, I would've had you right there on the stage until you were begging for mercy."

Kurt groaned, low and deep, and suddenly grabbed onto the front of my shirt, pulling me into a hard, desperate kiss. His fingers were in my hair, messing it up just like he loved to do every time we made out, as our tongues explored each other's mouths fiercely. My hand went straight to his crotch, palming him through those pants, and he was already rock hard. He bucked his hips up into my hand, moaning into my mouth, before he suddenly pulled back.

"Wait, wait," he said breathlessly. "Someone might catch us – go make sure all the doors are closed, quickly."

I got up and practically ran to the door, closing it and pulling the blind down over the glass, before doing the same to the other. When I turned around Kurt was perched on top of the piano, his erection extremely obvious in those pants. He looked absolutely mouth-watering. I walked as quickly as my own erection would allow back to him, pulling him back into a passionate kiss as his legs wrapped around my hips. I palmed the enormous bulge in his pants again, rubbing and squeezing and making him whimper beautifully.

He kissed down my jaw to my neck, biting and sucking in a way that was totally going to leave a mark, as I unzipped those pants and plunged my hand inside.

"Of course you're not wearing underwear," I groaned. "God, Kurt, you're going to be the fucking death of me."

Kurt chuckled as he crashed his lips against mine again, shimmying a little on the piano so I could pull his pants down slightly and release his cock. He was so heavy and thick in my hand, leaking pre-come already. Kurt moaned deeply into my mouth as I smeared that hot pre-come over his crown with my thumb, before slowly stroking his shaft. I kissed my way down his flushed neck, licking and nibbling his Adam's apple as he arched his back, thrusting up into my hand. He was letting out the most delicious moans, but it just wasn't enough yet.

I lowered my head and started sucking on the head of his cock, licking up the beads of pre-come with the tip of my tongue. His fingers tightened in my hair as he cried out in pleasure. I relaxed my throat and tried to take as much of his cock in my mouth as I could, swirling my tongue just the way I knew he liked and using my hand to stroke what my mouth couldn't reach, while my other hand fondled his balls.

"Oh God... oh, fuck, Blaine... don't stop... don't fucking stop..."

I looked up and saw that he was lying back on the piano, his back arching beautiful as he writhed and keened, moaning like an absolutely porn star. I slackened my jaw and bobbed my head up and down faster, willing him to come, humming around the thick cock filling my mouth. Finally he tugged hard on my hair and covered his mouth to muffle his scream, as he came right down my throat and I swallowed every last drop.

I pulled off his cock with a rather filthy sounding pop, my aching hard on straining in my jeans. It wasn't helped at all by the sight of Kurt sprawled on the piano in post-orgasmic bliss, looking thoroughly debauched with his shirt ridden up and those damn gold pants pushed down his trembling thighs.

"God, I love you so fucking much," he said huskily, before sitting up and kissing me hard.

He slipped off the piano, breaking our kiss so he could pull his pants back up, and looked down to see the sizable bulge in my jeans. He smirked deviously and got down on his knees, undoing my jeans and pulling them down along with my underwear. Oh, it felt so good to have my cock free of the restrictive material. He looked up at me, his blueish green eyes wide and flattered as if to say "Is this all for me?" before he swallowed my entire length until his nose was right against my pubic hair.

"Ahh, fuck, Kurt!"

He swirled his tongue around my shaft, holding onto my ass with both hands to encourage me to thrust right into his hot, wet, heavenly mouth. I tangled my fingers in his hair, fucking his mouth as I braced myself against the piano with the other hand, and every time I felt the tip of my cock hit the back of his throat he'd swallow around me with ease. Holy shit, that total lack of a gag reflex was fucking incredible.

Usually I last much longer, but my balls had been aching since Kurt's audition and he was just so damn good at this that I couldn't hold on any longer. I bit my lip to stop from screaming too loudly as my orgasm hit my like a ton of bricks and I erupted down Kurt's throat, shuddering as I felt him swallow. Oh my God.

Kurt got back on his feet and we shared a slow, dirty kiss, our tongues tasting like each other, before we did our pants back up and tried to make ourselves look a bit more presentable. There wasn't much to be done about the hickey on my neck though. Or our sex-hair. But we tried our best.

"Oh God," said Kurt, his voice sounding lower and raspier than usual. "It's dawned on me that we just had sex in the middle of the choir room. In school. Where anyone could have caught us."

I chuckled and rested my hands on his hips. "Well, it was certainly very unscheduled of us. And I'm never going to be able to look at this piano with a straight face again."

We both laughed, imagining how hilariously awkward it was going to be the next time we had Glee Club in here.

"Maybe I should find an excuse to wear gold pants more often," said Kurt.

"Oh God, yes," I said. "Definitely more tight gold pants."

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.
I'm going to go stare at more gifs of Kurt in the Gold Pants of Sex. Don't mind me.

xxx