Once, when Sebastian was still naive enough to dream, he wanted to build things. He would make Lego skyscrapers and little houses with makeshift gardens and farm houses that were the wrong color of red but just the right dimensions. He wanted to be a builder. Later, he learned the correct term was architect, but by then, he wasn't naive anymore. So, he changed his dream to match his father's.
Initially, it had been Kurt's brazen attitude that had rubbed Sebastian the wrong way. He had never met someone so willing to fight for his dreams, so self-assured and confident in that will. So... brave. All Sebastian could do was try to keep up with Kurt's little digs while his resolve crumbled and the cocky smirk got harder and harder to put on. And, then Blaine had jumped in front of the slushy and Sebastian felt like his world was falling apart.
There's something about two people in love (even though he really doubts Blaine ever deserved Kurt in the first place) that makes you feel like shit. There's something even worse about a tall, beautiful boy with fire in his eyes that makes you feel like maybe dreams aren't as silly as you had first thought.
Sebastian starts to dream something outside his father's perimeter and there's nothing worse than that.
/
So, Kurt's going out with Jason apparently. Whatever, like Sebastian gives a flying fuck.
/
6:09 P.M. / December 16th
Not even bothered, diary. Not even a little bit bothered. Pardon the drunk entry I typed yesterday. I was, well, drunk and clearly out of my mind.
I am actually fijo3kllmsjoaaeor;i
/
"And, then, he kissed my nose and said this totally cheesy thing that I am not going to repeat," Kurt says, blushing shyly as he ducks his head, and his little fashion buddies just seem to eat it right up. Silvia squeals and grasps Kurt's hand in this 'go get 'em, tiger' gesture that makes Sebastian want to hurl himself to the floor in angry tears. Even Joseph is lively and enthusiastic and Sebastian didn't know he had more than two expressions, really.
He sighs and leans back against the couch to continue reading Architectural Digest. Silvia throws him a dirty look that is actually sort of intimidating and would have Sebastian in knots if she didn't look away a second later.
"What did he say?" Joseph asks, sliding his notebook up the counter to nudge at Kurt's. Sebastian lets out another deep sigh as he angrily flips the pages of his magazine. Silvia doesn't seem to find his dramatics important enough anymore.
"Well..." Kurt starts, clearly thrilling in the suspense like the sick, little bastard he is, "So, you know how I was wearing that blue scarf, right. Well, he, like, toyed with it after he kissed my nose and said, 'That's the loveliest blue I've ever seen,' and his voice makes me want to skip out on my moisturizing routine if you get what I mean." Sebastian really doubts anyone gets what he means. "So, I was trying to be all witty and charming as you know I am, and I said, 'I told them to give me the loveliest blue they had, darling, of course'. I can't even tell you the silly little smile he had on his face." Wow, Kurt really sucks at flirting. "And, then, he got really close and said, 'Darling, I meant your eyes,' and it was so off-topic, right, and I was utterly flummoxed. That big, scary word means 'surprised', by the way, Sebastian," Kurt ends with a bitchy little smile.
Sebastian pretends he wasn't eavesdropping and just glares down at the article on Burj Khalifa.
Silvia claps her hands in giddiness or something equally as disgusting and Kurt does that shy, ducking his head thing again.
Sebastian is seriously going to move to Dubai. Fuck New York City.
/
Brendan and Leanna take Sebastian comfort shopping and the best they can think of is Costco. So, Sebastian eats the samples twice, ignores the grumpy, old ladies when they try to explain what they're selling, and plays the piano loudly at everyone who passes by. Brendan eventually has to pry him off of the instrument, mumbling hasty apologies at the employee that asked them to stop, and Leanna rolls her eyes.
"Smythe, bub, you're really tryin' my patience," Brendan says, hand gripping Sebastian's elbow like he doesn't trust him further than he can throw him.
"What? Why would they put a piano out, plug it in, turn it on, and then expect people to not play it? Am I missing out on the joke or something?"
"You're a mess," Leanna says, but her eyes are kind enough.
Sebastian sighs.
"If you like Kurt so much, why didn't you just ask him out?" Leanna asks, rifling absently through the stacks of books in front of her.
"I don't like him."
Brendan bursts out laughing in the middle of Costco.
/
It's midnight and Sebastian has blood on his hands.
"Darling, if you're going to kill me, you might as well make it look good."
Sebastian looks up from his hands at Kurt, who has his wrists tied and has been dumped on the floor at Sebastian's feet, but hell if he doesn't look like he owns the place. He has bruises on his neck and on the shoulder that's exposed due to his shirt slipped off of it. Sebastian hopes he's the one that put them there.
"Shut up," he says, wiping his palms on his jeans and taking out his gun from it was tucked against his back. He loads the chamber in one, loud snap and he doesn't miss the way Kurt's eyelashes flutter with the sound.
"Why are you so upset?" Kurt asks, cocking his head to the side with a condescending smile, "Is it because I didn't let you fuck me like last time?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Because I would have, baby, you just didn't give me the time to offer. Come here, let me make it. All. Better," Kurt croons, moving back on his ass as he spreads his legs out on the floor, hands falling into the newly created space.
Sebastian breaks into a sweat, hands too warm on his gun, and Kurt grins.
"Come now, Sebastian, no need for dramatics."
He puts his arm down and-
/
Jason is tall, broad, and gorgeous. In other words, he's pretty much just like Sebastian. So, if Kurt thinks he's being subtle, he's sorely mistaken. The only difference between fucking Jason and Sebastian is the fact that Jason actually has the balls to date Kurt, which isn't even that big of a deal because Sebastian is totally going to- Fuck this.
"What do you want on your pizza, babe?" Jason asks, scrolling through his iPhone.
"Pepperoni and bell peppers," Sebastian answers before Kurt can and an uncomfortable moment later Jason turns around to place the order. Kurt is staring at Sebastian, so he shrugs, going back to his english project. He has to write an essay about the Italian mafia and the Prohibition, and it doesn't help that last night he dreamed about Kurt in zoot suit that he shed piece by piece like the little shit he is. The paper is due tomorrow and after that he's done with the fall semester. He'd be pretty happy about it if he had anything to look forward to in winter break, but alas.
"Sebastian," Kurt say, voice too soft to be anything except foreboding.
"What?"
"Sebastian."
He's forced to look up and Kurt is glaring at him, which, hello, rude.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" he says in this pleasant as fuck voice because Jason Dickwad is still on the phone and he wants to continue to impress or whatever. Jesus fucking Christ. Sebastian shrugs agreeably and Kurt gets up before tossing the TV remote on the sofa a bit too hard. He stomps to his room, clearly expecting Sebastian to just follow, and Sebastian tries not to sigh petulantly at this unpleasant turn of events.
Kurt closes the door once they're both inside and turns to Sebastian with his hands on his hips.
"Sebastian Ramsey Smythe," he says and whoa-
"How do you know my middle-"
"I've had it up to here," (two inches above Sebastian's height, apparently), "with you and your childish little attempts at making Jason feel less at home. He's myboyfriend. He is going to be around here frequently unlike your sad, dismal hookups. Just because you don't want to go out with me, that doesn't mean no one else does either."
Kurt's cheeks are flushed pink and that's about the only thing Sebastian is able to concentrate on so he doesn't see it coming when Kurt suddenly shoves at his chest. His body leans back with the motion and he frowns.
"Are you even listening?" Kurt asks, nearly screaming.
"I hate him," Sebastian says and his verbal filter is really failing him today.
Kurt gapes at him before saying, "What has he even done to you, Sebastian?"
"He just wants to get in your pants, Kurt, god. Wake up."
So, maybe he deserved it a little bit when Kurt screeched indignantly, turned around to grab the vase on his side table, snatched the flowers out, flung them at Sebastian's chest before dumping the water in the vase on Sebastian's head, and promptly left the room.
/
11:24 P.M. / December 18th
Not going home for Christmas because sentiments are for idiots, so Kurt got over his silent treatment to invite me over to his house for the break.
Which, let's be real, is going to be one big clusterfuck. Good thing I've been conditioned to just accept such outcomes.
Merry Christmas!) (*$)(#034 HEARTS AND GODDAMN FUCKING KISSES. OXOXOIXj
/
"Your diary is so sad, Seb, oh my god."
Leanna actually looks pretty disturbed, but Sebastian is currently thinking about which inviting outfit he should pack that will make Kurt regret the flower vase incident. Or, something. Brendan is leafing through Sebastian's CD collection and it turns out the couple is even more invasive than Jeff and Nick. He really sucks at picking friends.
"Read it out loud, Anna!" Brendan yells cheerfully and Sebastian is really, really glad Kurt is out fucking Jason in some dirty alley or whatever he's doing.
"Okay! Well, let's start at the beginning-"
Sebastian seriously contemplates suffocating himself with his fuzzy, winter socks.
/
It's comforting to know that although Sebastian has managed to gain Kurt's friendship and then promptly fuck it up with such meddlesome things such as love andaffection, Lima, Ohia hasn't changed one bit. Either way, he's home sweet home and Kurt is actually running down the airport in order to meet Burt Hummel halfway in this totally Hollywood hug that ends with Burt twirling Kurt around and then setting him down in a flurry of laughter and tears.
"Look at you," Burt says, hands cupping Kurt's face, "You've grown even taller, haven't you?"
Kurt does this half snort, half sob thing that makes something twist in Sebastian's stomach, so he walks a little bit faster until he's next to the pair.
"Hey, Mr. Hummel," Sebastian says, holding out his hand. Burt moves away from his son to grip Sebastian's hand and pull him into a hug. Sebastian is decidedly uncomfortable with a father figure showing him affection, but Kurt is smiling at them warmly and hey, whatever, Sebastian can handle it.
/
Since Jason didn't warrant a visit to Kurt's home, all of Carole's motherly attention is on Sebastian and Finn's over-protective brother act is almost to the point of obsessive. And, Sebastian isn't even Kurt's boyfriend. He wonders how these people will react once Kurt brings Jason home. He makes a face at the thought and Kurt smacks the back of his head. It's a testament to how much Sebastian's life sucks that he doesn't even insult Kurt and simply walks into the Hummel household with a charming smile.
Carole ushers them into the kitchen, fussing over how skinny Kurt has gotten, and they all sit down for a early dinner.
Burt looks at them funny when Sebastian instinctively puts two pancakes on Kurt's plate before putting four on his own. Kurt, in turn, pours him a glass of orange juice and a grabs a cup of coffee for himself. Burt's fingers tighten around his fork when Sebastian shoots him a grin and brushes nonexistent lint off of Kurt's soft, blue sweater. Kurt doesn't even falter in his precise cutting of the pancake, just hums in answer to whatever Finn is ranting about.
"Son, Carole tells me you have a new boyfriend," Burt says and Kurt swallows hard before shrugging.
"Not really a boyfriend-" Sebastian looks at him incredulously because, wow, he's my boyfriend and he's going to around a lot! Okay, Kurt. Okay. "Just dating again. Figured it's about time, right?"
Finn looks a bit miffed about not getting to complete whatever sordid story his wee heart was bleeding out, Carole seem contemplative, Burt seems more relaxed, and Sebastian just sort of feels great. Jason, that poor bastard. Kurt just invalidated him in front of his entire family (plus Sebastian).
"Honey, why don't you come help me in kitchen," Carole says in this authoritative voice that has Kurt quietly getting up.
Sebastian doesn't realize he's grinning until Burt clears his throat with a pointed glare.
/
5:32 P.M. / December 20th
Mother somehow found out I'm in town and called Kurt who forced me to go visit her. So, I did and I made sure father wouldn't be around when I came over. I needn't have worried. He's spending his holidays in Europe with his business and his precious money.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am.
:)
/
Kurt must be feeling really, really guilty about forcing Sebastian to go home because he doesn't even bitch about it when Sebastian dumps his things on Kurt's bed and flops down on the soft mattress with a sigh. Burt had been reluctant about Sebastian staying in the same room, but Carole had rolled her eyes and Finn had loudly said something about not wanting to share his room with Sebastian. (He still seemed a bit upset about the nude photo incident.)
Either way, Sebastian was to take the couch on the extreme end of the basement while Kurt took the bed.
"Um, Sebastian."
He has never heard Kurt speak so softly or hesitantly before. He's sort of digging it.
"I wish my family cared about me," he mumbles into the bedsheets because he's a sadist and having one up on Kurt Hummel was previously only a dream.
"I'm sorry," Kurt says hastily, most probably wringing his hands together, "I thought maybe Mr. Smythe would be home and you would walk in and it'd be this grand, theatre type music in the air and you would rush forward with your-"
"Shut up, Betty. I was kidding."
It's silent for a couple of seconds before Sebastian feels something slam into his back and he scrambles back in shock. Kurt is glaring at him with a hard cover book in hand and he makes as if to use it again, so Sebastian fumbles off the bed and grabs Kurt's wrist.
"Violence is never-"
He ends with an oof as Kurt knees him at the side of his hips. He rubs the sore spot, looking at Kurt like he's lost his mind, and he's about to joke his way out of this before he notices the way Kurt's ears are red. The way his lips are trembling. The way he's blinking too fast, like he's trying not to cry. Sebastian lowers his hand, taking Kurt's wrist with him, and tugs him close. He engulfs Kurt in a hug, spanning one hand on his back and one on Kurt's waist.
"Sorry," he whispers into Kurt's hair and Kurt wraps his arms around Sebastian's shoulder in this desperate clutch that makes Sebastian feel about fifteen kinds of shit. "M'sorry."
He closes his eyes, breathing in deep, and yeah, maybe he's in love with Kurt. Whatever.
/
Unfortunately, having certain realizations about certain people doesn't mean that those people are just going to fall into your bed. Sometimes, certain people have boyfriends. And, protective family members. And, maybe you made them cry several times. It's all just circumstance, really.
Sebastian decides to call in help in the form of Jeff, Nick, and Blaine, all three of whom might as well start a Kurt Hummel fan club from the glares they're sending him.
"So, he confessed-"
"Not really. Drunkenly, once, yes. But, never sober."
"But, he kissed you, and you kissed him back."
"Well."
Blaine rolls his eyes and Jeff tries to choke himself on Nick's blazer. It's almost endearing.
"Look, Sebastian, you know he loves you. And, now you know you love him back, which, wow, took you a lot of time. Just tell him. What's the big deal?"
"He has a boyfriend, Nicholas, you fool."
Jeff jumps in with, "But, you just said that at breakfast-"
"He's probably just worried about Burt being worried. I can tell you from two days ago, they are very much boyfriends. Jason has forgotten Kurt's name is Kurt, at this point. It's always babe this and babe that and babe, I'm such a fucking hopeless moron, love me anyway? Okay, great!"
Sebastian scowls at the memory, and Blaine laughs.
"Don't worry about Jason. I have it on good authority that they aren't serious and Kurt will actually take your sorry ass as it is," Blaine says, eyes warm and gentle. Sebastian sort of wants to die.
"No, no, no, no," Jeff says, waggling his finger, "No. First, you have to woo Kurt. This isn't going to be like with Blaine when Kurt pined for months and Blaine had an epiphany and Kurt just fell into a relationship. No. Kurt is going to pursued because he deserves it and if Jason likes him that much, he'll just have to fight for him."
Sebastian can't quite argue with that, so he nods. Blaine pats his back, Nick make cynical dying gestures, and Jeff beams.
/
7:03 P.M. / December 23th
1. Got Kurt some flowers.
Result? Got them thrown at my face.
2. Asked Burt for permission to date Kurt.
Result? Burt laughed at my face and then called Finn over so they could laugh together.
3. Wrote a love letter.
Result? Got it back with red ink all over it pointing about grammar mistakes.
4. Confessed face to face.
Result? Kurt laughed for half an hour.
/
"This isn't working."
"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't fucked up twenty times already, Kurt would actually believe you're serious and not just testing the goddamn fucking waters, which, let's be real, is something you would totally do because you're such a dick and why am I even helping you?"
"Don't front, son, it ain't cute."
"Wow, that was embarrassing to watch."
"Blaine, I'm dying, okay. I'm literally dying as we speak and we're going back to New York in three days and Jason fucking whatever is going to be there and I lied earlier, okay? He's perfect. He's actually perfect."
"What does Kurt even see in you?"
"BLAINE."
/
Ultimately, it's Kurt himself who puts things right. Dramatic-confrontation-in-inconvinient-setting style.
After a whole day of embarrassing himself, Sebastian is invited to Kurt's closet for some face to face. He's positively thrilled about it. The excitement just increases as Kurt's switches off one of the lights, encasing everything except them both in darkness. Really, Sebastian fucking tickled by this turn of events.
"Well?" Kurt prompts, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
Sebastian's palms sweat and he wipes them on his jeans. He's so far from his element right now, he might as well be mute for all the help his mouth is going to do him here.
"Um, well. I was just-"
"I was just," Kurt mimics with totally exaggerated facial movements.
"I'm really sorrt that I-"
"I'm really sorry that I."
Well, that's quickly becoming the most annoying thing in the world.
"Just listen, Kurt, please," he says, stepping close and putting his hands on Kurt's tense shoulders. Kurt shakes them off, but keeps quiet.
"First of all, I'm sorry. I know the past few months haven't been a Disney World visit for you. I'm sorry about all the things I said to you and all the things I let you believe, but I've been a little bit in love with your psychotic ass since high school. I have a diary pretty much dedicated to my moping over you and you wouldn't believe the sort of sex dreams I've had about you," (Kurt doesn't seem impressed by the idea, so Sebastian quickly moves on), "Anyway, the point is, I'm in love with you and it took me a while to admit it to myself, but once I did, I couldn't stop myself from admitting it to you. Jeff says you deserve to be wooed and I suck at that shit, but whatever, I'll try if that's what you want. I'll woo the fucking shit out of you, Kurt."
Kurt looks beautiful in this weird, dim lighting and Sebastian is mortified of losing him. The fear grips him by the throat and makes his ears ring as Kurt struggles to form words that are sure to break Sebastian's dysfunctional heart in two.
"Wow, okay," Kurt croaks out, breathing out loudly and looking down at the floor before looking back up at Sebastian. "Least romantic speech ever, first of all. Second-"
Sebastian nearly chokes with relief as Kurt surges up to meet him in the sweetest, nicest kiss Sebastian has ever known.