"Transitional Thoughts"

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries. They belong to their respective owners (I thank them for creating them in the first place).

A/N #1: I have mixed feelings about the season 3 finale (if you check out my LiveJournal reactions to it, you'll see why) but anyways, I just had to write this so sorry if its choppier than usual. ENJOY!

She knew she was going to die the moment she realized that she had no way of getting out of that car. The sight of Stefan should have filled her with relief as he swam to the window but it hadn't really. The only relief that Elena felt was that Stefan was Matt's chance of surviving. So like her father did before her, she motioned for Stefan to rescue Matt first and when she watched them swim away, as her last ounce of oxygen was used up, she knew that she would be dead before he came back for her.

In some weird way, she welcomed death this time. She should have died when her parents had…she should have died when Klaus performed that ritual. Maybe she was the only one to realize it but maybe it was her time to just die.

So when she closed her eyes as the last of her lungs filled with water, she welcomed the thought that this was how her life was supposed to end. She may be leaving many of her loved ones behind but they were better off without her as her Petrova doppelganger title has brought so much trouble into their lives. She wouldn't be the cause of tearing apart a brotherhood that's existed for more than a century…she wouldn't be the cause of anyone's pain anymore.

And although she was sad that her life was ending, she couldn't help but feel a little excited at the mere idea of seeing all the ones she had lost once again; her mother, her father, her aunt and everyone else that she's lost and missed so much.

When she had let the darkness consume her, she didn't know what to expect. It felt like she was floating in a pitch black room and yet something was keeping her restrained; like if she were being held down by weights in a swimming pool. She wasn't expecting to feel that again; to feel like she had when she was on the verge of being revived once again; the same feeling she had just before she died from the ritual.

Yet like before, her life had flashed before her eyes; more specifically the last couple of months since she last died.

A whole montage of images flashed through her mind in a blur yet she could see them as clear as a vampire would. A majority of those moments involved Damon (she didn't get why but she let that slide for now) and it wasn't until then (on her very own 'deathbed') that she realized that after everything, whether she liked it or not, Damon was always there for her.

He was there when she needed help in her search for Stefan, he was there when the Originals were after her and he was there (time and time again) after all her rejections towards him. He didn't have to search for his brother since he had eternity to wait it out for him; she didn't have that time to wait. He didn't have to take on the Originals to protect her yet he did when his very nature told him to get out and run (self-preservation and all). He could have walked away after their Denver-fight (which unfortunately happened after an unforgettable kiss between them) but he hadn't because she needed him when Alaric's alter ego was causing them problems.

The vampire she once claimed to have no redeeming qualities turned out to be the very vampire that was a constant in her life, always being there for her in whatever way she needed, since the very beginning; a guy to confide in when she couldn't talk to anyone else, a guy who cheered her up easily with his humor, a guy that made her feel safe even though he was the source to all sorts of dangers that happened and most importantly, he was the guy that she would depend on when no one else would. He always thought of the end game when it came to her life which was to keep her alive; he had proved that he would do anything to make sure she remained like that.

She was never supposed to feel anything more when it came to the eldest Salvatore and yet his very presence, his very love for her, consumed her to the core so much so that it scared her. For some reason, it terrified her.

"You want a love that consumes you." His voice echoed in her head before the memory resurfaced in her mind; a memory she didn't know she had in the first place. "You want passion, an adventure and maybe a little bit of danger." He continued in a confident tone; a tone she was use to associating with Damon.

But is that what she wanted? She could see the appeal his words brought to her and maybe at the time (when vampires weren't out to get her) she would have jumped at the chance to experience a love like that but after everything, could her heart take that kind of love? Could her heart handle the love that Damon had for her or was Stefan's love enough?

More moments flashed before her as she witnessed the dynamic change and grow between herself and Damon. She notices that when she's with him, it's as easy as breathing because she simply reacts to him...there is no thinking involve. She just reacts.

She continues to take in all those moments in before she heard his words once again; words that could have changed everything for her, for them, if she was allowed to remember them in the first place when it originally occurred.

"I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you." He sadly stated as his sapphire eyes gazed deeply into her chocolate brown ones as if he were carving the image of her in that moment into his mind, as if she'd disappear before his eyes if he wasn't careful. "I don't deserve you but my brother does." He proclaimed as one final tear slid free from his eyes before he compelled her to forget the confession; to forget how much he truly loved her (and continued to love her) as he let her go.

It was in that moment that she would have seen his vulnerability; a side that she could easily fall for without hesitating because it was so real. One real look and she would know all of his emotions in that moment. There is no mask...there is just Damon staring back at her with so much emotion that anyone would cave due to its intensity.

He's a man that would do anything for her as long as it made her happy; even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness with her so that she could be with his brother. He's a man that would keep things interesting between them as he offered her the world. He's the very man that only wanted one thing out of life; to be loved in return…by her.

After recalling memories she never knew she had, it wasn't hard for her to realize that she would wake up in transition (she would fret over being compelled later) but would that change things? Would her choice change now that she remembered what she wasn't supposed to know?

If she chose to complete the transition, would she still go with the man she chose before her unsuspected death?

Would she be with the man who saved her from herself ever since that tragic day on Wickery Bridge or the man who's done everything in his power to keep her safe?

Would she be with the man she fell for in an instant or the man who she's grown to love over time?

Would she be with the man with a pure soul or the man with a passionate outlook on life?

She knew that one would always be the best thing for her but when it came down to the other, he could be the very best or the very worst thing for her in the end. Was she willing to risk it? Would she put her heart on the line to experience what could be the greatest love out there (and in return the greatest loss as well if it ever came to that) or would she go for the love that she knew would keep her heart safe?

Either way Katherine was wrong; it wasn't okay to love them both…not like this. Loving both meant she would be hurting both of them; two vampire brothers who have suffered enough because of her.

And yet they stuck by her side.

The least she could do was choose which brother she wanted to spend eternity with.

Her body may not be conflicted like her heart was but deep down she knew that they both wanted the same vampire, the same brother.

He just so happened to be her sire too…the very first vampire she ever came across.

She could only hope that when she wakes up that she'll be able to love him like he deserves; always and forever.

She could only pray that when she wakes up that Damon Salvatore would give her the chance to love him like he's always loved her.

A/N #2: There you go! What did you think? Please let me know in a review (both on the oneshot and the episode itself if you want)!

A/N #3: Now this is what I wish for...for Elena's transition to be the very moment that gets her to truly see what the right choice is. I didn't touch upon this since she hasn't experience it but I think once Elena feels those vampire pros/cons (ie: the cravings and the heightened emotions), I think she'll really understand the brothers better, especially Damon. Elena will finally understand the cravings Damon's been able to control (while Stefan hasn't gotten there yet) or how hard it is to keep their emotions in check (maybe then she'll see how easy it is for vampires to snap because she did say that Damon sabotaged things when he really can't help it when his emotions are involved). Either way, I can't wait for season 4 in Fall 2012!

Originally Published: May 11, 2012