A/N: Hello my fellow Clintasha shippers! This is my first Hawkeye/Black Widow fanfic so I hope you like it. This is all from memory and I feel the sequence of events are slightly out of order and the lines may not be exact word for word like I wanted it to be, so forgive me in advance

"Is that what you know?"

I hear myself say these words but they sound so grating, and hateful, and angry I barely recognize them as my own.

That's when I feel the straps binding my forearms and I realize where I am at.

It's almost like coming out of a nightmare…. You wake…. And for just a moment you realize…I'm safe….it wasn't real….but for me…it was real, and there is barely relief in waking….knowing what I have done. What I've been forced to do.

I squeeze my eyes shut and pull on the restraints slightly, I think I vaguely hear a voice say "you've gotta fight it". When I feel the pinch on my skin I know I'm not dreaming.

I gulp in air and relax into the restraint chair.

When I look around, I see Natasha standing there….she almost looks concerned, but I know better than that.

"Nat? What happened?" I ask, almost afraid of the answer.

"Cognitive recalibration," she says. Then she smirks as she undoes my restraints and elaborates "I hit you really hard in the head."

I sit up and feel a little dizzy. "Thanks" I tell her, but it comes out breathlessly and sluggish.

I watch as she pours me a glass of water and I accept when she hands it to me, because my mouth is really dry and I have no idea how long I have been out.

I take a small sip and the water feels wonderful sliding down my throat.

"So…how many di…."

"Cliiiiint", she interrupts, "don't do that to yourself, you didn't know what you were doing."

I sigh and lay back in the restraint chair….

"Nat….Have you ever had someone take your brain and... play?" I ask, already knowing the answer. "Pull you out and stuff something else in? You know what it's like to be unmade?"

My eyes roll up in search for her face.

Her expression is blank as I expected. "You know that I do" she says nonchalantly….like most people have had their brains messed with.

I don't know what to think.

I sit up and the dizziness returns slightly.

"What happened with Loki? He get away?"

When she nods I feel so angry with myself.

It's a burning heat in my chest. I should have been able to fight it…whatever it was. I shouldn't have so easily became a mindless puppet. Now because of my weakness people are dead and Loki has escaped. Whatever he's planning, it's going to be big…and it's going to be soon.

"Whatever he's planning… he's going to strike soon. Tonight."

"Well we're just going to have to do something." She says.

"Who's we?"

"I don't know? Whoever's left."

Whoever's left? What does that mean?

I sigh.

"Well…. if I can put an arrow through Loki's eye socket, I'll sleep better I suppose."

"Now you sound more like you." Natasha says as she sits down next to me.

She feels warm where our thighs and arms touch.

"Why are you so mad? What did Loki do to you?" I say it without thinking and immediately regret it when she can't look at me.

Her eyes find the floor and she doesn't answer right away.

I can practically hear her wheels turning.

"Natasha" her name crosses my lips in barely more than a whisper.

"I've been compromised," she says biting the inside of her cheek.

Compromised?

She actually looks vulnerable for once. I have to restrain the sudden urge to reach out and take her hand in mine. To tell her whatever it is…that it's okay.

"There's red in my ledger," she continues. "I'd like to wipe it out."

I avert my eyes from her and can't help but think there's something she's not telling me.