wow it's been YEARS! let me just say damn. i reread my everything that i wrote and i cried because the spelling mistakes and errors. how did yall stick around for that? and wanted more? i thank you all. ummm grammar wise i'll always suck at that so yeah.. anyway here is an update WOW.. i know right. everything is in lowercase now because that's just how i type now.. oops. maybe when i get a chance to do another chapter i'll do from maya's POV. it's not going to take years. idk why when but not years.. don't hate me. if i'm being honest i want to re upload all my chapters and fix those damn spelling mistakes that i seen. but... anyway enjoy if anyone is still around and if you are WOW! i love you. read and review! xoxo

i took a shaky breath as i grabbed maya's hand and bypass my very furious mother. i could feel the hot steam radiating from my mother as we walked pass her and i'm sure maya felt it too. all eyes on me, every set of eyes that belonged to a body was staring at me confused and wanting information. ben's eyes was filled with hurt and i couldn't even barely stand myself at that point. i let maya's hand go but she grabbed my hand again and give it a tight squeeze basically telling me that's she is here for me and she don't have to go through this alone. i smiled at her because i felt this ease wash over me that my anxiety was. i inhaled and exhaled out before i started to talk.

"i'm sorry" was the first thing that came out my mouth. "to everyone in this room and that was at the wedding. i apologize to my parents, epically my mother." i glanced over at her and she looked away; in fact she turned her back and headed into the kitchen but she was still in earshot of everything i was saying. "but most of all i'm extremely sorry to one person who i've hurt the most ben." that's when my father stood up and spoke.

"i want to thank everyone for coming out tonight. my daughter said her apologizes but the rest is of family matter so i'm asking if everyone can please head home safety now." he opened the door. "i'm sure through gossip you'll find the answer to your questions but in the meantime i'll like for you all to give my daughter and my family sometime." you can hear my mother scoff from in the kitchen and some slamming of some dishes while she's at it. once everyone left.. besides ben my father walked up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "what you're doing is the bravest and most truthful thing you've done your whole life. i knew who you were emily, who you truly were since high school. it took me minute to come around but I've accepted you long before you accepted yourself i've just been waiting for the strong girl i knew that i raised to tell me. i love you." he gave me a hug and tears were threating to fall.

"i love you too." i said. i seen maya excuse herself and went up to my room. i know she was giving me alone time with ben. i love that damn woman.

he let me go and went off to talk to my mother, as i went to go talk to ben. I've never wanted to hurt him, that was the last thing i ever wanted to do; but i did i hurt him and the pain in his eyes cut me deep. i cared about him; i did i even loved him but i wasn't in love with him romantically. ben was a good guy up and down. i walked up to him as i fidgeted with my fingers.

"ben i'm so, so, so, sorry. i-" i paused as i shook my head. "i don't even know what to say to you right now. i know there's nothing i can do to make you feel better, but you have to understand that i never meant to hurt you and i-" once again i stopped talking as those tears fell and so did my head. "i should've been straight up with you, even when you asked. i had people close to me tell me that i should've told you everything up front and let you decide, but i was being selfish so, so selfish. so i'll tell you everything now even though it's late you deserve the whole truth."

he was silent. i couldn't' read his emotions and that scared me but i kept going.

"i wanted to make my parents happy, my mother happy and stop breaking her heart. all my life i've been told being a lesbian is shameful, that it was wrong and that it'll send me straight to hell and all my life i knew that i was different, that i never felt attraction to guys the way i did with a girl. i had a few accident's in my life involving other females and my mom just about died. i was tried of breaking her heart and making her hate me and setting a bad example for my little sister that i said to myself i'll no longer be who i am, i'll live a straight life, marry a man, have kids and bring peace to the field's name." i wiped the tears with the pad of my thumb as they came falling down on my wedding dress "if there was any man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with all i saw was you, but than i met maya and she changed everything." i bit my bottom lip and looked into his dark brown hues. "i deserve your hatred. the lie after lie, after lie i couldn't take it anymore i was going to explode." i stopped talking but the tears kept falling.

ben said nothing the whole time he opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out so he closed it and loosen his tie.

i reached out to touch his arm and he pulled away. "i have to go." he said as he headed for the door.

"ben! ben! please!" i called out for him but he didn't stop or look back. he left right out the door, got into his car and left only god knows where. my body fell on the couch. i was emotionally and physically exhausted. i was drained and in comes my mother.

"you embarrassed me. you embarrassed all of us. how dare you? i thought we nipped this gay thing away a long time ago. emily i will not have a gay daughter in this house, it is wrong and it goes against everything we believe in. you're not gay ben is a good guy for you and this maya girl is trouble i want her out my house! and you can go to if you go if you plan on being with her. i will not allow this spirt in my house!"

her voice rung through the whole house. i was pretty sure out neighbors heard the yelling. my eyes were close because i too wanted to go off on mother because i had i enough. i'm the one who decided to change my ways for her to make her happy. i did what she wanted my whole life and now it was time to live my life the way i wanted. i stood up and when i did i was face to face with the woman who gave birth to me.

"if you want me out than i'm out. i'm no longer pretending for you mom. i'm no longer hiding who i truly am for you to make you happy. I've torture my soul long enough and i deserve better." my voice was low and calm. "I've put up with your shit for far too long and enough is enough. i blame no one but myself, it was my own actions. i'm not going to stand here and put the blame on you for the things I've done in my life to please you because i believe as people we our accountable for our own actions. if you no longer want to be apart of my amazing life that i am going to have with that amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman upstairs who i swear on everything will be the first b.l.p than so be it. i'll be hurt, but i'll be okay. if anything i'll be sad for you because you're going to miss out on my life. my wedding, my kids, your grandkids." i took a step back. "i'll go pack my things." and with that i descended upstairs hacking up my wedding dress as i did so.

i found maya sitting on my bed as i walked in and i smiled hard. all of this was worth it, for her anything was worth it. i just can't believe it took me this long.

"just let me change and pack a few things than we can go." i said as i searched my closed for my suitcase. "is it okay if i stay with you for a few weeks, just until i can find an apartment or something." i asked her as i started to fill my black suitcase with my clothes and belongings.

"i don't even know why you asked; you know the answer is yes." she moved closer so she could help fold my clothes and put them in the bag. "how are you?"

maya knew but her concern was cute. "exhausted, relived, sad, happy." i said. "i told you nothing but mixed nuts."

"well, you do know things are going to get better as cliché as that sounds your mother will come around. and i have you know mixed nuts are very good, especially with raisins.

i couldn't tell if she was making fun of me or not. "yeah.. i hope so." i said with a small smile. i found maya staring at me and i blushed. "what?" i said with a chuckle.

"i love you is all. i'm just imagining if you married ben i don't know what i'll be doing." she paused. "well i lied i do know what i'll be doing."

"what?" i asked cursorily wanting to know but worried at the same time.

"drinking. drinking hard and crying." she scrunched up her nose. "god that sounds so sad." she said laughing. "maybe i'll be eating ice cream and crying while music is blasting from my room. i don't got time for the hungover." she laughed some more.

i laughed along with her. i talked about how ben and i probably would've been on our way to our honeymoon in mexico. i even explained how i probably would've had sex with him and that's when maya took my folded clothes and threw them in my face and told me to shut up. i did nothing but laugh.

"you're picking all those up."

"i'm not doing no such thing." she said protesting.

time went by and we where both heading down the stairs with my luggage in hand. i seen my father and i hugged him. "thank you. i love you." i told him. he returned the love and went to hug maya.

"i'm sure you'll make my daughter happy." he smile at her

"that's all i ever want to see sir, is her happy."

"call me wayne, please." my father said with a genuine smile which caused maya to smile, which caused me to smile.

"where is mom?" i asked as i looked around and didn't see her in sight.

"and her the room, listen give her time i'll keep trying to talk to her but don't worry about her right now. go be happy."

less than an hour later maya and i were laying on her bed. "i'm so tired. so freaking tired i feel as if i could sleep for a week straight." i said as i rubbed my temples as flashes of today's event played in my mind like a recorded.

"hey, hey," she said swatting my hands away knowing exactly what was going on in my mind. "you're with me now. let you mind rest and just sleep em." she patted her legs for me to lay my head on her.

"come here." she said and i obeyed quickly as i rested my head in her lap. i felt at home, i felt peaceful as she played with my mind stopped all the thoughts and the only thoughts that flooded my mind was maya. a smile painted my lips as my eyelids were getting heavy until eventually i was out like a light.